Coming out - some advice?

segadreamcast

Just to give you some background information on myself - I'm 15 years old and attending a comprehensive school here in Dublin.

I have just recently come to terms with being a homosexual (don't start chasing me away with pitchforks ) - and I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how I should go about telling my close friends...

Thanks.

- Noel

Seraphina

i wouldn't go setting anything in stone yet, teenage years are a time of confused sexuality, i know i went through it myself.
if you decide to go ahead and tell people be VERY careful about who you tell, people may accidently say something and things can spread very easliy. there's nothing wrong with people knowing your sexual orientation however 15 year old boys aren't exactly the most mature people in the world, and you probably would get abuse about it. i dont want to scare you off the idea or anything, just warning you of what COULD happen....

i'm never any help am i?

segadreamcast

Sure you're a great help - thanks for the advice! Does anyone else have some other angles?

Dont be at yourself

I would agree about being careful about who you tell - don't go telling people you've only known for five minutes, people who are immature or people who would appear to be homophobic.

If you've got any mates left after excluding the above, just tell them. Let them know how you're feeling about it(proud, embarressed, confused, whatever) and, if needs be, remind them that you're still the same person you were five minutes ago. If your friends are in any way decent, they'll be aceepting and supportive.

segadreamcast

Thanks a bunch Nekkid - we've had our *ahem* differences on the gaming forum nice to see we could rise above it on a diff plateau.

I really appreciate all the advice thus far... thanks!

LegacyUser

I'd third that advice on only telling close friends or family. I remember when I first found out a friend of mine was gay, and I didn't quite know how to take it. It was a little while until I realized that it's just one small difference between people - some people have black hair, some blonde, some people are tall, some short, some people are straight, some gay...

It's not a big deal once you've come to terms with it, but at your age things are going to be confusing enough, without bringing another factor in (though when you do come out, you can have a laugh at all your mates being really careful not to say gay-derogatory words )

fisty

Sorry because this will sound real patronising but you're only 15 ffs.
You're up to your eyeballs in hormones!
I know at 15 I wanted to shag women/men/animals/the cushions on me sofa, usually settled for my hand though.
Give yourself some time, I completely agree with not setting anything in stone. You could live to regret it if in a few years when the gushes of hormones stop. Call yourself experimental at this stage mate, and leave it at that until you grow up a bit.
No offence.

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by fisty
Sorry because this will sound real patronising but you're only 15 ffs.
You're up to your eyeballs in hormones!
I know at 15 I wanted to shag women/men/animals/the cushions on me sofa, usually settled for my hand though.
Give yourself some time, I completely agree with not setting anything in stone. You could live to regret it if in a few years when the gushes of hormones stop. Call yourself experimental at this stage mate, and leave it at that until you grow up a bit.
No offence.

I gotta agree there. Afew personal Q's... don't answer if you don't wanna, but....

Have you been with another male yet? Have you been with a female? Do you really know for sure that you're gay? Just go with the flow for a while and make sure that you are what you think you are!

Shinji

Backing up what Nakey, Sico etc said - just be careful who you tell. Tell people you trust and tell them discreetly - pick your moment well.

The vast majority of people are not in the slightest bit homophobic when actually presented with the fact that a friend of theirs is gay. Sadly, some people are still neanderthal in their attitudes... I guess if you have a friend who considers your sexuality to be a problem in some way, it's time for you to find a new friend.

The problem won't really be your friends though - it'll be people you hardly know, if the fact that you're gay becomes common knowledge. People are wánkers a lot of the time, especially in school - while if your best mate tells you he's gay, you'll be supportive etc, it's a different story if its someone you dislike or someone you hardly know.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that "coming out" doesn't have to mean telling the world, it just has to mean telling the people that matter and keeping yourself to yourself otherwise. I really don't think secondary school is a good place to be openly gay. University is a different story... Leave "coming out" for real for a few years, for now, just do what you have to do to get it off your chest.

Jimi-Spandex

I'd also be an advocate of the Shinji/nakey/Sico idea. Tell those who you trust

A friend of mine came out over the summer. I think he has known for a while but just waited till we finished the Leaving Cert till he said anything. If he knew when he was your age and had told us I'm sure we would have done the immature thing and completely ostracised him. Which would have been lousy and we (well at least I) would have regretted for a long time.

