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Why me .

1356

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,378 Mellor
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    The will laid out what you could get. It does not lay out way you will be getting.
    Wills can be changed, you've no entitlement to the house if the will changes. think it stands forever is frankly, foolish.

    The fact you plan was to invest so much and evict them when they couldn't repay you is especially nasty. Have a think about that when you are questioning why you are no longer being gifted a house and land.



  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,586 Big Bag of Chips
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    Your siblings are probably trying to protect your parents from you. I'm imagining you're not making much secret of your intentions in dealings with them. Your siblings see you as volatile and maybe that's why your sister brought your mother to a solicitor.

    You are not entitled to anything. Your parents are alive. Your father in sound mind. He is entitled to make any changes to his will that he likes up to the day he dies. A signed will cancels all previous copies of the will. It doesn't matter if you hold a copy if a new one has been written. Your copy is no longer valid.

    I suggest you try to build bridges. You let go of your belief that you are entitled to be repaid for home improvements carried out 30 years ago.

    Right now, as it stands you are not entitled to anything. Your parents may gift you something if they wish. But it is not an automatic right. Fighting it in court will cost years and the bulk of the estate. Your best bet is to let go of the anger and bitterness and try rebuild relationships.

    Have you received any counselling following your diagnosis? Feeling bitter and angry is probably a very natural response to being diagnosed with a serious lifelong illness. You have a lot going on. Starting to work through that will make a huge difference to your life in general.

    Post edited by Big Bag of Chips on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,346 witchgirl26
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    Honestly relying on something being left in a will is a wish & a prayer. Original wills mean nothing. I'm not even 40 & I've changed mine twice already. My mam has changed hers at least 3 times in the years since my dad passed away. All of her children have helped in some ways with her house but none of us have any expectations of being left the house at all.

    Despite you saying the outlay was after that will, you still have no enforceable legal claim to the house. Will or no will. A will is only enforceable upon the death of someone & has been mentioned multiple times, they can change.

    If they have changed their wills & the solicitor was happy they were not pressured into doing it at the time, chances are the solicitor has disposed of the previous will. I know mine only keeps them if he has a concern around the new one.

    Expectation does not always equal getting.

    And what do you mean by "though elderly not like now"? Do you mean they're just older? Because that's no limitation to a new will. Also likely they have separate wills as opposed to one as it would need to take into account what would happen if one passed before the other.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,410 thereiver
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    They can't afford to pay you back ,you could ask them politely to put a condition in the will whoever gets the house has to pay you say 10k after the parents are gone .you are harming your health by building up resentment towards your siblings.better to move on and forget about it



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,407 o1s1n
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    Thing is though, he put a lot of these improvements in place while he was still living there. He benefited from them too over a long period of time.

    Take the new windows he put in in the 90s. That's potentially over 30 years ago. uPVC windows have a lifespan of about 20-30 years. So they probably are coming to the end of their lifespan and have zero worth whatsoever.

    By asking to be paid back for these windows, he's effectively saying they're still worth what he paid for them, after spending 30 years using them. Which is nonsense.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,926 geotrig
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    I've tried to re read your "plight" a few times and I come out of it none the wiser each time ,timelines are vague on what and when things happened ?,you where in America but seemed to be back and forth to work but eventually that dried up also the UK for a few years ?this seems to be after you rented the land or was that perodic as well ,you also work another job

    Where did you live with your wife and kids ,multiple people out to steal your money that you were hiding in a outhouse,That was all "stolen"by own family and wifes family and spent on cars !? , a joint account was set up to "steal" other income from a house rental,where you keeping money from your wife ? her working from her mothers house sounds like she just wanted out !

    You mention a brother who sounds like he has never left the family home and seems to have some form of epilepsy or illness himself and guessing this is the brother the house is been left to ? the house and the land seem to merge and diverge throughout as well, they could be well separate but I'm not sure from some descriptions of plots .

    You constantly mention an Illness that seems to be fixable ,its very vague and while i don't need to know it leads to alot of questions of why you cant fix and just look forward in life ?

    I suppose the question I’m asking is did I do something wrong by putting my life on hold while I looked after my future and that of my parents 

    I'm not seeing where you put your life on hold having read most of it at any point

    They have plied my mother about how much assets she has and how it should be divided equally irrespective of their ( non ) input into it .

    is this not you getting something back as well as a wage from it over the years ?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,410 thereiver
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    its simple he did work on the house, he paid off part of the mortgage , he left cash in the house and it was stolen.Now he wants an agreement to get paid from the estate for his work, and the mortgage payment , as the parents have decided to give the house to a sibling in the will. Its clear that he is at the moment mentioned in the will, the farm,house will go to his brother.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,410 thereiver
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    If it's divided equally than you are getting some payment back for your work .You paid off the mortgage ,you could have made a legal agreement to get paid back or else get part of the estate at that time . Many people take care of old relatives as they get old or infirm and they do not always get left the house or some other relative gets the house .Once you an an adult you must know life is not fair .I know no one on boards ie.

