Why don't Irish people befriend foreigners?

Northernlily

Fairly unique in a global context, we are very lucky in Ireland and in the urban centres that we have the opportunity to study, live and work in places we are from or relatively close to it.

Friendships groups tend to be lifelong from childhood. Many groups are formed in primary school or through local clubs and stay.

The downside of this is that people feel they have all the friends they need and it can be very hard for outsiders to break into these groups. Most of this is unbeknownst to the group itself who fail to recognize that someone wants to be a part of the group.

olestoepoke

My wife is from Belfast and I have a few really close friends from there. Does that count?

irelandrover

To be fair OP, you moved herein 2019 and in early 2020 the country went into a 2 year lockdown. During the free periods people had to catch up with old friends and family rather than make new friends.

Saying that, I live abroad and have very few local friends. It's generally the expat way, your friends will be other expats as they are open to building new networks as they have to.

maestroamado

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939700#Comment_118939700

I expect no-one will stop you if you want to try... they made a point... you said nothin...

I forgot to say i have couple foreign friends... Spain... Poland...

dxhound2005

Turkey is a very big country, with a population of 85 million. Of course it is going to be easier to find friends there.

NSAman

It’s not just Ireland. I have lived all across the globe. I currently live in the US. My friends from Ireland are still my friends. I have friends from most of the countries that I have lived in. The US, slightly different. Here I have many acquaintances, close friends only a handful. In Africa I had many more friends than acquaintances,. Yes my friends are still in contact and we still visit with each other.

as a foreigner coming to any country you have to put the work in. It’s much more difficult coming to a new culture/society where people have family and friendship ties going back years. At my age now, I couldn’t be arsed… I have my friends, I have acquaintances and am happy at that.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058242087/why-dont-irish-people-befriend-foreigners

Nice generalising there.

ardatr

Yes, you are correct in what you say. 

Especially following the daily news is very important to me. Every day, I regularly review the summary of Irish, Turkish and world news while having breakfast. Also, as far as I have observed, sports activities are really important in Ireland.Unfortunately this is an area that I have no interest in... 

Generally easier to communicate with older people in Ireland. Especially when they hear that I'm from Turkey, they show me incredible love. Historically, we have a fraternal bond with Ireland. However, when it comes to my peers, unfortunately, I have very formal conversations and communication that does not continue afterwards. As I understand it, everything starts with a little self-confidence and willingness.

If there are meet-up groups or events you can suggest, I would be grateful. Thanks again for your answers!

rolling boh

what age group are you in that might help people to suggest something .

ardatr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939937#Comment_118939937

Oh, sorry forgot to mention... I am twenty seven years old.

rolling boh

The question you have asked about making friends has been asked on this forum by plenty of Irish people so its not because you are foreign . I know it is always suggested but getting involved in something that you are interested in could help .If you work are there people in your age group that you could try and build something with . It is true it is difficult to break into a social group that is well established over years but Ithink the hobby thing would give you a better chance .Also did you say where in the country you are .

ardatr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939972#Comment_118939972

You are right, hobby and common related areas will benefit me. I live in Dublin which I think is another unfortunate part. Because, as in the capitals of every country, life is very fast here, people work intensively and it is much more difficult to reach local people than in other cities.

When I visited Galway and Cork, I had the opportunity to sit and chat with more local people. Anyway, I'm in love with this country. I'm sure I'll find a place where I feel like I belong.

Thanks!

Xidu

some Irish don’t have Irish friends either. Don’t worry. Not a big deal. No need to feel like you have to have Irish friend just becoz u live here.

I moved to Ireland since 2011, I have a lot of work colleagues but I am not v close to any of them and I don’t really feel like we can be v close friends coz we don’t share the same culture n background.

titan18

It's not a foreign thing, I think most Irish tend to not make new friends when they're adults. It's people you work with and your pre existing circle of friends from school and college. We're very insular in that regard.

jackboy

It’s very hard to find time for friends in the modern world. Once you move beyond your early twenties when you are out the whole time trying to pull there is little need or time for friends. Once people get a steady job and relationship that is more or less it for friends.

