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Feeling very sad about decision

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  • 28-12-2016 12:19am
    #1
    laurey
    Registered Users Posts: 51 ✭✭


    Please mods don't delete this. I am not asking for any medical advice. I have gone to all the doctors and got my medical advice. I just need to get the stress off my head. I love boards and would hate to not be able to use it to get things off my chest. Thank you

    Anyway myself and my partner have a trip to Brazil booked with our 10 month old baby. The flights are in just over a week and are not able to be changed even paying a fee. When we were booking them I had no idea of the risks of bringing such a young baby. We are going to visit my partners family and they are all dying to see our baby.
    I was told by doctors here that his immune system won't be fully developed and it's risky bringing him when he hasn't had all of his vaccines.
    My partner is from Brazil and desperately wants to bring his son home which I understand. But I could never forgive myself if anything happened our boy. I think I will leave our baby with my family but I am feeling so sad thinking of him missing us and a month being so long. I just don't know what to do. My head is all over the place. I'm not happy to bring him and I'm not happy to leave him behind either. Our holiday is all booked and paid for and nothing is refundable. I'm in a real mess. I'd be happy to go for 2 weeks but a month is very long.
    Has anyone left their baby for a month and was it ok?


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    #2
    Anne_cordelia
    Registered Users Posts: 446 ✭✭Anne_cordelia


    I cannot imagine leaving a 10 month old for a month and I think you are mad to consider it. Also that's a huge ask to have other people mind him for such a long time. Around 10 months is when separation anxiety starts and a massive sleep regression. I can't actually believe you are contemplating leaving a small baby for a month!!


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    #3
    Anne_cordelia
    Registered Users Posts: 446 ✭✭Anne_cordelia


    Do you have travel insurance?


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    #4
    charlietheminxx
    Registered Users Posts: 2,579 ✭✭✭charlietheminxx


    I would rather lose the money than risk the safety of the child tbh. I'm assuming since you planned to travel with such a small child for an extended amount of time that you took out travel insurance? Phone your insurer and explain your doctor has told you that your baby is not yet safe to travel, then see what your options are.


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    #5
    Phil.x
    Registered Users Posts: 1,723 ✭✭✭Phil.x


    Go for seven days as you can always go back in time, yes you've paid lots of money for this trip but it's your baby your talking about.
    If it's your parents who are minding him and you know what they are like with kids and you are happy with it well then go for two weeks, but no more.


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    #6
    laurey
    Registered Users Posts: 51 ✭✭laurey


    Anne_cordelia wrote: »
    I cannot imagine leaving a 10 month old for a month and I think you are mad to consider it. Also that's a huge ask to have other people mind him for such a long time. Around 10 months is when separation anxiety starts and a massive sleep regression. I can't actually believe you are contemplating leaving a small baby for a month!!

    It's not easy but I don't see any option. His family have spent a fortune on this holiday for us to travel around Brazil. I checked flight prices to get a flight to Brazil one way and cut the first 2 weeks out so it would shorten it to 2 weeks and it's very expensive- over 1000€ a ticket. I also am wary of vaccinating my baby with a yellow fever vaccine at such a young age. I trust my parents with our baby and I know it's a huge ask


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    #7
    laurey
    Registered Users Posts: 51 ✭✭laurey


    charlietheminxx wrote: »
    I would rather lose the money than risk the safety of the child tbh. I'm assuming since you planned to travel with such a small child for an extended amount of time that you took out travel insurance? Phone your insurer and explain your doctor has told you that your baby is not yet safe to travel, then see what your options are.

    No I didn't take out travel insurance. I don't mean to be stupid but what is travel insurance for? Is it paid incase you need to change the flight date?


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    #8
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    laurey wrote: »
    No I didn't take out travel insurance. I don't mean to be stupid but what is travel insurance for? Is it paid incase you need to change the flight date?

    It's for emergencies: cancellations, force majeure, health, treatments, theft.
    If you get sick or are in an accident in Brazil, who will cover medical costs?


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    #9
    athtrasna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,420 ✭✭✭✭athtrasna


    laurey wrote: »
    No I didn't take out travel insurance. I don't mean to be stupid but what is travel insurance for? Is it paid incase you need to change the flight date?

