Couples ignoring each other

whiskeyman

pilly wrote: »

Not needy at all, complete opposite. Have travelled all over the world alone, would prefer that to being with someone I'd nothing to say to.

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

I reckon you're not in a relationship, or haven't been in one long enough to understand the point already made that some couples are comfortable in their own company.

The OP was in a coffee shop at a weekend morning. Do you expect couples to be chatting non stop?
Sure, I'd be concerned if they were staring at their phones in a fancy restaurant...
Myself and herself often read papers / check phones, but still love to be in each others company.

When we first started going out, we'd literally be chatting non stop to each other. Like you, I often used to look at couples not talking to each other in coffee shops / car drives and wonder 'wtf is wrong with them? They mustn't love each other! I hope we never get like that!'.

But you do get like that, and to be honest, it's actually a better feeling.
You've only witnessed a fraction of their day together.

*don't get me wrong, just because a couple isn't talking doesn't mean they love each other either! :pac:

Outlaw Pete

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I'd rather be in the company of someone who only speaks when they have something interesting or worthwhile to say than some bletherer that never shuts their gob.

Exactly.

Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bull**** in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody really special, when you can just shut the fcuk up for a minute and comfortably share silence.

pilly

Okay, hang on a second. I'm being accused of making assumptions here by posters that have assumed I've never had a long term relationship, that I'm a lonely old spinster, I'm needy and I talk ****e.

Really? Doesn't it sound hypocritical to make all those assumptions about me? I've been married for 10 years and have had several long term happy relationships since then. Admittedly I'm coming from a time when the phone wasn't an extension of everyone but that doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to the viewpoint that socialising was and is more enjoyable without a phone in hand.

I didn't even start the thread!

lawred2

pilly wrote: »

Okay, hang on a second. I'm being accused of making assumptions here by posters that have assumed I've never had a long term relationship, that I'm a lonely old spinster, I'm needy and I talk ****e.

Really? Doesn't it sound hypocritical to make all those assumptions about me? I've been married for 10 years and have had several long term happy relationships since then. Admittedly I'm coming from a time when the phone wasn't an extension of everyone but that doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to the viewpoint that socialising was and is more enjoyable without a phone in hand.

I didn't even start the thread!

erm...

osarusan

pilly wrote: »

I'm being accused of making assumptions here by posters that have assumed... that I'm a lonely old spinster

When was this?

pilly

lawred2 wrote: »

erm...

Erm what, you can't have a happy relationship that ends? Relationships end for many reasons, including death.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

When you're looking at someone all day, you go to bed they're there, you get up they're there, you watch tv they're there, get a shower, they're possibly there, you go out with them, cinema, shopping, drinks, events, breakfast, coffee, dinner. Every single moment doesn't need to be filled with conversation

seamus

Nothing worse than someone who feels the need to constantly fill the air with the sound of the own voice.

When couples are just couples, they have the rest of the day to spend talking. Engaging in other activites while in eachothers' company is just fine.

If they decide to have kids, the chatting will start again because you get a precious few hours in the day where you're not being interrupted.

andekwarhola

pilly wrote: »

Doesn't it sound hypocritical to make all those assumptions about me?

pilly wrote: »

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

*Cough*

A Shaved Duck?

At least we are safe in the knowledge that we can go to a coffee shop without being judged by some sad case... oh wait..

Olishi4

LCD wrote: »

Was in a coffee shop Saturday morning & at a table next to a couple, probably early to mid 20s. Both of them literally did not say a word to each other, just played on their phones, not even stopping when their food arrived. Didn't seem to be an air of tension between them, suggesting a row.

Its a bit much, not even stopping when their food arrives. Like no interaction even with the waitress/waiter?

Winterlong

Olishi4 wrote: »

Its a bit much, not even stopping when their food arrives. Like no interaction even with the waitress/waiter?

But why was it bothering you so much?

An issue that p*sses me right off is that when I'm with a group of friends and everyone is just glued to their phones, especially in a pub or restaurant. You're there to socialise surely and catch up?

Or when with one friend and their head is stuck in their phone. It's almost as if you're an irritant to them even being there. Before anyone goes off on one saying don't be so needy or whatever, it's often the case that the mate will be the one that called you to say come over and hang out.

All this is a different kettle of fish though to two people doing it voluntarily. I wouldn't like to be in one of those couples myself but then again they could be happy campers so whatever works for them.

_Kaiser_

LexieOnRale wrote: »

get a shower, they're possibly there

Point of order.. that's never a bad thing!

Olishi4

Winterlong wrote: »

But why was it bothering you so much?