As it is he told us at the right time for all of us, we were all mature enough to deal with it(well most of us). I'd not advise being openly gay in Secondary school.

and most of all Good Luck.


/my two cents

Dave

I wouldn't rush into things. Dr. Loon brings up a vaild point, what makes you feel that you are a homosexual? Have you been with a man/woman etc. You are 15, I doubt theres a huge rush in letting the whole world know at this current time, obviously if i'm wrong here it would be nice to get it off your chest, and if that is the case then what sico/rob etc have said is the best way of going about it.

smiles

If you really trust your friends then you chould tell them that you are interested in other guys.

One of my best friends spent a few months of confusion where she wasnt sure what sexuality she was, and then eventually being gay made a lot of sense to her, and she was with a few girls and fell in love with another and they were together for nearly a year. She told a few people, including some people that I personally could see freaking out over it, but because they were her friends it made them think and they became more comfortable with it. One of the girls was incredibly homophobic but she's dealt with that because she can see a real life example of how it makes no difference really.

Funny moment at my grad, the ex-homophobic girls asks me about my gay friend and I say she's interested in someone new, she looks at me and kinda says: "Er... is it a he or a she?" A drastic change in ideas from a few months ago.

Trust people you know and feel you can trust, but take your time, you might change your mind.

Good luck

<< Fio >>

leeroybrown

/me jumpsm on the caution band waggon

As Fio says people can be very good and accept you for what you are. But Fio's friends sound like they were much more mature about it than the average 15 year old lad would be.

Even if you only tell a few trusted friends you should be very careful about more people finding out. A lot of your friends would find it very hard to standy by you under the kind of peer pressure they would come under at school.

And as stated above, at 15 you really can't be 100% sure what way you will swing, so don't jump into any rash decisions. One rash move could make the next few of years quite awkward for you.

segadreamcast

Hehe, this thread is almost raising more questions than answers...

Hopefully it will serve some use to anyone else in a similar position during the coming months...

Now, just to answer a few of those questions !:

"Have you been with another male yet?" Boyfriend wise, no. Experimental wise? Yes, but nothing serious - it was with another friend from summer who I knew was gay (and I don't mean by assumption - he's fairly open), so there was no real risk involved in telling him.

"I'd not advise being openly gay in Secondary school."

Hahaha - Christian Brother's School really, can you imagine the torment :P? Not a chance I'd be open in my school anyway.

"Have you been with a female?"

Yep... wasn't exactly a thrill-ride for me.

"You're up to your eyeballs in hormones!"

Yes... and that's a thrill-ride in itself .

"Do you really know for sure that you're gay?"

It's just a deep, embedded feeling that I have, if you know what I mean.

Moving on swiftly, I don't really want to tell the whole world. Just those one or two I know best and have known for three years (or more) now.(infact, anyone who sees this and knows me in real life would realise I'm gay after reading this - my real name also being my username *ahem*)

Really, thank you all *so* much for the tremendous advice and words of wisdom, I'll certainly be having a serious think over the weekend and forthcoming weeks about what to do and what not to do...

Thanks again .

yellum

I was expecting some negative reactions when I told people. Some friends didn't believe me at first and thought it another one of my wind-ups.

I told a small group of close people to start with to see how they reacted and how I reacted to their reactions. I knew I could trust these people to not spread the word if I asked them not too.

Once I was comfortable with that I left a lot more of my friends know and they all reacted well. One friend rang to say well done and wanted reassurance that I wouldn't now stop listening to good music and started listening to Abba and Erasure. They take the piss sometimes but since I'm the one who mocks them more than anyone its fine by me.

Some reacted in funny ways, one friend I forgot to tell due to telling everyone fatigue got insulted and thought I'd didn't want him to know or something.

Another friend couldn't come to terms with the fact that I lifted weights and drank pints, which means you have to be straight. He remembered I invited him to a concert ages ago, and wondered was it for other reasons.

The easiest was to tell your friends is probably on a one to one basis and just be totally honest. Depending on the people being open in school could prove quite stressful, but then so is hiding who you are.

Fair play BTW for making the decision to tell people at such an early age. It took me far too long to do the same.

Have you decided when to tell your parents ? Thats always fun.

segadreamcast

Originally posted by yellum
Have you decided when to tell your parents ? Thats always fun.

