Tower burgers and how they are crap

gameoverdude

Right so. Tower burgers. If you have to use a knife and fork, they're shite and not a burger.

Give me two smaller ones that I can pick up and munch away on without having to do a year's preparation on jaw muscle exercises.

Plus burger ingredients ideas are welcome (no rashers. That's for the breakfast thread).

BattleCorp

No rashers? Get ta fcuk. Nothing like smokey bacon on a burger.

But yeah, tis a pain in the hole when you can't pick the fcuker up and lay into it without a knife and fork.

silliussoddius

Or when you go to take a bite and the burger slips out and your teeth smash together.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119816206#Comment_119816206

Bit of innuendo there. Not going to judge.

Agreed. Normal hand size burgers.

Pisses me off with onion rings on them. Side dish, okay. Although fried gooey egg on top I've discovered and liked.

Half pounder sucks balls. Two quater pounder,grand.

I do like gherkins.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119816220#Comment_119816220

Hanging offence.

Worse is the mixture of sauces blister your lips afterwards!

You do need that initial big bite.

silliussoddius

Pickled jalapenos can be nice, also mixing a little of the brine with equal parts ketchup and mayo along with some mustard.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119816254#Comment_119816254

You're getting freaky on me here! I like.

Lazy me chops up onions, small size, chuck them in ketchup and blitz in in the microwave for 20 seconds.

Potential-Monke

Simply because you specified no rashers, you need to add Orc Bacon to your burgers. Immediately makes every burger better. Makes it so much better, that you will eventually just want the Orc Bacon. Which is also completely ok. Orc Bacon rocks!

A ground chuck quarter pounder with a slice of stilton in a nice sesame seed bun is the perfect burger.

Guffy

Chorizo

Pineapple

Mushrooms (diced)

Onion

Jalapeno

Whiskey in the marie rose

Fresh salad items

Mexican cheese

All work in various combenations

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119817907#Comment_119817907

Holy feck!

MarkR

Big burgers should be wider, not taller. Chode burgers.

satguy

It's not a burger if I can't pick it up,, If I'm out somewhere nice I try (if I can) to catch a glimpse of one of their burgers going to another table.

If it looks like big Ben, it's a mixed grill for me please..

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119818161#Comment_119818161

Excellent point.

Edit: if it looks to intimidating to pick up, move on.

FortuneChip

This ain't the housing crisis, build out, not up!

Gimme a burger with the same circumference of a personal pizza!

Also, bun circumfernce should be equal to or less than burger circumference.

Toppings, Bacon & Cheese with a modest amount of sauce.

Not against things like jalepenos or gherkins in moderation, but Bacon & Cheese are king.

Gregor Samsa

Ordered a burger at a work dinner in a hotel in Minsk, Belarus one time. They asked me if I wanted gloves. I laughed, and dismissed the ludicrous suggestion. Crazy commies!

The burger came out, and it was so big and so messy that it was impossible to pick up. In fact it was so messy, it was difficult to even eat with a knife and fork - you'd nearly need a spoon.

I looked around and the more seasoned diners at this establishment were eating their burgers while wearing blue surgical gloves.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119818544#Comment_119818544

This is the problem with eating establishments at the moment. Notions!

As mentioned above, we have this amazing ability to extend the distance between our two hands. Width is the key.

Getting some sauce on the auld fingers is okay and licking it off is half the pleasure (oh matron!). But providing gloves! Jaysus.

thefallingman

i was in Australia in 99, they put Beetroot on bigmacs ffs, beetroot.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119818820#Comment_119818820

I like beetroot, but that's crazy.

The lower gravity in the Southern Hemisphere can cause issues with the thinking process though.

silliussoddius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119817907#Comment_119817907

Leave from the same door you came in.

Ush1

Worrying trend of Irish people calling rashers "bacon".

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119819399#Comment_119819399

With all those ingredients, it does sound like a bit of a tower.

A bit of criticism, moderately so in some cases, but diced mushrooms? full portobello one I'd potentially let you away with. Whiskey in the Marie rose (unless it's one for the sauce and one for me)?

Pineapple! I believe it's written in our constitution that can only be on pizza or more pineapple. Don't start on me now. I didn't make up the laws.

BattleCorp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119818820#Comment_119818820

My missus is half aussie, half Irish. She puts beetroot on burgers.

Time for a divorce methinks.

silliussoddius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119819587#Comment_119819587

Tell her for every beetroot she doesn’t eat you will give her a Tim Tam.

Guffy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119819502#Comment_119819502

😂

I wouldn't have them all on the one burger, various combinations i said.

Pineapple (fried obvs) on a Turkey burger is a must.

Finely diced Chestnut mushrooms and shallots with red and or green chillies and chorizo on a beef burger is savage. Couldn't be having big chunks of portobello on a burger, are ya mad.

Was recommended a bottle of bourbon some time ago, it was muck. But absolutely savage with paprika mixed through the pink sauce. Have used white rum too, but whisky is best.

tastyt

If you eat a burger with a knife and fork you’re what’s wrong with the country

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119819814#Comment_119819814

I'll forget you mentioned pineapple, turkey and burger in the same sentence.

The veg, do you mix in with the sauce? Nothing pisses me off more than having an avalanche of ingredients falling out of my burger once I pick it up. Well, if someone mentions a tofu burger that might piss me off more.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119819622#Comment_119819622

That's needlessly cruel. But I like.

SteM

Was away last week and we went to a burger place. I had to leave the table to take a call before I could order so my wife ordered me a burger with caramelised onion and banana. 'Twas rank.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119819902#Comment_119819902

Does she hate you?

Feisar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZwyLVUAS5Y

Anthony Bourdain (RIP) on burgers, the man knew what he was on about.

As someone who used to but all sorts in a burger including tapenade, actually not a bad shout, I've really paired things back based upon the above philosophy. Is this improving the experience and can I eat it as a burger.