Couples ignoring each other

LCD

Was in a coffee shop Saturday morning & at a table next to a couple, probably early to mid 20s. Both of them literally did not say a word to each other, just played on their phones, not even stopping when their food arrived. Didn't seem to be an air of tension between them, suggesting a row.

Is something I see a lot of whenever I am out.

Does anybody else find this strange? Personally when I am out with someone, I want to chat to them & would only consider answering a call from wife or family members. I don't start checking texts.

Curious to see what other people do or think about this.

fizzypish

Pfft thats nothing. My parents ignored each other for years! Amateur hour.

cml387

Would it be different if they were both reading a newspaper?

me_irl

Maybe next time don't be so nosy.

*types to other half* "That weirdo over there keep staring over... we can't have a frank conversation as a result of earwigging."

pilly

I don't understand it at all either. But then I only look at my phone when it rings, if it's a text message it's not urgent and can be dealt with whenever.

I can honestly say if I'm in company with a man and he starts checking his phone, I'm out of there!

johnayo

Maybe they were texting each other:D

pilly

cml387 wrote: »

Would it be different if they were both reading a newspaper?

Don't get that either, sit at home and read the paper!

I've also seen couples in pubs buying drink after drink and not exchanging a word. Jaysus you can do that at home with a few cans and at least you'll have the television as a distraction.

The King of Moo

I think a lot of people now don't really differentiate between face-to-face interaction and using their phones (they were presumably on social media). They don't value one more highly than the other, so at home they talk together sometimes, and use their phones while in the same room sometimes. It's pretty normal for them, and it doesn't matter if they're at home or in a café.

Especially at that age, it's just an aspect of life for them. Though I don't think it's so different from how people behaved before smartphones: the media and the ease of access to it are the only big changes.

It wouldn't be strange to see a couple reading books in a café, or at home on a Sunday afternoon. Couples who are comfortable with each other can do this without feeling the need to fill the silence.

andekwarhola

Some couples are comfortable in their own company and don't have to be hanging off each other's utterances 24-7. They could be reading a book or news on their phones. You're only seeing a portion of their daily interaction, after all.

I always hear alarm bells when people take genuine umbrage to stuff like this. Usually the people that 'cherish the art of conversation' (read: potential self-absorbed head-melter that demands 24 hour full attention).

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

LCD wrote: »

Was in a coffee shop Saturday morning & at a table next to a couple, probably early to mid 20s. Both of them literally did not say a word to each other, just played on their phones, not even stopping when their food arrived. Didn't seem to be an air of tension between them, suggesting a row.

Is something I see a lot of whenever I am out.

Does anybody else find this strange? Personally when I am out with someone, I want to chat to them & would only consider answering a call from wife or family members. I don't start checking texts.

Curious to see what other people do or think about this.

I'm only 31 so I'm not that much older than them but I think people my age are some of the last that didn't grow up with a phone in their hands. I got my first mobile phone at 15 and you could only use it to send smoke signals and didn't have a smartphone til I was 26.

Phones when I was a teenager weren't very entertaining and so we used to talk to each other sometimes. I think that's changing now where you can have an instant messaging convo with a mate on WhatsApp for free more or less rather than making conversation with a person you're beside.

lawred2

pilly wrote: »

Don't get that either, sit at home and read the paper!

I've also seen couples in pubs buying drink after drink and not exchanging a word. Jaysus you can do that at home with a few cans and at least you'll have the television as a distraction.

?

What business is it of yours?

Maybe they can enjoy each other's company without inane chitter chatter... which inevitably tends about be someone else not present. Maybe they don't need to be heard all the time - you know not in need of perpetual validation.

pilly

I'm genuinely shocked that most seem to think this is okay.

I understand some couples don't chat away all the time but if the person you're with is too boring to have some interaction with whilst having a meal together then why not just stay at home? I don't get it? I would rather be eating alone.

Outlaw Pete

pilly wrote: »

I can honestly say if I'm in company with a man and he starts checking his phone, I'm out of there!

