Cheating on a hen weekend :(

Estrellita

Shint0 wrote: »

If she asked you not to then just respect that.

Bad choice of words. Sounds like she deserves zero respect.

Shint0

It's easy for people to project their own moral framework onto other people's relationships but they might not know anything about the dynamics in a particular relationship.

DrPhilG

Dirty tramp.

Keep your tongue in your own mouth. Just because you're on a hen weekend doesn't excuse it.

And if being pished means you forget your boyfriend and your morals, then don't get pished.

I'm shocked at the number of people here who think it's acceptable because it was just a kiss. If you walked into a bar and saw your other half sucking the face off someone would you just laugh it off? Ah sure it's only a kiss?

Estrellita

Shint0 wrote: »

It's easy for people to project their own moral framework onto other people's relationships but they might not know anything about the dynamics in a particular relationship.

Unless you are talking about open relationships, then people in happy and secure relationships are unlikely to cheat. I don't accept being drunk as a reason to cheat.

nocoverart

Humans are vile OP! but you seem like a goodin. Wanna hook up the weekend? my wife is out of town.

Shint0

Estrellita wrote: »

Unless you are talking about open relationships, then people in happy and secure relationships are unlikely to cheat. I don't accept being drunk as a reason to cheat.

That's the thing. There is an assumption being made that it is a happy and secure relationship when only the individuals in question know the real state of the relationship. That's why I tend to keep an open mind but, yes, if their partner believed that it is a good relationship then it would be disrespectful but outside observers can never know for sure the real story in anyone else's relationship.

PM me nudes

DrPhilG wrote: »

Dirty tramp.

Keep your tongue in your own mouth. Just because you're on a hen weekend doesn't excuse it.

Nice.

Labarbapostiza

nocoverart wrote: »

Humans are vile OP! but you seem like a goodin. Wanna hook up the weekend? my wife is out of town.

Do you think she's a catch?.....I think you might need a bigger boat.

DrPhilG

PM me nudes wrote: »

Nice.

Lol, I'm calling a spade a spade and I'm the one getting criticised?

PM me nudes

DrPhilG wrote: »

Lol, I'm calling a spade a spade and I'm the one getting criticised?

Two wrongs don't make a right

Calling someone a 'dirty tramp' isn't really necessary

DrPhilG

PM me nudes wrote: »

Calling someone a 'dirty tramp' isn't really necessary

What would you call someone who goes out and cheats on their partner?

TerrorFirmer

I don't agree with the people who say that it's 'only' a kiss and not cheating, not at all. However, I also understand that we're all human and sometimes when people get far too drunk, they too illogical, stupid, pointless things - things that they regret so much that it almost consumes them and things that have no relevance to their life situation other than that they happened. The whole 'if you're happy, you wouldn't do it' is a fair opinion but all the same I don't agree with it. We've all been there - doing ridiculous, crazy things while absolutely hammered that you struggle for an eternity to try and understand why you did it. Maybe not necessarily cheating, but I can see how that would come into it. I would say as a friend in this case I would definitely talk to your friend about it and have an honest discussion, but do respect her wishes. As a friend it's what I would do realistically. It's not excusing it or forgiving it but it's not your place to intervene. If it was a serial occurance then perhaps, but if it is genuinely a once off moment just leave it to your friend to sort out in her own head.

FAILSAFE 00

spud82 wrote: »

Hey guys

We were on a hen weekend for the bank holiday in Galway for and one of my friends cheated on her boyfriend. I saw her kiss someone else, and it really annoyed me as her boyfriend is a good friend of mine too.

She said it was a drunken kiss and meant nothing,and she doesn't remember it and begged me not to tell. Obviously I won't.

I just feel so bad for him. Worst is as it was away from home and noone else saw bar me that knows them, means she'll get away with it. Why do people cheat on these hen weekends?? I just don't get it

Estrellita

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

The whole 'if you're happy, you wouldn't do it' is a fair opinion but all the same I don't agree with it. We've all been there - doing ridiculous, crazy things while absolutely hammered that you struggle for an eternity to try and understand why you did it.

Well maybe that's something that needs to be addressed. If you get so off your face you don't know what you are doing, then perhaps thats a whole other problem.