    In the old days the farm would be left to the person who was ready to run the farm as a business after the parents have died ,usually a son not a daughter



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,784 Deeec
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    Where did he mention that he paid the mortgage? He hasn't made it clear to us at all what the new will states.



  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,586 Big Bag of Chips
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    There is also conflicting reports of who's getting what.

    In one post you say your brother is going to inherit the house. In another you say your siblings have encouraged your parents to split everything equally.

    Do you know what your parents intentions are? Because an awful lot of your posts seem to be what you think people are doing, and you ultimately being robbed of some imagined entitlement.

    Like I said earlier, you need to try make amends with your family. Free from this bitterness and rage. By making amends you will most likely inherit an equal share. By pitting yourself against your siblings and threatening your elderly parents with eviction from their own home and bankruptcy you'll likely end up cut out and receive nothing.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,406 suvigirl
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    Original will means nothing. Any subsequent will made makes the will you saw, null and void.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 false name


    I know that . But all my work and expenditure is from the time I was to inherit the land . And was in their will .

    The fact that after I brought the place up to 20th century standards while they intended to leave it to me . Carries alot of weight .
    If they have changed their minds , which they are entitled to do , they first have to recompense me .

    That seems fair , no ?



  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,586 Big Bag of Chips
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    No. They don't. Especially not if the money you invested is now worthless because the property is worthless. You made a bad investment and won't get the return you expected. It happens.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 false name


    Oh the property is not worthless . It’s not worth what it should be , but not worthless . There are several fields with resowing are perfect for silage . Plus several sites . It’s far from worthless .
    it was an embarrassment before I did all the work to bring it up to standards



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,784 Deeec
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    Morally yes they should compensate you, but legally it's questionable whether they do have an obligation. If you go down the legal route you will have to be able to show what you spent on the property ( have receipts/invoices, show payment leaving your bank account etc)- I'm assuming this may be difficult after all this time or if cash was used.

    Also it can be argued that you paid for everything as a gift to your parents. They could also say they never asked you to pay for anything.

    As your mum has dementia she can't give any input to what happened at all.

    Your best option is to come to an agreement with your siblings and father. They may be willing to compensate you in some way.

    However I don't think going the legal route will achieve any good outcome for you



  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,586 Big Bag of Chips
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    So is it worth more or less than what you invested? Because your story keeps shifting. Which makes me believe you are not thinking straight and are just reacting in a knee jerk fashion. It's still not clear what the actual issue is. Are you being cut out entirely, or are you all going to get an equal share? I think you don't know the answer and are just reacting and demanding and threatening.

    I hope this is just you letting off steam and in time you will calm down and actually discuss with your family.

    But at the end of the day your parents are still alive. Everything belongs to them. Depending on their care needs there mightn't be anything left to divide when the time comes. You don't have any automatic entitlement to anything. They don't owe you repayment of anything. You invested money in the farm and have had the benefit and rewards of that investment over the past 30 years. Unless you expected a return from the farm without investing anything? That's not how business works.

    You need to speak to someone. A few people. A solicitor. A counsellor. Your GP. Your consultant. A support group for your illness. You need to look at putting your own affairs in order and having someone act on your behalf. Because what you are doing now is not going to work out too well for you. If you're going to argue your case you need to stick to facts, not throw around emotional arguments.

    Post edited by Big Bag of Chips on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 MarrieWhite


    No, you did nothing wrong. You didn’t “put your life on hold”—you lived it in a way that aligned with your upbringing and commitments. You worked hard, improved the property, and planned ahead. The fault isn’t in your choices; it’s in the broken promises and greed that followed. If you’d chased a different path—say, skipped the farm and built a career elsewhere—you might’ve missed out on years of a life you loved, and who’s to say the outcome would’ve been better?

    The real question might be whether you could’ve protected yourself more—legal agreements with your parents, for instance—but hindsight’s a luxury. Back then, you had no reason to doubt them, and formalizing family promises isn’t always the norm in tight-knit setups like yours.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 164 New Scottman
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    Get the property valued.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 false name


    The house and land were basically an overgrown wilderness until I cleaned it up and made a farm out of it .

    It’s not like I took over a functioning farm , It was only potentially a decent place , then when it was promised to me , as it always had been , and written into a will , then I pliéed the badly needed money into it .

    I bought a tractor , weeded the ragweed , paid vets .
    The house was a shell of a place , no central heating and only 2 open fires to warm it .
    I bought radiators and with my father chased the floor and installed them put an oil burner in and made the place comfortable for them .

    If my siblings think they can claim an inheritance just because they’re sons/ daughters they First have to pay me for the work .
    They think it’s a treasure trove of sale able land , when it was , without my investment and going to ag college it was worth far less



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,410 thereiver
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    Wills can be changed if you put money into the family home you cannot expect to get paid unless there's a formal legal agreement.did you run the farm as a business with crops or other products .who ever is named in the will will get the house or the farm .let's say you did 30 k worth of work your parents probably can't afford to pay you back now someone must be paying the bills esb oil cable tv food etc they have living expenses



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  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,586 Big Bag of Chips
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    If my siblings think they can claim an inheritance just because they’re sons/ daughters they First have to pay me for the work .

