Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

RayM

RayM wrote: »

I'll ring back later and I'll probably get an appointment for Monday or something. I don't hold out a huge amount of hope, but I have to try and do something to fix myself. Again.

I went to the doctor yesterday morning. She got me to fill out a HADS questionnaire (I scored 10 on depression and 16 on anxiety) and prescribed 60mg Cymbalta (duloxetine). She observed that I don't look very well, so she sent me for blood tests to see if there might be an underlying medical cause.

This is the first time I've been on an SNRI (I've tried most of the common SSRIs over the years). It's obviously too early to know if it'll be different, but the initial side-effects (upset stomach and mild niggling headache) are the same as every SSRI I've been on...

jezzer

RayM wrote: »

I went to the doctor yesterday morning. She got me to fill out a HADS questionnaire (I scored 10 on depression and 16 on anxiety) and prescribed 60mg Cymbalta (duloxetine). She observed that I don't look very well, so she sent me for blood tests to see if there might be an underlying medical cause.

This is the first time I've been on an SNRI (I've tried most of the common SSRIs over the years). It's obviously too early to know if it'll be different, but the initial side-effects (upset stomach and mild niggling headache) are the same as every SSRI I've been on...

never knew of a HADS questionaire?

RayM

jezzer wrote: »

never knew of a HADS questionaire?

It's just an A4 sheet with some anxiety/depression-related questions. Took around a minute to fill out. I had no recollection of doing it before, but my doctor had my previous score on file.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hospital_Anxiety_and_Depression_Scale

Hugo Stiglitz

*modsnip*

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, Lady.

jezzer

RayM wrote: »

It's just an A4 sheet with some anxiety/depression-related questions. Took around a minute to fill out. I had no recollection of doing it before, but my doctor had my previous score on file.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hospital_Anxiety_and_Depression_Scale

very interesting, pity i was never told about it before, i think its a help to be able to visualise it

jezzer

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, Lady.

you have nothing to feel shame or guilt about, the only person who should feel those are that piece of filth that did that to you, did you read the recent book by John Leonard called "Dub Sub confidential" he was a victim of clerical abuse and it details how it destroyed him but how he eventually managed to control his demons, well worth a read.

jezzer

For a split moment last night I lay down and managed to think what life would be like if everything was alright, no anxiety, it felt really good

Hugo Stiglitz

jezzer wrote: »

For a split moment last night I lay down and managed to think what life would be like if everything was alright, no anxiety, it felt really good

Hold onto that thought, Jezzer. You'll get there.

mickstupp

I totally can't resist an internet questionnaire.

Even when it's just reinforcing what I know already :P

sparkyodea

jezzer wrote: »

Welcome, fantastic post, do you care to elaborate on what happened to bring you back to a dark place recently?

Do people feel that being ambitious whilst having depression and anxiety rub off each other very badly? Sometimes I feel I would be better off if i didnt give a sh&te and lived happily on the dole or in a dead end job, but for me, I am very ambitious and push myself hard which is difficult when you have mental health issues pushing against you all the time....

Hey Jezzer,

I have found my disposition for anxiety and stress to be both a benefit and a hindrance. Looking back, I don't think I would have been as initially successful as I was if I wasn't a driven, anxious, fearful person. However, that tilted to the negative side as I found then that I was becoming over anxious about 'the small stuff', winding and stressing myself out, and wasn't able to enjoy or appreciate the success I had built.

With regard to your first question, about the job and the dole etc, that's a big issue for me personally, and I don't have the answer. I'm struggling at the moment as to whether to go for a physical / minimum wage / lower stress jobs, or try hard to go back into the corporate world.

I have had the MD job and I've also had the lower end of the spectrum jobs.

Some people can live happily and not have any career or monetary expectations or ambitions, othes can't. I think it's down to personal values, what people's personal expecations are etc. I have found that regardless of whether I'm cleaning an office block or running a million euro company, I still have to deal with the mental health issues.

sparkyodea

jezzer wrote: »

Welcome, fantastic post, do you care to elaborate on what happened to bring you back to a dark place recently?

Do people feel that being ambitious whilst having depression and anxiety rub off each other very badly? Sometimes I feel I would be better off if i didnt give a sh&te and lived happily on the dole or in a dead end job, but for me, I am very ambitious and push myself hard which is difficult when you have mental health issues pushing against you all the time....

