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Asking grown children to pay for housekeeping

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245

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    #32
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,260 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    noel100 wrote: »
    My eldest 24 and the abuse I got of her after subizing her all her life .
    Told her if she wasn't happy move out.
    She said I'm trying to ruin her chances of saving so she can move out....
    Play her game. Ask to see her 'saving plan'. Monitor it. Charge what you feel is a basic amount based on what she's not saving. If she dips into her savings, out the door. If she misses payments into her savings, out the door.

    Or out the door now. I'm sure the three of them could afford a moderate rent between them somewhere else?


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    #33
    ct5amr2ig1nfhp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,019 ✭✭✭ct5amr2ig1nfhp


    OP do your kids contribute to the home in any way? Cleaning, washing, groceries etc?

    FFS even our eldest was helping out at home from about 3 years old, folding clothes, matching socks etc. He's older now and continues to help out around the house, with the odd moan every now and again. :) We did the same with all of our kids, as we felt it was an important life lesson for them.

    OP, it's time your kids grew up and contributed or move on from home. I would hope that the student could finish their education if possible before they contribute financially.


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    #34
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    davedanon wrote: »
    Wow. Some fine examples of humanity here. Do any of you actually want your children around at all?

    I get that some people may be really financially stretched, and that contributions from working children is an economic necessity, but somehow I doubt that's the case for everyone.

    If the OP had to pay for degrees in full, then the household income must have been over the grant threshold. I know what that is, having been through the process myself. It's not insignificant, in my opinion.

    For our part, we have one 24 year old who's been through college. Overall about half his fees were covered by SUSI grants, the rest by us. He's working, but it's the same McJob he had while in college. Our daughter is also working, but it's also a mickey-mouse job, with effectively a zero-hours contract (I'm not sure she actually has a contract). Third son is still in school.

    My/our view is that unless we absolutely need the money, we won't take rent off them until they are holding down a 'real' job that pays decent money. They buy their own clothes and so forth, and none of them drive. As long they're not looking for beer money off us, I'm happy with that.

    As I said, I get that some people genuinely need the contribution. We're not well-off by any means, but we both work, and we can afford this situation, so far.

    All I've seen so far on this thread is mean-spiritedness, and a bunch of people who want to impose their own parents' standards on their children. I lived through the 60's and 70's. There's loads of reasons not to want to go back there.

    All of you who are so keen to get rid of your kids. What are you going to do when they're not around? How will you feel if they feck off to Australia for 5 years? Be careful what you wish for.

    Wow, you are some pushover!
    I started working part time and holidays at 13, during the summer my mam took housekeeping from me, a few pounds.
    I went to college and worked part time, I started work and didn't live at home again.
    A few years ago, I paid off my mams mortgage.
    I understand the value of money, I'm sensible, and I have a lot of savings.
    I see friends, whose parents let them do what they wanted, live at home, pay nothing.
    Do you think they appreciate it?
    They have no value on money, they spend cash on rubbish and expect their parents to bail them out all the time.
    And they all expect a big pay out when their parents die, and have no problem telling anyone.
    OP, yes they need to pay, a decent amount, especially the one with a child needs to pay more.
    Let them move out & see how much it costs if they don't like it!


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    #35
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Mister Jingles wrote: »
    If your refering to this about someone who is under 24 you realise your suggesting that they hand up there full dole payment ?

    So?
    Let them move somewhere else so.
    Life isn't free, time to pay for it when you're an adult.


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    #36
    david75
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,611 ✭✭✭david75


    Doing them no favours letting them off with it. Or yourself. Start charging them no matter what. Not on at all that grown adults are livin off you. It's time for them to step up. Long after time TBH.


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    #37
    q85dw7osi4lebg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,502 ✭✭✭q85dw7osi4lebg


    Parents have let myself live rent free for the last 2.5 years I've been working since college, apart from getting the odd groceries here and there along with household chores / upkeep.

    I'm getting the keys to my first house in July with no financial help from the parents other than being able to live rent free and I've a very average paying job.