    They don't.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,784 Deeec
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    I think you may be glorifying yourself. Helping out parents isn't always financial. I'm guessing that you are ignoring that your siblings also helped out on the farm and have looked after your parents. It sounds like it's your siblings who are caring for your mum now not you. What your trying to make out is that you are the best child and your siblings are all bad - which is in all likelihood not true. You have to face the reality that your siblings also helped out and by caring/helping made a bigger contribution to your parents than your financial input.

    Please can you put an estimate on the amount of money you spent on the property over the years?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,406 suvigirl
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    It's your parents who give an inheritance. Nothing to do with your siblings claiming it. Up to them if they want to share it between all.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,032 newhouse87
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    TBF to OP he does seem to have done an awful lot for the farm and parents and in most situations that person would be expected to get the farm.

    I do wonder what has happened that his father has changed his mind and will, we are not hearing that side of things.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 false name


    I wonder too . Everything happened when I got diagnosed with a condition that would put me in a wheelchair .

    I was still able to work and saved my wages to go abroad for treatment that stops my affliction .
    To the poster who said I am some man to have saved my money and built a house , I didn’t build a house .
    I said in my OP my siblings were embarrassed how we grew up . Eating rabbits and going to cut turf .

    My siblings may have helped out with some tasks before I was old enough to do it , but as I said there was not much to do as the land was rented out .
    I took over the lease and did improvements on both land and house because I was shown a will that left it to me. and I had my green cert , which I got on the promise of inheriting the land .



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 false name


    Fine , just pay me for the money I‘be put in



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,273 airy fairy
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    Would you talk to your father. Explain how you feel hard done by. Maybe changing the will wasn't done maliciously but concern that you wouldn't be able to take it on in years to come with your illness. Afraid that you'd sell it, they then changed it?

    If you weren't in the will years ago, would you have let the parents live in a cold house and encircled with weeds? Would you have left them be? Because you seem to be saying they should be grateful for your investment and now require payback? If you were living there, surely the stuff you paid for was essentially your rent?

    And now your mother isn't well. She may need the fair deal scheme in the future, likewise, your father, so there may be nothing much left by the time that's done. You all seem to be counting your chickens and circling like vultures and the parents are still alive.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,784 Deeec
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    You keep contradicting yourself. You did say in an earlier post that you paid for everything in your parents house as it only had 4 walls which to me means you practically built their house, now you are saying you didn't, so which us it? You never answered my question of how much money you invested.

    Honestly I think your first visit should be to your GP. Your posts here are rambling and difficult to decipher. I'm sorry to say that your posts do not demonstrate the high level of intelligence you say you possess. Now this possibly could be down to your illness but maybe not. I think you should mention this to your doctor though as possibly it's part of your condition.

    Sadly you are going to end up in a wheelchair which unfortunately makes you not suitable to take over the farm. The plan you originally had and your parents wishes for the farm changed with this diagnosis sadly.

    It is highly probable that your marriage breakup has also caused a problem. Marriage breakdown is a HUGE problem and worry for families that own land. Maybe they do not want to risk that your ex wife may one day have claim to the property.

    As I said earlier care comes in many forms and often the most important care/help is not financial. You appear to just value yourself as being a great child. You seem to place no importance on a sibling that may cook your parents dinner every day or give their time to be with your mum. I can bet your siblings are doing alot and have done alot to help your parents but you are ignoring this fact.

    Im not sure why you even want the farm given that you have serious health issues. It will be a noose around your neck. I'm guessing your family sees the problems ahead but you dont.

    Whats the plan? You want to inherit a farm that you can't farm. You want to alienate all your siblings that you are left with nobody to care for you and your only option is to go into a nursing home and farm is going to have to be sold to pay the fair deal scheme. Who gains here?

    In your situation where you will have significant care needs you are better off owning nothing.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 385 iniscealtra
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    You need to accept that circumstances have changed and move on.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 false name


    I realise I may have come across as saying different things .
    While , what I call ‘ the farm ‘ isn’t the issue as I think most of it is still going to me ..There are sites with road frontage which my siblings have looked at as free money .
    To say how much money I put into the place will take going to the people who did the work and looking for records , which I don’t hold much hope for as its 30 years ago .

    I’m going to the high court to get my bank records for the things I can account for . As I have said there wee no farm buildings or infrastructure . Those sites were to build up the farm .

    As for the amount I have put in . Allowing for inflation it’s probably closer to 50+K than 10 . Taking out my financial input over the years , it would probably be more than than house is worth .

    As I’ve tried to say , my siblings think that there’s a gold mine in sites that until the last few years they were embarrassed about .

    When they moved away to college I did my green cert and started tidying the place up .In recognition of that the house and land was left to me in a will they gave me a copy of .

    I kept , because of this , buying radiators , tvs , oil burners etc . A lot of stuff .

    It’s my siblings who are making a grab for ‘free’ money .



This discussion has been closed.
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