Going to a wedding to see a band (See Mod Warning in 1st post)

sweetie

As a Dj I sometimes get asked by potential clients to see me play at a wedding and I always refuse. It may lose me the odd booking but it would make me uncomfortable touting for new business at my current job which is a private affair and mainly at private venues.

Anyway, I could be playing for 5 hrs and its hard to gauge suitability if the music that's playing isn't exactly to their taste whereas a band generally play a set playlist most weddings. I find previous recommendations and meeting clients much better for gaining their business.

January

__Alex__ wrote: »

I agree that there is something not quite about it but the thing is, unless you have an exclusive venue for your wedding, anyone can enter your wedding function room really so would you even know that it was a couple scoping out your band?

Your wedding ceremony is open to the public. Your function is private.

GingerLily

I would 100% make sure the couple are aware and okay with it.

I wouldn't be happy about it myself, but everyone's different!

__Alex__

January wrote: »

Your wedding ceremony is open to the public. Your function is private.

In theory. In reality, they're generally not sealed off and only if the couple notice will people be turfed out. Not saying I agree with gatecrashing, just being pragmatic.

harr

I would not be comfortable going into someone else's wedding....nor would I be happy had strangers came to mine to view the band..
It's bad form for a band to even suggest it...get recommendations or pick a band you see at wedding you have attended...definitely would dismiss a band who suggested this because you know they then will be suggesting other couples to sneak into your wedding to hear them...

__Alex__

lazygal wrote: »

My issue is bands suggesting couples do it in the first place. There's something very odd about telling couples to sneak into another couple's wedding. No other suppliers would suggest this.
If I'm paying for a service, I don't expect this to be used as a marketing opportunity.

I totally agree, bands suggesting it are wrong, IMO.

TLDR, having seen this come up in the forum a few times before...

At a wedding I played just last week, one of the invited guests came up to us after our set to say that she had us already booked for her own wedding later this year. She thought that we were good when she came to see us in a pub, but the wedding experience was on a whole other level for her and her fiancée. It was a nice coincidence, I can only remember it happening once before that.

Wedding fairs, showcases, pubs, promo videos, there's really no better way for a couple to see their potential band than at an actual wedding. That said, it shouldn't be the done thing and in my own band we try not to encourage couples to come to weddings to check us out. With the other few busy wedding bands I know, it is not the done thing there either.

This is not possible 100% of the time though. One of the rare examples of an exception for us: As a wedding band who play weddings all around the country, but are based around the north-east and only play pub gigs and showcases there, a couple from Cork who might want to book us might not get a chance to come to a pub gig or showcase of ours in the NE. They might get a chance however to check us out at one of many weddings down their end of the country. This is a rarity though as I'm regularly surprised at the distances couples will travel to check out a band live for their wedding day.

Anyway, we only offer the 'check us out at a wedding' option as a last resort, and if...

1) The couple looking to book the band have made contact more than once and seem to be at least semi-serious about booking us. There would be a "We tried but we really can't get up to the NE to see you" situation rather than "There's no way we're traveling up there, you'll have to do better". With the latter, we can afford to say "Sorry, there's nothing else we can do apart from maybe recommend another band for you."

2) We know the venue that we recommend them to come to. I.e. Is it a big function room in a public hotel where there are places for them to see the band but without being in the thick of it?

For example: Somewhere like Fota Island Resort - no problem, it's public, a transient atmosphere, populated with non-wedding guests in the evening, and the function room itself is large with a couple of darker, distant corners.

Somewhere like Waterford Castle - Nope. Castle closed for all but wedding guests, small function room that is more like a large dining room where there's more of an intimate experience rather than a function room which has many tables of guests who don't all know each other.

Somewhere we've not played before - No, because of the unknown.

3) And most importantly. The bride and groom of the day in question are contacted well in advance and asked permission for the other couple to do this. They are asked in a non-pressure, "just putting it out there..." sort of way, and made to feel that if they say "no" that it's a non-issue for the band. Let them know the couple will have been briefed about dress-code, inconspicuousness and a time limit. Finish the call with something more personal and related to their own wants for the day i.e. Is there anything you don't want us to play in particular? You wouldn't believe the amount of "No Wagon Wheel or Waltzes" requests a band gets in a year


Done properly, with a yes or no from the bride and groom, there are no problems or even an afterthought. I can't speak for all wedding bands in the country, but I doubt there are any actively trying to turn your wedding into a showcase and drum up extra business as a regular thing. The few times in a year this might happen with a band, it's mostly a last resort. A respectful request rather than anything shady or as part of a business model.