Funny you should say that, I was just thinking about how when two people are having a conversation it's really.... actually, I'm pretty sure I hear my phone ringing, brb.

GBX

pilly wrote: »

Don't get that either, sit at home and read the paper!

I've also seen couples in pubs buying drink after drink and not exchanging a word. Jaysus you can do that at home with a few cans and at least you'll have the television as a distraction.

Still have to get out to get a newspaper.

Maybe they said all they had to at home and wanted a coffee in peace in different surroundings.

The King of Moo

pilly wrote: »

I'm genuinely shocked that most seem to think this is okay.

I understand some couples don't chat away all the time but if the person you're with is too boring to have some interaction with whilst having a meal together then why not just stay at home? I don't get it? I would rather be eating alone.

You don't get nice pastries and coffee at home!

andekwarhola

pilly wrote: »

I'm genuinely shocked that most seem to think this is okay.

I understand some couples don't chat away all the time but if the person you're with is too boring to have some interaction with whilst having a meal together then why not just stay at home? I don't get it? I would rather be eating alone.

The Needy is strong in this one.

lawred2

pilly wrote: »

I'm genuinely shocked that most seem to think this is okay.

I understand some couples don't chat away all the time but if the person you're with is too boring to have some interaction with whilst having a meal together then why not just stay at home? I don't get it? I would rather be eating alone.

shocked?

seriously?

Tilikum

Recently having a cup of coffee with the gf. A couple in their 60s walked in and sat at the table next to us.
He took out his phone, she took out her iPad.

Not one word did they say to each other while they were there. I said to the misses 'wtf is wrong with people today'

She replied 'they probably have nothing left to say to each other'

razorblunt

I was out for dinner on Saturday night, now sitting quietly in cafes I can understand and I wouldn't judge them for being on devices but this couple were just flat ignoring each other. They were probably in their 60s and the guy, in particular seemed more interested in the conversation at our table than talking to his wife. I'd hate to get to that stage of a relationship.

pilly

andekwarhola wrote: »

The Needy is strong in this one.

Not needy at all, complete opposite. Have travelled all over the world alone, would prefer that to being with someone I'd nothing to say to.

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

lawred2

Tilikum wrote: »

Recently having a cup of coffee with the gf. A couple in their 60s walked in and sat at the table next to us.
He took out his phone, she took out her iPad.

Not one word did they say to each other while they were there. I said to the misses 'wtf is wrong with people today'

She replied 'they probably have nothing left to say to each other'

what's wrong with people today being so pass remarkable about people they know nothing about?

works both ways really

andekwarhola

pilly wrote: »

Have travelled all over the world alone

Figures.

pilly

pilly wrote: »

I'm genuinely shocked that most seem to think this is okay.

I understand some couples don't chat away all the time but if the person you're with is too boring to have some interaction with whilst having a meal together then why not just stay at home? I don't get it? I would rather be eating alone.

Im not sure I'd equate a cafe on Saturday morning with "having a meal".

jaykay74

pilly wrote: »

I'm genuinely shocked that most seem to think this is okay.

I understand some couples don't chat away all the time but if the person you're with is too boring to have some interaction with whilst having a meal together then why not just stay at home? I don't get it? I would rather be eating alone.

Thats where the kids are

Pawwed Rig

pilly wrote: »

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

So anyone who disagrees with you obviously has issues right?

Maybe they just wanted a quiet cup of coffee and they were too tired to talk after riding all morning?

andekwarhola

I'd hazard a guess that the same people that 'cherish the art of (24/7) conversation' are the same types that equate histrionic sh1t like arguing frequeuntly relationship as 'passionate'.

Would rather be single for the rest of my life.

Winterlong

We don't know that they were a couple. They could have been brother/sister or colleagues or something.
And we don't know their circumstances. There may have been a good reason they were not verbally speaking to each other.

