My loneliness is killing me

BaywatchHQ

I don't think that cigarette comparison works if you are someone who is content being alone. I assume they are referring to the anxiety that loneliness causes for some. I get highly stressed when around people and over the years I have developed into a misanthrope due to bullying, etc. Lets say I had to get a job serving customers in Tesco, the stress of that would take years of my life so it sounds like i will die young either way.

Loneliness is less common for women because they have loads of men queuing up to date them on dating apps unlike men like myself who never have had anyone romantically interesting in them.

BaywatchHQ

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122573393#Comment_122573393

Society and it's bullying can make social anxiety disorder worse. My life story has been one of bullying, being gossiped about and laughed at so I can blame society for increasing my anxiety. If I had better experiences then maybe I could have improved my anxiety problems. An example would be how people always made fun of my monotone voice at school. Maybe if they didn't do that I would have been less socially anxious as an adult.

BaywatchHQ

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121378000#Comment_121378000

People judge you by how friendly you are, you could be a serial killer but if you have a charismatic personality you would be seen as a good person. Personality is often just genetic luck. I have always found it hard to appear friendly as I don't have a charismatic voice and my anxiety in social situations means my face tenses up and so smiling doesn't come naturally. Also I have problems with eye contact.

CalamariFritti

I think it's not as easy to make friends once you're no longer young. People are all tied up in their existing social circles and busy enough with their lives.

I make a lot of new acquaintances through work and club but friends? We do seem to say things a lot like 'we must call over to ye some weekend' or 'we must meet up for some drinks some day' under the unspoken agreement that this will never actually happen.

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122661188#Comment_122661188

People become resistant to new human connections, even if they have few friends as it is. Modern conveniences like Netflix eat into people's time for socialising

I saw the nicest example of real friendships.

4 men 60/70s were having lunch in a fine dining restaurant on a weekday and from overhearing the chat they had worked together at one stage one of the group was in a wheelchair, a mild stroke I'd say, they made every effort to include him usual male banter they ignored the fact he was in a wheelchair while at the same time discreetly helping him and they were having a great time.

That's real friendship.

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122663438#Comment_122663438

was a member of a mens shed for a while, and seen similar, men have their own way of showing care to one another

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122661188#Comment_122661188

There's a bit on Seinfeld where he states on one of this standup routines that whatever friends you have when you hit 30, that's you locked in. I think there's some truth in that.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122660373#Comment_122660373

I don't think so. We're living radically different lives from the previous generation. We're much more insecure economically, the cost of living is much higher but we've also got all of the information we could ever want at our fingertips and it's all to easy to just never go outside.

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122663686#Comment_122663686

To be honest I felt a lot less insecure in the 80s when the emigration was a fait accompli, career guidance was a teacher asking us in which countries we had relatives we could call on.

I emigrated a good few times, only once was voluntary for a career move that really paid off.

I do get that it feels like there's less opportunity to socialise like when half of Ireland was under the age of 25 when making your own fun didn't need cash. A lot has changed since then, but I certainly don't long for those desperate times.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121383565#Comment_121383565

Music discussions on Facebook - crazy levels of spite and bitchiness from men much too old for that nonsense.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122665241#Comment_122665241

I think you're a bit older than me by the sounds of it. Last time I was out back home was for a wedding in my home town. All anyone wanted to talk about was English soccer and miles per gallon. It was a miserable experience. Best part of the day was talking to the minister who'd been to Oxford and who'd been taught by Diarmaid MacCulloch, whose Reformation book I'd just finished.

I toy with the idea of heading back to rural Ireland but there's barely anything available to rent and I'd just end up wasting my life in front of Saorview.

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122667333#Comment_122667333

Yeah, I hear you.

I'm at an age where my airport joy is long gone and actually enjoy gardening. I would never have believed that possible considering one of the few jobs available in my teens was picking spuds.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122667341#Comment_122667341

Can't beat a good garden!

Donald Trump

What about poor Kim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEaKX9YYHiQ

thereiver

People make friends thru going to school college it becomes harder to make friends after the age of 30 .we are in a cost of living crisis people are going to pubs less in order to save money

Jinglejangle69

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121398719#Comment_121398719

Mobile phones.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122667410#Comment_122667410

There's more to it than that though.

Let's be honest, socialising is horrible. I'm not talking about fun with friends, I mean in general.

It's hard to be interested in the crap a lot of people come out with when I have a magic box in my pocket that has all the information in the world and much more interesting things to engage with. If someone wants to go on and on about their football team, their car or whatever, I'm going to be looking for the nearest possible exit.

The problem with the modern internet is that it's designed to keep us hooked, or "engaged". It does this incredibly well and it'll only get better from here. I can get whatever I want from it whenever I want and it's incredible.

I miss the world when it was simpler, when people could go to the cinema without TikTok or walking on the street like a zombie but those days are gone and they aren't coming back.

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122667410#Comment_122667410

I don't think there's an economic reason for not going to the pub, they were packed in the 1980s when we had over 15% unemployment.

But back then half the population was under 25 in the prime of their socializing. We've aged a lot since.

Consumption habits were completely different too, look at any footage of the 80s and early 90s and obesity just isn't common like now.

thereiver

Gen z has Netflix YouTube social media 100s of tv channels they have other options outside going to the pub plus a pint is now 5 euro plus

cj maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122667420#Comment_122667420

Yeah . Why make an effort at socialising when you can scroll through social media , boards and the internet . Plus you have tvs with god knows how many channels

Archduke Franz Ferdinand

loneliness is complicated. Some folk live alone, we all know the bachelors and single women who for whatever reason never married, met a partner, had kids etc. some by choice, some not. Some single people have happy and full lives, some may put on the appearance of having happy fulfilling lives but don’t. Some folk are in relationships and can be lonely. A big contributing factor to loneliness is retirement, if you’ve not got another way of feeling fulfilled or meeting people.

littlefeet

Media commentators or social media users aren't interested in ordinary stories; the average person who is contented enough pottering around, but patologising normal human issues, is much more sexy and sellable. Every human condition has been commodified.

I do wonder about small families. I Child families are becoming the norm. Coming from a large family, you had ready-made friends. there is always something from BBQ to weddings to christenings.