Separation

Tomlad79

18 years

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121196028#Comment_121196028

That is a long time to be left paying a mortgage with someone.

If the house was to be sold now, I agree you should each receive 50%

But if a property adjustment order was made in Court that you stop contributing towards the mortgage NOW and she take over the full payments, in return for you receiving a smaller percentage of the equity when the house is eventually sold in maybe 10 years time, (allowing for kids to finish FTE) would you consider that?

Tomlad79

I think this would be a good option for me as the mortgage is only 500 a month

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121196983#Comment_121196983

Fair enough! Make sure you get good legal and financial advice - especially if you want to try and buy again in the interim.

Best of luck.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121192943#Comment_121192943

Must have been some arguement, what was it over?

thatshowthelightgetsin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121192854#Comment_121192854

I'm not sure at all why you're so certain about that. Courts are more often than not ordering the sale of the family home, or the purchase by one partner of the other's interests. Both of these amount to the same - the removal of one person or both people from being named on a mortgage and thus their freedom to get their own mortgage on their own home rather than renting.

In the first place, it depends upon house prices in the area where the op lives - could they get two houses in that area out of their respective salaries? If so, a sale is far more likely under the 'proper provision' clause.

Second, the op says the house has a €100k mortgage. He has not said how much the house could be sold for/how much equity is in the house and that missing information is very relevant.

Third, the fact that the op's ex earns €20,000 more than he is significant. How much of his time did the op have to give up to enable her to earn more than he earns?

Fourth, other than the ubiquitous female entitlement, it's not clear at all at all why his ex thinks she should get more than 50%. Did she bring more money to the marriage? That might be fair (and it might not if the op is left without 'proper provision' and in that event any additional money would be in the communal pot). Even if she did bring that money, there is a thing in Irish law called 'presumption of advancement' which can deem such money as part of the joint wealth. Furthermore, pensions or other wealth will be included in the mix so it's far from the reality to declare the house will not be sold at a time when house prices are very high.

Tomlad79

House is valued at 320,000

i worked long hours late shifts so she could go to college in 2016 so she could get a job that pays the money she is on before that she only worked part time cleaner or waitress type jobs now she works in sales

when we got the mortgage I was working 45 hours a week and she was working 20

her parents gifted us 25,000 towards the house and the day we signed with the solicitor she was told this money was a gift and she could not look for it back if we ever spilt , but now she wants it back

XsApollo

she sound like a nightmare, it’s rare I would say go to court, but you might be better off to be honest.

callaway92

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121197044#Comment_121197044

For someone that's been on the forum for 13 years you should know better than asking questions like this; you know well that literally has nothing in a sense of helping the OP. Why even ask it?

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121197044#Comment_121197044

That's cheeky.

Alonzo Mosley

Guys, just a question for everyone. Is it correct that when you go to the family court in a separation or divorce case or a maintenance hearing, is the amount of maintenance the judge orders is for the upbringing of the children?

Am I correct is saying the judge makes the order and then it's up to the other person living in the family home to pay the mortgage. In short the judge doesn't make an order to pay the mortgage but rather to give to the spouse with the intention of looking after the kids.

It's up to the spouse whether to pay the mortgage or not after that.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121197822#Comment_121197822

You think so? You don't think that this arguement which apparently tipped this marriage over the edge might indicate why this divorce could turn nasty/messy particularly if one of the parties feels hard done by.

callaway92

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121198279#Comment_121198279

It literally doesn't matter to us what the argument was about. Whether someone cheated, or love fizzled or whatever. It literally doesn't matter to us in regard to the advice being given.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121198285#Comment_121198285

It's difficult to take posters who misuse the word "literally " seriously never mind trying to explain the relevance of a question to them.

callaway92

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121198339#Comment_121198339

In this context, literally was correctly used.

I can’t comment to you again - don’t want to be lousy to the OP taking things off topic completely.

Just please read your comment back in comparison to the rest and look at the tone of it. It doesn’t help.

FishOnABike

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121198021#Comment_121198021

Maintenance is usually for the upbringing of the children. Spousal maintenance is not common but not unheard of either, it all depends on circumstances (and the judge).

In a judicial separation or divorce, other orders can be made e.g. property adjustment orders, pension adjustment orders or any other orders the judge sees fit.

Those orders can vary in who has the right to stay in the family home, for how long, proportioning mortgage payments between both parties, equity and eventual division of that equity between both parties on sale of the family home either between both parties or to a third party.

The judge can order anything within reason (and at times what may seem beyond reason).

The outcome can vary from judge to judge and it is not unknown for one side to manipulate the system so that a case is heard by a judge who might be considered more favourable to their side

Tomlad79

??

tayto lover

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121198988#Comment_121198988

Hopefully she hasn't changed the locks.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121198988#Comment_121198988

Sounds like you haven't really thought anything through here. I mean surely you knew when you moved out that you would still be paying a mortgage and also now have to pay rent. What advice exactly are you looking for here?

CatLick

Be very careful if you move back in. She might try to create an incident and then say you are to blame. Swiftly followed by a Barring or Protection order. Definitely don't drink on the premises for a start as that's the first thing a Garda will look for. And have a plan to get out again quickly.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121199033#Comment_121199033

Why do you say " she might try to create an incident " ? From what I can gather from the posts so far is that he walked after an argument and then went on the Internet looking for advice of some sort. He now thinks that he can just move back in because he's feeling the pinch financially. So I don't believe "she" is the one most likely to "create an incident ".

CatLick

The OP can update the thread if he decides to move back in. It's a possible scenario.

tjhook

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121199081#Comment_121199081

"He now thinks that he can just move back in because he's feeling the pinch financially."

That's his right - assuming there's no signed agreement to the contrary, or court judgement. He has been paying half the mortgage. The assumption has to be that he has as much ownership of the home as his (ex-)wife. I see no reason for ownership of the home to automatically transfer to the (ex-)wife.

Gusser09

For your sanity stay out of the house. That will be a nightmare for years.

Go to court and let the judge decide.

Move on woth your life.

Tomlad79

Thanks for all the Reply’s just to clear some things up , I moved out 7 months after we split tension in the house was too much and for the sake of my teenagers I taught it would make things a bit better but it has not for the kids , I’m paying maintenance, my half of the mortgage and a big loan we have, while I’m also paying 700 a month to rent a room near where I work I’m lucky to have 100 euro for myself each week out of this I need to keep a car on Tj road and to survive, I got legal aid and yesterday was my first meeting with my solicitor who advised me to move back in bear the ex and wait and see how things go

XsApollo

Move back in, you have a spare room? Or bunk with one of your kids.

stop paying maintenance , and go to the bank about that big loan, ask them for interest only for a while or something till she is made pay for it.

Buy a good pair of headphones, anytime she talks turn them on: do not engage with her in any way, anytime she starts kicking off take out phone and record, your kids are witnesses also.

you are lucky kids are that age, you don’t even really need to talk to her about them, so really you have no need to discuss anything with her.

Tomlad79

That’s what my solicitor said also, and after 3 months away mentally I’m a lot stronger now I was told yesterday this could take years to sort out if it goes to court, it’s my home as much as hers I know it’s a messy one but it’s my teenagers who are suffering without me being there with them, it’s something I need to think long and hard about

XsApollo

And start enjoying your life, leave her behind.

go out / or do something with your kids more often, something to get out of the house.

Cinema, pool/snooker, food, gaming, something.

Tomlad79

Thanks and she is well forgotten about and definitely would love to get to do more with the chaps

XsApollo

I went through the same thing myself , although we weren’t nasty to each other, but yea that’s what I did for myself .