Brother Says I Can't Sit Next To Wife At Wedding

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428669#Comment_119428669

https://onefabday.com/groomsmen-duties-list/

Op see attached for the role of a groomsman - it gives a good rundown of whats expected. I dont think anyone meant to be harsh to you - it did sound being honest that you didnt appear to understand what a groomsman was. I hope you can get to sort this out to everyones satisfaction and have a wonderful day. Also I think your wife will be fine - it may even be a good opportunity for everyone to get to know her. Guests will understand that you are busy being a part of the wedding party and take her under their wing.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119427598#Comment_119427598

I can kinda see this, but in another way its quite endearing.

Unhappy Brother

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428839#Comment_119428839

Endearing to separate a young child from his mother.

Alright, I think I've had enough feedback, mods can you close the thread please.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428859#Comment_119428859

No endearing as in welcoming the child to place of honour. Jaysus.

JeffKenna

I can kind of see the OP's point. I mean I've never seen brothers and sisters who aren't in the bridal party sit at the top table. It's a bit much to put his wife sitting with friends of his parents. By right there should be a second table for brothers/sisters/in-laws and that's where she should be sitting.

chiefwiggum

Jesus..."to separate a young child from his mother". Are either been locked away for the duration of the festivities?you're trying to paint a picture like they are going to be forceably seperated kicking and screaming. She'll be a maximum of 20 ft away I'd imagine in plain view..if this is a thing to make a big deal over I can see why your family don't get on

cnocbui

Don't go, after all, the wedding doesn't revolve around you, apparently, so no one should mind.

Be right back

It's just the way generally you have to just go along with what the bride and groom want. Just one day after all. I'm invited to a colleague's wedding soon with no plus one, whereas all other workmates have been asked to bring a plus one. Not sure if it's an oversight or what, just not going to make a fuss.

If your sister is not part of the wedding party, you could ask that your wife and son be seated with her?

Jequ0n

@Unhappy Brother

This is exhausting to read and a good reminder why I hate Irish weddings so much.

If your immediate family makes such a big trip to attend the wedding ceremony there should have been some consideration.

OP, I simply wouldn’t go under these circumstances. I don’t think you are being self centred here. There is a weird level of expectation on this “special day” which is just really stressful for everyone involved.

FunLover18

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428859#Comment_119428859

But if he's not with her, he'll be with you. I'd only be asking for him to be sat with her so she has someone she knows but other than that it's a nice gesture to include sit a child at the main table.

FunLover18

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119429068#Comment_119429068

Not going to the wedding over this would be extremely petty, it doesn't get much more self centered than refusing to go to someone else's wedding because you can't sit next to your wife.

GreeBo

I dont understand why they would put your son at the main table, thats bizarre to me.

But the solution is not to also bring your wife up, its to put your son back to her table.

It would also be bizzarre to have the wedding party +1 random person at the main table. Like where would she sit, in between all the groomsmen?

Your brother is bringing his girlfriend and I presume the bridemaids are bringing people, sit your family with them?

You made the point "I consider my wife to be part of my family"....I dont see the relevance? Its not a family table, its the bridal party table? Sure the priest will be there, is he family?

Seems like you are coming at this pre-chipped to be honest.

Neyite

You had your wedding. And presumably in China, right? you probably did things that were traditional in wedding culture there and didn't realise were standard so if the shoe was on the other foot and it was your brother asking for his wife your wife's family would probably have had a similar issue.

You sound like a considerate husband, and you've not realised that you aren't just doing an aisle walk.

Groomsmen have pre-wedding photos to attend, then there's the wedding, then the (hours!) of photos afterwards, then the meal. Realistically you might not get to actually hang out with your wife and kid until well after first and second dance which could be 9pm - you could be easily detained from first thing in the morning until then. I've been the partner of a groomsman on two different occasions and I'm fairly chatty, of the same culture and even then, it was a long auld boring time for me hanging around with couples.

So my advice is to explain that you didn't fully understand the logistics of the role, but you want him and his wife to have their day their way and if possible, could he step you down as groomsman as it's a long day for your wife on her own. Explain that you've no hard feelings and hope there isn't any hard feelings on his part either and if he's paid for suits, offer to cover the cost of any change as a goodwill gesture. Then just attend as a guest, and you and your wife have a great time.

sprucemoose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428669#Comment_119428669

op i do think most people are considering family, its just in this case its not your family theyre concerned about seeing as its not your wedding.

sometimes traditions dont have much or any logical reasoning but people want to stick to them, having multiple groomsmen (or a wedding full stop tbh) might seem illogical to alot of people, but if thats your brother's choice then so be it.

also, its not uncommon for guests to not be too familiar with each other so your wife wont be on her own with that one. personally, im pretty shy and uncomfortable so i get that it might be a bit hard for her with new people, but once shes sat with a decent group of people - i.e similar ages etc - she'll be fine.

bucketybuck

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428859#Comment_119428859

Would you ever listen to yourself, it seems that there is no level of innocuous comment that you won't take offence to. No wonder it is family drama all over the place.

I would suggest that if you are causing drama over simple seating arrangements, that is not a good sign of things to come when the real wedding pressure comes on. What are you going to have a problem with next, having to wear matching suits? Having to stand still for photos? Having to join in with the bridesmaids for the first dance?

Its such a shame your brother tried to include you on his big day but if you consider it all to be so much hassle for you then perhaps you should just avoid it altogether.

obi604

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428669#Comment_119428669

There will be no other children there. There will be no other family there. I'm a little bit dismayed at people constantly making incorrect assumptions despite me laying out all the information.

I too am like you.....totally in shock and dismay about the incorrect assumptions, I cant get over it

The Continental Op

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119428365#Comment_119428365

Nope don't believe a word of that. A neighbor has a daughter in law who is Korean. The family are like the son is the black sheep that married an foreigner.

If the OP's family are anything like that then I can see his issue.

Padre_Pio

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119429359#Comment_119429359

That's a stretch though. Nothing in the OP says anything like that.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod note

Thread closed as per OP's request.

I would remind folks of the forum Charter and to ensure their replies to threads in PI/RI are in line with it. Ive deleted some off topic posts .

Unhappy brother- The Charter applies to those starting threads as well as those replying. People are taking time out of their day to give you advice so you can resolve the issue you are having. Please bear that in mind going forward.

Thanks to those who offered advice.

HS