Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

Fecked up and left myself short of medication since last friday. The doctor should be open tomorrow so I can get the refill then.

I live with my parents and siblings, it really stresses me out when strangers call to the house. Especially my siblings friends. Like there was one weekend where my parents went away and I was so stressed out that I actually was down for a good few days after. Sometimes my sister bf comes stays with us for a period of time. My stress levels go through the roof. I need a house where I can completely relax and be myself. When I don't get that opportunity then I usually end up suffering. I hate that I am like this but I actually stood up for myself today. If I hadn't then I would feel so down now. Sometimes I am very selfish but I need to be if that makes sense. I need to get my own place.

Anyone have ever seen an improvement in their self esteem. I feel that deep down I am just one crazy lady and nothing will ever change that. I feel that no one would stay in a relationship with me when they see my true colours.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I'm terrified of ever having to live with people again, be it a houseshare or whatever, i'm not built for it i think.

Yah I have realised that I can't live in a houseshare as it wouldn't be a good situation for me or them.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hugs Boxers, some people can't leave the past alone, i ruminate a lot so i do that a lot. I hope you sleep later and recover a bit..

Thanks Grem, I can't understand it. When she brought up what she did, it really opened up a wound for me and has had me doubting myself ever since. She knows how I was when I was going through what she brought up, but yet, just couldn't leave it be, no, she had to rub it in.

I hope I sleep too, I haven't really slept much lately now if I am honest.

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, Boxers.

That friend sounds like a bad apple. Jesus, what do people be thinking?!

I was saving the last slice of pizza for myself, but I think you deserve it. x

Thanks Hugo. It was the aforementioned friend who was always cancelling plans etc. I stopped speaking to her for a few months and recently got in touch with her as she got in touch with another friend over me, so we've been trying to work through it but I don't think it is working as anytime I explained how her behaviour made me feel and affected me, it fell on deaf ears, it was ignored and her behaviour continued. Since seeing her the other day I've been very down in myself, and doubting myself over everything.

I'm struggling as it is over the death of a close relative recently, so her behaviour on top of that isn't helping.

I'm finding myself losing interest in everything. I don't want to see, speak or interact with anyone, don't want to cook, clean etc. all things I normally enjoy I just don't want to do.

I just don't know what to do at all now. I really don't. I'm so down and upset.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

People can think very differently, perhaps she thought it was time to gain closure, or maybe she has guilt from the situation, bad timing though, that much is plain.

Yeah they can, that is true. To be honest, its like she wants to hurt/upset me, I even spoke about it with another friend, who said the same thing.

Its like she enjoys seeing me down because her life is perfect (for her) and mine isn't, and for the past few years, she has had the idea that my life was perfect and hers wasn't, but now that has all changed and the tables have turned its like she is enjoying seeing me how I am.

I asked her, more than once, not to tell me what she was telling me, not to bring up that "thing" again etc. and she just couldn't listen.

She'd tell me one thing, then trip herself up saying something else, so I know she is lying about certain things, and that's what makes me think she is trying to upset me and bring me down.

I said it to her that her behaviour comes across as though she's deliberately trying to upset/annoy me, and she ignored it. I mean, what am I to think or feel when she just ignores that I've told her her behaviour is upsetting for me? I'd nearly see it as confirmation she enjoys what she is doing.

God I'm in such foul humour over her, I really am.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hmm. Might be time to create some distance there so.. If something is messing with your recovery, stay away, i'm a fierce one for examples but no one tries to play football with a broken leg and expect recovery to be unhampered.. When we are ill we need an environment that comforts us, i'd probably tell this person that you need some time to yourself..

You're right, distance is needed, its hard because we saw each other last week for the first time in almost five months, the time before that was early-mid Jan.

You're right, if it wasn't for this behaviour I could look past her other behaviour, but this is the main one for me, because its directly affecting me.

Went up to the doc this morning. Told him I felt stupid because I had stopped taking my meds about 3 months ago, that I thought I could manage without them.

Back on the meds now, but I feel disappointed that I couldn't stay off them.

Feel awful today. Going to attend my college course just for a couple of hours today so I am not isolating myself at home for the day. I feel like I am going around in circles.

It's not diabetic medication. It's meds for my mental health. What happens is after a good few months taking the meds I feel that I can manage, thinking that I don't need them anymore. I stop taking them, and then after a couple of weeks I can't cope. I need to try and get that thought out of my mind.

First day back on Depreger (Sertraline). A little out of it but should settle down after a few weeks.