    €80/€100 a week over 2.5 years is 50% of a house deposit for a new build up to €300k atm.

    Wouldn't have been able to buy if my parents hadn't waived the rent.

    They might actually have a chance of getting on their own two feet if they can live rent free (provided they show proof they are saving).


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    #38
    infogiver
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 ✭✭✭infogiver


    davedanon wrote: »
    I think it was €100 for someone on the dole in one case. I think that probably qualifies as child exploitation.

    How is it child exploitation? What on earth are you talking about? How ridiculous!
    Children don't get JSA
    If your 18+ year old isn't at school and doesn't have a job then the taxpayer gives them €100 to pay for food heat and clothes
    They also get a medical card
    Why do you think that it's good for young adults to be allowed to think that they can live anywhere, for free, and have €100 pocket money?


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    #39
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,260 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Dilan Flat Vocabulary wrote: »
    I'm getting the keys to my first house in July with no financial help from the parents other than being able to live rent free.
    In fairness, that's a helluva lot of financial help.


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    #40
    q85dw7osi4lebg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,502 ✭✭✭q85dw7osi4lebg


    endacl wrote: »
    In fairness, that's a helluva lot of financial help.

    It absolutely is, greatly appreciate my parents concern for my future. Enables them to get me out of their hair sooner than if I was forking up €100 pw :)


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    #41
    Del2005
    Registered Users Posts: 18,945 ✭✭✭✭Del2005


    davedanon wrote: »
    Wow. Some fine examples of humanity here. Do any of you actually want your children around at all?

    I get that some people may be really financially stretched, and that contributions from working children is an economic necessity, but somehow I doubt that's the case for everyone.

    If the OP had to pay for degrees in full, then the household income must have been over the grant threshold. I know what that is, having been through the process myself. It's not insignificant, in my opinion.

    For our part, we have one 24 year old who's been through college. Overall about half his fees were covered by SUSI grants, the rest by us. He's working, but it's the same McJob he had while in college. Our daughter is also working, but it's also a mickey-mouse job, with effectively a zero-hours contract (I'm not sure she actually has a contract). Third son is still in school.

    My/our view is that unless we absolutely need the money, we won't take rent off them until they are holding down a 'real' job that pays decent money. They buy their own clothes and so forth, and none of them drive. As long they're not looking for beer money off us, I'm happy with that.

    As I said, I get that some people genuinely need the contribution. We're not well-off by any means, but we both work, and we can afford this situation, so far.

    All I've seen so far on this thread is mean-spiritedness, and a bunch of people who want to impose their own parents' standards on their children. I lived through the 60's and 70's. There's loads of reasons not to want to go back there.

    All of you who are so keen to get rid of your kids. What are you going to do when they're not around? How will you feel if they feck off to Australia for 5 years? Be careful what you wish for.

    I think the kids will get a bigger shock when they move to Australia for 5 years than the parents getting a huge reduction in outgoings from not having to feed or clean up after them.


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    #42
    Mister Jingles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,190 ✭✭✭Mister Jingles


    infogiver wrote: »
    If they need money to go to a job interview then they can get that back.
    €100 is to cover food heating and clothes.
    If you've no job you can't afford fags beer or anything like that.

    Tbh if I was on the dole and asked to hand up my full payment of €100 id more then likely leave home.


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    #43
    Mister Jingles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,190 ✭✭✭Mister Jingles


    davedanon wrote: »
    All I've seen so far on this thread is mean-spiritedness, and a bunch of people who want to impose their own parents' standards on their children. I lived through the 60's and 70's. There's loads of reasons not to want to go back there.

    Spot on !

    Unfortunately though there are many people in Ireland that are still mentally living back in them days and some arent even shy in admitting it either.


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    #44
    infogiver
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 ✭✭✭infogiver


    Mister Jingles wrote: »
    Tbh if I was on the dole and asked to hand up my full payment of €100 id more then likely leave home.

    And live where?


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    #45
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users Posts: 29,294 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    No issue with house keeping what so ever.