Let's not go mad now . That is waiting until college - it simply has to.

Cheers Yellum, I just realised that by coming out here - I've came out to pretty much everyone I 'know' on IOFFL and whatnot, always nice to know I'm not alone in the boat.

STaN

Hey

I came out around your age ... (16 or so ... 5th year)

I knew i was gay since a very early age.. Its something most people know. I had my first gay experience when i was 12 or 13 and i stayed over in a friends house. We were sharing the same bed and we started fooling around. Although we didnt have sex it was at that stage that i knew for sure that i was gay and that i prefered this to anything i could get up to with a girl. ( yes i was with a number of girls while i was a teenager)

How it happened was i told one of my close friends whom i had known since the start of second year to see how he took it. Well admitidly he wasnt very enthused and this put me off a bit. So for a month or two he was the only one to know about me.

After that I managed to tell a new guy to the school who i was hanging around with and i knew this guy was sound and was a very close friend. He was cool about it and supportive, although we did drift apart later on (which i will tell u about further down).

Over the next few weeks more and more of my friends got to know... me admitting it while drunk being one of the main reasons . One of them was particularly interested in this and every day asked me a drove of questions... How do u know? Do you not fancy girls? Do you fancy all fella's? etc. Eventually he admitted that he was bi-sexual although he only admitted it to me becuase he didnt have the confidence to face up to the fact that his friends might learn about it, and worse still his parents. I felt sorry for him. We nearly kissed one night when we were out in a pub (yes underage drinking :cool: ) but i didnt becuase i knew that he would just bottle up and it would probably wreck out friendship.

But after that some of my friends started telling their friends and soon after, pretty much the whole senior cycle knew about it. I wasnt impressed at my friends for doing this although it was a fantasy of mine that every1 would know and that i would meet a guy that i liked and was also gay becuase he had heard that i was 'out'.

With every1 knowing i wasnt to sure how to handel myself.. should I act openly or keep to myself? I kept pretty much to myself to the general public but i didnt mind talking about it with certain close friends. One of the reasons i did this was becuase i wasnt sure how people in my school would take it, would i be bullied, beaten up, slagged, made an outcast etc. None of these happened thank god but there were the infrequent comments my the lowlifes a.k.a TROLLS. But these were easily brushed off because i knew that my friends would stand with me IF anything happened (and they told me this).

I will admit though that i did loose some friends over this and it wasnt always clear sailing. What happened was that people i hung around with were hearing that i was gay from other people and not from me directly and this created a kind of rift (so i saw it) so i wasnt sure how theyd react, so i was kind of afraid to comfront them, so i became quite shy for a while. I lost allot of friends this way, but i was happy with my core group and we got along great and had loads of fun. If i only had known how stupid not hanging around with them was at the time, things would have been allot different, but well learn from out mistakes it seems, so learn from mine.

After christmas of 5th year i got a job in Roches in Blanch. I met some new people and made some new friends. I worked with a girl claire and we used to spend hours chatting cause we'd be bored out of our minds and one day she eventually asked me was i gay. I said yes and she says, that another of our friends that i knew from work was also gay and fancied me. I was excited at this because I had only been with one guy before. So we went out one night alone and sparks flew etc etc. We ended out becoming boyfriends of over 18 months.

What i learnt was that to always to be truthful to yourself and not to lie about your sexuality to any1, even your parents! Of course your relations are another story and dont really need to know, but when you are young you will want the freedom to bring people back to your gaf to hang out and to feel free to let people stay over. Thats it really. Im sure theres more but i gotta go cook the dinner

btw im 19 now and every1 i know knows im gay and it's great.

segadreamcast

Nice story Dave - and an inspiring one too ^_^.

Now, if only you'd had a McDonalds like me today - you wouldn't've had to cook dinner !

", even your parents!"

One step at a time - eh? I seriously can't see me telling my parents before I sail away to college ^_^ personal reasons and all that*.

"I knew i was gay since a very early age.. Its something most people know."

Yeah... you just tend to know these things as such. Hard to explain in detail really.

Ah well, thanks for the story - a real confidence boost

*= The personal reasons aren't normal personal reasons and are vaguely depressing to read about and sound like a cry for attention - hence I really wouldn't go into detail here.

