Black tie weddings

Ezeoul

It's up to the couple's what kind of wedding they want, and if that means a black tie affair, then they're allowed to have one.

Having said that, you are perfectly within your rights to decline the invitation.

However, if you find a bow tie onerous, at least you're not expected to wear an evening dress and heels!

boredyooser

Are you single ?

Just turn up in the most outrageous white tuxedo and white dickie bow you can find. ( White convertible limo and walking cane also optional ).

You'll be bateing the ladies off, from the grannies to the bridemaids, for your stylish individualism and rule breaking bad boy ism.

With any luck, you'll meet " The One ". Then you can have your own wedding and set your own crazy rules.

whisky_galore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553762#Comment_121553762

I like this.

Go full Cab Calloway white Zoot suit.

Norrie Rugger Head

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553735#Comment_121553735

I bloody hate wearing bland, same old, hot, and uncomfortable suits. And dress shoes? Achillies are in bits by the dinner.

At least you get to but a bit of colour into a dress

MrMusician18

A couple requesting black tie at their wedding is wasting their time. What will end up happening (as evidenced by this thread) is that 80% of the men will get the memo and dress in a tux and bowtie, the remainder will wear a black suit with a black tie - because they couldn't be arsed to do it right.

Photos will actually end up looking worse for it, as the lazy and/or ignorant will stick out.

Pauliedragon

I've worked in several hotels over the years and saw a good few black tie weddings. There was always plenty of guys in black suits with a bow tie or even just plain black suits with ties. Whether this caused issues with the bride and groom I can't say but I did see a good few. If it was me it would depend how close I was to the bride or groom. If they were close friends/family I would probably make an effort but if they were school friends for example that I havent seen in years no chance.

Del2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553522#Comment_121553522

Does it look like a funeral or a wedding if most men are wearing funeral clothes?

Dav010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553984#Comment_121553984

See, there is the thing, if everyone knows it’s a black tie wedding, it looks like a wedding. If it were at a funeral on the other hand, well, you know the rest.

BrianD3

I know someone who thought they were being clever by wearing a normal black suit (with bow tie) to a black tie wedding. This transgression was "noted" and commented on and there was still some resentment about it, several years later. Nuts.

The sort of person who issues ultimatums to guests to wear tuxedos is also the sort of person who will react badly if someone wears a black suit instead - and don't think it won't be noticed. Never underestimate how crazy bridezillas, their HR assistants (sisters etc.) and their simp husbands get about a wedding.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553809#Comment_121553809

If you want some colour, then go black tie "creative"!

I'll take your dress shoes over four inch heels, any day.

Or, as the OP intends to do, just decline.

Its an invitation, not a summons!

Norrie Rugger Head

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554281#Comment_121554281

Coloured formal nearly always looks shite on most guys.

And heels would actually be better for my damaged achillies, funnily enough 🤣

Edit: and the only people looking at your shoes are other women

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554294#Comment_121554294

Evening gowns are usually sized by lenght to be worn with heels, and look crap with flats. ;)

Lots of mens formal wear suit hire options, if someone was willing to make the effort.

But if someone really objects, then fair enough, it's okay not to go too, but I wouldn't go and ignore the dress code, or arrive in something outrageous for attention.

Norrie Rugger Head

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554384#Comment_121554384

Ah I agree with the not going. Formal wear rental is bad quality, fitting, feeling, and wearing.

I'm well past my days of renting nonsense.

But it's not just "effort" it's the entitlement in expecting guys to pay even more to attend the day so they can get some fancy insta photos.

Last one I was asked to go with dictated the store and suit type to ensure all guys wore the exact same

GHendrix

I was invited to a black tie wedding earlier this year.

As with all wedding invites, I was quite honoured that somebody wanted me to be there on their big day.

So I rented a tuxedo and had a great time and made great memories.

Whinging about dress codes and drives just sounds like excuses. It’s fine if you just couldn’t be arsed.

Xander10

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553522#Comment_121553522

I think you are getting mixed up with funerals

rolling boh

If you know the couple well and are likely to see them regularly enough after they are married I would suck it up and hire a suit and go .If you don't want to go fine but it's not that big a deal to go on their big day after all they have invited you to their day. For me it makes the choice of what to wear on the day easy unlike the women who have a lot more to consider .

RoboRat

OK, couple of clarifications.