Sure, bands could drum up business this way, but they could also lose more business in the long run. You see, without those anonymous potential clients coming to check out the band, there's already a host of potential clients there in the room anyway as invited guests of the bride and groom on any given wedding day. Many bands get a decent portion of their future bookings this way - couples who saw them play at their friends' wedding. No matter how good the band played on the night, it would hurt business if the bride/groom told those friends "Yeah, they were good, but wait until I tell you what the cheeky buggers did...".

I'm not trying to speak for every band and obviously can't, just offering any brides here an anecdotal insight in case they think outright that their custom and occasion is being taken for granted. And without mentioning my own band name or trying to sell you something, just maybe some peace of mind

alchemist33

Tigger wrote: »

if someone had turned up to my wedding to watch the band they'd have been put out
check that the people getting married are happy enough that its happeing

Someone did come to ours and we were happy to talk to them. It wasn't like they were eating the food or anything. But maybe this was more accepted back then and in this area.

SarahMollie

Wow, this thread has been illuminating. I never even thought of this as a potential issue, but I would be extremely unhappy if this were to happen at my wedding. I think I'm going to email our band now just to ensure that they wouldn't take part in this practice. I'd like to think they wouldn't, especially as our wedding is in a private venue, not a function room in a hotel where you might expect there to be other people around. Also, we will have less than 80 people attending and I fully expect to know everyone, so any interlopers would be easily spotted.

As lazygal said, if I'm paying your fee, I do not expect to have my time also used as a marketing opportunity.

mcgiggles

Yeah I agree with Lazygal also.. I have up on 200 coming to our wedding and we know each and every one of them.. they wouldn't be coming to our wedding otherwise! I would not crash a wedding to hear a band, even if it was only for 20 mins, I would expect other people to have the same respect..

harr

So I posted earlier I would not be happy if this had of happened at mine...I mentioned it to a girl in work whose wedding we were at last year and the same thing happened at her wedding...during the afters she noticed a couple sitting on there own to the back of the function room ..she didn't recognise them as it was only a small wedding 90 guests so she got a member of wedding party to sussed them out ...turns out the band invited them, sitting there having a pint and eating the cocktail sausages...in fairness they were mortified as they had presumed band had cleared it with bride and groom.
The band lost that booking because of it...band seen nothing wrong with it and said it was the done thing and regularly invited people to wedding for an hour to hear them... cheeky ****ers ...

kidneyfan

bucketybuck wrote: »

What exactly is the problem with a couple standing at the back of the room for an hour listening to the music? Seems a bit petty to have an issue with that, its like a childish, "its mine and you aren't allowed in" attitude.

It's my special day
It's my special day
Look at me
Look at me
My special day
My special day

lazygal

kidneyfan wrote: »

It's my special day
It's my special day
Look at me
Look at me
My special day
My special day

I've paid for a service.
It isn't a chance to drum up business.
It isn't a chance to drum up business.
I've paid for a service.
I've paid for a service.

skallywag

I totally agree that it's not on for a band to invite people around to see them play a few tunes at a wedding without first clearing it with the B&G.

On the other hand I myself would not be bothered at all if someone popped in to check out the band.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

I've paid for a service.
It isn't a chance to drum up business.
It isn't a chance to drum up business.
I've paid for a service.
I've paid for a service.

But it is in no way whatsoever impacting on the service you paid for. Its just a petty complaint imo.

The comments here are surprising I have to say as its such a common thing for couples going to hear bands, I've lost count how many friends have said over the last few years "oh we won't be out this weekend as we are going to a see a band at a wedding". It wouldn't change my opinion either, if I were booking a band I would go to see them (with or without them knowing it).

Were I getting married I'd also have no issue with a couple attending to see the band. What difference would it make.

FatFreddy22

Very rude to gatecrash a wedding uninvited to see a band and if anyone did this at our reception they'd be told to PFO pronto.

the_pen_turner

Would you be OK with tiler telling a new potential customer to pop round to your house on their last day finishing off the bathroom.

I don't think anyone would be OK with that

What is the difference

pilly

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Would you be OK with tiler telling a new potential customer to pop round to your house on their last day finishing off the bathroom.

