Cheating on a hen weekend :(

SteM · 01-08-2016 08:56PM

Augme wrote: »

I'd find it hard to believe this is the one and only time she has done it. People cheat for a reason unless that reason is fixed then most people cheat continuously. I'd have a very hard time staying good friends with this person, it will be difficult to have any respect for her anymore.

Or sometimes people get ratarsed drunk and do something stupid that they regret and never repeat. Not every action has to have deep psychological reasons behind it.

Turtle_ · 01-08-2016 08:58PM

Wow, how can anyone say kissing someone isn't cheating?! Of course it's cheating!

OP, I think if I was in your position I'd warn your friend that you won't tell him this time but if she does it again you'll be straight on to him about what she did. And I'd be inclined to say that if he or anyone else asks if anything happened you'll be honest.

It's not really your place to interfere, but you can't be expected to keep up the charade for her.

cantdecide · 01-08-2016 09:03PM

Hazydays123 wrote: »

If the relationship isn't worthwhile then it will fizzle out by itself.

Or... maybe she's just spinning her wheels in the relationship while he is completely invested and would be devastated. All is not fair in love and war sometimes.

The very least I'd be saying is warning the friend that you wish to never be party to her misbehaviour again. Personally, I'd supplement this with 'I'll never deny it happened if I'm asked'.

OnTheCouch · 01-08-2016 09:13PM

The problem about claiming that it is OK to kiss as long as it goes no further is that one is simply a later step on the same linear process in my opinion.

Pretty much every form of seduction follows the same sort of pattern, at least in our Western culture. First comes touching in let's say neutral areas like the shoulders and back. Then perhaps the touching may move to slightly more private areas, such as legs and face perhaps. A kiss would then follow this, followed by heavy petting and then eventually sexual intercourse.

In my opinion this is simply a step-by-step process and the reason these encounters often do not go the whole way is simply logistics, one person has to accompany a friend home, the other has no private space where they can be alone etc. I don't think many people think specifically before a night out "Right I'm going to kiss someone but that'll be it," once you go down that road you have blatantly cheated in my opinion and it's simply circumstances that ensure it goes no further. Possibly some people can stop themselves before things get too heavy, but if the attraction is there, it's hard to stop once you get start with the more intimate touching, especially when alcohol is involved.

So no sympathy from me here.

not yet · 01-08-2016 09:14PM

Sounds like the girl is Gamey to me..

In all seriousness, who here would continue a relationship with someone who kissed someone else on a weekend away, It's very rarely a one off. Can you imagine what would have happened if she was 10 years married and feeling ''unloved''...

Once your gamey it's a slippery road to a full blown gameyness..

Lisha · 01-08-2016 09:15PM

If I found out that my husband 'just kissed' someone else it would devastate me and kill any trust in the relationship.

Kissing is cheating, in my humble opinion.

Augme · 01-08-2016 09:19PM

SteM wrote: »

Or sometimes people get ratarsed drunk and do something stupid that they regret and never repeat. Not every action has to have deep psychological reasons behind it.

That's fairly rare though.

Keane2baMused · 01-08-2016 09:21PM

Augme wrote: »

That's fairly rare though.

I'd have thought cheating was a less common occurance than being faithful? Or maybe I'm being naive.

groucho marx · 01-08-2016 09:21PM

It is cheating for sure it is. Definitelyn not a good sign,I wouldn't swallow the I was drunk line if it was my significant other

SteM · 01-08-2016 09:25PM

Augme wrote: »

That's fairly rare though.

Do you have figures to back this up or are you just making random statements tonight? You've already stated that you don't think it was the first time or only time this person cheated without knowing anything about them.

Hazydays123 · 01-08-2016 09:25PM

Lisha wrote: »

If I found out that my husband 'just kissed' someone else it would devastate me and kill any trust in the relationship.

Kissing is cheating, in my humble opinion.

I'd forgive my husband anything if he admitted it straight away and he sought forgiveness. But it sounds to me like we're not talking about profound and meaningful relationships here. Boys and girls in their 20s who do stupid things at nightclubs. I did it in my time (much worse even) and was forgiven. But then again I held my hands up and admitted my mistakes.

I really think the girl in question should fess up. She's a pretty ****ty person if she doesn't and it will only eat away at her to keep it hidden. But i'd never cross the line and tell the boyfriend. You rarely get thanked for these things. People are complicated like that.

The Bishop Basher · 01-08-2016 09:33PM

If you don't want you partner to know about it..

It's cheating..

Augme · 01-08-2016 09:34PM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

I'd have thought cheating was a less common occurance than being faithful? Or maybe I'm being naive.

I'm not talking about the cheating.

SteM wrote: »

Do you have figures to back this up or are you just making random statements tonight? You've already stated that you don't think it was the first time or only time this person cheated without knowing anything about them.

Dont be stupid, of course I don't have figures to back it up. Not every statement needs to have statistics to back it up.

SteM · 01-08-2016 09:37PM

Augme wrote: »

Dont be stupid, of course I don't have figures to back it up.