In the absence of both bits of info I would not be rushing to judgement.

osarusan

For all the OP knows they were on their phones looking at Christmas presents for their families, or sending important work-related messages, or this was the hour they'd set aside for social media before they spent the rest of the day offline.

It's pointless to make any assumptions from this partial snapshot of the lives of strangers.

There's nothing to defend here, because nobody knows what was actually going on.

The Backwards Man

I'd rather be in the company of someone who only speaks when they have something interesting or worthwhile to say than some bletherer that never shuts their gob.

DivingDuck

pilly wrote: »

I'm genuinely shocked that most seem to think this is okay.

Some people communicate differently these days. Instead of a one-hour conversation a week with a friend, they have twelve five-minute conversations in response to status updates, or five twelve-minute chats, or whatever. In the end, they spend the same amount of time conversing with the other person, they just do it differently.

Personally, I would rather be partially available to everyone (important to me) all of the time than wholly available part of the time. I don't believe in this "no phones at the table" nonsense, and thankfully neither do anyone in my immediate circle or family. You're just as likely to be the person on the phone posting about your promotion or baby's birth while your friend is out with someone else as you are to be out with your friend while a third party gets great news they want to share immediately.

Why make somebody wait so you can have all of someone's attention all to yourself? It seems so pointless and selfish to me.

I admit I find it strange that this couple didn't interact at all, not even to share snippits of what they were engaging with online, but if they're both comfortable and happy with that, how can that not be okay?

GBX

pilly wrote: »

Not needy at all, complete opposite. Have travelled all over the world alone, would prefer that to being with someone I'd nothing to say to.

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

Strong feeling? I'd say your very wide of the mark there generalising without knowing anything about the "defending" people, let alone the couple in the OP.

whiskeyman

pilly wrote: »

Not needy at all, complete opposite. Have travelled all over the world alone, would prefer that to being with someone I'd nothing to say to.

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

I reckon you're not in a relationship, or haven't been in one long enough to understand the point already made that some couples are comfortable in their own company.

The OP was in a coffee shop at a weekend morning. Do you expect couples to be chatting non stop?
Sure, I'd be concerned if they were staring at their phones in a fancy restaurant...
Myself and herself often read papers / check phones, but still love to be in each others company.

When we first started going out, we'd literally be chatting non stop to each other. Like you, I often used to look at couples not talking to each other in coffee shops / car drives and wonder 'wtf is wrong with them? They mustn't love each other! I hope we never get like that!'.

But you do get like that, and to be honest, it's actually a better feeling.
You've only witnessed a fraction of their day together.

*don't get me wrong, just because a couple isn't talking doesn't mean they love each other either! :pac:

Outlaw Pete

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I'd rather be in the company of someone who only speaks when they have something interesting or worthwhile to say than some bletherer that never shuts their gob.

Exactly.

Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bull**** in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody really special, when you can just shut the fcuk up for a minute and comfortably share silence.

pilly

Okay, hang on a second. I'm being accused of making assumptions here by posters that have assumed I've never had a long term relationship, that I'm a lonely old spinster, I'm needy and I talk ****e.

Really? Doesn't it sound hypocritical to make all those assumptions about me? I've been married for 10 years and have had several long term happy relationships since then. Admittedly I'm coming from a time when the phone wasn't an extension of everyone but that doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to the viewpoint that socialising was and is more enjoyable without a phone in hand.

I didn't even start the thread!

lawred2

pilly wrote: »

Okay, hang on a second. I'm being accused of making assumptions here by posters that have assumed I've never had a long term relationship, that I'm a lonely old spinster, I'm needy and I talk ****e.

Really? Doesn't it sound hypocritical to make all those assumptions about me? I've been married for 10 years and have had several long term happy relationships since then. Admittedly I'm coming from a time when the phone wasn't an extension of everyone but that doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to the viewpoint that socialising was and is more enjoyable without a phone in hand.

I didn't even start the thread!

erm...

osarusan

pilly wrote: »

I'm being accused of making assumptions here by posters that have assumed... that I'm a lonely old spinster

When was this?

pilly

lawred2 wrote: »

erm...