LegacyUser

Well i hold my parents when i was 15.

It happened after allot of my friends knew, and i was a bit more comfortable about it.

TBH, they actually found out accidentily. What i did was write a letter (corny i know), and my mom accidently found it when i was cleaning my room. She sat me down, not having told my dad and we talking things over.

It was REALLY uncomfortable and i felt like i just wanted to get out of there. I was also angry that she found my letter. I was a flurry of emotions and kind of avoided eye contact for a few days afterwards not knowing how to behave. My mom told my dad after a few weeks and after we had talked some more and cleared up a few things on, like not to tell my brothers and sisters until they were older.

Parents dont understand these things. You may want to read up on it. Have you been to out-house? They have loads of things for you to read, you can also meet other gay people of your age group there and talk things over etc.

But if your parents are REALLY bad then dont tell them. Anything less and do because it is worth it. Thats up for you to decide. Maybe you could leave them a discreet letter explaining how you feel and how this doesnt change the person you were 5 minutes before you told them. Or maybe tell 1 parent who your closer too than the other. Its a judgement call but worth it. Personally i hadnt planned on telling them until i was in college. -
I'm only starting college now and to have waited this long would just have been crappy for the past 3 years when i went throught it all... went out on the scene, met my boyfriend, had people stay over etc.

swiss

Fair play to ya NoelRock. I didn't come out myself until about a year and a half ago. I remember the first person I told, I was a bit drunk (and I fancied him *cough* let's hope he doesn't read these boards).

After that, I decided to be careful in who I told. For a couple of weeks, I told a few trusted friends, who were supportive and told me it was no big deal (actually it was quite funny - I would take someone aside, have a very serious look, and say that I have something to say - they would normally assume it was something really serious and then when I broke the news it was like "oh right - *shrug* ")

Then one night, after going out with a group of friends I decided to announce it to the group. Their reaction was mixed, most of them were surprised, to say the least, but it was supportive.

I have experienced some anti-gay sentiment among my friends. I usually brush it aside, and privately they tell me that they have nothing against me personally, but that they think it is immoral.

As for parents, well that was the toughie. I said it to my mother over dinner, and she spent 5 minutes trying to persuade me I was straight. She was also worried about me getting HIV (don't you just love the stereotypes :rolleyes:) . Since then I haven't mentioned it to her once. After that I decided not to say anthing else to any of the rest of my family. I'm sure I'll get around to saying it to them when I'm around 80 and and on my deathbed .

Again, I would just urge you to be cautious and tell one or two of your close friends who you trust not to spread it around. It didn't bother me, but when I came out to my friends, for a while afterwards some of my other friends who I didn't know so well asked me privately if "the rumors" were true. A lot of people swore blind that I was straight (because I am straight acting - unless I'm going out to niteclubs ) until I explicitly told them otherwise.

STaN

Hey swiss wanna meet up? :cool:


.. hope all this has helped noel

swiss

Hey swiss wanna meet up?

Er, sure. Check your PM's.

Back on topic, I would just like to reiterate that IMO it is best to be cautious in telling everyone. I think you know that already Noel since you seem to be pretty well aware of things and won't get something like this go to your head. What I mean is that sometimes one can get caught up in telling people and be a little more open than is sometimes perhaps wise.

goose

its easy to deal with when people know from the start. they dont have any preconceptions about you.

unfortunately its the people you already know. i first told a friend when i was bout about 6 months, it didnt go to well. and now a year and a half later, most people i know, know about me.

some dont stay in contact much anymore. most are cool.

but be careful who you tell. i think if a friend of mine came out to me when i was 15, i dont think i would be as cool /mature about it as i would like to think i would be...

good luck anyway.

lordsippa

I just recently told a close friend who's a bit of a homophobe <"it's unnatural" etc> that i'm REALLY a bisexual. I'd mentioned it before but he never believed me. Until I finally gave him examples of some of the guys i've met <not yet gone out with or done a lad>. He sometimes makes the odd joke but he's pretty cool with it. Which was a relief... But I doubt he would have been as cool at 15 or if he hadn't been prepared.

Perhaps mention that you're not sure and such. Build it up a bit.