I'm no prude, I enjoy my drinks as much as the next person, but I despise the feeling of being drunk. I feel out of control and quite vulnerable. I'm not sure why any lady would want to put herself in that position. I sure as hell wouldn't be able to live with myself if I thought Id been messing around on my OH, whether that's anything from kissing to sex. Why? I love him too much to hurt him. Yes, I do have a hard moral standing on this, you treat someone else's heart as you want yours to be treated.

I would say as a friend in this case I would definitely talk to your friend about it and have an honest discussion, but do respect her wishes. As a friend it's what I would do realistically. It's not excusing it or forgiving it but it's not your place to intervene. If it was a serial occurance then perhaps, but if it is genuinely a once off moment just leave it to your friend to sort out in her own head.

I agree on keeping quiet, this once. But that's the second time someone said about 'respecting her wishes'. She deserves no respect for getting herself into that state and kissing someone else. Keep the respect for her boyfriend who probably wished her to have a nice time before she left.

She needs to look at this incident like she could have potentially lost someone she loves and learn a lesson from it. Consider how she would like it if the shoe was on the other foot. The other option is perhaps she doesn't love him or respect him enough to behave herself when she has drink on board. Maybe she needs to evaluate the relationship altogether. You can't stay with someone for the sake of it, you are either committed to them or not.

A drunken mistake is a spilled drink or an undignified trip or fall. Not a drunken flirt and kiss with someone other than your OH. I don't accept drink as an excuse for cheating.

Bandana boy

Its not your beeswax keep your trap shut and drop the "I will let her off" superiority complex /moral high ground stuff .

Each to their own , but for me a drunken kiss at a hen is a small indiscretion.

Partner will not thank you for telling him and by you letting on that you know you put more pressure on him to do something about it , she might tell him she might not ,she could fess up and they get past it , you have no say in the matter either way.

Shint0

Estrellita wrote: »

Maybe she needs to evaluate the relationship altogether. You can't stay with someone for the sake of it, you are either committed to them.

That's an interesting point, Estrellita, and I do get where you're coming from but unfortunately sometimes life is not so cut and dried, and we often have a tendency to view life through our own lens and life experience.

How do we or the OP know that that woman is not in an abusive relationship. Sometimes even people close to domestic abuse victims don't even know and it can be very difficult for someone to disentangle themselves from such a relationship. The friend begged the OP not to tell. For all we know she might face an assault afterwards. Which would be the lesser of two evils? A drunken kiss or a getting the crap kicked out of you.

Another issue which comes up time and again in the PI forum over the years is being in a non-sexual relationship. Someone might genuinely love and care for their partner, have kids together, may not want to leave their partner or break up the family unit but still have sexual needs and desires for intimacy themselves.

Facebook is also a classic example of partners uploading photos of themselves embracing, wishing each other a happy anniversary with cloying and gushing statements about the other. That might be the image they wish to present to the world but the reality can sometimes be very different. The couple might have a very tempestuous relationship and fight like cats and dogs à la John and Mary in Fr. Ted.

Life is not simplistic. Perception and reality are not always the same.

audi12

spud82 wrote: »

Hey guys

We were on a hen weekend for the bank holiday in Galway for and one of my friends cheated on her boyfriend. I saw her kiss someone else, and it really annoyed me as her boyfriend is a good friend of mine too.

She said it was a drunken kiss and meant nothing,and she doesn't remember it and begged me not to tell. Obviously I won't.

I just feel so bad for him. Worst is as it was away from home and noone else saw bar me that knows them, means she'll get away with it. Why do people cheat on these hen weekends?? I just don't get it

I am sure ye enjoyed Galway as someone who is from here best city in the country by a mile. On the cheating you should tell him doubtful it was the first or last time not like she would be shocked if you did women are not known for their loyalty to each other.

Labarbapostiza

Shint0 wrote: »

Facebook is also a classic example of partners uploading photos of themselves embracing, wishing each other a happy anniversary with cloying and gushing statements about the other. That might be the image they wish to present to the world but the reality can sometimes be very different. The couple might have a very tempestuous relationship and fight like cats and dogs à la John and Mary in Fr. Ted.

Yeah, usually a stream of lovey dovey photos on Facebook in fact mean the relationship is in big trouble.

