Girl in work I fancy....

the_amazing_raisin

As a general rule, don't mix work with leisure

Your colleagues are just that, colleagues. You can get along well with them, perhaps even some of them are worth upgrading to friends

But realistically your interest in them probably ends outside of work

Office romances are rarely a good idea. Unless this girl is seriously into you (she probably isn't, given the fact that she's looking around on a dating site) then you shouldn't persue it

All well and good if it works out, but what if she rejects you or you break up. You still have to go to the same workplace where you'll run into each other

Given that you're in HR and have a position of responsibility towards her, I would doubly say this is a bad idea and is very likely to lose you your job

There's plenty more fish in the sea dude, better to let this one go

ButtersSuki

i think people said your behaviour could be perceived as creepy, rather than actually calling you a creep. You do seem determined however to ignore advice so fire away and let us know how you get on.

Re. “What happened to just wanting to take someone out on a date..” ?

Still not sure if you’re trolling or not tbh and if you really work in HR and think this is ok you have a lot to learn.

Or paint the picture you’ve painted for us with your HR Director and see what he/she says. And again let us know how you get on.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121105541#Comment_121105541

If this is a real case and not a windup, then you probably shouldn't be working in HR. A large part of your role is to help the company navigate awkward situations such as this, not to create them yourself.

johntrav_1985

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121105771#Comment_121105771

Did you happen the part where I agreed with a not a good idea? Or just took out snippets so you could be a smart arse??! Ummmmmm....I think i took attitude of agreeing with peoples advice...

Hannibal_Smith

@johntrav_1985 the rules of the forum regarding replying to posts in a civil manner apply to an OP as well as to those replying. People are taking time out of their day to respond to your request for advice. Please be civil when replying. The Charter can be found here, please take the timento read it and ensure your posts are in line with it.

If you feel you have received all the advice you need you can of course request the thread be closed.

HS

Sono

@Sono your post has been removed. As per the charter please offer advice to the OP when replying to their thread. Its up to the OP to decide what advice from others to heed or ignore.

Thanks

HS

ButtersSuki

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121105806#Comment_121105806

You say that but you ended the post I replied to with “What happened to just wanting to take someone out on a date…”.

You can’t have it both ways. I wasn’t trying to be a smart arse. They are your words.

Despite all the posts telling you this was a bad idea you say now you agree with them but the fact is you ended the post I replied to with the quoted line above. No offence intended but it doesn’t really seem like you’re taking that advice.

YellowLead

I’m very surprised that somebody working in HR is even remotely contemplating such a move. I am glad to hear you see it this way too now OP, goes to show these threads are good for something!

bobbyD1978

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121105113#Comment_121105113

This here is exactly why the op felt the need to post. You can't even use a fuckibg dating app anymore without being accused of a criminal act!

As an aside op, you work in HR so surely you know your own companies written policy on internal relationships?

jj880

I wouldn't do it. I worked in an office with a couple a few years back. They broke up and she ended up going out with another guy on the same floor. Work social events were tense. Even morning tea break was awkward until a year later her ex got a job somewhere else.

If you are going to do it dont leave a paper trail, text trail, email trail, dating app trail or any other trail that can be produced later if the situation goes sour. Just chat to her and see if she likes you back.

notAMember

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121106505#Comment_121106505

Use a dating app "anymore"? Like, how it was in the 70s? Come now, be reasonable. Dating apps are weird minefields since they were first invented. ;)

Totally agree with you on the policy piece though, any bog standard multi-national company will have explicit written policies on this subject. Policies that someone working HR would be trained on and know inside out. Setting aside asking the girl out, if this is her only HR contact, OP needs to brush up on his training.

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121106505#Comment_121106505

"This here is exactly why the op felt the need to post. You can't even use a fuckibg dating app anymore without being accused of a criminal act!"..

This here.. Is probably why this thread is here in the first place.

I can't believe that anybody working in HR would not know this is wrong never mind feel it in his gut!

Somebody trying to imply that everything is so woke now, so pc.. In reality this would have felt wrong 50 years ago before those words were ever dreamt up.

Might not be ok to say this here, but I think this is all a wind up... "I enjoy our little chats" 😕 ugh. >mod edit to embolden<

-------

MOD EDIT

@Goldengirl No its not ok to say it here. As per the Charter if you have an issue with a post or a thread report it. It could be well that a thread that started out as an attempt to troll could well help people out there with a similar issue.

