Couples ignoring each other

DivingDuck wrote: »

It is not a matter of my importance. As I've said numerous times, I am happy to wait for someone else's attention while they deal with other people. You seem determined to ignore that, for some reason.

Nobody is more important; everyone is treated equally at all times. The only difference is that this sort of arrangement doesn't favour the individual who's physically present and puts digital communications on par with face-to-face ones.

I dont have a lot of time on my hands. Lots of my friends are having families and don't have much time either. They can catch up online with a baby on their lap but they rarely get out. So it makes sense to prioritise communicating face to face when either of us get an opportunity. If you have lots of free time then I can see why you would not see the need.The point of online messaging for me is that Im under no pressure to reply straight away and people are used to me taking a while, when Im doing something at home.
Also if a friend has something on their mind, footering on my phone is not going to encourage them to confide.

DivingDuck wrote: »

It is not a matter of my importance. As I've said numerous times, I am happy to wait for someone else's attention while they deal with other people. You seem determined to ignore that, for some reason.

Nobody is more important; everyone is treated equally at all times. The only difference is that this sort of arrangement doesn't favour the individual who's physically present and puts digital communications on par with face-to-face ones.

You essentially said in the original post that you want a reply back from a friend even if that friend is talking to someone face to face. Well I would be the exact opposite. If I had gone to the trouble to meet someone and was chatting to them face to face, 'sitting around talking about nothing' as you put it, and that person was constantly replying to texts from you because they knew you would be expecting a quick reply then I'd be annoyed.

I'm not ignoring anything you say. I'm just saying that you waiting on your friends to text you back about something sounds very wearing for them. That's all, maybe it's not.

Widdershins wrote: »

I dont have a lot of time on my hands. Lots of my friends are having families and don't have much time either. They can catch up online with a baby on their lap but they rarely get out. So it makes sense to prioritise communicating face to face when either of us get an opportunity.

I'm finding it slightly different. Since I'm unemployed at the moment the only friends I have who are free during the day are women with young kids. I tend to meet them a few days a week for coffee. I even look after the baby when they do shopping.
Admittedly when I start working again that will completely change.

Grayson wrote: »

I'm finding it slightly different. Since I'm unemployed at the moment the only friends I have who are free during the day are women with young kids. I tend to meet them a few days a week for coffee. I even look after the baby when they do shopping.
Admittedly when I start working again that will completely change.

Makes sense. I had in mind meeting in the evening which they can't do without a babysitter. Some people just can't meet up at the drop of a hat for a variety of reasons so I'm trying to say I would be more attentive to them than my phone, if that makes sense. And appreciate when I am treated the same, within reason.
Some things are better said in person so I allow for that too. I don't see online and face to face as equal forms of communication. They both have advantages but for me the latter deserves a bit more personal attention.

My o.h sounds like you, he'd talk the legs off a donkey so awkward lulls are not a problem

Deleted User wrote: »

Nah you're right, people are more complex than my post suggests! I did generalise hugely there. That said it can help to think of the term self-absorbed in the neutral sense, without it being a judgement of the person - of course somebody who is introverted will be more self-absorbed than an extrovert, the whole point of being an extrovert is that you seek out other people. Oh and as regards having drive, I wasn't think of "in general", rather in relation to social activity, initiating and maintaining a conversation etc.

I personally find that the more outgoing extroverted people are more self-absorbed, needing to be in the middle of all the action while more introverted people prefer to sit on the sidelines and enjoy the view I've worked with several people (I know, not exactly a huge sample size) over the years that are very outgoing, extroverted and buzzing with life. It's a great thing but with each one, most of what they talked about was about themselves or something going on in their lives.

But yeah, I also see how introverted people, being happy in their own company and thoughts, could be considered self absorbed. Isn't it great we're all different

SteM wrote: »

You essentially said in the original post that you want a reply back from a friend even if that friend is talking to someone face to face. Well I would be the exact opposite. If I had gone to the trouble to meet someone and was chatting to them face to face, 'sitting around talking about nothing' as you put it, and that person was constantly replying to texts from you because they knew you would be expecting a quick reply then I'd be annoyed.

I'm not ignoring anything you say. I'm just saying that you waiting on your friends to text you back about something sounds very wearing for them. That's all, maybe it's not.

As I said previously, this is the norm in my social circle. We all expect speedy replies, give speedy replies, and allow other people the time to make speedy replies. I can't say with certainty that it doesn't annoy my friends for me to behave this way, but I can tell you they do the same, so it doesn't seem they mind.

I talk plenty of nonsense in face-to-face conversations and would never object to someone asking me to shut my yap for five minutes while they reply to somebody else. The joy of friendship, for me, is being able to chat about nothing comfortably. It's not all intensity all the time, so it's easy to find time to respond to someone else who wants a moment of your attention. Serious conversations about loss or fear are far less frequent than conversations about TV, sport, politics, old times, what the lads are up to, work, etc. Nine times out of ten, the conversation will have several moments where you're talking nonsense, something I know to be as true of me as I think it is of anyone.

I think the reason for the extreme difference of opinion here is that some people feel face-to-face conversations should be more important than digital (using this term as a catch-all for phone/text/email/whatever) ones because they have more depth or sincerity or meaning. That has never been my experience, so maybe that's why I consider both to be equally important.

dont bother wrote: »

simple solution is to not bother having any gang of friends to be annoyed by it. i dropped most of mine. best decision i ever made. they were all millenials though - real idiots

Apt username

Bacchus wrote: »

You watched them eat their entire meal? Or at least was keeping a conscious ear out for any conversation between them... ok then...

The couple were probably whispering to eachother, "your man over there keeps look over at us and ignoring his wife. Let's just eat up and go somewhere we can talk in private".

ZeroThreat wrote: »

I'm single but everyone else still ignores me to concentrate on their smart phone. Time to change my username to billynomates

I think your current username also works here...

I read a lot and so does my fiance, including at dinner etc. In the bad old days before Kindle we'd read books at the table, now we use our phones.

Disclaimer: We don't read when we're both eating in public. That's just weird. I'll read if I'm eating in public on my own though.

HS3 wrote: »

People who text in the company of others are so rude. I've had it happen to me where I've been sitting in someone's company and they sat there typing on their phone the whole time. It was mortifying. Perhaps my company wasn't that interesting :pac: in which case I'd be happier if they made their excuses and left.

What do you do when you live with your partner, leave the room to check and reply to messages?

My day to day life is boring and anything exciting is talked about in the evenings.

Saturday mornings, we're both groggy and just want a nice coffee and to sit and relax.

If you yearn for conversation all of the time it's just going to be filler and I can't be arsed with filler conversation.

I'd rather enjoy the silence together than discuss ****e like celebrity gossip or what John down the road got up to last night.