The couple is my cousin and his bride. Think I met her, not sure. I'm not close with my cousin, but I was very close with his brother and his father is my godfather, and he was always very good to me. I invited the groom to my wedding because I was inviting his brother and parents anyhow, and thought it would be harsh not to invite him.

I thought about wearing a suit with a dicky bow but my wife reckons it's tux, butterfly collar and dicky bow affair... for the 'photos'. I would stick out and it would be better if I didn't go than not adhere to the 'code'. I don't have a black suit, but I would buy one as they're handy and I'm getting to that age (funerals etc). I have dark gray, light gray, navy, blue, brown and tartan suits, so none would really work... maybe the dark gray, but it's not black and definitely not a tux!

It's not the cost of rental, its the hassle and the fact that it'll look like ****. I'm 6 foot and very stocky (54" chest/ 18" neck) so a rental will have really long arms. All my current suits have been altered to fit properly. Plus, I can't stand anything tight on my neck or rubbing against it. I can deal with a tie, but I'm am open top button person and you can't do that with a dicky bow and butterfly collars.

I think I'm going to suck it up for my cousin (the one I was close with) and my godfather as I don't get to see my cousin often as he lives abroad... I'm sure I was only invited as I invited thy groom to mine. I really don't want to go now, but I'm telling myself that sometimes you got to do things that you don't want to do. The dicky bow will be coming off as soon as I sit down for dinner and I'm thinking of wearing and outrageous waistcoat as a mini protest.

Ironically, we had no dress code for my wedding and they're were lads with chinos and shirts there. It was a right session... I can't see this being the same unfortunately.

RoboRat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554550#Comment_121554550

I don't want to go. I'm getting flack because I don't want to go - I never wanted this to blow up and thought I could pass on the invite.

I also don't want to piss off my family and my relatives.

I'm sure your rented tux looked fine, mine would look like I got it off wish and it was tailored for an orangutan.

rolling boh

It's not life or death but you may regret afterwards that you didn't just go and then it's too late .

Dav010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554560#Comment_121554560

Better to stay quiet and have people think you are a fool then to speak and remove all doubt.

GHendrix

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554648#Comment_121554648

Ah fair enough, if you genuinely don’t want to go then you shouldn’t be getting flack for that really

Iodine1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553066#Comment_121553066

How could you consider wearing an ordinary suit and black tie and then stand out looking like a gobshite who didn't know what "black tie" meant?

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553735#Comment_121553735

I've never had the "pleasure" of an invite to to a black-tie event - but if I did, would be very tempted to look for a female tux. My days of heels are well over, and I'm never going to wear an evening dress again either.

And I just Googled, they exist! eg https://www.sumissura.com/en-ie/women/women-tuxedo/

Norrie Rugger Head

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121554925#Comment_121554925

Pffft, where's the tie?

MAYOMICK

I was at a black tie wedding last weekend and most men including myself were wearing black suits and not tuxedo.A local drapery shop had a closing down half price sale and black suits were walking out the door.

Pwindedd

I think the crux of it is this - you need to find out if they’re a couple who have chosen black tie for their wedding because they want everyone to look smart and have a “fancy” day out and as long as everyone’s in suits and dresses then they’ll be happy out (this could also have been achieved with a Cocktail attire dress code)

Or if they genuinely expect every guest to hire/own formalwear and stick to the rules. In my opinion if you do this as a couple , whilst it’s your wedding and your choice, it’s also delusional and selfish to expect every single guest to adhere to a rigid dress code. You should expect a few rebels and accept them with grace and dignity.

OP just ask around and see what the general vibe is amongst other guests. Go, don’t go. It really is only a decision you can make. Unless you’ve got a much better offer, is it really the hill you want to die on?

Are you taking a plus one or flying solo ?

Cluedo Monopoly

These weddings are pure pretentious. More so that normal weddings. They tend to be very stuffy and stilted. You're not missing out.

People that opt for these weddings tend to be up their own holes or their parents are. Very selfish and boring.

Dav010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121560374#Comment_121560374

Not my experience, the atmosphere tends to be more about the people than the black suits the men are wearing.

Shank Williams

If you want black tie at your wedding pay for hire costs for all your guests otherwise get fucked

neck of people these days seriously

whisky_galore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121553809#Comment_121553809

Wear a dress so!