    It is in case anything happens. Illness, accidents, death, flight cancellation, lost luggage, personal injury, and so much more. It is extremely unwise not to have insurance, some might say foolish. To me it's as essential as a passport.


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    #10
    ShoulderChip
    Registered Users Posts: 3,875 ✭✭✭ShoulderChip


    Are you sure the doctor knew your travel plans in Brazil? Brazil is almost the size of Europe (as you know), if for example you are staying in a city centre in a built up area the risks would be very very different to traversing the Amazon for example, if the doctor is basing his advice on threats in Brazil in general than I would seek a second opinion.


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    #11
    Thumpette
    Registered Users Posts: 1,185 ✭✭✭Thumpette


    laurey wrote: »
    It's not easy but I don't see any option. His family have spent a fortune on this holiday for us to travel around Brazil. I checked flight prices to get a flight to Brazil one way and cut the first 2 weeks out so it would shorten it to 2 weeks and it's very expensive- over 1000€ a ticket. I also am wary of vaccinating my baby with a yellow fever vaccine at such a young age. I trust my parents with our baby and I know it's a huge ask

    Of course there's other options- don't endanger your child, and don't leave a 10 month old for a month. That leaves one or both of you not going at all, or going for a much shorter time.

    Seems strange they won't change flights for a fee, could your doctor not give a note stating medical risks?

    Anyway, even if it does mean losing money, this isn't a life or death situation- there will likely be annoyed in laws if you don't- but surely they want the best for your son and will understand.


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    #12
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Hindsight is 20:20 but really you should book travel insurance as soon as you book your holiday. It not only covers all the mishaps mentioned above once you're on holiday but it covers you for problems that could arise before you even pack your bags. It's advice that's not much good to you now but please don't ever book any flights to anywhere without getting insurance.

    Personally I think a month away from your child is far too long. And is there any point in travelling if you're going to be miserable? I'd be trying to find out is there any way to change the flight dates or get a refund.


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    #13
    laurey
    Registered Users Posts: 51 ✭✭laurey


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    Hindsight is 20:20 but really you should book travel insurance as soon as you book your holiday. It not only covers all the mishaps mentioned above once you're on holiday but it covers you for problems that could arise before you even pack your bags. It's advice that's not much good to you now but please don't ever book any flights to anywhere without getting insurance.

    Personally I think a month away from your child is far too long. And is there any point in travelling if you're going to be miserable? I'd tbe trying to find out is there any way to change the flight dates or get a refund.

    I don't have travel insurance but I have private health insurance which covers me up to €100,000 abroad so I assume I'm covered in any accident with this??
    I emailed the airline and they said my ticket doesn't allow a refund or to change and that I would have to book new tickets. :(
    So sad. I have my travel vaccines booked for tomorrow and I'm still confused what to do. Should I just get them anyway as I will need them for when I do go to Brazil...


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    #14
    athtrasna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,420 ✭✭✭✭athtrasna


    laurey wrote: »
    I don't have travel insurance but I have private health insurance which covers me up to €100,000 abroad so I assume I'm covered in any accident with this??
    I emailed the airline and they said my ticket doesn't allow a refund or to change and that I would have to book new tickets. :(
    So sad. I have my travel vaccines booked for tomorrow and I'm still confused what to do. Should I just get them anyway as I will need them for when I do go to Brazil...

    100k is nowhere near adequate cover. As another poster said, you should get insurance as close to booking the trip as possible.

    Try looking at your situation through a strangers eyes. If someone told you this story what would you advise them to do?


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    #15
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Often, picking up the phone and talking to someone works better than emailing. How about giving your private health insurance company a call tomorrow and finding out what they can do for you?

    If you weren't going up the walls about losing your money, what would you do here?


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    #16
    Fakediamond
    Registered Users Posts: 1,054 ✭✭✭Fakediamond


    Can you not book travel insurance now? I thought you could take it out anytime before the trip.

    Where the baby is concerned, as another poster said, there's a big difference between staying in towns and cities and trekking through the jungles of the Amazon! If you're mainly staying with family, where there is good infrastructure and sanitation etc, what exactly are the perceived risks? Obviously, you can be careful with bottled water etc. Can you not do a bit more research about health risks before you go? Doctors will always give conservative advice, and that's fine, but life is full of risks and you need to make a decision for yourself, having done your own risk assessment.

