online dating

ruth...less

Its just annoying when you can see if I do A then they do B. If I do C then they do D. I try to ignore it but then I have to go out of my way to ignore it.

It's annoying and it can be hurtful at times and that's that. Not everything is simple as 'look to yourself', 'learn and grow from it '. Sometimes people do really let you down and it's not your fault but you still have to deal with their shyte.

ruth...less

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122148019#Comment_122148019

No I did not say that.

I said I have to engage.

Also I wasn't looking to be debated about it but thanks anyway.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122147961#Comment_122147961

If the same thing happens to you over and over again you are the problem, not everybody else. But go ahead and celebrate your victim role for another round if it pleases you so.

ruth...less

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122148474#Comment_122148474

Ill have to get you a muzzle to go with that collar lol 😅😅😅

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122147065#Comment_122147065

of course 😁

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122148486#Comment_122148486

Are you offering to buy me one?

ruth...less

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122149211#Comment_122149211

Yup....and while I'm there I'm going to get you a new water bowl too ☺️

Alright? Now now....good boy 😁😁

Manner14

Recently I've had my first experience of being posted on one of these Facebook pages 'are we dating the same guy' or whatever they're called.

A screenshot got sent to me which of course was posted by 'anonymous' but i knew who it was from what was written.

We had been getting on well over text, good craic and it was easy enough. The pictures on her profile didnt match the actual person . I never mentioned it but just said that i wasn't interested in taking it any further.

Has anyone else had experience with these pages? Is it just women who have been rejected and are looking to take their frustration out in some way or is there good reason that these pages actually exist?

I'm not angry about it, I actually find it quite funny.

purifol0

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122149499#Comment_122149499

Its disgraceful that they are allowed to exist. They are there ostensibly to "keep women safe" but in reality they are just a bitchy gossip fest, and if they slander a completely innocent guy and ruin his life, no biggie, there is aboslutely no comeuppance for them. If I went on a date with a girl who was a member of those groups I'd end it there and then.

I've always been appaled by women whose private whatsapp groups are used to share private messages and naked pics, very often to humiliate the poor chaps.

Men have been brow beaten, legally and socially into not sharing nudes, whereas the same is never done for women.

ruth...less

Are they actually sharing nudes on it? Terrible.

What's the name of it again? 🤔

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122149499#Comment_122149499

What was posted about you? Did she invent a story, or say you were a ghoster or what?

The majority of the women engaging with pages like that are on the less intelligent end of the spectrum, so if that’s not your usual dating pool I wouldn’t worry!

Manner14

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122149659#Comment_122149659

Basically that she was led on and so on and that she either assumed that i was either married (I'm divorced) or that i had a girlfriend, I've been single for 18 months now. This is why i found it funny.

I'm not worried about it in the slightest. As the poster above said someone can take these things totally different than i would.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122149719#Comment_122149719

That is funny alright. It is amazing the amount of people who are un-selfaware, they prefer the idea that somebody was taken to the fact that somebody, shock horror, might have just not been into them. It must be stressful being them and all that effort into faking it, or maybe it’s genuine delusion and they really can’t see the wood for the trees. I doubt any genuine girls out there will pay any heed! :)

JamesBond2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122149499#Comment_122149499

I am actually starting to ponder if i am on this page now,I have never done anything really bad that would justify me being there. its being really quiet though lately though.

here is more about it
https://www.itv.com/news/utv/2024-05-10/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-the-facebook-group-thats-raising-concerns

YellowLead

It’s a pity there isn’t a page where both men and women can join and you’re ONLY allowed recommend people, say positive (true) things about them and they can also see it and request for it to be removed if not happy. Obviously that would take too much monitoring, would be somebody’s full time job.

Manner14

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122150104#Comment_122150104

As @YellowLead said, I wouldnt worry if you are on there. The women on there you definitely don't want to be associated with.

purifol0

Ignore the previous posters, if you are on there contact Facebook pronto and get those posts taken down.

