online dating

YellowLead

At least you are going on plenty of dates - given it can be tough for guys to get volume, at least you don’t have that issue. Though quantity is not quality, as I well know.
There’s no formula to it, no strategy, you just have to keep at it and don’t settle because you’re just wasting time when you do. I was dating pretty much continuously for four years and only now how I found something completely free of doubts or problems.
Good people are hard to find. Most people settle for fear of loneliness or boredom, some aren’t intelligent enough to know the difference. But if you want a quality match once you hit your thirties, given Irelands small population - it’s going to be hard. But it’s very doable, just hang in there.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122020730#Comment_122020730

id say they dont even think about what it means, they are just boring people who have zero originality and that is why id avoid them.

Mitchell Ortiz

Maybe try other ways to date and don't use dating apps. 

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058346477/date-ideas-after-7pm-that-dont-involve-drinking

I LOL'd at the suggestion of a rage room for a first date😀.

I have a look at this thread every so often, and I'm loving the positive vibes, particularly from PoisonIvyBelle, YellowLead and Pwindedd. It's great when cynicism isn't allowed free reign.

@YellowLead, although I don't have a great sense of smell, I do feel my olfactory education is now complete🤣.

aero2k

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122015423#Comment_122015423

It's a great venue if you're ever down south, though last time I was in there I think my presence caused the average attendee age to double😀.

Ivor_Guddon

just an update on the " are we dating the same guy dublin " facebook page , 2 irish guys have commited suicide in Dublin over these groups , 1 know 1 of them guys through some other people and his life was persecuted by 1 particular wench who had been reported numerous times and nothing done about it , i fecking knew this would happen to somebody was only a matter of time , RIP Liam

remember ladies 2 sides to everything and very easy to make up a fake whatsapp chat depicting shite , so well done

2 lives gone over this tripe

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122026809#Comment_122026809

I don’t think anyone here needs to be convinced. But perhaps I’m wrong, and there could be lurkers.

Ivor_Guddon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122027173#Comment_122027173

they all played a small part in this , anybody who is on or contributes to these pages has a small part of the blame

Bobby_Bolivia

What are we saying about attraction growing over time?

Tried this time round to put less emphasis on chemistry or spark but don't know am I gone too far the other direction in not accounting for it at all.

Need to make a call on the girl I've seen twice already, who is refreshingly normal and has her head screwed on, but thus far I've just not felt that excitement yet.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122028513#Comment_122028513

Everybody has different opinions on this, so you just have to go with what feels right for you.
For me personally, it doesn’t happen via online dating. I have never gotten more attracted to somebody over time, and I’ve regretted waiting it out, which I have done to test things out. If there’s no excitement it’s sort of dead in the water in my book and you’re just dating for the sake of it. That’s just my experience.

I think for attraction to form over time it has to be in a more natural setting, like work or a hobby where the approach isn’t dating right off the bat and you might naturally notice somebody over time, (when you have spent time with them).
But when meeting somebody on a romantic level you are hyper focused on that aspect of your engagement with them and there isn’t the same space to wait and see.

Pwindedd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122028658#Comment_122028658

Couldn’t agree more. I used to think that, as with previous relationships not from OD, attraction would grow over time. Doesn’t really work that way with OD.

@BobbyBolivia have ye had a good old snogging sesh yet with the nice girl? It’s the only shortcut to knowing, I’ve found. I don’t mean a good night kiss either. You need a proper teenage make out session 😗

Ivor_Guddon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122028765#Comment_122028765

you mean a snogging session where you wanna just rip their clothes off , yep you need that passion

if the kiss is right it will always lead to excitement

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122028513#Comment_122028513

It's a tough one. I feel like there has to be some element of attraction. For me personally, I might not be that attracted to someone physically to begin with before I get to know them - but then I get to know something about them and find a a trait or mannerism/s that attracts me. For example, I have an ex I met online (social media) and was chatting to for a few months before I met him. If I'd met him before I got to know him, I probably wouldn't have found him as attractive, as the qualities that attracted me went beyond physical and created that spark which then also increased the physical attraction. On the other hand, I could be physically attracted to begin with and then chat and there's no click beyond thinking they're good-looking.

We've seen on this thread that men are a lot more about physical attraction when it comes to dating (not a bad thing, just a differential) so not sure it would apply for you. I do think the chemistry is important and it's not all about looks, but if you don't have it yet I'm not sure you can get it.

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122028765#Comment_122028765

This is it, you need to hook up and have that feeling where you want to spend more time with them rather than feeling awkward or like you want to get out of there. Or that buzz you get when they simply send you a text. Like you won't have that feeling forever, because people settle into routines and your life can't (and shouldn't) resolve around someone else, but you should have that excitement at the start and it should evolve into a secure kind of love where you have the excitement but minus the anxiety of wondering if it'll work.

Bobby_Bolivia

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122028765#Comment_122028765

Yeah I had that and it felt a bit like going through the motions, which is definitely not how it should have felt.