    I was paying £50stg in the late 90s once I left school and working full time, and £50punt whilst living at home after moving here. The same for my friends and cousins in England at the same time, although back then, Irish friends and cousins were horrified at the suggestion.

    Think it's pretty much the norm now though.


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    #46
    amtc
    Registered Users Posts: 2,490 ✭✭✭amtc


    I never paid weekly money at home, but I did buy groceries and cooked at least three times a week and paid for a takeaway plus bought stuff such as patio furniture. Worked out ok


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    #47
    Advbrd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 619 ✭✭✭Advbrd


    When I was a kid, I remember a woman (reasonably well off), whose eldest had just started working, asking my father was he charging my older working brother who was living at home. His advice was that they had to get used to living on a portion of what they earned as someday they would have their own household bills. Take the money off them and put it into a savings account for them if you do not need it for day to day use.


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    #48
    Nody
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,274 CMod ✭✭✭✭Nody


    Mod:
    OP while this has sparked a great debate in Work & Jobs I believe this forum would be more suitable overall for the discussion as it's not work related as much as a question of the relationship between you and your children. Please note a new charter is in effect.


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    #49
    dar100
    Registered Users Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭dar100


    noel100 wrote: »
    I know I was paying 140 a week for my youngest daughter rent a room in a house beside DCU.
    50 euro isn't much. The economy has improved. Jobs are available you have to pay your way.

    s self entitled little pups!! Take 100 euro each weekly from those working!! 50 if on full dole payment


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    #50
    bp
    Registered Users Posts: 1,731 ✭✭✭bp


    yes they should pay something or else do nothing for them - no food, cleaning, Internet, tv - these things don't come to free. If they are going out for nights out then definitely charge them and don't baby sit, ever! Sounds harsh but that's life. A landlord it bank wouldn't accept it.

    I always paid at home even though my parents didn't need the money but that wasn't the point


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    #51
    dar100
    Registered Users Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭dar100


    Mister Jingles wrote: »
    Tbh if I was on the dole and asked to hand up my full payment of €100 id more then likely leave home.

    LOL and go where exactly on 100 euro a week?


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    #52
    davedanon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,062 ✭✭✭davedanon


    Pretty much the reaction I expected, although I was disappointed not to be told that "They're walking all over you", quite frankly.

    My question still stands. From the amount of posters saying 'pay up, or it's out the door'.

    Do you even like your own children?

    Babysitting?

    One thing we have instilled in our kids is the idea that you don't screw up your life with an unwanted child. From the looks of things there were a few around here back in the day.


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    #53
    Advbrd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 619 ✭✭✭Advbrd


    davedanon wrote: »
    Pretty much the reaction I expected, although I was disappointed not to be told that "They're walking all over you", quite frankly.

    My question still stands. From the amount of posters saying 'pay up, or it's out the door'.

    Do you even like your own children?

    Babysitting?

    One thing we have instilled in our kids is the idea that you don't screw up your life with an unwanted child. From the looks of things there were a few around here back in the day.
    I have two children 8 and 13 who I love dearly. I have a big house so they can stay here as long as they like. However, when they start working, I will be taking money of them and squirrelling it away for their rainy day. The money does not matter to me but they will get used to having less than they earn as some day they will strike out on their own and will then have to live within their means paying the usual bills. It will be less of a shock this way.


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    #54
    JillyQ
    Registered Users Posts: 2,382 ✭✭✭JillyQ


    Hi op

    I certainly agree you should be charging your two children who working. They need to learn that you don't get anything in this life for free. Do your kids contribute in any way towards the running of the house? Ie do they do any of the day to day household chores?

    I moved out of home at 16 and moved back in my early twenties for about a year to save to buy my own place. But by then I understood full well how much it took to run a house. My parents charged me minimum amount but saw what my plan was and what I had put by for my own place. They also knew that even with that they were going to have to help me to get my own place but had no issue with that as they saw that I was responsible and would repay them what they loaned me.


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    #55
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    @davedanon - This is the Personal Issues forum and veiled attacks on other posters ARE NOT welcome here.