With regard to what brought me back to this darker place? A lot of things really, relationship collapse, failed business efforts, being shafted in a job, etc.... but I actually think it was a gradual 'slipping' back, month by month, little by little, negative thoughts, loss of confidence, no structure in my life, the development of a lazy lifestyle, no excercise, etc etc, and today I find myself a few years on, but a few years back in some respects in terms of finance, career and so on. But on a positive note, during these couple of challenging years I found a great partner and we are engaged to get married next year, we bought a house last year.

One of the things about finding a partner is that you can no longer hide your mental health from the world, she is there and see's it, indeed she suffers also because of it, because some of the time I'm not exactly the 'fun bobby' type, and I regret this. So, it's a challenge, and I'm trying to encourage myself to wake up, shake up, and take life by the horns again.

Time will tell :-)

jezzer

sparkyodea wrote: »

Hey Jezzer,

I have found my disposition for anxiety and stress to be both a benefit and a hindrance. Looking back, I don't think I would have been as initially successful as I was if I wasn't a driven, anxious, fearful person. However, that tilted to the negative side as I found then that I was becoming over anxious about 'the small stuff', winding and stressing myself out, and wasn't able to enjoy or appreciate the success I had built.

With regard to your first question, about the job and the dole etc, that's a big issue for me personally, and I don't have the answer. I'm struggling at the moment as to whether to go for a physical / minimum wage / lower stress jobs, or try hard to go back into the corporate world.

I have had the MD job and I've also had the lower end of the spectrum jobs.

Some people can live happily and not have any career or monetary expectations or ambitions, othes can't. I think it's down to personal values, what people's personal expecations are etc. I have found that regardless of whether I'm cleaning an office block or running a million euro company, I still have to deal with the mental health issues.

Some good points there, similarly, I find I get overly anxious about the small stuff not not so much the bigger stuff which is really the opposite of what most people experience and it also means i experience anxiety 90% more of the time than most...As you say, having a certain amount of anxiety is needed and normal as it helps drive us but again as you say the problem begins when that goes in to overdrive and tilt towards the negative side.

Yes certainly, it is down to the person themselves how they live, some have no ambition others do but i believe we have a duty to get the best out of ourselves, at whatever level that may be, otherwise its just a waste of life.

Certainly, no matter what you do in life the stress, depression and anxiety will always be there, but its so much easier when the situations you are in are less demanding. I find I need to maintain a good balance, my week is filled with the corporate world whilst my weekend consists of doing whatever manual labour i can find, sweeping the yard, digging the garden running after the dog, it helps earth me, would I like to be doing manual labour every day? no, but the corporate world can be very false and removed from the outdoors so i think its important to get out in the open. At times I pass building sites and hark back to my college days working on sites over the summer, the craic, the banter, no stress, but you have to keep moving forward. Life is scary as hell but we must strive to get ourselves in a tolerable position.

What are you doing with yourself currently?

jezzer

sparkyodea wrote: »

With regard to what brought me back to this darker place? A lot of things really, relationship collapse, failed business efforts, being shafted in a job, etc.... but I actually think it was a gradual 'slipping' back, month by month, little by little, negative thoughts, loss of confidence, no structure in my life, the development of a lazy lifestyle, no excercise, etc etc, and today I find myself a few years on, but a few years back in some respects in terms of finance, career and so on. But on a positive note, during these couple of challenging years I found a great partner and we are engaged to get married next year, we bought a house last year.

One of the things about finding a partner is that you can no longer hide your mental health from the world, she is there and see's it, indeed she suffers also because of it, because some of the time I'm not exactly the 'fun bobby' type, and I regret this. So, it's a challenge, and I'm trying to encourage myself to wake up, shake up, and take life by the horns again.

Time will tell :-)

Its amazing how some good can come out of some really bad stuff. Its very easy to slip back in life, i know, everything went pear shaped on me a few years back, and whilst some good things came from it and i am in a much better place now, i still carry a lot of the crap that i went in to as it just doesnt go away, all i can surmise is that there must be some valid reason for bad things happening...

Congrats to you on the engagement and house, looks like things are taking a nice turn for you.

