Date has stopped responding to messages regarding meeting in my part of the country

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 1:53pm #1

Hi all, as above a woman I've been on a couple dates with has basically stopped responding to messages relating to meeting in my neck of the woods, she's based in Dublin and I'm in the West. She's not Irish.

We met at a gig a couple months ago in Dublin, she asked me along for a drink, got the number and met for coffee the next day. Chanced the kiss but was declined, which was fair enough, seemed to be interest in meeting again and after 5(!) weeks met again in Dublin, cinema and drinks, incredibly it wasn't akward at all and ended the night kissing before I put her in a taxi to which she started "next time you're the tour guide" I personally thought that was quite a stretch to travel and stay the other side of the country with a guy you barely know but fair enough. That was 5 weeks ago.

Communication has always been spare on WhatsApp, the woman is busy with her work and travels a lot, but when I reached out a few days later to arrange the third date she maintained it would be July when she would be free. I left it and contacted her ten days later to ask was she still interested in meeting to which she started she thinks we should meet again but never gave a date. That was two and a half weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since.

I sent a message last Thursday telling her, as I had moved out of my place, it would have to be an Airbnb and that I was free the next couple weekends, no reply and then reached out again a couple days later basically saying if she's not interested in one, it's grand, no reply. Early today bI suggested meeting again in Dublin is she'd be more comfortable with that and the message hasn't been seen yet.

One thing that was obvious on the second date, she mentioned she had stalkers in the past and an abusive relationship also back home. I even mentioned to her during the date when the conversation got intense that she seemed cautious, especially over WhatsApp and the coffee date.

I really like this woman and we get along great but I get the feeling she can't let go of negative experiences in the past hence the understandable reluctantance to meet me out west after the fact, it's either that or she simply is isn't interested anymore.

Any advice appreciated here on this, TIA!

The One Doctor · 13-07-2022 1:56pm

Move on before you get accused of stalking her.

event · 13-07-2022 1:58pm

In the last 6 days you've sent her 3 messages, all unanswered. Time to move on

bucketybuck · 13-07-2022 1:59pm

I'd say she has made it very clear what her position is, and I don't understand why you keep chasing her. Put it like this, she has not responded to your messages more times than you have actually ever met her.

You keep reaching out to her, you don't mention her ever reaching out to you. What does that say?

Pissy Missy · 13-07-2022 2:05pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058254295/date-has-stopped-responding-to-messages-regarding-meeting-in-my-part-of-the-country

Just my opinion, You prob won't want to hear this but I think you should forget about her and get on with your life. Fair enough she might be busy, but if she was actually interested in you, 2 weeks wouldn't go by without her getting back to you. Like you've messaged her several times and she's not replying. Maybe stalkers have left her more cautious but if you keep sending her messages without her replying, it's not helping.

It's rly simple when it comes to fancying each other, it's fun n virtually no drama, but when there's a lot of games and the feeling you're chasing someone like you are, it's time to move on.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:05pm

Well we're both 35 here, surely as we're not kids, you can tell the person you've been seeing you're simply not interested anymore. I even told her it's not a big deal if she doesn't.

I told her earlier today, because frankly it's getting a bit silly, I'm happy to meet in Dublin if she'd be more comfortable with that, she may (or may not) be comfortable traveling across the country to see one, which I thought was a stretch in the first instance anyway and that might be the issue. If she doesn't reply to that, then that's that sure.

anglesorangles · 13-07-2022 2:08pm

Theres never an excuse for that 3rd message. Id pretty much never do 2. Whats the point , if shes interested shed have replied or if shes too busy she will still reply to the first.

Pissy Missy · 13-07-2022 2:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331451#Comment_119331451

You'd think that but unfortunately ghosting isn't an age defined trend

Yeah if you don't hear from her again best to leave it at that and send no more messages

MIRMIR82 · 13-07-2022 2:10pm

I'm sorry to say but ''she's just not that into you''. Time to block her and move on!

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:11pm

Yeah I agree with all that tbh, I suppose I'm just trying to be understanding here and patient and not give the impression of just wanting her for her body (which I suspect may be the case tbh)

I've put it out there anyways, if she's more comfortable with that then fine, if not, that's also fine and that's more or less been my vibe.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:12pm

Most likely the case, yes.

Jafin · 13-07-2022 2:12pm

Don't send her more messages. Leave the ball in her court. She most likely won't get back to you, so just be prepared mentally and start moving on. If she does get back to you, great, if not then forget about her. Easier said than done, I know.

13-07-2022 2:13pm

Accept she may be not interested. If she does reply later, consider how valid her reply is before deciding next steps- it’s one thing playing hard to get but it does sound like she has finished with you- which is sad I know, and she’s been a bit immature about it all, but maybe a bullet dodged.