Incidentally I've just changed school. One big reason being that in my old one I just couldn't bare hiding my sexuality so I'm being open from the start this time.

segadreamcast

Originally posted by lordsippa


Incidentally I've just changed school. One big reason being that in my old one I just couldn't bare hiding my sexuality so I'm being open from the start this time.

I was just telling a friend in u2u that I was considering moving school too if the reaction didn't go well in general - it seems like a good idea, Junior Cert will be over, and I can make a fresh break for it.

Thanks to everybody for the responses so far - subtle hints, I've been dropping them for once, and it seems as though the message is starting to hit home for some of them - so it won't be much of a surprise as such.

Thanks again for the advice thus far - and your comparative stories prove a source of inspiration. If there's any more advice or whatnot - I'd love to hear it...

LegacyUser

As said in previous posts, be careful who you tell. It's important so that people won't chase you with pitch forks! Some people would. One more thing, don't dwell on the fact that you're gay, just enjoy your life and do what you feel is right unless you feel that stabbing someone in the eye with a pen is right

I've just used my actual post username, so I've just come out to some people... oooops

Let's have party

http://www.urbanpraise.com/dancing.gif

Yurmasyurda

Tiredness.....

That was me above.

segadreamcast

Originally posted by Unregistered
unless you feel that stabbing someone in the eye with a pen is right
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Oh but it is...

memphis

Do not rush into telling the world, I would also say that you should be very careful.

Personally, I reckon at the age of 15 you are confused, all teens go through it, I know I did. Coming to terms with your sexualilty takes time. I'm not says that you are not gay, but saying that you may not be, or you may be bisexual.

Give yourself time to accept and maybe even experience your sexualilty before you go blurting it out to everyone that you are gay.

Donno if that was much help, but I do try!!!!

STaN

When your gay, you know it tbh

DeVore

Oi! Swiss, Dave! No nookieing! Back in yer closets!

Seriously though, I'll n'th the "be really careful" thing because that genie doesnt go back in that bottle.

I wouldnt tell my parents if I were you , certainly not till college as you say. In fact I wouldnt tell anyone at this juncture but then I'm not you.

One thing I would be very careful about is meeting someone for intimacy. Frankly, dont, unless you know them. I've a fair number of gay friends and their scene seems fairly lively and fun but its also potentially predatory. It also might not be for you (at least one of my mates is totally turned off by the thought of gay sex, and yet is pretty much 100% gay), so like the other posters I'd say be very very careful about it all. Any form of sexual interaction is illegal at your age too, which is something to bear in mind.

Why do you feel a need to tell anyone? I know people want to come out of the closet etc but I think if you are really cool with it you'd just be comfortable with your sexuality and tell people if they ask.

One last thing, dont dismiss the idea that you might just be going through a phase. Not all women turn all guys on you know! (Jesus I have a hard enough time finding any that turn me on, I'm really picky hahah). So give both sides a chance rather then forcing yourself into either one...

Good luck.

DeV.

yellum

Originally posted by DeVore


I wouldnt tell my parents if I were you , certainly not till college as you say. In fact I wouldnt tell anyone at this juncture but then I'm not you.

I think the guy has made his mind up about letting people know. For years not telling people made me miserable. Sometimes people just need to be set er .. uhm straight since you'll get mates trying to set you up with girls and girls in your class/year/job making passes and getting pissed off when you reject them.




One thing I would be very careful about is meeting someone for intimacy. Frankly, dont, unless you know them. ... but its also potentially predatory.


This is very good advice. Well said Dev


Why do you feel a need to tell anyone? I know people want to come out of the closet etc but I think if you are really cool with it you'd just be comfortable with your sexuality and tell people if they ask.

Coming out does not necessarily mean getting an airplane to write it on the sky for all to see. Coming out is telling your best friend who tells you personal stuff too. Its making yourself more comfortable around friends. For me it was an honesty thing. Not saying stuff can be dishonest too.

If you really know what way you are inclined its good to let your friends know. If you wait for someone to ask you before saying anything people might never asked you. I have never been asked.


One last thing, dont dismiss the idea that you might just be going through a phase.


And it was all going so well until then. Oh Dev, shame shame shame !This is such an ignorant answer in my opinion. I take it as an insult when people seem to question something that a decision like this means. Its not as if the idea occured to the person and without examining this they leapt for the gay lifestyle.
I questioned myself 100s of times a day for gods sake. Other may not have but I really did make sure I knew before telling the world.