Yes its very hard not being the "fun bobby" all of the time and you end up hating yourself for being an ass to be around but there is no quick fix for this, all we can do is be thankful if we are with someone who understands

La.de.da

Today was probably one of the worst I've had in a long time.
Very down, agitated, irrationally angry and overwhelmed. Like there's a volcano inside waiting to erupt.
Didn't sleep very well last night either.

Done some meditation helped a little. Hope tomorrow's better.

Hugo Stiglitz

La.de.da wrote: »

Today was probably one of the worst I've had in a long time.
Very down, agitated, irrationally angry and overwhelmed. Like there's a volcano inside waiting to erupt.
Didn't sleep very well last night either.

Done some meditation helped a little. Hope tomorrow's better.

Sorry to hear that, pet.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better for you. x

La.de.da

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, pet.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better for you. x

Ya Hugo. Hopefully a good night's sleep will help make a difference. X

FalconGirl

Hi all, first time poster here. Once again I find myself awake at night.

I'm finding it difficult to be content in life. I've been strong and ambitious to myself and others but am increasingly finding myself asking for peace. I've had an absolutely desperate bad 12 months with the passing of my father, debt issues and another significant event which i dont want to mention. I have just finished a part time degree and have obtained a really good job which will help my debt issues significantly. To others it looks like I have the world at my feet but inside I am deeply unhappy and crumbling. Not sure what I'm looking for here but I know something has to change. Lately I am waking up in sweats at night and my heart is beating really fast.

There was a day this week I physically could not get out of bed which is unlike me and resulted in me missing work. My job requires me to be confident and outgoing when meeting people but im pretty sure the strain is becoming visible to others. My motivation and confidence is 0 at the moment.

Im thinking I need to talk to someone.

Hugo Stiglitz

FalconGirl wrote: »

I'm finding it difficult to be content. I've been strong and ambitious to myself and others but am increasingly finding myself asking for peace. I've had an absolutely desperate bad 12 months with the passing of my father, debt issues and another significant event which i dont want to mention. I have just finished a part time degree and have obtained a really good job which will help my debt issues significantly. To others it looks like I have the world at my feet but inside I am deeply unhappy and crumbling. Not sure what I'm looking for here but I know something has to change. Lately I am waking up in sweats at night and my heart is beating really fast.

There was a day this week I physically could not get out of bed which is unlike me and resulted in me missing work. My job requires me to be confident and outgoing when meeting people but im pretty sure the strain is becoming visible to others. My motivation and confidence is 0 at the moment.

Im thinking I need to talk to someone.

Sorry to hear that things are increasingly getting worse there, FG.

It sounds like talking to someone could be needed. Have you looked into it yet?

Tell me how

Hi Falcongirl.

Illnesses such as Anxiety and Depression can often be triggered by emotionally trying times and you've certainly had those.
It's possible that you've been running on adrenaline for quite a while and now that things have slowed down slightly with completing the course and getting a job you're now dealing with issues that have been there throughout that time but maybe subconsciously you kept away because you were so busy.

I think the passing of your parent could also be a significant factor, it may be that some of that grief still needs to be dealt with.

Well done on effectively recognizing this and starting to consider getting help.
It may be easier to start with your GP but if you feel strongly it's someone more experienced you need,then tell them that and that you want them to make a recommendation as opposed to maybe trying to find a different solution such as meds, which have a place but maybe not right now. That's why I recommend the GP, they should be best placed to identify the most suitable approach.

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you've someone who is an emotional support with what you're going through.

Welcome to the thread. I hope you see the above as an opinion, not as an instruction or order. There is no "bullet proof" method that guarantees success.

KaTEA

Hi, first time poster on this thread.

