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No man wants to date me because I’m approaching 30?

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  • 29-12-2022 10:41pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 1


    So the title is a bit exaggerated but I am having a bit of an issue. I am 29 years old, Irish woman. I have been using dating sites and I feel like there are no decent local men my own age that match with me, and I can’t help but think it’s because I am approaching 30. I’m honestly feeling really sad that I can’t seem to match with anyone that seems like a decent guy, even though I am attractive. I'm just looking for a connection with someone, not anyone to tell me I'm no longer in my prime, as I have been told on a few occasions. I honestly miss the companionship from my first relationship in my early twenties, and although I feel very happy, in some ways I am still lonely. I don’t really know what else I can do other than go out and do things to meet others, but it’s hard for me to even do that. I’m also not really the type to like going out to the bars etc. Is approaching 30 really a turn off for men?

    I’d like to add a couple of things. When I say decent men, I mean them meeting my standards that I’d say are actually fair. Also, I paid for one of my apps hoping to find matches, but find nearly all men my own age are looking for women age 18-25. I have been trying to give that a chance, but I haven’t matched with anyone that meet my standards. My standards are not crazy high. I do believe that my choices are more limited when trying to match with guys my age seeing as a lot of them may not want to date a lady approaching 30. I am attracted to men closer to my age so it’s just a little more difficult.



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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 19,293 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    What are these standards that are fair?



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,211 ✭✭✭Packrat


    You're in the absolute tip top prime of your life for meeting someone who wants to settle down and make a long term serious relationship leading to marriage/kids (if that's what you're also looking for)

    I was on dating sites as a 34 yo man actively looking for a woman who wanted that aged 25 to 34.

    It was full of somewhat desperate 34 to 38 year old women who's desperation was a massive turn off.

    This is not to say that all women in that age bracket are desperate or a turn off, but the ones I met were.

    I found a then 26 yo (a little on the young side i thought, but she had good reasons to be looking for all that stuff at that young age) and now 12 years later we have two kids and despite challenges we are in a reasonably good place.

    Relax the kaks. You're every settling down type of man's dream.

    “The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command”



  • Registered Users Posts: 35,902 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    You sound like you're doing interviews for a vacant position. I bet you're Lil Ms 100 questions on a date, that a guy would be best bringing his CV



  • Registered Users Posts: 29,104 ✭✭✭✭odyssey06


    The vast vast majority of 29 yo guys will date a compatible 29 yo gal.

    Either you are falling victim to some quirk of the website age groupings - as in you are bracketed with 30 somethings and they don't want to date older.

    OR ... there is something else in your profile putting guys off.

    "To follow knowledge like a sinking star..." (Tennyson's Ulysses)



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,293 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump



    To be fair, the OP wants someone the same age as her. You own success story is of a fella 8 years older than the girl. It might not be bad advice for the OP to be at least open to that kind of range though to increase her odds.

    I remember reading some US article years and years ago. Although simplistic, the basic gist of it was that 28 or 29 for a fella was the best time to be "locking him in" (i.e. marriage) in terms of getting a "good one".

    The basic argument was that in his early 20s, he's at a massive disadvantage compared to his peer females. Only in his mid-20's do things start to get a bit better. As he's hitting his late 20's, things are starting to turn better for him. And the female's odds are already starting to shorten at that point. So they are kinda equal in a lot of respects at that point. But when he hits his early 30's, if not locked in by that time, the odds have turned in his favour and he might want now to enjoy his time. It's not that he wants to meet a 25 year old and get married to her now. It's that he knows he can go out and get a 25 year old. If he felt that he was ignored by his peer females when he was in his own 20's, he might not be that bothered with being a fallback now either.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 109 ✭✭byrne249


    Being marginally older, Personally, never having been in a relationship, I like the idea of finding someone similar. Most women have been in numerous relationships and frankly it's a turn off as I am measuring myself against someone else constantly. I have been in many situations where women start going on about their exes and I just lose interest immediately. True love begins at 20, settling begins at 30. Truth hurts.

    Actually, reading Donald Trumps most recent comment and that probably applies to me. Have utterly no interest in being some girl who's been around the blocks fallback essentially.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,725 ✭✭✭I see sheep


    Pretend you're 25



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭Pissy Missy


    I think if you're open to widening your location then you'll have more options. Also standards are subjective.. Are you looking for a guy with no kids as this can be harder at your age group, are you looking for a a good looking guy, again sadly this a hard one too, but at 29 i dont believe this is a factor, think of halle Berry, in her 50s and hasn't aged a day. Obviously personality and (over) eagerness can come into play.



  • Registered Users Posts: 10,093 ✭✭✭✭Caranica


    Why are you restricting yourself to men your own age? I know very few couples where both are the same age.

    And forget about this nonsense about not being in your prime. That's just a state of mind



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    I really doubt your age is the issue. If you were 10 years older maybe but 29 is way too young to think your on the shelf already. I'd say it's more likely that the men in your age bracket have just reached the age where they are finally confidant enough with women that they realise they have a choice, or aren't looking for anything too serious. If a 29 year old man is saying he's only interested in someone 18-24 I think it's safe to assume he's only looking for something casual. Keep your standards where you want them but realise that it may take a while to meet someone who ticks all your boxes. That's true regardless what age you are



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  • Registered Users Posts: 458 ✭✭ottolwinner


    you’ve probably got messages from board users wanting to date since you posted.