    If you cannot offer constructive advice that helps the OP, then don't post

    dudara


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    #56
    miamee
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 12,081 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee


    Hi OP,
    This is a question that comes up fairly often and feelings are usually high. One poster has asked "Where is the humanity?". Where is your adult children's humanity?
    They still have a little bit of growing up to do if they have not so much as thught about your situation here. It is time to sit them down and have a frank chat with them about the fact that you are working one job to feed, house and keep warm 5 adults and a child. You said 2 of these adults have full-time jobs yet they support no one with the proceeds, not even themselves. How do they think this stress and responsibility is fair to their own dad?
    I have no idea what age you are but am guessing maybe somewhere in your 50s at least? At this stage of life you should be enjoying life with your wife having reared your children and instead you are working your ar$e off to support a house full of ungrateful adults and rear a grandchild. I don't doubt that you love your children and grandchild and you don't want to see them at a disadvantage but it's time to start treating them like adults. No need for shouting or histrionics, just lay it out for them how much you earn (if you are happy to share that with them), how much it costs to run the house and how much they need to contribute realistically. If they are unhappy with that, ask them if they can find a better deal elsewhere :)


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    #57
    Walter H Price
    Registered Users Posts: 1,839 ✭✭✭Walter H Price


    My folks basically said to me as soon as i got my first job out of college that i was to start paying €100 a week towards the House stuff, food , getting the Laundry washed and ironed , the cleaner all that craic or move out .

    My folks didn't need the money both had great jobs so i was a bit p!ssed off at the time because my view was they didn't need it and i was on a good starting salary but they were earning multiples of what i was on , so i moved out and in with my GF within 2 months.

    To be honest i get why they did it now though to be fair because it does teach responsibility and that like. I'm mid twenties and engaged now but allot of my mates that just stayed at home expense free and that, are all working but still living like students and some of them are nearly 30 at this stage. No savings, no plans i definitely think now my folks made the right call, i don't regret choosing to move out though instead of paying them either , that was the right decision at the time and worked out in the long run.


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    #58
    witchgirl26
    Registered Users Posts: 2,106 ✭✭✭witchgirl26


    OP I first started working at 16 and paid in to the house any time I earned money until I left at 25. My parents used to sit down with me, work out how much it cost me to eat when working (lunches etc), how much my transport was and a portion after that was taken.

    I only worked summers when in college so I didn't pay anything during the term time itself but I did have to contribute to the house in other ways - doing the shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. It was good training.

    And I do agree with a point another poster made about how it helps you to understand that you won't always have the full amount of your pay packet to spend. My sister in law never had to give anything in and when she moved out it was a sharp shock to her how much of her money earned disappeared quite quickly on rent, food etc.

    I don't think it's a case of parents not wanting kids around etc but once their out of college, there should be some contribution made to the house - monetary or other as they are grown adults at that stage.


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    #59
    Aye Bosun
    Registered Users Posts: 349 ✭✭Aye Bosun


    I'm quite shocked that some poster are saying it's not ok to ask a working adult to contribute to the household they are living in. As a parent it is your responsibility to teach your children to grown into honest, reliably, hard working adults, who contribute to the society. By mollycoddling a 24 year and let them live rent and bill free is not doing your adult offspring any favors for themselves, for yourself or to society as a whole. The millennium generation are commonly known as generation snowflake and I don't know about you but I can see why!


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    #60
    Hollister11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Hollister11


    Aye Bosun wrote: »
    I'm quite shocked that some poster are saying it's not ok to ask a working adult to contribute to the household they are living in. As a parent it is your responsibility to teach your children to grown into honest, reliably, hard working adults, who contribute to the society. By mollycoddling a 24 year and let them live rent and bill free is not doing your adult offspring any favors for themselves, for yourself or to society as a whole. The millennium generation are commonly known as generation snowflake and I don't know about you but I can see why!

    Such an annoying label for our generation. I prefer celtic cubs.


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    #61
    Advbrd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 619 ✭✭✭Advbrd


    Hollister11 wrote: »
    Such an annoying label for our generation. I prefer celtic cubs.

    That was your parents.


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