Erm what, you can't have a happy relationship that ends? Relationships end for many reasons, including death.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

When you're looking at someone all day, you go to bed they're there, you get up they're there, you watch tv they're there, get a shower, they're possibly there, you go out with them, cinema, shopping, drinks, events, breakfast, coffee, dinner. Every single moment doesn't need to be filled with conversation

seamus

Nothing worse than someone who feels the need to constantly fill the air with the sound of the own voice.

When couples are just couples, they have the rest of the day to spend talking. Engaging in other activites while in eachothers' company is just fine.

If they decide to have kids, the chatting will start again because you get a precious few hours in the day where you're not being interrupted.

andekwarhola

pilly wrote: »

Doesn't it sound hypocritical to make all those assumptions about me?

pilly wrote: »

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

*Cough*

A Shaved Duck?

At least we are safe in the knowledge that we can go to a coffee shop without being judged by some sad case... oh wait..

Olishi4

LCD wrote: »

Was in a coffee shop Saturday morning & at a table next to a couple, probably early to mid 20s. Both of them literally did not say a word to each other, just played on their phones, not even stopping when their food arrived. Didn't seem to be an air of tension between them, suggesting a row.

Its a bit much, not even stopping when their food arrives. Like no interaction even with the waitress/waiter?

Winterlong

Olishi4 wrote: »

Its a bit much, not even stopping when their food arrives. Like no interaction even with the waitress/waiter?

But why was it bothering you so much?

Omackeral

An issue that p*sses me right off is that when I'm with a group of friends and everyone is just glued to their phones, especially in a pub or restaurant. You're there to socialise surely and catch up?

Or when with one friend and their head is stuck in their phone. It's almost as if you're an irritant to them even being there. Before anyone goes off on one saying don't be so needy or whatever, it's often the case that the mate will be the one that called you to say come over and hang out.

All this is a different kettle of fish though to two people doing it voluntarily. I wouldn't like to be in one of those couples myself but then again they could be happy campers so whatever works for them.

_Kaiser_

LexieOnRale wrote: »

get a shower, they're possibly there

Point of order.. that's never a bad thing!

Olishi4

Winterlong wrote: »

But why was it bothering you so much?

Why would you think it's bothering me "so much"? It's not. I don't care what people do.

The OP asked what we thought about it. I'd find it strange to be that busy playing a game in a social environment not to even acknowledge the waiter/waitress when they arrive with your food. Nothing unusual about thinking that.

Faith+1

I was meeting a mate for a coffee a few weeks ago and everyone, yes everyone was on their fcuking phones. Society is seriously fcuked up if this is considered the norm.

GLaDOS

I understand the sentiment of the OP tbf, I hate when people are buried in their phones in social situations.

That said, I wouldn't judge without knowing the circumstances.

dont bother

mind your own business OP.

it's people who are comfortable with each other that don't need to be yapping away about gossip or nonsense.

when you're comfortable too OP you'll be able to stop yammering on to people who have no interest.

"i'm just SOOOOO busy and chatty about it too"

"i dont care".

Maximus Alexander

I spend about 56 hours a week sleeping. Then about 48 hours a week working. Of the remaining 64 hours, the majority would be spent in the company of my OH. Now we talk plenty, but we definitely don't spend 60 odd hours a week chatting constantly. What would you even be saying at that stage?

I don't see the problem to be honest. Saturday morning you might be sitting at home catching up on the news or talking to friends about what they got up to last night. What's that sweetheart? Yeah sure let's pop out for a coffee and a bagel and do those things in a cafe instead of our living room.

Omackeral

People telling the OP to mind his/her own business are the worst. It's not like they went up to the people and made a fuss. They did mind their own business, they simply saw something and made an observation on it, as humans do. All this ''how does it affect you'' line of questioning is a real bug bear. How does Castro's death affect you? It's an internet forum and people like to discuss things and understand other people's POV.