Not all women turn all guys on you know!

How about none at all ? I don't think not getting turned on by women makes you gay or makes you decide to come out. You know it might also have something to do with you wanting to get it on with guys.


So give both sides a chance rather then forcing yourself into either one...

Is it really forcing yourself ? Have you followed this advice yourself ? You tried it with both teams ? If you are unsure then yes seeing how you go with both sexes is a good idea. If the person has made up their mind then cool, let them be who they are. And you can go back you know You are allowed to change youe mind.

LegacyUser

Seriously though, I'll n'th the "be really careful" thing because that genie doesnt go back in that bottle.

Definitely be careful. One the word is out, it is out.

I wouldnt tell my parents if I were you , certainly not till college as you say. In fact I wouldnt tell anyone at this juncture but then I'm not you.

Family...noooo...don't tell until you are much much older. As for other people...hmmm. I told my best friend when I was 15..only cos I trusted her implicitly. To this days we're still best friends. Thats testament to how trustworthy I thought she was. If you have a friend like that, go for it. Just be sure its someone you can trust with anything.

One thing I would be very careful about is meeting someone for intimacy. Frankly, dont, unless you know them.

Good advice from DeV. Speaking from experience, wait a while for that. Nothing more to add

Why do you feel a need to tell anyone? I know people want to come out of the closet etc but I think if you are really cool with it you'd just be comfortable with your sexuality and tell people if they ask.

Thats a tough one. Me: I just wasn't being honest with the important people in my life. Thats why I had to tell my friend. That feeling is one that weighs heavily and can't be underestimated. It hard to understand unless you've been there.

One last thing, dont dismiss the idea that you might just be going through a phase. Not all women turn all guys on you know!

Everyone is an individual. I knew from the start what I was, but not everyone does - but take your time...if you are gay, it's not going to go anywhere

BuffyBot

aww FFS..that was me...stupid vb

swiss

Originally posted by DeVore:

Oi! Swiss, Dave! No nookieing! Back in yer closets!

Nookieing? Eh, sure DeV

I'd just like to jump on the no to naughty things brigade . At your age, it seems an ideal time to experiment, but as DeV mentioned there is sometimes a predatory element. Some men (and it does not matter if they are straight or gay) are simply not to be trusted, and others are quite promiscuous, which can carry it's own (inherent) dangers.

I don't mean to scare you off (I do that to enough guys ) but I have to say that there are some guys that like to prey on youth and (forgive me for saying this) innocence. I'm not saying your clueless or anything, but at your age I doubt your intimately acquainted with gay society. Most guys are nice/supportive etc but the desperate ones sometimes need to be handled at arms length.

Originally posted by yellum:

This is such an ignorant answer in my opinion. I take it as an insult when people seem to question something that a decision like this means.

My reaction to this isn't as strong as yellums, but my attitude is roughly the same. Some people among my acquaintance continually try to convince me that I am not gay, that I am bisexual, and point to something I've done in the not-so-recent past or some comment that I've passed that could indicate I'm heterosexual, to the point where I have to choose my answers carefully, for example

A: Do you find X (some female model) attractive?

Me: (Thinking) I would consider her good looking, but I personally would not be attracted to her.

This can get annoying at times, for the reasons yellum mentioned. When I was NoelRock's age I bloody convinced myself almost every day that I was straight. I even took DeVores line of reasoning, that it was a phase, that I could grow (or will myself) out of. Did a damn good job of it too, until it became so utterly obvious to myself that I was gay and no amount of mollycoddling around the issue would not change that. So why people can't just accept my assurances of my sexuality at face value is sometimes beyond me, and it disappoints (rather than angers) me.

lordsippa

Yeah... haven't gotten it quite as bad cause i'm bi, but one guy who found out that i was *subtley* arranged to meet all my and his friends in town to go to his 18th <without me>. Where I ran into them all. Oh the fun! ;p

Another friend has asked me one or two times whether i really was but now he knows that i've had some <mild> gay experiences he's stopped. Still best friends...