You know little about her and also, you don’t know what’s going on in her life- maybe somethnig very serious has happened - however, you can only go on what you know which is very little- I’d put it to the back of your mind and move on- but if I were in your position and she did eventually make contact, I’d be a bit cautious and I’d be looking for her actions to back up her words before investing any more time in her.

CreadanLady · 13-07-2022 2:14pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331451#Comment_119331451

She *did* tell you she was no longer interested. Her silence speaks volumes. You need to read between the lines.

Just leave her alone and move on. She has had enough drama with stalkers without you pestering her with text messages which it is already abundantly clear she has no interest in you.

If she was interested, she would make an effort. She is not even opening them, let along responding.

radiotrickster · 13-07-2022 2:16pm

There’s plenty more people out there who will want to go out with you and will make the effort to see you. Let them go.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:19pm

Nail on head. Honestly, this is how I'm thinking myself the last while. I believe in giving people a chance and not jumping to conclusions. She did mention she was off mentally and was feeling all over the place ( her words) so I'm just trying, perhaps failing, to make things easy for her.

The last thing I want is to come off needy or stalkerish trust me. The offer is on the table if she wants it, but perhaps this simply isn't a good time for her.

anglesorangles · 13-07-2022 2:22pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331541#Comment_119331541

Yeah exactly man , timing is important and it might not suit her at the moment, as one poster said , best thing to do is mentally move on and leave it at that , ya never know you might get a reply in future , although id be a bit wary of the excuse etc.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:23pm

I personally think it's sad and off putting that a 35 year old grown woman can't simply tell one she's not interested anymore (I've respectfully told people) and arguably has led one on the last couple weeks but there you go.

Wezz · 13-07-2022 2:25pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331451#Comment_119331451

In an ideal world people would have the respect to message and say they are not interested but its not an ideal world. I don't know why you didn't get the hint after the second message, sending the third just makes you look a bit desperate to be honest. For a woman who has experienced stalking that probably sealed the deal. Put it down to bad luck and keep looking.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:27pm

Yeah I'm just leaving it for now, nothing more needs to be siad to her. I'm flexible and it's really up to her now.

Pussyhands · 13-07-2022 2:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331575#Comment_119331575

Yeah it's sad alright. And in addition you have people here telling you she HAS said she's not interested and that you need to read between the lines.

13-07-2022 2:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331514#Comment_119331514

Not helpful at all - the OP is not a stalker- they asked a simple question and wanted advice- no need to be nasty - just because she didn’t read the text doesn’t mean anything- she could be away, phone broken, busy or many other reasons

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:36pm

Or perhaps when the time came to arrange meeting in the West, she, understandably, baulked at the reality of it. I mean, I could be a total lunatic. If she was my sister or friend I simply wound not recommend meet a guy you barely know the other side of the country, it's simply too soon.

That was her suggestion, not mine. The couple messages I've sent was to try allay any fears or concerns she may have as I'm sensitive and aware of her past negative experiences, now I've suggested a day trip to meet her in Dublin if she is more comfortable with that.

I can't really be any fairer or understanding than that. Like, it's **** that stalking happens to women and obviously that's disgusting, but she's also a grown woman who can tell me ( as she did in the date) about siad concerns and I'm flexible to arrange something less intense as a result and not fly off the handle over it.

Pissy Missy · 13-07-2022 2:41pm

God bless being single and no ambiguity

Dave0301 · 13-07-2022 2:46pm

Jesus...take the hint and move on. Yes, she could have been more upfront about it but move on with a bit of dignity.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:47pm

The third message about meeting in Dublin hasn't been seen yet.

Look, most likely she's not interested, which is fine, if she changes her mind she knows we're to find me.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:53pm

In all honesty, and this is not me being a prick here, I'm the one with the dignity.

Maybe it's a bullet dodged sure. I've been patient and understanding and have treated the woman with actual respect, not sure, as things stand, you can say that of her.

Wezz · 13-07-2022 2:53pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119331779#Comment_119331779

You're really not letting this go are you? Checking to see if messages have been read. Look, if she didn't reply after message one or two she won't be replying after message three.

Church on Tuesday · 13-07-2022 2:56pm

I don't even have notifications turned on for her.

That could well be the case, time will tell.

TheW1zard · 13-07-2022 3:05pm

Have you only met this person twice in your life?

By notifications not turned on do you mean you have muted her on Whatsapp?

Jafin · 13-07-2022 3:10pm

Another thing I will point out is that long distance can also make things difficult. I was dating someone for a few months recently who lived an hour and a half away by car, but I don't drive, and it took over four hours and two buses for me to get to him. We took turns of who visited who, but when work and life eventually got in the way the last two dates ended up happening over a 7-8 week period and things just fizzled out. I know we're a fairly small country, and it's easier if you both drive, but the public transport infrastructure in this country is woeful and can make things extremely difficult if you're reliant on it. I'm not saying it can't work, but it's hard.

Date has stopped responding to messages regarding meeting in my part of the country

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