You are not immune to false accusations, and even if proven false in court your life will never be the same: "No smoke without fire" etc.

pgj2015

I'd say there is a good chance I'd be on that stupid page because I date someone then my commitment issues arise and I'm out of there but I couldn't care less about being on a page like that, no one should, it should be laughed off. Don't give them wagons the attention and reaction they want.

purifol0

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122150845#Comment_122150845

Ah bless your naievity.

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122147961#Comment_122147961

Tell the person what you want. Ask them what they want. If they're straight up with you, you know where you stand. If they're not, walk away. In your case you already know they're playing games so it should be an easy decision.

It doesn't have to be harder than that unless you let it.

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122148025#Comment_122148025

What they do isn't your fault. You can't control that. You can control what you do. So why are you sticking around to let them let you down again?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122158672#Comment_122158672

Maybe you could offer a psychometric questionnaire for people to complete, so you can assess them properly. It will be difficult if they don’t understand the questions and get offended.

ruth...less

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122158672#Comment_122158672

I think it's just because I still have some feelings there. I don't really know how I feel about the situation. I have mixed emotions myself.

Anyway I'm not sure if it was you ivy or the other girl poster that begins with P...but some advice I got on here for something else I was rambling on about 😁 was 'just do nothing ' and that's what I've done and it was the best advice. I meant to come back in and say that a while ago 😊

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122158774#Comment_122158774

Have a glass of water Jeq.

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122160213#Comment_122160213

You can't think with your feelings on this one, it's not helping you. Take a step back and look at it logically. You are trying to form some kind of relationship with someone who either doesn't know what they want, or doesn't care what you want and is playing the game to keep you around. Neither of those situations have good outcomes for you.

ruth...less

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122160304#Comment_122160304

Someone keeping me around is about as much investment as I'm getting from anyone atm. Lol. 😁

No I know I need to look at myself here and why Im letting myself stay stuck and the only thing I can think of is that I don't really want a relationship or that I am scared of a real relationship with someone so being stuck here is easier. Tbf I was getting over it and then they start again reel me back in.

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122160577#Comment_122160577

It's not that I can't relate, I think most of us have been in that kind of situation at some point, especially in our 20s (I'm assuming you're around this age? Correct me if not).

The first sentence you wrote makes it seem like you do want a relationship, and unfortunately that's making you settle for the kind of BS you're dealing with now. When you say you were getting over it and they reeled you back in, what you need to see is that this is where you have the power in the situation. You can't get reeled in if you don't get hooked.

From your posts in general, you do often have these situations where people are playing games. What I'm saying is that you don't need to stay in those situations. You can feel all of your feelings and still look at it objectively and say "no, this isn't right for me. This isn't what I need" and get out of there. To be honest, it does seem like you're so used to these situations where people are fcuking about playing games that it's become normal - dare I say even attractive - to you. That's not an unusual thing, and it doesn't mean you're to blame for a man's behaviour, but like I said - how you respond to it is on you.

Why are you dating? What do you want from it? What kind of guy would you like to meet?

I know that when confronted with these kind of opinions from people who don't know you it can be tough, and even annoying, but I promise it's coming from a good place in my case. I spent a lot of my 20s not knowing how to deal with guys like that, not valuing myself enough to walk away, and not understanding myself enough to learn how to regulate my emotional responses. But it can be done. And when you do that work on yourself - and I know you don't want to hear anything about having to do that but it's important - you'll see SUCH a difference in your dating life and the people who come into it.

aero2k

@Pwindedd

A slightly unusual holiday snap - I could have included many more blue items but the table was getting a bit crowded. For me the most amusing thing was noticing the cover of the paperback. I think I grabbed it in a charity shop, thinking it might be good for airport or in-flight reading, without paying aany mind to the colour. Perhaps I've been subliminally infected?🤣

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122148474#Comment_122148474

It doesn't have to be an either/or thing. Someone can be naive, which is their own problem to deal with, but also be unlucky enough to keep encountering assholes. In that case the assholes also have to take responsibility for their assholery.

@PoisonIvyBelle Very good advice given to @ruth...less above, and expressed so clearly and kindly. I think it would transfer well to the wider world of relationships outside of dating.

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122164843#Comment_122164843

Does your missus mind you posting her boobs on the interwebz?😂