Going to a wedding to see a band (See Mod Warning in 1st post)

shellycub

Hi,

We are going to a wedding this weekend to see a potential band and I'm feeling stupidly nervous. Just wondering what the protocol is? Dont want to make fools of ourselves

We know the hotel so know where the reception will be. Is it ok to just hang around outside the door? How dressed up should we be?

Thanks in advance!

Please see Mod note in post #78 before posting

alchemist33

Its years and years since we did it, but by the time the band are on nobody will notice you. Just drift in to the room and even have a seat at the back. Once we actually knew some of the guests and they told the bride. She was only too happy to give us her opinion on deali g with the band. Going to see them is an accepted pracfice so dont worry about it.
And smart casual will do

exaisle

Dress so that you won't stick out...in other words, don't turn up in jeans and a tshirt.
Smart casual will be fine (as long as it's not a black tie wedding).
Just take a seat discreetly at the back.
If you catch the bride or groom's eye, introduce yourself, congratulate them and let them know why you're there. Chances are that they saw the band at somebody else's wedding.
I've been in a wedding band for many years...and have sent literally hundreds of people to see us at weddings. There's never been a problem.

super_furry

Just dress smart and stand and the back of the room and you'll be grand. It's a standard thing and chances are no-one will notice you at all.

lazygal

I wouldn't book a band that suggested this. I wouldn't want strangers turning up at my wedding to have a nose when I've paid them for a service. Weddings aren't the place to drum up business.

shellycub

Thanks for the replies, feeling better now!

Lazygal I completely understand where you're coming from and wouldn't blame anyone for telling a band they didn't want other couples coming to. I don't feel comfortable but don't know how else to make sure we get a good band and I'm sure the band have asked permission.

lazygal

We saw our band at a showcase. There's plenty of wedding services you might want a nose at but wouldn't dream of popping in to look at on someone else's big day.
I think it's unprofessional to ask couples to enter another wedding to get the business. It's difficult to say no to them if you've sneaked in to a wedding yourselves.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

I wouldn't book a band that suggested this. I wouldn't want strangers turning up at my wedding to have a nose when I've paid them for a service. Weddings aren't the place to drum up business.

Most if not all bands do this afaik. I don't know of any couple who didn't go to see multiple bands in action at weddings before booking.

The band is a big thing for the day and the only way to really see what they are like is at a wedding a showcase etc wouldn't be near enough for most to make a judgment.

lazygal

Marlee Shy Cue wrote: »

Most if not all bands do this afaik. I don't know of a couple who didn't go to see bands in action before booking.

And as I said we ruled them out if they did. Our wedding wasn't a chance for a band to persuade some other couples to book. You can't rely on a couple acting discreetly and dressing appropriately either. I didn't need to nose in the window of another wedding to see how our make up artist was on the day.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

And as I said we ruled them out if they did. Our wedding wasn't a chance for a band to persuade some other couples to book. You can't rely on a couple acting discreetly and dressing appropriately either. I didn't need to nose in the window of another wedding to see how our make up artist was on the day.

Fair enough but I'd be the exact opposite, I wouldn't book a band I didn't see preforming at a wedding. It's too important to get right to worry about the tiny chance of being noticed (and even if you are the vast majority of couples won't care as it's insignificant) at a wedding. Who is to know you aren't just an evening guest, with 200 people + at most wedding the bride and groom rarely if ever know every single person there to see.

clint_silver

Some couples are ok with seeing a band in a bar, showcase or just with a recommendation, some want to see them at a wedding before booking.

If youve contacted a band and asked to see them at a wedding, theres a bit of a protocol where band should offer some upcoming weddings with the provisor that if they want to go to any of them that you let the band know so they can clear it with the bride and groom first so that theyre ok with it.

In my experience, most b&g's dont mind, but some B&G's do mind, and say theyed rather not have people viewing, and that information is passed back to the couples wanting to view so another night is offered.

If you do go, be respectful of other guests, dress like you wont stand out, its their night, their room. You dont want to be standing in a black tie affair in tshirt and runners.

__Alex__

lazygal wrote: »

And as I said we ruled them out if they did. Our wedding wasn't a chance for a band to persuade some other couples to book. You can't rely on a couple acting discreetly and dressing appropriately either. I didn't need to nose in the window of another wedding to see how our make up artist was on the day.

This kind of thing happens more than you think, I reckon. I went to view a few venues with my sister when she was getting married. One venue allowed us in to see how the room was set up for a wedding happening that very day. We were in there only about an hour before the couple were to arrive at the hotel! I wasn't entirely comfortable with it but the couple would have been none the wiser.

clint_silver

__Alex__ wrote: »

This kind of thing happens more than you think, I reckon. I went to view a few venues with my sister when she was getting married. One venue allowed us in to see how the room was set up for a wedding happening that very day. We were in there only about an hour before the couple were to arrive at the hotel! I wasn't entirely comfortable with it but the couple would have been none the wiser.