HS

Marymoore

I must be a different fish altogether cos I don’t see ANY issue with the guy asking the girl out. He’s right we have all gone too serious, life is short why are people so serious?? “I can’t BELIEVE he works in HR and thinks that’s ok” like come on the guy is fun and normal and has balls.. live a little

standardg60

Couple of things for me, so many people have met their life partners through work so it certainly isn't something that should be dismissed as being weird or not to go there.

On the other side i certainly wouldn't be liking a colleague on a dating app out of the blue, if she likes you the relationship will develop naturally, if she doesn't you will still have your job.

standardg60

I'd also add and call me old fashioned that i think it's pretty sad that an advance when welcome is seen as romantic but when it's not it's now seen as sexual harassment.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121107090#Comment_121107090

You're old fashioned.

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121107102#Comment_121107102

And a little romantic, :)

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121106944#Comment_121106944

Its not the work romance its the HR guy /new girl bit that doesn't quite sell it for me...

Now if he gave up his job for love ❤️?

ButtersSuki

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121106944#Comment_121106944

Well Mary all I can say is you’ve clearly not worked in a multinational then.

I worked in one US Pharma company where a group of colleagues decided to go to a comedy show together. This group used to eat together at lunch breaks etc. I wouldn’t describe them as a clique or anything like that, just a group that got on well together. The gig was on a Saturday night. Anyway, to cut a long story short, they arrive in on Monday after the comedy gig to be summoned to HR for “bullying by exclusion”. A person who wasn’t in their “group” (I’m loathe to even call it a group tbh) complained that he wasn’t invited to the gig by them. All of them were reprimanded and received written warnings. The fallout was pretty big as most of those involved left within 6 months a year whilst the person who complained remained utterly convinced he’d done nothing wrong. And then the whole company had to undergo training on what constituted bullying, particularly by exclusion.

I’ve alluded from the outset that I don’t think this is a legitimate query and clearly I’m not alone in that judging by other people’s comments too. It’s very hard to believe anyone who works in HR in 2023 could ask a question like this seriously.

thegame983

Be realistic.

How hot is she and how hot are you?

If this is an unrealistic venture then don't bother. Rejection could lead to your termination.

Otherwise, go for it.

WildWater

Did someone just drag you in from the the street and say ‘you’ll be grand in HR’ or are you actually a trained HR professional? If you are trained, did you fall off your bike and hit your head recently? This has to be trolling as I find it incredible that any trained HR professional would even remotely consider this as being in anyway appropriate.

dontmindme

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121107251#Comment_121107251

Seriously, give the guy a break ffs. He comes on here already stating that he already thinks it's a bad idea and is looking for opinions, and people go to town on him for being either a pervert or an incompetent fool...like WTF.

Hannibal_Smith

@bobbyD1978 I've deleted your posts as not one of them was offering advice to the OP, which is a requirement in PI/RI. Simply replying to others without offering the OP advice is a breach of the charter for this forum. If you have advice of your own to give then you are welcome to do so in line with the Charter.

thanks

HS

Iseedeadpixels

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121105113#Comment_121105113

Not once does he mention her social media yet you conjure it out of nowhere and allude to him tracking her down on a dating app! The first time I used POF I came across about 10 Women I knew, get with the times and relax with the accusations.

Go to the head of HR and ask them for the companies policy on it, tell them its on an app and not in person and see what they say, you can't get in trouble for asking a question.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121108547#Comment_121108547

He is HR 😂😂😂😂

He should be well aware of the policy.

The office will probably have a holloween event or else Christmas, wait until then.

raspberrypi67

would not do that.

Just bump into her at the photocopier, if it works, lol,

chat to her in person, don't mind those apps....

BrokenArrows

The simple fact that you work together means you should not like her via the app. That comes across a bit creepy.

If you want to ask her out then do it face to face but if she is a new starter then at least give it some time before you stop being her point of contact.

OnlyWayIsUp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121105052#Comment_121105052

I met my wife in work… however, I was not a point of contact for her representing the company at the time.

Iseedeadpixels

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121108679#Comment_121108679

I know he's HR but he's not the head of HR and sounds to me like he may only be in a junior position and still learning.

recyclops

it seems that the replies here swing from the app piece a bit creepy ( Even though they are both on the same app for the same purpose) or person works in HR that's a no no.

From experience my partner of 13 years wife of 5 worked in HR in the same company as myself when we first got together , we chatted properly via FB messenger which unlike the other app isnt specifically for dating as we knew from our interactions there was something there. Our work positions either never came into the equation because unlike some people in office we worked in we don't really care about this stuff as we are adults.

So the real question that anyone should be asking the OP is does it feel natural when they are talking away and why is he using an app instead of just asking someone out in person?