Date has stopped responding to messages regarding meeting in my part of the country

Church on Tuesday

We've been on two dates, went for a drink after the gig(that she asked for along and paid for) before that, I'm not in love or anything don't worry, if anything, she was asking questions about the future and certainly wanted to meet again after the second date, again, HER suggestion, not mine.

Then two weeks ago, I asked her outright if she was still interested in meeting and she said yes and wanted to explore (generic tourist attraction) with me. I didn't hear from her for two weeks and reached out with alternatives the last week.

No, I don't have pop up notifications for WhatsApp out of personal preference.

Idle Passerby

She more than likely blocked your number after the second message. You think your being dignified but it reads to me as tone deaf harassment. Yeah she could have cut to the chase and said she wasn't interested but by not replying to you the first time she effectively said the same thing.

Regardless of whose being more fair, try to look at it subjectively. There was some mild attraction but she lives in a city with plenty of options, why would she bother going out of her way to get to know someone who lives the other side of the country. How long is she even in Ireland for? You live far away, your coming across as pushy and desperate, she may not be interested in anything further than a casual flirtation. There's nothing here for you to pursue and she's made is abundantly clear (albeit passively) that she doesn't want to hear from you.

Church on Tuesday

That's very true and the distance is perhaps already an issue.

I've a mate from the west who's engaged to a woman from Bray and they did long distance for the first five years. If there's enough interest there, it can be done.

o1s1n

Try to read back over your messages from an outsider's perspective and you might see it in different eyes.

She kissed you once on the second date, mentioned vaguely about meeting up a third time and in the five weeks since, has gone from 'sparse' communication to 'silence'.

You then replied to the silence with a detailed message about moving out of your place, booking and AirBnB, to which she didn't reply.

Reached out a couple of days later saying if she's not interested in an AirBnB, no problem - still no reply.

You messaged her AGAIN today about meeting in Dublin and she hasn't read the message (I would take this as a sign that you were blocked after the above message)

You mention 'if she changes her mind, she knows where to find me' as if the ball has been left in her court.

She's actually left our figurative court weeks ago and you're still standing on the other side of the net waiting for her to knock the ball back.

Forget about her, delete her number/messages and move on.

Church on Tuesday

I haven't been blocked.

Well you see, at the end of the day, you like what you like, where the man or woman lives is largely (although not always) irrelevant. Attraction isn't a choice.

Idle Passerby

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331975#Comment_119331975

Course it can, if both people want a serious relationship and are prepared to do the distance thing. She's obviously not. I don't even see evidence that she was keen for anything more than a casual drink/kiss.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331992#Comment_119331992

In that case maybe it's nothing to do with where you live and she's not attracted to you?

Church on Tuesday

Again, I haven't been blocked.

Meeting the third time was her suggestion not mine, in fact she sent me a message that night about meeting again.

Read over all my replies; arguably she has led me on.

Church on Tuesday

Let it go lad.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119332029#Comment_119332029

People can (and do) change their mind. Luckily nobody is locked into holding people to date commitments.

She clearly has since changed her mind for whatever reason and is now ghosting you.

Sure, it's not the best way of going about things, but neither is repeatedly sending someone follow up messages and not taking the hit that they're not interested.

Idle Passerby

You've basically been telling her that if she says jump you'll ask how high. She's not interested. She might have been briefly but not anymore. You had, what 3 dates? And one kiss? It's not worth the thought your putting into it now. She's already forgotten the whole thing.

Wezz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119332029#Comment_119332029

She hasn't led you on. You had a date that was left with the potential for a further date, nothing came of it. That's the way it goes sometimes, people have a nice time but decide not to take things further. You had your answer when she didn't reply to your first text but you chose to persist with text two and three. Take the hint.

Church on Tuesday

Well, for the billionth time, there's the small matter of her wanting to visit me out west which was her suggestion.

Wezz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119332051#Comment_119332051

And in the cold light of day she changed her mind. She doesn't owe you squat.

CreadanLady

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331975#Comment_119331975

Yeah. But there isn't any interest there in your case. She isn't opening your messages. To me that says she litterly cares so little, she isn't even bothered to read it.

All the what ifs about phone broke, travelling, busy, etc is just junk talk.

She's not interested. So you might as well just forget about it and move on with your life. You are bordering on obsessing about it.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119332051#Comment_119332051

You don't seem to be getting the idea that people can change their mind.

If someone suggests 5 weeks ago that they might want to pop out your way it doesn't mean they owe you a visit now. She's no longer interested.