So... I dunno. Gotta be mildly optimistic on this. I didn't really know/like the guy who was homophobic and even he's come to accept that it's "alright if it's kept to themselves" so.. slowly they all learn.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

I'm 15 and to be honest I don't know whether I'm bi, straight, gay or insane. Or maybe all four. I haven't kissed a guy but Jesus if some don't turn me on. I go to a public secondary school, I'm in fourth year now... some of my friends know I amn't completely straight but none of 'em think I'm bi or gay. (That makes sense... I think.)

Just an example though, in Gender Studies (some weird experimental class thingy) we were talking about diversity and I brought up CTYI which led on to me having some gay/bi friends... the guy I was sitting next to in class nearly had a heart attack. He couldn't accept the fact there were actually gay people... he though it was an urban legend or something. When I convinced him gay people existed he decided it was a disease and obviously because I hang out with some gay people I am gay. It's been an interesting fortnight in school to say the least but 'tis water of a ducks back to me... someone more sensitive would probably have killed themselves by now.

The point of that story is I have experienced over the last two weeks what you might experience... blatant homophobia and abuse, even some teachers think I'm gay and have been treating me weird. One almost had a heart attack when I brushed off him. But some people have been really positive saying fair play to me and stuff... now Jesus above, I amn't even feckin' gay! It's amusing to say the least but for someone who is actually gay or is more sensitive than me then it could be a nightmare.

I'm not trying to discourage you, but be careful. And for the record, I don't feel like I totally know "what" I am yet but I'm thinking it's bisexual. At least it will be if Sven, Macdara or Hugh have their (delightfully) wicked ways with me. Tee hee hee! Good luck with whatever turns out man, and I'm sure you have a couple of good friends who will stick by you no matter what and cherish those friends.

Good luck,
Bob

s0l

Thanks Bob, I'm honored.
I'm Bisexual my self, pretty damn sure about it.
But if I was fully gay, I wouldn't ever come out where I live.
Sligo. o_O
I think I'd be dead or insane before the day was out.
I'm 15 in a secondary school in the backwaters of sligo.
Hell even my friends (only 3 of which go to my school) who are the most open minded people my age I could find in sligo where surprised when I told them I was
And as one of the guys lordsippa speaks of, come to me my love! We're to far apart! and I've been thinking of trenchcoats and shotguns lately! booyah!

STaN

RAR! ... try go to a blokes debs and see what happens

lordsippa

Oh dear... The CTYI cage has again gotten unlocked... erm... <hides>... yeah... <ahem> hi all... ehehehehehe...

And <sigh> had to happen right? Idiot. (bout the troll)

Bets it was stan. ;p

segadreamcast

Don't feed the trolls I suppose.

The responses from the people my age are certainly encouraging . I hope my friends are as open-minded as all of yours, I really do.

Ah well LordSippa - (s)he isn't even brave enough to log in, so my respect for that person is already well into the negative figures. (Sorry about the 18th birthday thing - sounds a bit cruel!)

It's comforting to know that there are others around my age in the same boat as me ! Cheers all, any more advice? This seems to be fast-becoming a resource for many contemplating their sexuality... and if we can help just one person in the future ^_^ then we've done a great job I'd think.

STaN

Originally posted by NoelRock
Don't feed the trolls I suppose.

Cheers all, any more advice?

What ye want.. a book?

Originally posted by NoelRock
This seems to be fast-becoming a resource for many contemplating their sexuality... and if we can help just one person in the future ^_^ then we've done a great job I'd think.

Give us a GLB board dev <|:~)

Shinji

I don't understand. Aren't the Faggorts one of the races in Star Trek? Shouldn't that post be on the Sci-Fi/Fantasy board? This is really confusing!

When I convinced him gay people existed he decided it was a disease and obviously because I hang out with some gay people I am gay.

Haha, I've seen that one so many times. You can almost hear the little cogs and wheels in their heads grinding around slowly. "My god... I know someone who knows a gay person.... ERROR ERROR REBOOT UNIVERSE!"

One does have to wonder what would happen to these people if they found out that they know gay people first-hand, never mind second-hand. The head explosion scene from Scanners springs to mind...

Thankfully, small minded people are usually also stupid people and hence not worth knowing in the first place. It makes life easier, that.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Originally posted by lordsippa
Oh dear... The CTYI cage has again gotten unlocked... erm... <hides>... yeah... <ahem> hi all... ehehehehehe...

No offense dude, but is it like a sin for CTYI'ers to post anywhere that isn't the CTYI board? Both Macdara and I had fairly decent posts that contributed to the thread.

