Going to a wedding to see a band (See Mod Warning in 1st post)

Oink · 21-03-2017 02:55PM

I think the bottom line is that it's a personal call. A lot of people have good reasons not to want strangers at their wedding. Bad experiences, or you just don't like the idea.

In fact, you don't need a reason. They can always ask, but if you're not happy with it, then it's a no, end of. There's no other logic required.

Toots · 21-03-2017 06:09PM

AoifeCork wrote: »

Yes but I think the point Toots was making (and in-keeping with what I mentioned previously) you don't KNOW if this will or will not happen. This band have probably done this kind of thing previously and nothing was noticed or mentioned. On this occasion the couple were a bit mental and videoed footage from a private function that, really, they shouldn't have been at in the first place. Think of the aftermath. The bride and groom who hired the band are pissed off, the couple who were asked to leave are mortified (and probably pissed off), the band probably loses the potential booking and, more than likely, any further bookings they might have gotten from friends/family of the couple whose wedding they were attending. Pardon my French but the last thing I want to deal with on a Monday is a s**storm like that. That's why our band avoid it like the plague. We have a website, a youtube channel, a twitter, a FB page which advertises public gigs, a snapchat with live footage, etc etc. Plenty opportunities to make an informed decision on the band without bringing them to a wedding.

That's exactly it! In fairness, I've been to loads of weddings where there could well have been people there scoping out the band, but if there were, they were discreet and respectful and certainly didn't draw attention to themselves. In fariness to this couple, they weren't making a scene or anything, but the wedding was small - only 50ish guests - so two total strangers would have been noticed even if they hadn't been videoing the dance floor. Most people would have the common sense to dress and behave inappropriately, but some people have absolutely no cop on, and if a band invites that person to a wedding (even if they've gotten the ok from the B&G) their behaviour will reflect on the band.

My SIL and her hubby never followed it up with the band afterwards (just didn't want the hassle) but I know the band definitely lost 2 potential customers that night as the groomsman that spoke to the couple was planning on booking the band, and so was one of the grooms cousins but neither went ahead with it because of that. It was a pity because they were actually pretty good and kept the floor pretty full all night. Now I know the band probably didn't intend for the couple to start videoing like a pair of utter weirdos, but they still should have asked the B&G if they were cool with having a couple of looky-loos showing up and given them the opportunity to say yes or no.

__Alex__ · 21-03-2017 08:36PM

Marlee Shy Cue wrote: »

Its been the norm for decades, I can remember my aunts/uncles etc doing this over 20 years ago when they were getting married and its no different nowadays.

If you were a kid twenty years ago then I doubt very much you would even register your aunts and uncles doing this. If you were a kid then I think someone is telling porky pies! No child would take notice of the finer details of their aunt's/uncle's wedding planning.

retro:electro · 22-03-2017 02:50AM

Tbh I'd consider myself to be a pretty laid back person, but there is something about this set up that causes me to be uncomfortable.
Even if the band had asked my permission for a couple to attend to watch them play, I'd probably still say no tbh. I just wouldn't like it. You wouldn't know who they could be, would they know anyone there, would they cause a scene (unlikely, but you'd never know) and would they know when to leave. They could very well book themselves in the same hotel for the night and make themselves comfortable, and its just one thing I'd rather not worry about.

And if the band hadn't asked me and invited the couple anyway, well you'd better hope I wouldn't find out! I find that so disrespectful. And no matter how good the band played that night, I'd make sure to never recommend them to anyone again.
There's just something creepy and voyeuristic about it. This couple you don't know from adam just sitting there, not participating, but most likely passing remarks on everything and anything. Like Gogglebox or something. I'd never impose on any wedding I wasn't formally invited to, I'd feel awkward. It's weird, imo.

clint_silver · 22-03-2017 11:32AM

anna080 wrote: »

And if the band hadn't asked me and invited the couple anyway

Goes back to my original point, theres a protocol there that professional bands would know about and this shouldnt happen if you do have one. If they ask respectfully if thats something that you would mind, and you say you do, that should be the end of that.