I've been suffering from depression for the last 5 years, and only 2 people know, but barely care - they're kinda friends. I opened up to a girl i met at irish college, but now we barely speak. The other, was/is a guy who guessed it. I've tracked it back to being lonely. And whenever I find myself alone, my head, and my thoughts just drag me under. I can't reach out to people, and find it difficult to make/ keep friends. I am an introverted person, plus some anxiety, I find myself in this hole and despair and loneliness.
In recent months, I have found my friends and I drifting apart, I found out that one of my closest friends talked behind back to her boyfriend - who sent me screenshots of those conversations - and now I feel like I can't trust, and various other friends just seem to not want me as a friend, seeing as they all have their own friend groups -which is grand - but I have no other group, this is them, and they're all drifting away. Leaving me, and I don't know how to stop that.
I am sitting my Leaving Cert next month, which makes things a whole lot more stressful; i can't sleep, I'm getting sick, I'm irritated, my 'bad days' and getting more frequent, and sometimes I find myself questing the point to any of it more often now! I'm starting to scare myself, but I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone! My family have other things to worry about like bills, college, my younger brothers exams, and my friends will probably just tell me im just stressed. I'm not taking any antidepressants or anything.
I just need someone's objective point of view, can someone tell me want to do, apart from "tell someone" cos that isn't an option at this time.

Thanks!

Gremlinertia

Hey there KaTEA, it's a scary time alright, exam stress really got to me back then.. Is going to your/a doctor an option for you? It's probably one of the best ways you could get a balanced opinion on things.. Perhaps look up Jigsaw, there may be a branch near you that you could visit and ask questions etc. Well done for posting here for a start, as one shop is fond of saying, every little helps and that can so often be the case with issues like anxiety etc. Take care, post often

KaTEA

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey there KaTEA, it's a scary time alright, exam stress really got to me back then.. Is going to your/a doctor an option for you? It's probably one of the best ways you could get a balanced opinion on things.. Perhaps look up Jigsaw, there may be a branch near you that you could visit and ask questions etc. Well done for posting here for a start, as one shop is fond of saying, every little helps and that can so often be the case with issues like anxiety etc. Take care, post often

Thanks for the response! I can't go to the doctor on my own as I need to be driven anywhere and everyone due to living in the middle of nowhere. There isn't a Jigsaw hub in my county, but thanks for the advice!!

Gremlinertia

Try online so - turntome offers online support.. Hopefully that will provide enough assistance to help you for now.

mickstupp

Self-care day starts with me taking a shower. I've been building up to this moment for two hours now. I'm sure I'll get there shortly.

Better be hot water left at this hour...

La.de.da

mickstupp wrote: »

Self-care day starts with me taking a shower. I've been building up to this moment for two hours now. I'm sure I'll get there shortly.

Better be hot water left at this hour...

I've been there mick. Hell I'm there a few times a week.

Hope the shower helps perk up a little.

Hugo Stiglitz

mickstupp wrote: »

Self-care day starts with me taking a shower. I've been building up to this moment for two hours now. I'm sure I'll get there shortly.

Better be hot water left at this hour...

Every journey starts with one step.

Gremlinertia

What Hugo said.. I know i tend to throw mountains in front of myself so i can admit defeat immediately and remain in my rut. Look no further than the shower for today.

mickstupp

Gremlinertia wrote: »

What Hugo said.. I know i tend to throw mountains in front of myself so i can admit defeat immediately and remain in my rut. Look no further than the shower for today.

I've actually gone and looked WAY way further, now panicking, but in a much less unpleasant way than normal. It appears I'm about to have a very unexpected date! Beginning in... 4 minutes when her train arrives? Jaysus. At times like this I wonder if I should be dating when feeling rubbish... but I'm here now!!!

La.de.da

mickstupp wrote: »

I've actually gone and looked WAY way further, now panicking, but in a much less unpleasant way than normal. It appears I'm about to have a very unexpected date! Beginning in... 4 minutes when her train arrives? Jaysus. At times like this I wonder if I should be dating when feeling rubbish... but I'm here now!!!

Good for you. Be present in today.
Hope you enjoy the date.

Keane2baMused

Well I haven't posted here in a while.

Ironically anxiety was what sort of stopped my coming back to post!

Truth be told sometimes I don't know what to write as it can be hard to distinguish good days from bad. It seems I'm often only a breath away from a good day turning into a really really bad one so I don't label things right now!

I had a run in with my gp service too and considering leaving them and finding a new one. Their secretaries are incredibly rude and reduced me to tears the last time I was there. I stood up for myself eventually but it fell on deaf ears (no surprise). I can never understand rudeness, does it really kill some people to be kind or just even mildly polite?

Gentle hugs to everyone having a rough time right now.