Shinji, I didn't know whether to feel offended, feel sorry for him or just outright laugh at him for it. But it was strange to see that it was truly a shock to him that homosexuals existed... although he has accepted it now I think but my God I get some funny looks if I come within two feet of him. I think I'm gonna pat his ass or something and see if he has a heart attack.

lordsippa

Ah bob, sure ya know i was only yankin ya! ;p

And isn't your heart set on havin it with hug or macd?

<erm... finish this conversation outside of boards eh? ehehehehe>

DeVore

Ok, back to defend my poor off the cuff comment.

Ok, if this was a 30 year old man who was miserable because he was gay and wanted to tell people I wouldnt question.

However, people here have made pretty fast judgements about their sexuality if they are only 15.

I remember when I was 15 I'd have shagged anything with an orifice to put it bluntly. So, in asking "are you sure" I mean just that. Are You Sure?

If your answer is "man, I've never been more sure of anything" then hey, cool, knock yerself out and I'd never ask again.
But if by the age of 18 you are trying to convince everyone that you ARENT gay its a LOT tougher as one user point out above.

Ironically I'd ask someone the same question if were out and decided they were hetro... not that that happens too often!

Anyway, this thread has done more to convince me that we should have a GLB board then all the threads on admin. I need to sort out the tech but yeah I think it should be a useful resource if monitored correctly.

DeV.

segadreamcast

"Anyway, this thread has done more to convince me that we should have a GLB board then all the threads on admin. I need to sort out the tech but yeah I think it should be a useful resource if monitored correctly."

Cheers DeV... may I take a bow :P?

This thread would probably be a good way to kick things off over there... so if you wanna maybe copy it over?

Also, any mod positions going over there *Cough**hint**NoelRock*?

segadreamcast

Originally posted by STaN


What ye want.. a book?

I actually have a book called 'Coming Out' - it's not too great and seems to be moreso biased toward lesbians :P.

The 'any more advice?' was a bit of a generic response - I just got used to saying it on this thread !

swiss

Originally posted by DeVore:

Anyway, this thread has done more to convince me that we should have a GLB board then all the threads on admin. I need to sort out the tech but yeah I think it should be a useful resource if monitored correctly

Oh, didn't expect this tbh. You've made up for the injudicious (for some) "phase" remark .

I refer you to a certain thread in admin for ideas on charters, stickies and mods. If you've got any concerns or questions, umm post .

DeVore

To be honest I never had a problem with the idea, just the execution. I think we still need to wait for VB3 to assist the admins from getting a truck load of work out of the board (which is something we monitor quite a bit... how much work is this new option/board/whatever going to take from our most precious resource... Admin spare time)

I stand by my "phrase" and would expect that anyone in their teens take a long hard look at anything they do that can have life time repercussions (from tattoos to leaving school early etc).

I think the charter you proposed is grand Swiss and I would expect that you will get a call up as one of the mods anyway!

I've tried all my life to see people for what they are not the group they represent. Thats lead me to being called a racist, fascist, homophobe, hippy, leftist and just about everyother type of ist there is because some people are just cnnts but criticising them (or indeed the actions of a number of people in that set) confuses people who DO think about people in terms of their grouping first and their individual actions second. </muse>

Anyway, I think PI is turning into a success as clearly its helping at least some people with issues they couldnt otherwise discuss and I'd like to thank the mods for their diligence under fire

I'd be interested to hear from the thread starter (Noel isnt it?) what he thinks of this thread now and if its helped him and if so how...

DeV.

segadreamcast

Hey Dev,

The advice has been superlative - and I think I'll have something of a result to present to you all on Saturday. Right now though, I'm just holding out and dropping hints...

I also made two other posts just before you didn't you notice? I am alive and kicking you know - just like the Bertie Bowl .

Well done on your outlook of things... don't worry, I won't call you a nazi or racist or whatnot ... someone called me that (nazi) on my forum before and I really took it to heart :mad: .

Anyway, in conclusion (it's ending?!?) the thread has helped endlessly in helping me cope and getting different peoples views. I look forward to the introduction of an LGB board and hope a decent team of well-rounded moderators are put in place to ensure a safe, warm environment for gay people, young people, and those who are just curious ^_^.