    (not guilty)



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    1. Be Attractive
    2. Don't be unattractive

    All Online dating issues are solved once the above conditions are met.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,297 ✭✭✭walterking


    At 29 you are young. But a 29 year female is looking at settling down, raising family, next stage in life.


    In general, a 29 year guy still hangs with the lads, hasn't even thought of settling down and can be quite immature. On the other end of the scale they are very career minded and a committed relationship is not on the radar.


    I'd expand the age profile to 40 or 40+. It kids that age us men, child free and we're more youthful than you think.



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,293 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    Plenty of lads get married at 29/30. It's just that they get married after having been going out with the same girl for a good few years at that stage. If the girl is trying to snag him for the first time at 29 then she is about 4 or 5 years too late though. That window is gone and she'll have to aim for a different age group if she is in a hurry.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,297 ✭✭✭Count Dracula


    29 in her prime.

    Lucy on a scale of east to west , 1 to 10. How you doing there on the old grand scheme of things? Are people still hitting on you?

    I am being rhetorical, but are you feeding your ego a little here?

    ! would go out with a 29 year old, no problemisimo. No bods. As long as they're not overweight, gorm less or a stupid bitch or combinations of either.

    Have you not got anyone at the moment at all, what happened your last clasp, how long have you held someone down for?

    I am very adaptable by the way, although prudes are a big no no, I can't be having that, at all at all.



  • Registered Users Posts: 2 Timlin2005


    A woman is most attractive and fertile in her early 20s. If a man is looking to have multiple children, it would be better for him to go for a woman in early 20s than to go for a single woman in her 30s as her fertility is already on the decline. He may have to date her for a year or two also before having kids, in which case she's even closer to becoming infertile.

    So if a single guy is 30 and wants children he has to find someone compatible and he may not quickly find someone above 30 who clicks with him quickly. Assuming he found someone who's say 31 dates for 2-3 years, so now they're 33/34 and then gets married. They have a year, before pregnancies increase in risk. If they want to enjoy a year or two of marriage before having children she'll be between 34-36 years old. So a man looking for children will look to someone 5+ years younger than 30.

    By the time a guy reaches 30 he should have his own place, a car, and assuming he was working hard in his 20's a stable career life. These are things some women his age were looking for when he was in his 20's. So he may go back to date 20 something year olds. Also if a guy is looking to settle down in his 20's and there is a woman who is more promiscuous and not interested in him or settling down, then if he loses interest in her or her type over time she shouldn't be surprised (assuming he's not promiscuous). This guy may be looking for younger women to settle down with and marry.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,297 ✭✭✭Count Dracula


    This business of having a successful independent husband is a bit much. What is stopping a wife or female partner having a house husband?

    3rd millennium peoples, get with it.

    Why should a woman be forced to shack up with some overweight fart machine, just because he has a successful career? Lots of really sound handsome blokes out there who struggle with their careers at times. It shouldn't prohibit them from finding a partner who would prefer to be the main bread winner.

    Well like in theory anyways......?



  • Registered Users Posts: 637 ✭✭✭gary550


    What are your "standards" missus?

    You say fair but god only knows what that means.



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    Standards are standards. It's for the OP to reconcile what they are and come to terms with them.



  • Registered Users Posts: 637 ✭✭✭gary550


    Just on your second part there if you're going with any woman who has been around the block chances are you aren't her first pick mate.

    That's the reality of it. Unless you're a 6ft millionaire with a massive dong that she met when she was 20 she's gonna be periodically thinking about the time she got it off a 6ft guy with a big dong and what may have been.

    I grew up as the only man on one side of my family, if I can say with certainty it's that for the most part women want the best they can get and if they didn't end up with that they'll bring it up in conversation far too often.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,472 ✭✭✭Grolschevik


    This all seems Mr Fegelian-esque...



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Registered Users Posts: 13 Eamon McDermott


    What an awfully misandrist post. Men owe you nothing.



  • Registered Users Posts: 13 Eamon McDermott


    According to whom?

    even though I am attractive.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Learn a new word today? Why is it misandrist... for that matter why do you think the OP is female... it is the internet afterall.



  • Registered Users Posts: 13 Eamon McDermott


    I never said they were female. What part of my post implies that?



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    When you said men owe them nothing you were replying to the OP as the persona they were presenting in the OP. Makes no sense otherwise. Care to answer my question as to why what was posted was misandrist?



  • Registered Users Posts: 13 Eamon McDermott


    Where did I say or imply the OP was female?

    Men can be misandrist to other men yaknow.

    The OP’s name is Lucy and they’re posting in the Ladie’s Lounge ….. soooooooo…

    aaaannndd

    Quote: I am 29 years old, Irish woman.




  • Registered Users Posts: 360 ✭✭Xidu


    Shocked to see in an European country that people stated 18-25 years age to be selected. Doesn’t seems mature.



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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    So... you're saying you accept the OP is female, just checking because you've gone on a bit of a wander. So, now that we've established you're assuming the OP is female... what did they say that triggered your ascertaining a hatred of men?



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