I don't think anyone would be OK with that

What is the difference

If the tiler asked me first I'd have no problem whatsoever with it. Anyone on here from a band has said there's a protocol attached where they ask the B&G, so I don't see the problem.

I personally would have no problem, unless of course it was a free bar!

the_pen_turner

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Would you be OK with tiler telling a new potential customer to pop round to your house on their last day finishing off the bathroom.

I don't think anyone would be OK with that

What is the difference

Its far from unheard of for people to call into houses especially new builds to see how a certain thing was done, like a fire place or kitchen etc. I know my parents went to another house to see a tradesman's work who was building us a new fireplace. No problem with it either.

The vast majority bride and grooms won't even notice as there are always people at weddings that the bride or groom don't recognise and sometimes both wouldn't. There is also a constant flow in and out of the function room and lots of people around.

GingerLily

I think some posters are being very unfair judging B&Gs who don't want strangers at their wedding.

I've been to more then one event that has been ruined by an uninvited person gatecrashing - I'm not being precious, I'm learning from experience.

the_pen_turner

pilly wrote: »

If the tiler asked me first I'd have no problem whatsoever with it. Anyone on here from a band has said there's a protocol attached where they ask the B&G, so I don't see the problem.

I personally would have no problem, unless of course it was a free bar!

If they asked but what if they didnt

pilly

the_pen_turner wrote: »

If they asked but what if they didnt

Well then the band have broken the standards of protocol and I would be pissed of then.

the_pen_turner

Marlee Shy Cue wrote: »

Its far from unheard of for people to call into houses especially new builds to see how a certain thing was done, like a fire place or kitchen etc. I know my parents went to another house to see a tradesman's work who was building us a new fireplace. No problem with it either.

The vast majority bride and grooms won't even notice as there are always people at weddings that the bride or groom don't recognise and sometimes both wouldn't. There is also a constant flow in and out of the function room and lots of people around.

So you would have no problem with someone calling to your house. While the tiler is there and walking in and having a look.

Agreeing to be a Reference for a tiler is different

pilly

GingerLily wrote: »

I think some posters are being very unfair judging B&Gs who don't want strangers at their wedding.

I've been to more then one event that has been ruined by an uninvited person gatecrashing - I'm not being precious, I'm learning from experience.

Popping in for 20 minutes or so though is not the same as gate-crashing.

pilly

the_pen_turner wrote: »

So you would have no problem with someone calling to your house. While the tiler is there and walking in and having a look.

Agreeing to be a Reference for a tiler is different

When I had a garden room built at the back of my house the builder asked if he could show it to someone else at a pre-arranged time. I had no problem with that as he had done an excellent job so I'd no problem recommending him.

GingerLily

pilly wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

I think some posters are being very unfair judging B&Gs who don't want strangers at their wedding.

I've been to more then one event that has been ruined by an uninvited person gatecrashing - I'm not being precious, I'm learning from experience.

Popping in for 20 minutes or so though is not the same as gate-crashing.

How can I know and trust the intentions of a stranger?

pilly

GingerLily wrote: »

How can I know and trust the intentions of a stranger?

You can't I suppose but then you can't know or trust the intentions of the other 200 people either.

It's worrying unnecessarily in my view. But it's only my view.

the_pen_turner

pilly wrote: »

When I had a garden room built at the back of my house the builder asked if he could show it to someone else at a pre-arranged time. I had no problem with that as he had done an excellent job so I'd no problem recommending him.

That's great. He asked , you agreed.

What if he just sent someone Round without your permission and they walked into your garden looking at the room

GingerLily

pilly wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

How can I know and trust the intentions of a stranger?

You can't I suppose but then you can't know or trust the intentions of the other 200 people either.

It's worrying unnecessarily in my view. But it's only my view.

They're invited guests, and yes there are one or two that might missbehave, which makes adding strangers to the mix a whole lot more risky.

pilly

the_pen_turner wrote: »

That's great. He asked , you agreed.

What if he just sent someone Round without your permission and they walked into your garden looking at the room

How many times are you going to ask me that question? I've already said I'd be pissed off if someone didn't ask.

In OP's case we don't even know whether the band have asked the B&G or not but going on what people who are in bands have told us here then they probably have so please stop asking the same question over and over to make your point. We get it.