You can do this nearly anywhere at anytime unless its a closed private estate with security, there's so many people wondering around a hotel, so many suppliers, staff have much more to worry about than someone just looking around.

But it is nice/good manners to ask permission.

__Alex__

clint_silver wrote: »

You can do this nearly anywhere at anytime unless its a closed private estate with security, there's so many people wondering around a hotel, so many suppliers, staff have much more to worry about than someone just looking around.

But it is nice/good manners to ask permission.

The staff brought us in there, we didn't go in ourselves!

exaisle

lazygal wrote: »

I wouldn't book a band that suggested this. I wouldn't want strangers turning up at my wedding to have a nose when I've paid them for a service. Weddings aren't the place to drum up business.

With all due respect, weddings are the best place to drum up business. Most of the weddings I've played at have been booked by couples who attended weddings we played at, liked what they saw, and booked us afterwards.

Bands can have fantastic websites that makes them look and sound very professional and polished but much or all of that can be manipulated when the truth is that they aren't as good live as they are on their website.

Also, the kind of music played by bands in, say, pubs will probably bear no resemblence to what they would play at a wedding. For starters, it's likely that the age profile of both gigs would be completely different and generally, there's no imperative to get people in a pub up dancing.

A wedding is a family celebration and an important social event for those involved and playing at a reception is a bit of an art in itself. I accept that you booked your band having seen them at a showcase, but even the showcase would give you no idea of whether they would be able to get people up dancing. They only way you can see whether a band is capable of getting people up on the floor at a wedding is IMHO, at a wedding.

Clint_Silver is correct in saying that there's a protocol involved in going to see the band at a wedding, so if you don't want anybody else turning up, then just make it clear to the band beforehand.

lazygal

Of course you're going to defend this practice if it's how you drum up business.
I didn't stick my head in the door at another wedding to see how the food was, we had a tasting. I didn't shadow my photographer to see how she was on a wedding day, I looked at sample albums.
I've seem the same band at two weddings, one was far better IMO. If you're telling couples that the only way to judge you is to sneak into a wedding someone else has paid you to play at that doesn't sit well with me. We paid our band for a service, not so they could use our wedding as a sample for other couples.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

Of course you're going to defend this practice if it's how you drum up business.
I didn't stick my head in the door at another wedding to see how the food was, we had a tasting. I didn't shadow my photographer to see how she was on a wedding day, I looked at sample albums.
I've seem the same band at two weddings, one was far better IMO. If you're telling couples that the only way to judge you is to sneak into a wedding someone else has paid you to play at that doesn't sit well with me. We paid our band for a service, not so they could use our wedding as a sample for other couples.

What's so terrible if a couple come into the back of a function room for a few mins to hear the band, you won't even notice. People come and go from weddings all the time, guests, evening guests, photographer and his staff, hotel staff etc etc. What's 2 other people in a room with 200+ trying to insure the right band for their wedding? As I said there is no way on earth I'd book a band without hearing them at least once at another wedding and I know for a fact that's how anyone I know went about trying to find a band also it's the done thing. You might go to a good few other weddings to hear bands before choosing one, it's not just going to hear one band.

cactusgal

I'm with lazygal on this one. I perform with a band and we do a lot of weddings, but if a couple are interested in booking us, they would come to one of our other gigs to check us out.

Can't imagine having any of them marching up to another couple's wedding to see us!

January

It's not something I'd be comfortable with either. I'm with lazygal on this one.

__Alex__

lazygal wrote: »

Of course you're going to defend this practice if it's how you drum up business.
I didn't stick my head in the door at another wedding to see how the food was, we had a tasting. I didn't shadow my photographer to see how she was on a wedding day, I looked at sample albums.
I've seem the same band at two weddings, one was far better IMO. If you're telling couples that the only way to judge you is to sneak into a wedding someone else has paid you to play at that doesn't sit well with me. We paid our band for a service, not so they could use our wedding as a sample for other couples.

I agree that there is something not quite about it but the thing is, unless you have an exclusive venue for your wedding, anyone can enter your wedding function room really so would you even know that it was a couple scoping out your band?

bucketybuck

What exactly is the problem with a couple standing at the back of the room for an hour listening to the music? Seems a bit petty to have an issue with that, its like a childish, "its mine and you aren't allowed in" attitude.

