online dating

Kimbot

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122165446#Comment_122165446

They arent hers anymore, they now belong to the interwebs 😛

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122165446#Comment_122165446

Well, mindful of GDPR, I obtained her consent for the photo in advance, and used it only for the agreed purpose.☺️ She was more concerned with obscuring her face.

She was happy enough for me to send my friend a video of her tits* - she's very accommodating!😂

*He knows a bit about birds, and she was curious about the identity of a couple of them who were regular visitors to her patio. They were trying to fight with their reflections in the mirror.

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122165446#Comment_122165446

I'd be more worried about how she'd feel about being described as my "missus"🤣!

Jequ0n

I thought it was your mom in the picture, but I am also quite confused by the random selection of items on the table. I mean what woman poses with a spatula

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122166104#Comment_122166104

There was no rhyme or reason to the composition of the photo, but there was a theme - I saved the pic as "Holiday Blues". It was really for @Pwindedd's benefit. It would have been difficult to find something not blue. The guy who provided the chairs told her he could have got blue ones - this displeased her greatly.

I would call what you referred to as a "spatula" a fish slice. She did actually buy a spatula while we were there - guess what colour?😂

My mother died in 2015; my gf, I can assure you, is very much alive and well🤣!

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122166283#Comment_122166283

I’m sorry but it is a spatula and I will not debate this. The colour is acceptable because it pays homage to the only football club that matters.

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122166701#Comment_122166701

Google is being unusually unhelpful, but in my culinary world, a spatula doesn't have holes.

I'm even less knowledge regarding football; my first instinct was PSG, but they play in dark blue. Chelsea?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122166881#Comment_122166881

OM

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122165919#Comment_122165919

Sorry… I shouldn't have assumed their pronouns.🙂

Pwindedd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122165919#Comment_122165919

I love being called that tbh. Current fella does it a lot. It's like a verbal slap on the ass. Another staple in my book 🤗

Pwindedd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122166283#Comment_122166283

This has been occupying a small corner of my mind since you posted the pic.

The penny has only just dropped.... THE MUGS ! and the missuses fave colour 😁

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122167156#Comment_122167156

Well, as per the photographic evidence, she is definitely a she, and there's only one of her (thankfully, I couldn't manage two😂).

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122167047#Comment_122167047

Probably before your time, but Tony Cascarino, former Ireland international, played for Marseille and scored 31 goals in one season. He also played for Chelsea - perhaps he was also into blue?😃

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122167313#Comment_122167313

A staple in the ass…..no doubt some like that sort of thing😁!

I have to be careful with slaps - she's a golfer, and I believe she has seen The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo😱.

Actually, now that I think of it, I would occasionally say to her "hey missus", but I don't think of her as my missus. We're divorced (from other people😂) and as neither of us like the term "partner" we use the terms bf and gf.

You haven't mentioned the current fella for a while - all going well I presume?

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122167327#Comment_122167327

They're not the actual mugs I bought though. She actually hadn't realised the extent of the problem when I started grabbing random stuff to slag her😀. I think it's actually a love for the sea and all things related, so I was impressed when you mentioned aquamarine. It does seem to be contagious, hence the paperback, and, for the eagle eyed, the bottle of milk with the blue top which I purchased subliminally.

Pwindedd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122168137#Comment_122168137

Ugh partner sounds so serious, I'm not a fan myself.

I think it's used frequently as it is, to avoid any assumptions. It's genderless and encompasses both the hitched and un-hitched.

I just use fella, BF or "guy I'm seeing/dating"

RE: Current squeeze… It's going well. We're boyfriend and girlfriend. See each other once a week, usually overnight. And there's absolutely zero stress about the whole thing. It's quite lovely. We talk about the imminent future, upcoming birthdays, trips etc. but nothing long-term has been mentioned. Which is just how it should be at this early stage.

He's fun, enthusiastic and very appreciative and caring. Driven but not obsessed with his work. And we both like similar music, food, activities and entertainment. What's not to love, I'm having a wonderful time !! 😁

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122169131#Comment_122169131

Us and @YellowLead need to arrange a triple date when my fella is over end of June. Seriously, be gas craic😂

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122169131#Comment_122169131

Ah, that sounds lovely, and just how it should be. Pretty much like my situation, though we seem to need a midweek date as well. No stress, just enjoying each other's company. Similar enough to be compatible, different enough to be interesting. It might be an age thing in my case, but for most things I manage to enjoy the present without adding the suffocating weight of future expectations. Of course I do look forward to the planned activities as well.