Also, a stream of positive thinking memes, means the person is deeply depressed and possibly on the verge of a suicide attempt. That really is not a joke.

Estrellita

Shint0 wrote: »

That's an interesting point, Estrellita, and I do get where you're coming from but unfortunately sometimes life is not so cut and dried, and we often have a tendency to view life through our own lens and life experience.

How do we or the OP know that that woman is not in an abusive relationship. .

Equally, you don't know that for sure either. We can only give advice or offer opinions based on the information we are given. For now I will assume that the op's friend has cheated because she had gotten herself into a state and saw an opportunity that her boyfriend mightn't find out about.

I don't see the point of looking for excuses or reasoning for her behaviour. Its getting too far fetched when there is no basis to believe there abuse going on. Sorry Shint0, but I just don't think I can see it from your angle.

Shint0

Estrellita wrote: »

Equally, you don't know that for sure either. We can only give advice or offer opinions based on the information we are given. For now I will assume that the op's friend has cheated because she had gotten herself into a state and saw an opportunity that her boyfriend mightn't find out about.

I don't see the point of looking for excuses or reasoning for her behaviour. Its getting too far fetched when there is no basis to believe there abuse going on. Sorry Shint0, but I just don't think I can see it from your angle.

That's the whole point. There simply isn't enough information for any of us to say what's really going on in a relationship and there could be any number of explanations. I try not to be so judgemental when I don't know the facts.

Peist2007

Another point to note is that alcohol is not LSD. You wont get drunk and think you can fly off the roof. What will happen when you are drunk is that you do the things you actually want to do as your inhibitions have been lowered. OP your mate wanted to kiss that guy, she didnt lose her bearings and suddenly found herself kissing him. Cheating plain and simple. Interesting to see how many people here would let their other half of with such. That would be the immediate end of the road with me.

Your friends with both? I would be telling him to be honest. She cannot say a thing to you about that either. She knows you are friends with both. If it was the other way around she would be wanting to know the truth i'm sure.

Walter H Price

Yeh to be honest a drunken shift with some rando is hardly cheating, id forget about it OP

Neon_Lights

Is there something to be said for an anonymous note to that poor chap?

Shint0

Neon_Lights wrote: »

Is there something to be said for an anonymous note to that poor chap?

That's just underhanded and more of a reflection on the sender of the note. If the woman has cheated on a genuinely good partner it should be up to her own conscience to decide what to do about the situation and not for others to be judge, jury and sly.

Peist2007

Walter H Price wrote: »

Yeh to be honest a drunken shift with some rando is hardly cheating, id forget about it OP

It is cheating. You might let your missus away with it but it's cheating. Your above comment only makes sense to me if you like snogging women who arent your missus yourself.

the purple tin

Hey OP how long didi it last? was it a brief kiss or full on shifting and what were they doing with their hands at the time?

magicmoves

Did you take a few pictures?

AvonEnniskerry

Walter H Price wrote:

Yeh to be honest a drunken shift with some rando is hardly cheating, id forget about it OP

Of course it's cheating. If you don't want your partner to know about it, it's cheating! And not cool to do.

Peist2007

Peist2007 wrote: »

Another point to note is that alcohol is not LSD. You wont get drunk and think you can fly off the roof. What will happen when you are drunk is that you do the things you actually want to do as your inhibitions have been lowered. OP your mate wanted to kiss that guy, she didnt lose her bearings and suddenly found herself kissing him. Cheating plain and simple. Interesting to see how many people here would let their other half of with such. That would be the immediate end of the road with me.

Your friends with both? I would be telling him to be honest. She cannot say a thing to you about that either. She knows you are friends with both. If it was the other way around she would be wanting to know the truth i'm sure.

In vino veritas is one of the great lies. At very best its a gross oversimplification of a hugely inconstant supposition. To state it as a fact is ridiculous.

AvonEnniskerry

AvonEnniskerry wrote: »

Of course it's cheating. If you don't want your partner to know about it, it's cheating! And not cool to do.

Last yoplait gone from the fridge again. Everything is 'cheating'. What does the word even mean, if meaning is derived from platitudes like used above?

Its naughty aul carryon, definitely. To treat it the same as full sex, a prolonged affair, even the ole hand shandy, to me thats infantile.