Am I unreasonable

Carlowgirl

Been seeing a guy for six months . Was in a long term relationship and he often ask s questions about him like would we ever get back together or go off with each other . I answer him and reassure him .

ive been having friend suggestions from models that he is linked with on social media and girls that are his exes . When I looked further or snooped they are still liking each other others pictures . I asked him is he still in contact with these women I felt it was a basic question and he dumped me by text and said he was sick of my questions and that he doesn’t have contact with them and that I have trust issues . I explained he often asked me questions and i didn’t fly off the handle and he said it’s different cos my relationship was long term . Am I unreasonable for asking why all these women are coming up as suggestions . I have other male friends that are single thst are on dating apps so I knew these women were from apps . I met him on an app . He dumped me by text over it 🤷‍♀️

evolvingtipperary101

Over reaction = over protective = something to hide = Move on.

Carlowgirl

Ya it seems unreasonable thst he can ask questions but I can’t

GavPJ

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119579583#Comment_119579583

Sounds like it.

Wasn't life a lot simpler before social media.

CrookedJack

You're not being unreasonable, if it's really as you say - that you only asked him once, and gently, then of course this is a massive overreaction on his part. Unless you were really hounding him all the time I can't see this as anything other than an overreaction.

Other posters have suggested that maybe this indicates something else is going on, and that might be so, but you'll likely never know. What is certainly true is that he is conditioning you not to ask him uncomfortable questions. He's training you that he can ask you whatever he likes but you'll have a row if you ask him something he doesn't want you to. He's trying to create a relationship where he does what he likes and you sit and stew about it, not wanting to ask for fear of the blow-up.

So no not unreasonable, and frankly better off out of it.

evolvingtipperary101

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119579672#Comment_119579672

I don't know. Perhaps, it's just relationships are really difficult no matter what the media or time.

theteal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119579646#Comment_119579646

Indeed. Likely dodged a bullet. Onwards and upwards

NiceFella

Yeah he sounds like a tool. Leave him at it.

Tombo2001

The question you should ask yourself is why you are asking questions about yourself....

Carlowgirl

Thanks I have asked him questions before like why he is still shown on dating apps even though he wasn’t using it snd he freaked . Asked him about the models before she he flipped and asked him about the dating app girls this week so ya I have asked questions but they are about different things . I asked him before was I right to turn down a date when we started seeing each other and he flipped . He flips when I ask a question basically but he asks me questions. He told me it’s red flag for asking why he’s friends with dating app girls on social media . Basically I’m the red flag 🚩 but he asked me woukd i end up in bed with my ex if we were together etc . He’s never shown me on social media and i has to ask him to remove his single status in fb . I didn’t even ask him to say he’s in a relationship just to remove the single status

Dial Hard

Forget the questions thing, the real issue was the fact that he still had a profile on the apps after 6 months. He was 100% keeping his options open. Block and move on.

“He Flips”

your words not mine.

That’s all you need to know. You’ve dodged a bullet - sounds like a complete cad coupled with a potential domestic abuser.

Carlowgirl

Ya the tinder thing was about four months into dating I asked him why he was still up on it . He flipped first and then explained he was on it but not using it

Jequ0n

Ah, I do the angry flipping and blame shifting when I am cornered and can’t get out of it, but it sounds like he wasn’t even bothered to hide that he was still on the lookout.

You’ll be better off blocking him before he reconnects with you and comes up with an elaborate and sorry tale.

Donald Trump

The reason he doesn't want you to be in contact with your ex is that he assumes you'd be at the same craic he is at

Jaysis, he flips a lot, doesn't he.

Move on, and count yourself lucky that you only wasted six months on him.

Carlowgirl

Oh god I feel so silly now 🙈

I'd say you dodged a bullet alright. Though, in future maybe hold off on connecting on social media, WhatsApp etc for as long as you can. The amount of "I can see he's online, it's been three hours, why hasn't he texted me" stuff on here is nuts.

Carlowgirl

It’s just awful I get made out to be jealous because I asked him about these girls. He said I accused him of sleeping with them I did. I such thing . I asked if he was in contact with them I didn’t accuse . He was on apps for ten years never had a relationship longer than a couple of months

The bottom line is, neither of you has any trust in the other. This relationship sounds quite volatile and unhealthy, on both your parts.

From what I can see, I doubt that is going to change, so I think you're better off calling it quits now before you get in any deeper.

Big Bag of Chips

A guilty mind accuses others. He was keeping his options open, seeing what was available, possibly even sleeping with others - which is why he believed you were doing the same thing.