Since we've got away from mugs and back to the thread topic, I was musing on something @YellowLead said a while back, about "no arguments". Do people feel this is important? In the distant past, arguing was almost a hobby for me, intellectually pleasing whether I won or lost. Things are different now, again that might be just my stage of life rather than personalities involved. It does seem that some couples are blissfully aligned on everything, and others fight like cats and dogs a big % of the time, yet both types can have very satisfactory relationships. John Gottmann would say it's all about respect. What do ye all think?

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122169755#Comment_122169755

It depends on what your interpretation of argument is. For me discussions where there are disagreements are important to have - but I’m not into shouting matches or exchange of insults.

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122169935#Comment_122169935

I suspected that might be what you meant. Indeed, it is important to know how the other person feels about certain things, and this can only be found out by discussion / argument.

On reflection, when I was referring to my previously argumentative persona, the things I was arguing about weren't of huge importance or at least direct impact on either party, so a "safe space" for argument if you will, and not emotionally draining. I think it's a bit more difficult when one or both parties feel like something of fundamental importance to them is being questioned / threatened. Of course, this heightens emotions, which doesn't help in a rational debate.

To move it out of the OD dating world and take a more general example where I have some personal experience: I've worked in two fairly agressive industries: construction and oil exploration. Both are very macho, both have the pressure of daily deadlines and things constantly going wrong - in other words argument central. I've seen people who liked to shout and stamp their feet, and others who were able to be more measured, despite circumstances not being ideal. The calmer folk got better results.

I suppose the trick is to somehow step outside the situation, feel the emotion but try to react in a way that won't escalate tension.

Pwindedd

Oh I love a good argument. Any excuse for a bit of make-up nookie.... As long as its about something silly or trivial.

For serious topics I tend to need a bit of thinking time (I think men refer to this as 'sulking' 😋) and then a Q&A ... followed by food. Sulking is hungry work.

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122172356#Comment_122172356

My fella is very calm and non-confrontational - to a point. It can be annoying when he avoids discussing something he knows we won't agree on because he thinks that's an argument. I don't like arguments that involve raised voices and I don't take part in them, nor does he, but he'd often consider a disagreement or an issue being brought up as an argument and get quite defensive and stubborn. He knows he does this, which is what matters in my book, he told me that he finds it hard to express himself on the spot. I like to resolve things right away and I talk about everything, so it does take patience on my part, but I'm used to it now and I generally just wait it out until the next day when I know he'll have thought it over. Usually by then he will bring it up when he has found the words to express how he feels and I respect that. This doesn't happen too often, but if he didn't have that self awareness to have explained it to me, I wouldn't be as okay with it.

He's also never had a relationship where they communicate issues without being arguments, it was all usually brushed under the carpet, so it's a new thing to him.

I also hate sleeping on an argument. So although I give him his time to think things through and reinitiate the convo, we never go to bed annoyed at each other. That's a pact we made from day one.

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122172356#Comment_122172356

Henceforth, you shall occupy a tiny corner of my mind, as the Incredible Sulk😂! As an alternative euphemism, let me offer "contemplation". I'm not blessed with patience, and I do like to get things over and done with, but heightened emotions are no help to articularcy and wrong words can wound, so it's sometimes helpful to walk away.

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122174691#Comment_122174691

I recall one fairly serious disagreement with a more senior colleague. I think we managed not to fall out because I pointed out that I wouldn't be putting so much energy into arguing if I didn't respect her.

I thought the inability to express things on the spot might be more of a male thing, but @Pwindedd has mentioned it above so maybe it's a personality thing, or perhaps it depends on circumstances.

Sounds like you both respect each other anyway.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122169131#Comment_122169131

Ugh partner sounds so serious, I'm not a fan myself.

Also can be unhelpfully imprecise

aero2k

@Pwindedd , @PoisonIvyBelle

Something's been going round in my head since the earlier conversation, I finally managed to get hold of it:

"Here we are in our summer years, living on ice cream and chocolate kisses,

Would the leaves fall from the trees, if I was your old man, and you were my missus"

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122175985#Comment_122175985

We do. But timing is everything. If 30 year old him had met 25 year old me it would NOT have worked out.😂

PoisonIvyBelle

Christ, I followed back this comedy tiktok account thinking it was a fella, and I thought to myself "that's a nice looking fella, in an interesting kinda way" (innocently of course). Well, it's a lesbian in her 60s and now I am very confused.🤣 I cannot unsee it. And of course my bf thinks it's fcuking hilarious.

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122177731#Comment_122177731

Oh indeed, we've had a conversation re what if we met when we were much younger, and we both agree that we wouldn't have appreciated each other. I think as you mature you care less about the small stuff, appreciate the big stuff and most of all can tell the difference.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122177760#Comment_122177760

Who cares about that? Have you ever discussed what you’d do if an aggressive worm attacked you? Or a tame one even? Like the really big and scary ones who leave a trail of goo and bloody **** behind. That’s what you really need to discuss.