Sebastian Dangerfield

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331465#Comment_119331465

Yeah if Ive ever had to send a second one, Ive always left it with "I'll leave it with you" or words to that effect. 3 is too many. More often than not the fact Im sending a second one has told me everything I needed to know

CreadanLady

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119332051#Comment_119332051

Talk is cheap. She might have been just humouring you, or maybe she changed her mind since.

Either way, it doesn;t matter. If she wanted to visit you, should would make it happen and be in contact. Well, she hasn't. She has no interest in you man.

And if you are so tone deaf and unable to read between the lines here, then maybe she picked up on something that way in your character or personality and decided she was no longer interested.

Should she have clarified in words, yes probably. But she didn't. Her actions (or lack of them) have done the talking for her.

You just have to listen.

Church on Tuesday

As things stand, she absolutely has. By your logic then, why not just ignore my message two weeks ago instead of saying she's still interested? Would not ignoring one then be the best time to do it, if she simply doesn't have the emotional maturity, at 35, to tell a man, thanks for your time but it's not for me?

Yet you've got the usual White Knights on here basically making me out to be some kind of desperate creep and not calling her out on her, so far, frankly **** behaviour.

I don't know if the lass is interested or not and frankly I don't particularly care one way or the other; she might be just really busy, maybe she met someone else, maybe an ex has come back, who knows, maybe we'll meet and maybe (most likely) we won't. And that's fine.

I've come here looking for advice, all I'm interested in is solid advice and not nasty comments.

On that note, mod can close this thread.

AdrianG08

Jaysus some rough advice on here. I'd agree it looks like shes not interested and he should stop texting, but we have all been there i'm sure.

No doubt a bloke would get grief for "ghosting" (hate these millennial expressions) a girl in a similar fashion. She could have the decency/maturity to let you know shes not interested but she obviously just doesn't want the hassle.

Put it down to experience and don't go looking for any explanations/send any more texts. Have confidence in yourself that you will find someone else and it will be a distant memory. A girl/lad like this always multiplies in terms of attraction when you feel you can no longer have them.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119332124#Comment_119332124

I haven't seen a nasty comment in this whole thread. You just don't like that the general consensus goes against what you wanted to hear.

Nobody is saying her behavior is acceptable by the way, just that you need to read between the lines and move on. You're becoming obsessed with hearing back from a woman who is not interested in you.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119332130#Comment_119332130

Of course a guy would get grief for ghosting someone, and you know what, if the woman the OP is talking about was posting here instead, I'm sure she'd get grief for it too.

It's not her posting though, it's the OP.

Ultimately folks are just trying to tell him to forget about it and move on.

spaceHopper

You are never going to hear from her again, she either has you blocked or on mute. Some people don't like delivering bad news or confrontation so they just ignore the problem till it goes away, it's got nothing to do with your or her age it's just how they are.

Jequ0n

I fail to see where you saw any sign of commitment from her, OP. She has kept you at arm’s length from the start (stalking and abusive history = tear jerking and an excellent excuse to withdraw at any stage).

Let it go, and pay back the favour should she ever get in touch again at some stage. She might do if she needs the validation/ attention.

AmberKat

It's all well and good saying that she should have responded and told you she wasn't interested but speaking from experience you never know how someone is going to take that. Ghosting developed as a phenomenon for countless reasons there is no age or gender limit on who will do it or when or for what reason.

Considering there were only 2 dates and such a long time has passed the message she is sending is pretty clear. She is no longer interested regardless of what she said in the past.

There could be numerous reasons for this, it's not a good time for her, she is struggling with her health, she has met someone she has a better connection with. The simple fact is while it would be nice to know, she doesn't owe you anything including that explanation and you need to let it go.

Don't send a 4th message when the previous 3 have been unanswered.

bucketybuck

Everything about this thread, assuming it is genuine, suggests that you are far, far too invested in this women.

You met her twice, swapped a few messages and then she stopped responding, there are very few 35 year olds that would need explanation of what happened there.

piplip87

Delete her number. If she texts you back then great if not the temptation for you to text her isn't there.

rolling boh

Her actions have made it abundantly clear she has no interest in a relationship with you forget about her and move on .

Hello 2D Person Below

Yar wan has had a lucky escape.

She told OP that she has been stalked before and OP continues to hound her.

Unreal.

Church on Tuesday

Mods can the thread be deleted now?

I think I've had enough character assassination for one day.