My brother-in-law regularly accused his (now ex) wife of cheating on him. Of sleeping with others. Of being the "town bike". He had absolutely no basis for these accusations whatsoever - except that he had a fondness for prostitutes himself.

Move on. Don't go back looking for answers or to make a point. He's not going to hear it.

discoinferno

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058262210/am-i-unreasonable

Take it from someone who had a untrustworthy and deceitful boyfriend (up to recently) who was at this as well as other cagey things. He would get defensive, cry and say anything to manipulate me rather than admitting his behaviour and owning up to it. This guys behaviour and defensive response is a red flag. He did you a favour. Let him off. Who wants to be with someone who creeps online. Major ick. It’s a bit juvenile.

YellowLead

Were you actually in a relationship- as in did you agree to be exclusive and by boyfriend and girlfriend, or were you just seeing each other without the conversation? If the latter then it’s no surprise he was still on apps and chatting with whoever he liked.

All you really need to hear from this was him repeatedly flipping - not a good sign in a person, esp so soon in a relationship when things are usually rosy. You are well rid!

On the girls that he was friends with - I think you either trust somebody or you don’t, if you don’t then you dump- it’s not healthy to be stalking them seeing who they are friends with and worrying about it.

It’s a good thing he ended things, now you are free of something that wasn’t a good thing and thankfully it was only 6 months.

Carlowgirl

Thanks he admitted he was in contact with her but it was just hello s or whatever . It’s over anyway

Jequ0n

No disrespect OP, but maybe you should be a bit more suspicious of people. I just had a look at your post threads and I think you could do with some firmer boundaries without feeling guilty.

Best of luck

Carlowgirl

Thanks he flipped a few months ago when I heard he was on an app he had told me he deleted . He flipped them explained he had deleted the app and not the profile but there was major flipping and getting defensive . I don’t think or know if there’s anything going on with these app women . He told me one still checks in and says hello but she has a boyfriend . I brought it up before about all the Instagram models he follows as they were coming up as suggestions and only single men I know were following them . I know that’s another debate but his reaction was I can follow who I like not my prob they have no clothes on . He just had no consideration for my feelings for half naked women half our age coming up as suggestions for me and told me I was paranoid .

Neyite

The first thought in my head reading your post was "projection"

He's projecting onto you the behaviour he himself is doing.

He's following these women (instagram is a way for OnlyFans or Cam workers to attract clientèle) or some women for more of them to come up as suggestions on his algorithim. He knows that behaviour, or chatting to an ex is straying into dodgy territory in a relationship - and he's fine with that. He's keeping his options open and as long as he does, you are wasting your time.

Throw this one back into the sea.

Jequ0n

I’ll be honest. I’d have a major issue if my partner wanted to dictate who I could follow on social media, particularly if these were public figures. So I don’t think he was unreasonable there but you were.

Carlowgirl

Hi ya I understand but I didn’t dictate I asked him if these women were only fans and he flipped .i woukd hsve a prob with a boyfriend following only fans models . It’s just not Appropriate so I asked and if he said yes then I had a chance to walk away and had a choice but he flipped when I asked . Too many flips . He asked me all the time about my contact with my ex because we own a house together and I answered him a reassured him .i never flipped . I understood he might be Imsecure . He never liked any of my picture s even though I don post regularly but he likes the exes ones or the ones from the apps and the ones with no clothes on . I have a fit figure and am attractive I just don’t feel the need to post pictures with no clothes on for attention . It’s childish that some men seem to have more respect for these women than real women . It’s sad

discoinferno

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119582991#Comment_119582991

My ex boyfriend did the exact same thing. Caught on dating apps, denied what I had seen until the cows came home and then claimed he couldn’t work his phone. He insulted my intelligence, my eyesight (lol) and clearly had no respect for me or our relationship or frankly, himself. The difference is, I backed down and forgave. Time passed, things never got better. He continued to push boundaries and disrespect me. You are not paranoid, he just got caught out.

Trust yourself. You are right in what you suspected and you are better off without him. It’s only a certain type of person engaging in that shite online and they are bottom of the barrel creeps. Think about it.

Carlowgirl

Ya he showed me screen shots of one of the exes he talks to Instagram . Said he hasn’t talked to them in a year but the dates were this year . There was nothing in it but my problem was I just asked if he still has contact with these dating app women and he dumped me before explaining . He also told me he didn’t love me after six months but just presumed we’d get on snd it would work out . I told him that I had loved him and it’s not fair to be strung along . He says he’s never loved any woman but cared about me . How could I trust a man thst doesn’t love me . Surely after six months you d have some idea . Was I was supposed to wait for a year and decide if he did then . Dating is horrible. People are so dispensable and mean now 🙄🙈