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A suffocating friendship, what to do?

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    #62
    cobham
    Registered Users Posts: 760 ✭✭✭cobham


    A doctor should be able to do a home visit for a mental competency test. But I believe you said your wills were made as recently as last June? Surely that assessment should stand as valid for now? You could also do a codicil to the original will and not involve a solicitor just have signature witnessed by two people. Or you could just tear up the wills and then the estates would be deemed intestate and go to next of kin even if distant cousins. I knew of a lady who fell out with a niece and crossed out reference to her bequest in her will. I never found out what happened in the end!



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    #63
    Oblivion1970
    Registered Users Posts: 20 ✭Oblivion1970


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121684747#Comment_121684747

    Thanks cobham. Our solicitor is a stickler for rules and insists in up to the minute assessment proof, as in the very day of signing the will. She's a pain in the as about it but is otherwise a lovely person who we have a good rapport with. She's not working in her own practice so it might be the rules of that practice that she has to impose.

    Thanks for that about the signatures to the codicils just needing to be witnessed, I think the bequests are just codicils. We don't want the estate to go to distant cousins and don't want to die intestate, but thanks for your input.



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    #64
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,667 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121684857#Comment_121684857

    Why don’t you leave to a charity that is close to your heart? When you leave a significant bequest you can go in and meet them and discuss what would happen with the money. A nice lasting legacy. Do some real good for the world.



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    #65
    Oblivion1970
    Registered Users Posts: 20 ✭Oblivion1970


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121684890#Comment_121684890

    Why are ye all so concerned with my will??

    Note the meaning of the word, "will." Will as in what a person wills or wishes for his/her worldly goods after death. My mother and I will decide in due course what we "will" for our estate, thank you very much. I did ask that people please refrain from discussing the will, especially giving unsolicited advice on who and who not to leave our estate to. The issue I asked for advice about was the toxic relationship and how to handle it and most of the replies about that have been very helpful, which I appreciate.

    Post edited by Oblivion1970 on


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    #66
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,667 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121684985#Comment_121684985

    But you have to realise it seems rather odd to most of us that you call this woman toxic and want her out of your lives but then are happy to hand everything over? What kind of decision making is that?

    Most advise would entail telling this woman you want her out of your life but that doesn’t really make sense because of the whole will and emergency key thing.

    Also, you mentioned that you didn’t want to die intestate which is what I was responding to.



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    #67
    Oblivion1970
    Registered Users Posts: 20 ✭Oblivion1970


    I would ask the mods to please close this thread now. I'm feeling badgered by certain posters who refuse to respect my wishes in not wanting to discuss who I will my estate to and who I feel are being rather insensitive to the fact that, regardless of how this person has behaved, I'm grieving the loss of what once was a friendship and therefore feeling rather vulnerable at the moment. Of course my feelings read as contradictory. Like all bad endings, it's messy and full of loose ends and of course there is wrong on my side too. But it must end, as it's serving neither of us as it is, and I must grieve it and figure out for myself now where to go from here.

    The vast majority of replies have been very helpful, some have made me uncomfortable and made me stop to think, but I'm very grateful for that too. Some replies have been full of kindness and compassion, which I've also needed and which I very much appreciate.

    So a heartfelt thanks to those posters and to the Mods.



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    #68
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,461 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Mod - Thread closed at OP's request.

    As a general reminder, please note that if you have concerns about a post, the correct route to take is to report it and the mods will take a look at it.

    As always, sincere thanks to everyone who took time out of their day, to offer advice.

    All the best, OP. I hope that everything works out.

    Hilda



This discussion has been closed.
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