There are couples that go to local hotels to see bands without even knowing who the band are, so not always bands fault if this happens. Or could be people staying in the hotel, and just (rudely imo) wander in for a nosey and stay. Doesnt happen too much, but its not unknown.

22-03-2017 03:30PM

__Alex__ wrote: »

If you were a kid twenty years ago then I doubt very much you would even register your aunts and uncles doing this. If you were a kid then I think someone is telling porky pies! No child would take notice of the finer details of their aunt's/uncle's wedding planning.

I remember plenty of details from when I was a child. It also stands out more as one was living abroad and another at the other end of the country so particularly the one living abroad there was a big deal made out of the visits home prior to the wedding and what they were doing.

__Alex__ · 22-03-2017 05:20PM

Marlee Shy Cue wrote: »

I remember plenty of details from when I was a child. It also stands out more as one was living abroad and another at the other end of the country so particularly the one living abroad there was a big deal made out of the visits home prior to the wedding and what they were doing.

I find this hard to believe but whatever. 95% of couple most definitely do not go to weddings to view bands either. I'd say it's at the most 50/50.

As lazygal said, it's weird. I remember the first time I heard anything about someone doing this was a work colleague in 2013 and I was internally thinking "WTF?". If it was a friend I would have felt I could be forthright enough to probe a bit more about it but obviously I wasn't to start questioning a colleague about their wedding planning. But I remember not being impressed at all and from what I gathered at the time, permission had not been obtained from the couple. The work colleague was on the cheeky, slightly selfish side too, she wouldn't see someone's wedding as more important than her own needs.

I guess if permission is given by the couple, grand, but it is so, so rude to just rock up to someone's wedding without their permission. I said earlier in the thread that often, a couple slipping in wouldn't be noticed, but that wasn't me condoning it.

I think what doesn't sit right with me is that it is treating someone's wedding as unimportant and disposable.

pwurple · 31-03-2017 02:12PM

This happened to us, at our wedding, a couple showed up to see the band.
The whole band thing was a train wreck anyway, I should have stuck to my guns and had a DJ and no bloody band, but my husband was persuaded that we 'had to', so I let him organise it.
Anyway, our original band didn't show up due to double booking, and sent a replacement, crappier band instead. That band invited a couple to view them without telling us. We had our wedding in a place where you book out all the rooms etc, and the couple were not allowed in at the gate. There was some sort of argument with staff, and I ended up overhearing and heading out to see what was going on. We knew them, one of them was a colleague, and they suddenly realised that they weren't invited and that they were beating down the door trying to get into a private event. They were mortified, we were embarrassed, I said come in and take a look, they left red-faced apologising. It was awkward awkward awkward.

So, just based on my own experience, if I ever get fed up of current fella and find someone else to marry, I would ditch the band altogether. And definitely not hire one who invited randomers to a private event.

AoifeCork · 02-04-2017 09:07PM

pwurple wrote: »

This happened to us, at our wedding, a couple showed up to see the band.
The whole band thing was a train wreck anyway, I should have stuck to my guns and had a DJ and no bloody band, but my husband was persuaded that we 'had to', so I let him organise it.
Anyway, our original band didn't show up due to double booking, and sent a replacement, crappier band instead. That band invited a couple to view them without telling us. We had our wedding in a place where you book out all the rooms etc, and the couple were not allowed in at the gate. There was some sort of argument with staff, and I ended up overhearing and heading out to see what was going on. We knew them, one of them was a colleague, and they suddenly realised that they weren't invited and that they were beating down the door trying to get into a private event. They were mortified, we were embarrassed, I said come in and take a look, they left red-faced apologising. It was awkward awkward awkward.

So, just based on my own experience, if I ever get fed up of current fella and find someone else to marry, I would ditch the band altogether. And definitely not hire one who invited randomers to a private event.

Ho.ly.crap.

Heard of this exact same thing happening. We do a lot of Cork weddings and the owner of an exclusive use venue had to intervene because a couple arrived at the gates and said "oh we're part of the entertainment" and were let in by a barman. Crazies. Absolute crazies.

Going to a wedding to see a band (See Mod Warning in 1st post)

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