    As others have said, if you decide to leave baby behind, I don't think you can be away for that long, it's too hard on such a young baby.


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    #17
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I wouldn't worry about it. I've good friends from India who have brought their Irish born child home 3 times in his first year and a half. India is far worse than Brazil for picking up dieseses and most Europeans wouldn't even look at India on a map without getting vaccines yet my fiends kid never got any vaccines and has been just fine going back there 3 times.

    If anything it will probably toughen him up.


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    #18
    charlietheminxx
    Registered Users Posts: 2,579 ✭✭✭charlietheminxx


    Georgia Panicky Mannequin wrote: »
    I wouldn't worry about it. I've good friends from India who have brought their Irish born child home 3 times in his first year and a half. India is far worse than Brazil for picking up dieseses and most Europeans wouldn't even look at India on a map without getting vaccines yet my fiends kid never got any vaccines and has been just fine going back there 3 times.

    If anything it will probably toughen him up.

    No offence but I really wouldn't recommend this. Especially as she hasn't no insurance. If the baby gets sick while they're in Brazil, the medical costs and rebooked flights etc would cost an awful lot more than cancelling one half of the trip in the first place.

    Its too late to take out travel insurance now if you intend to cancel the trip, as to do so and claim is then insurance fraud. I know this isn't much help OP but in the future I would recommend travel insurance for anywhere outside of Ireland and the UK, especially with the baba. It's covers everything - rebooked tickets, illness, medical care, cancellation in unavoidable circumstances etc.


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    #19
    margo321
    Registered Users Posts: 185 ✭✭margo321


    I'd ask the opinion of another Dr. might sound stupid but babies living in Brazil survive. Maybe you could bring the baby. I would ask a place that specialises in travel vaccines.


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    #20
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    charlietheminxx wrote: »
    No offence but I really wouldn't recommend this. Especially as she hasn't no insurance. If the baby gets sick while they're in Brazil, the medical costs and rebooked flights etc would cost an awful lot more than cancelling one half of the trip in the first place.

    Its too late to take out travel insurance now if you intend to cancel the trip, as to do so and claim is then insurance fraud. I know this isn't much help OP but in the future I would recommend travel insurance for anywhere outside of Ireland and the UK, especially with the baba. It's covers everything - rebooked tickets, illness, medical care, cancellation in unavoidable circumstances etc.

    Travel insurance doesn't cover everything. It covers specific situations like cancellation due to a death of a close relative not deciding not to go because she forgot to check out the health risks to the baby before booking the tickets.


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    #21
    LaLa2004
    Registered Users Posts: 166 ✭✭LaLa2004


    Regardless of the OP's predicament regarding the baby, she should take out travel insurance in case of an accident or illness when abroad. If your health insurance is with VHI, they offer an annual family package for an additional €149.


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    #22
    elysium321
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭elysium321


    Travel insurance is not just to cover accidents or medical cost. What about lost baggage, travel documents, missing connecting flights, etc. There are so many things that could go wrong. There's no way I would travel with no insurance.

    And I can't even imagine leaving my 10m old baby behind for a month. But that's just me.


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    #23
    Thumpette
    Registered Users Posts: 1,185 ✭✭✭Thumpette


    Georgia Panicky Mannequin wrote: »
    I wouldn't worry about it. I've good friends from India who have brought their Irish born child home 3 times in his first year and a half. India is far worse than Brazil for picking up dieseses and most Europeans wouldn't even look at India on a map without getting vaccines yet my fiends kid never got any vaccines and has been just fine going back there 3 times.

    If anything it will probably toughen him up.

    'My friend played russian roulette and he didn't die- therefore Russian roulette is safe'

    Your friends sound like selfish idiots to be frank


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    #24
    groovyg
    Registered Users Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭groovyg


    Thumpette wrote: »
    'My friend played russian roulette and he didn't die- therefore Russian roulette is safe'

    Your friends sound like selfish idiots to be frank

    That's a bit extreme, are people not allowed travel with babies ? How long do you wait before the babies immune system is up to travelling to a country like Brazil? The op has said they are going to Brazil, doesn't specify where so it's a needle in a haystack situation, Brazil is massive.