Yeah, didn't think so alright.

jackofalltrades · 01-08-2016 09:37PM

SteM wrote: »

Or sometimes people get ratarsed drunk and do something stupid that they regret and never repeat. Not every action has to have deep psychological reasons behind it.

But in this case I'm guessing that the girl in question was being chatted up by the guy before he kissed her.
So she may have been drunk, but she was sober enough to give him enough signals that he decided to kiss her.
That's cheating in my book.

SteM · 01-08-2016 09:39PM

jackofalltrades wrote: »

But in this case I'm guessing that the girl in question was being chatted up by the guy before he kissed her.
So she may have been drunk, but she was sober enough to give him enough signals that he decided to kiss her.
That's cheating in my book.

I never said it wasn't cheating. I was replying to a comment by another poster who suggested that this person had cheated before and will again without and way of backing their accusations up.

GuessWhoEh · 01-08-2016 10:14PM

If I was the guy, I'd want to know. But I'm saying this from a woman's perspective. You can always ignore it. She begged not to tell. Respect her wishes. Happen again, and speak to her.

marienbad · 01-08-2016 10:18PM

mind your own business .

01-08-2016 10:21PM

This is on a linear continuum of 'cheating' alright.

Somewhere between taking the last yoplait and a full-blown affair.

Lot closer to the yoplait end. Drunken snog on tour. Little harm done. Granted she woudnt want him knowing, probably why these things happen on tour.

Regardless, best advice is mind your business imo. Nothing to do with you if he's no relation.

Labarbapostiza · 01-08-2016 10:25PM

Maybe the op is jealous.

Did the op get a shift in Galway?

BorneTobyWilde · 01-08-2016 10:26PM

Don't hen parties in UK involve male strippers who put whipped cream on their.. and then go table to table and some girls if not all suck it off . So a kiss is far less.

kerry cow · 01-08-2016 10:29PM

Bwitch .

liam7831 · 01-08-2016 10:39PM

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Don't hen parties in UK involve male strippers who put whipped cream on their.. and then go table to table and some girls if not all suck it off . So a kiss is far less.

I think you are mixing up what actually happens at hen parties and what happens in your imagination

spud82 · 01-08-2016 10:42PM

Labarbapostiza wrote: »

Maybe the op is jealous.

Did the op get a shift in Galway?

Nope cos my OH was waiting for me, and he is a big juicy steak so I couldn't be arsed having a burger.

And obviously I amn't going to tell anyone, I just had to get it off my mind as they have been friends of ours for years so I feel bad for him

Estrellita · 01-08-2016 10:53PM

spud82 wrote: »

She said it was a drunken kiss and meant nothing,and she doesn't remember it and begged me not to tell. Obviously I won't.

It meant nothing, but she doesn't remember it

Why do some people think that being drunk will excuse their behaviour?

It varies between people whether they feel kissing someone else is forgivable or not, but it wouldn't be for me. As far as I'm concerned, there's something wrong if you are hanging out of someone else on a night out. I value and respect my OH too much than to ever do that to him. It just wouldn't feel right.

Each to their own I guess. But whether or not people think it is the op's business, this other girl has asked her to keep quiet about what happened. If it were me, Id agree but tell her to sort her sh.it out.

Labarbapostiza · 01-08-2016 10:57PM

liam7831 wrote: »

I think you are mixing up what actually happens at hen parties and what happens in your imagination

No, he's mixing up reality with what goes on in his Youporn searches. You should see what goes on in Youporn Hen Night parties. Mad stuff. Bride's maids going mad, then the bride gets her wedding cake iced. Doesn't happen in Ireland. Being a woman in Ireland is like living in a police state, where your best friend will go on Boards and report your "crimes" looking for moral support for the escalation, where they flip their friend up the bottom. You wouldn't find lads doing that. What goes in Galway, stays in Galway.

Labarbapostiza · 01-08-2016 11:10PM

spud82 wrote: »

Nope cos my OH was waiting for me, and he is a big juicy steak so I couldn't be arsed having a burger.

Wasn't that like something Kerry Katona said when, her "former" coke dealer/husband/boyfriend/whatever...had the tabloids alleging he was leveraging his "celebrity", he'd earned through his connection to Katona, to shag skinny young women, who get the horn from the reflected limelight.

I feel as sorry for Kerry's drug/alcohol/relationship problems as the next person, but as beef products go, she ain't prime...more Tesco's value, might contain elements of horse....Cook product thoroughly before consuming.

screamer · 01-08-2016 11:27PM

A drunken snog .... its still cheating. TBH I have zero time for weak individuals who can't show loyalty to the most important person in their lives. Definitely not qualities of someone id want to be friends with. I wouldn't get involved in it as chances are he knows what she's like already but personally if were me I'd have nothing to do with her anymore.

05eaftqbrs9jlh · 01-08-2016 11:29PM

I thought this thread was going to be about an entire weekend devoted to adultery against your spouse, who is a breed of fowl.

Shint0 · 01-08-2016 11:30PM

You don't ever know the real state of someone's relationship regardless of what you might think or being asked not to tell. If she asked you not to then just respect that.

Cheating on a hen weekend :(

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