I think long term loyalty also plays a part. I've worked in multinationals for years now and made lots of friends.

None of them are still in Ireland though. For that reason I'd never see a foreigner as a long term friend.

YFlyer

What a load of cack.

AllForIt

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939182#Comment_118939182

Two friends of mine said they wouldn't go out with a guy that wasn't Irish because 'sure you wouldn't know anything about him'

Two friends of yours said that to YOU? Gawd they defiantly don't follow your boards account.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118940602#Comment_118940602

😂😂

my ex wasn't Irish too!

Real life isn't the same......I'm very easy going 😁

...Ghost...

OP, I'll be your friend....but, you've gotta buy the first round 😃

bodhrandude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939595#Comment_118939595

There's your answer ardatr take the whistle and start going to trad sessions, sit in listen to the tunes, practise them at home then join in at the pub sessions, that's one way to meet people anyway.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118939595#Comment_118939595

You're experience is not at all unusual

Mad_maxx

The OP has been impeccably polite and respectful, the negative replies are completely uncalled for

We are clannish, let's not be so precious about it being identified

Fred Cryton

It's a consequence of being a small country with a small village mindset - it wasn't that long ago that Irish people viewed people from the village nearby suspiciously, never mind people from overseas. Hopefully its getting better though with the younger generation.

Also there is an attitude of "Well they are going to go back to their home country in a couple years, why would i invest in them from a friendship point of view". So i think if you want to make Irish firends, make it clear you have moved here permanently. Say it out loud.

boardsie12

it's a very good question, I met a few Brazilians recently and we hung out a good few times. They'd been living in Ireland for a good few years.

They always said that the one regret that they had was not meeting and becoming friends with Irish people. They claimed that we were very distant, reserved, and difficult to get to know!

Maybe a majority of Irish people prefer to stay in their own group and just focus on the friends that they made in school and growing up.

I also always wondered, it seems like there should be more integration and more of a willingness to get to know other people's cultures and traditions!

Sonic the Shaghog

Main thing for me is even if someone has perfect English if they aren't Irish it's hard to bond as a lot of the little things like in jokes etc aren't the same and at times it gets draining explaining things.

Outside of Ireland I'd say English, Scottish, Welsh and Aussie tend to be the easiest to form friendships with from what I've seen and experienced. Even a lot of Americans who even when lovely have trouble getting a lot

As you can see from the above I'd say the close links between Ireland, Britain and Australia is what gives more in common. In saying that it can even depend on where someone is from even in those countries. E.g. cockneys, magpies seem to be the best craic from who've I met

dxhound2005

The key is to find out the Zodiac sign of people, and only try to make friends with those who are compatible. If you google you will see lots of information about signs which are unlikely to make good friends. This is the same in all countries.

BaywatchHQ

From what I've seen they do, my father is a fisherman and sells fish to them and he even used to visit a man from the Philippines. My uncle also befriended his Lithuanian secretary and had an affair with her.

In my case though being non NT they have bullied me relentlessly in the workplace (even the women) so I have no time for them and I made sure to vote for Brexit. Imagine being so arrogant that you would come to another country and bully a local.

Leg End Reject

There's also a lot of casual xenophobia amongst some Irish people. They assume "foreigners" are different and are suspicious of them.

I'm sure most people know at least one person who insists on referring to someone as Polish regardless of whether they're from Lithuania, Czech Republic or Moldova.

I have heard anecdotally that we are superficially friendly but hard to get to know.

A lot of good reasons have been given here and it's likely a combination of these depending on the individual.

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118943552#Comment_118943552

We like to have the craic but in general are uncomfortable with deep or meaningful conversations when sober. I have heard a foreigner describe the Irish personality as soft and friendly on the outside but deep down the true personality is hard and vindictive.