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    #25
    Turtle_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 640 ✭✭✭Turtle_


    My family moved to a city area of SE Asia when my brother was younger than OP's baby. No issues, just got as much immunisation as he could and continued his vaccination schedule over there.

    OP has said she's talked to the doctor, but is that a specialist in tropical medicine? It's not risk free, but you do need to remember that babies over there survive fine.

    Maybe I'm wide of the mark, but I'd be more concerned that either of you going at all if the area is a zika risk, if you plan to have more children.

    Seriously though, take out travel insurance! (btw, are you sure your cover abroad isn't 1 million? 100k is laughably low)


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    #26
    Thumpette
    Registered Users Posts: 1,185 ✭✭✭Thumpette


    groovyg wrote: »
    That's a bit extreme, are people not allowed travel with babies ? How long do you wait before the babies immune system is up to travelling to a country like Brazil? The op has said they are going to Brazil, doesn't specify where so it's a needle in a haystack situation, Brazil is massive.

    Maybe the selfish comment was harsh, I apologize if it was, but I also think the statement from that poster advising the OP to ignore medical advice because he knows a guy who did similarly and was fine was not helpful.

    The statement that being exposed to illnesses without vaccination would 'toughen up the child' has to be admitted to be without any value.

    How long do you wait? Until you have a very clear discussion with a trusted medical professional about your travel plans and they advise you that it's safe.


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    #27
    MonsterCookie
    Registered Users Posts: 957 ✭✭✭MonsterCookie


    is your sons health ok in general OP? If so could you not get a second opinion and if both Drs are advising against any sort of travel then you shouldn't bring him.

    What does your partner think?


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    #28
    Turtle_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 640 ✭✭✭Turtle_


    Thumpette wrote: »
    How long do you wait? Until you have a very clear discussion with a trusted medical professional about your travel plans and they advise you that it's safe.

    The reality is that it's never safe. That's the point

    You wait until you can get comfortable with the level of risk and mitigation.

    If the op is uncomfortable with that level - and the travel is discretionary so a lower level of risk should be tolerated than if it was required - she should not go. I'm sure his family would be heartbroken, and the op could offer to reimburse them any expenses they've already incurred, but equally I'm sure they would understand if the op said that specialist doctors said baby's immune system isn't ready and don't go... Nobody wants baba hurt just so they can see him!


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    #29
    Anne_cordelia
    Registered Users Posts: 446 ✭✭Anne_cordelia


    I honestly think it could be detrimental to your bond with your baby to leave him for that long. I see in an earlier post of yours that your mum didn't want to mind him before as she felt too old so what's changed?


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    #30
    Hmm_Messiah
    Registered Users Posts: 1,964 ✭✭✭Hmm_Messiah


    Turtle_ wrote: »

    Seriously though, take out travel insurance! (btw, are you sure your cover abroad isn't 1 million? 100k is laughably low)


    It is not laughably low - it is I would think above average (depending on the level of your health insurance in the first place) - my cover is €50,000.00. It is NOT intended to be full comprehensive cover when abroad.

    I am a little shocked that some one would plan such a long distance, long duration, costly trip with a young child and not have travel insurance in place. It should be considered essential ( and read what is covered - the cheaper option s just tick boxes - buy from well reviewed site and the best you can afford)

    And when the trip was planned no one checked was a young child safe to travel ? There are vaccine/ travel medicine specialists - if you have committed so much money to the trip already I would suggest paying the price to speak to some one who is knowledgeable in vaccine requirements - as others said it can be very dependent on what part of a country you are travelling, what activities .


    IF you can't do that - at the end of the day decide what you feel happiest with for your mental health /happiness and take the hit. Could your partner not travel on the arranged flights so only you have to travel on a new dearer ticket for a shorter time ?


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    #31
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    it's a tough situation. if medical advice is not to take baby until he/she has had all vaccines then i'd take that advice. leaving the child at home with family and going to visit your in-laws will only be enjoyable if you know you've done what you're comfortable with.
    the leaving him with family for a month wouldn't concern me. if he's safe and well cared for, he's not going to be aware of the passage of time.
    you could even go for just a week or two and come back sooner than your husband.
    i hope you get it sorted out and that whatever you decide makes you happy.


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