Ended it earlier, she was great on paper and normal but there was just nothing there to even build off attraction wise if I'm being totally honest.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122030582#Comment_122030582

Well done, you made the right call.

PoisonIvyBelle

Who was that poster who got all loved up like super early in the thread? Was a guy, hasn't posted since last year I think. Love to hear how all that's going!

raclle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122040255#Comment_122040255

Confused? Hasn't posted in awhile.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122040255#Comment_122040255

Was it ljmscooter? Probably married by now 🤣

Or the other lad was Confused as Rac said.

YellowLead

All still excellent my end, four weeks now but feels a lot longer because the interaction and communication has been solid.

Pwindedd

Ah she's counting the weeks. That's a great sign 😋

When you're communication styles match at the start it really is half the work done for you. Its just easier and more fun. You can just get on with enjoying yourselves.

Date 5 for me today. Fun activity followed by a chicken feast. I think we probably stop counting after 5 dates and move onto weeks like Yellow

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122040736#Comment_122040736

that's the one.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122041876#Comment_122041876

I’m so happy for you ☺️ And that’s it weeks…and hopefully months…etc 😉

Pwindedd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122042701#Comment_122042701

It's kind of serendipitous we both met a good one at the same time 🤗

You definitely deserve it ! You've put a lot of time and effort in. And never lost your optimism. Fair play.

I totally beat him at the activity. He took it well. But a rematch is on the cards 🤣

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122044345#Comment_122044345

Yes it’s pretty cool, must have been something fortuitous in the air.

Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition 😃

PoisonIvyBelle

I love how this thread has gone. So many users that were here from the start are all paired off now. Hopefully it gives people reading some hope for OD.

In other news, still trying to get my sister paired up, she's in a rural area so had to extent her search quite a lot but still isn't coming up with anyone she's really interested in. She's a tough one because I feel like a lot of guys feel she's out of their league, whereas those are usually the guys she's into - aka the bit rough at the edges sort rather than the pretty boy look. She's also looking for a guy who's into the outdoors, animals, hiking (more full-on hiking, she does it herself not for meeting people) and self-sustainable living etc, but then she gets the hippy types that don't interest her at all.

She's also independent minded and not mad about guys who fawn over her yet seems to attract a lot of them. She's happy on her own, but she'd just like someone to be with. Someone who adds to her life though and doesn't make it more stressful. She doesn't have the attitude you might expect given how much of a catch she is, so it makes her uncomfortable to be put on a pedestal. She's dated a few nut jobs so I think she's just wary now of getting into anything unless she's sure they're not like that (dudes going full stalker when she tries to break up with them etc. I've legit had two message me and her friends after trying to get us to turn her around).

Yeah so if anyone knows anyone who sounds like they'd suit her hit me up, she's actually given me the green light cause "desperate times desperate measures" haha.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122048696#Comment_122048696

It’s such a tough one because when women are independent and don’t need a man, then they take the time to only go for what they want and a good match is hard to find as we all know. Most people settle and are fine with whatever - but if you actually want to find somebody that suits you (as your sister does) then it’s going to be a tough one, luck and timing, patience….

PoisonIvyBelle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122049086#Comment_122049086

tbh I'm very proud of her for getting to a place where she doesn't need a guy and simply would like one in her life. She's nearly 30 now so I think it comes with age.

She has no problem getting interest from guys, just not ones she's interested in. There is a guy she likes at the mo who likes her and is a bit outside her type, but he's moving country soon - of course :/

Bobby_Bolivia

So, as I said, I ended it with the good on paper girl who I just didn't feel the attraction for, and the girl who was on holidays who I saw once the day before she left, messaged me the other day to say that she is still hung up on someone else. Was kind of assuming I wouldn't see her again anyway as I think you'd send the odd message on hols if you were interested, whereas she had originally promised to chat when she got back. No big deal. There was one other girl who had followed me off the apps but I'm not sure why she bothered as I basically gave her my number as a "if you want to organise a date message me, otherwise all the best" type thing, then she proceeded to try to engage in more small talk and be flakey about meeting so I just wrapped that up.

The more time I spend on the apps the less time I like to spend on messaging. I now ask after just a couple of back and forths - which probably (well definitely) loses me some girls but I just find that if I am messaging loads with someone before the date is means absolutely nothing really, it's never, ever an indicator of how it'll go in person for me. Others like to message more before meeting, personal preference I guess.

Anyway, I was a little burnt out so was going to take a step back for a week or two but Sunday night last week I was a bit bored so went through my matches and sent out a message to two and one responded. Ended up meeting her for a coffee on Tues, and it went well enough for me to see her for drinks over the weekend which went even better. Meeting her again tonight. Taking it date by date and very laid back about it all at the moment but I like her. We'll see where it goes.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122049214#Comment_122049214

It’s personal preference of course - but minimal messaging and a quick meet is essential for me, it’s what I did with current guy.
Glad you wrapped up all those others, those kind of things that aren’t going anywhere just waste your time tbh though they can provide a bit of entertainment if bored.

Glad you’ve had a few nice dates with somebody new and one date at a time is absolutely spot on at the start ☺️