Why would you think it's bothering me "so much"? It's not. I don't care what people do.

The OP asked what we thought about it. I'd find it strange to be that busy playing a game in a social environment not to even acknowledge the waiter/waitress when they arrive with your food. Nothing unusual about thinking that.

Faith+1

I was meeting a mate for a coffee a few weeks ago and everyone, yes everyone was on their fcuking phones. Society is seriously fcuked up if this is considered the norm.

GLaDOS

I understand the sentiment of the OP tbf, I hate when people are buried in their phones in social situations.

That said, I wouldn't judge without knowing the circumstances.

dont bother

mind your own business OP.

it's people who are comfortable with each other that don't need to be yapping away about gossip or nonsense.

when you're comfortable too OP you'll be able to stop yammering on to people who have no interest.

"i'm just SOOOOO busy and chatty about it too"

"i dont care".

Maximus Alexander

I spend about 56 hours a week sleeping. Then about 48 hours a week working. Of the remaining 64 hours, the majority would be spent in the company of my OH. Now we talk plenty, but we definitely don't spend 60 odd hours a week chatting constantly. What would you even be saying at that stage?

I don't see the problem to be honest. Saturday morning you might be sitting at home catching up on the news or talking to friends about what they got up to last night. What's that sweetheart? Yeah sure let's pop out for a coffee and a bagel and do those things in a cafe instead of our living room.

People telling the OP to mind his/her own business are the worst. It's not like they went up to the people and made a fuss. They did mind their own business, they simply saw something and made an observation on it, as humans do. All this ''how does it affect you'' line of questioning is a real bug bear. How does Castro's death affect you? It's an internet forum and people like to discuss things and understand other people's POV.

pilly

Omackeral wrote: »

People telling the OP to mind his/her own business are the worst. It's not like they went up to the people and made a fuss. They did mind their own business, they simply saw something and made an observation on it, as humans do. All this ''how does it affect you'' line of questioning is a real bug bear. How does Castro's death affect you? It's an internet forum and people like to discuss things and understand other people's POV.

Exactly, if people minded their own business on everything what would Board members discuss all day?

pilly

pilly wrote: »

Exactly, if people minded their own business on everything what would Board members discuss all day?

They'd probably just look at their phones.

Widdershins

If they are glued to their phone it's best to leave them to it. I wouldn't play second fiddle to a text message!

Then again it all depends, like everything else does.

Wheeliebin30

Faith+1 wrote: »

I was meeting a mate for a coffee a few weeks ago and everyone, yes everyone was on their fcuking phones. Society is seriously fcuked up if this is considered the norm.

Why is society fcuked?

Things are changing, as is society.

It's not as if life has stopped now people are on their phones.

Things still get done and life goes on.

Widdershins

pilly wrote: »

Not needy at all, complete opposite. Have travelled all over the world alone, would prefer that to being with someone I'd nothing to say to.

I get the strong feeling the defenders on here are the ones who are in staid relationships trying to normalise them.

If that's it, they'll never admit it, so expect raised hackles

Widdershins

Even the estate agent who showed me this house apologised for taking a call during the viewing. ''I know, the height of ignorance'' he said.

Graham

LCD wrote: »

Was in a coffee shop Saturday morning & at a table next to a couple, probably early to mid 20s. Both of them literally did not say a word to each other, just played on their phones, not even stopping when their food arrived. Didn't seem to be an air of tension between them, suggesting a row.

They were texting each other.

Wheeliebin30

Widdershins wrote: »

Even the estate agent who showed me this house apologised for taking a call during the viewing. ''I know, the height of ignorance'' he said.

What if it was an important call from his wife about his sick child?

This entitlement from people that they should receive 100% attention in someone's company is childish and needy.

DivingDuck

Widdershins wrote: »

I wouldn't play second fiddle to a text message!

Why, though?

This position honestly baffles me. Why, in this situation, is what you have to say more important and worthy of more, or at least more immediate, attention because it came out of your mouth instead of via a screen?

Texts, FB updates, newspaper articles, memes— whatever. These things aren't written by kittens or generated by bots. A human wrote them, a human seeking to communicate with other humans, exactly the same intention as when someone opens their mouth to speak. Why is it less worthy of consideration or a speedy response because it didn't happen face to face?

Widdershins

Wheeliebin30 wrote: »

What if it was an important call from his wife about his sick child?

This entitlement from people that they should receive 100% attention in someone's company is childish and needy.

I didn't say I expected anything. He was the one who felt rude/unprofessional. As long as he was polite about it, e.g ''excuse me, I have to take this call'', I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

However, I was impressed by his consideration.