Confused about what he meant. Also how I can improve myself and the relationship

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118390692#Comment_118390692

I’m not being rude at all, I’m questioning whether it may possibly be a factor, seeing as you are trying to get some potential insights. Im not at all saying I’m right, or that you would be in any way doing it mindfully/deliberately. Human nature is at play behind the ways we all interact with each other in various types of relationships.

darjeeling12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118390752#Comment_118390752

I don't think he is angry now bc he started talking.

darjeeling12

I think things are better now.

Jequ0n

The most impressive thing is that he didn’t break up with you when you ignored his calls for weeks on end. Of course he wasn’t happy with the present aka compensation attempt.

Best of luck since you seem to be talking again, seems like you have some serious explaining to do.

And I won’t even comment on the usual premature coercive control/ gaslighting suggestions that seem to pop up in every thread. Just talk to your boyfriend and see it you can find a compromise.

I think you need to understand that your family’s involvement in your affairs is highly unusual, and not just toxic. I am not surprised at all that your boyfriend thought you were fobbing him off when you couldn’t take/ return a call for such a long time.

MrVestek

OP, here's the thing about men. We're not psychic... we don't communicate in the same way that women usually communicate... we're usually pretty direct.

If someone I was dating was ignoring my calls for two weeks straight without explaining to me properly as to why, or if they weren't even making a small effort to go outside for a quick call or whatever I'd be annoyed too. This relationship sounds very transactional to me... and if all you ever want is sex when you're around him but don't want to talk to him (that's how he'll see it) then he'll end up feeling used.

Also, he didn't say that he would make you better... he was annoyed at the gift idea because it doesn't make up for it nor does it explain why it occurred. Your actions (words count for nothing, sorry) show that you are, essentially, ignoring him. That can't feel good and it's going to hurt his self esteem.

If his behaviour confuses you then TALK to him about it and BE HONEST. Be direct. He won't understand otherwise.

I'm sorry I have to agree with others in this thread, you do sound quite immature in matters of this nature. Like I said, he's not psychic... just talk to the bloody guy.

darjeeling12

He said- I want to make you better person. That is what he said. Why you say he didn't say this when he actually said this?

I am enough mature thanks. I don't need to prove that to anyone. If someone thinks I am not then cool. I also have reasons for not calling and that is also cool. I already put enough effort in the relationship. Calls aren't that important anyway

Jequ0n

Like everything else any sentence needs to be considered in context, and you are being quite scarce on that in your thread, OP.

Everyone will also have different views on maturity here, but I think you will struggle to find anyone who will consider a 20 something year old, who can’t have a direct conversation with their partner, and instead tiptoes around their family expectations, to be acting in a mature way.

darjeeling12

I find it pointless to explain. Not all countries are rich of resources and if someone can't get out at the moment they better keep low profile in toxic situations. That's all

Any way I would appreciate if someone tells me how to delete thie thread or close it

FishOnABike

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118392164#Comment_118392164

"Calls aren't that important anyway"

They obviously are to your boyfriend. If the relationship is important to you then you need to appreciate how important calls and communication are to your boyfriend. He also needs to appreciate your circumstances but can't unless you explain them to him.

Relationships need work, you and your boyfriend need to work out a reasonable compromise you both can accept. Not waiting at the end of the phone waiting for his every minute of the day but equally not being incommunicado for days or weeks on end.

You say you already put enough effort into the relationship but if a partner of mine was not responding to calls for two weeks I'd be asking myself if I should get the hint and move on.

If you are not going to be back in the same city together very soon I would make the effort to both explain your toxic family circumstances fully to him and to speak to him regularly over the phone. It may be an effort on your part in your current circumstances but is the relationship worth the effort?

darjeeling12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118392301#Comment_118392301

How can I delete thread? Should i report it?

Caranica

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118392316#Comment_118392316

Threads are more likely to be closed than deleted. It's Christmas and the mods here are all volunteers with lives and Jobs too. Give them time

darjeeling12

Okay. But how to alert them about this

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118388290#Comment_118388290

Did he actually say the words "I want to make you a better person", or did he say he wanted to make the relationship / communication between you better?

I have to be honest, iIf my partner constantly ignored my calls and then asked me to plan calls ahead or not to call unless its super urgent, I'd assume they were either (a) hiding something or (b) not bothered.

Either way, I'd walk away.

And if they ignored my calls for two weeks? Thats just rude. Sorry, but theres no excuse for that.

Hannibal_Smith

Thread closed as per OPs request.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to offer advice to the OP.

HS