And no, don't excuse it by saying that the couple might cause some sort of trouble because thats just rubbish, if 1000 couples called in to see what the band was like I bet 999 would sit quietly and be on their best behaviour.

doolox

...it would be very difficult to prevent a properly dressed and behaved couple from attending after the meals and other catering is over and the general dancing and fun begins.

It is making a mountain out of a very small molehill to try and stop strangers from attending and watching a band perform at a wedding, so long as the couple do not interrupt and talk to a band members during their performance or do something stupid to distract from the wedding couples big day.

Ghekko

I'm also with lazygal. There is no way I would have wanted strangers coming into our reception. As it happens a few young fellas did and we had staff tell them to leave straight away. A wedding is a personal event and imo should not be used as a showcase for anyone.

lazygal

__Alex__ wrote: »

I agree that there is something not quite about it but the thing is, unless you have an exclusive venue for your wedding, anyone can enter your wedding function room really so would you even know that it was a couple scoping out your band?

My issue is bands suggesting couples do it in the first place. There's something very odd about telling couples to sneak into another couple's wedding. No other suppliers would suggest this.
If I'm paying for a service, I don't expect this to be used as a marketing opportunity.

bucketybuck

lazygal wrote: »

My issue is bands suggesting couples do it in the first place. There's something very odd about telling couples to sneak into another couple's wedding. No other suppliers would suggest this.
If I'm paying for a service, I don't expect this to be used as a marketing opportunity.

Its pure unadulterated common sense, if somebody really wants to know what the band is like at a wedding then by far the best way to find out is to see them perform at a wedding.

And again, I see no reason why it would actually be a problem beyond "I'm paying for it so I don't want it".

lazygal

bucketybuck wrote: »

Its pure unadulterated common sense, if somebody really wants to know what the band is like at a wedding then by far the best way to find out is to see them perform at a wedding.

And again, I see no reason why it would actually be a problem beyond "I'm paying for it so I don't want it".

What other reason do you need?
Maybe loads of couples see no issue with sneaking into another couple's wedding, me I think it's cheeky and bands that operate this way wouldn't be ones I'd be hiring.

bucketybuck

lazygal wrote: »

What other reason do you need?

To change my opinion? One that I personally don't find to be rather petty and childish. You of course are allowed to have your own opinions.

Its perhaps worth pointing out that from the bands point of view it makes perfect business sense to suggest potential customers come see them play at a wedding. In the rare event that the bride/groom even notice the other couple are there, and the even rarer event that they notice they are there and have a problem with that, it seems worth remembering that the quiet couple down the back are more likely to be future customers than the newly married couple that already paid them. Cynical perhaps, but thats business.

Jwacqui

We seen our band at a friends wedding. We asked if we could see them again at a wedding they checked with the couple who said it was fine. We booked into the hotel, had a meal in the restaurant and slipped in about 11pm well dressed ordered a drink at the bar and stood there for 15-20 mins.

I guess like everything in life peoples opinions differ. Once the couple is asked and it's not an issue I don't see any problem.

It's not like I'm gonna know everyone personally at my wedding. What difference does it make if there's a couple standing at the bar unnoticed for 20 mins.

Tigger

alchemist33 wrote: »

Its years and years since we did it, but by the time the band are on nobody will notice you. Just drift in to the room and even have a seat at the back. Once we actually knew some of the guests and they told the bride. She was only too happy to give us her opinion on deali g with the band. Going to see them is an accepted pracfice so dont worry about it.
And smart casual will do

if someone had turned up to my wedding to watch the band they'd have been put out
check that the people getting married are happy enough that its happeing

mirrorwall14

I'm with lazygal. We ruled a hotel out immediately when they brought us down to the reception room and the bride/groom were having their photos with the cake??! We would never have attended someone else's wedding to see a band. As has been mentioned you don't follow the photographer at someone else's wedding?

We reviewed testimonials, listened to the recordings provided and ultimately viewed our band at a standalone gig which was a great night out for us too.

January

doolox wrote: »

...it would be very difficult to prevent a properly dressed and behaved couple from attending after the meals and other catering is over and the general dancing and fun begins.

It is making a mountain out of a very small molehill to try and stop strangers from attending and watching a band perform at a wedding, so long as the couple do not interrupt and talk to a band members during their performance or do something stupid to distract from the wedding couples big day.

My advice? Don't let anyone not invited to the wedding/afters into the event. Happened at my wedding. They weren't 'strangers', my mother and father knew their mother (who had passed away) and they came to say hello as they were staying at the same venue for the night (NYE). A friend warned me to get them out but I felt I couldn't as they weren't causing trouble. Well, they did! My aunt ended up having her teeth knocked out that night by one of the girls.

Do not let anyone attend your wedding party that is not invited! Known or not!