Argument last night

El Gato De Negocios

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112521#Comment_118112521

Using money for a night away is something you both could enjoy.

Using money for a suite of furniture is something you both will benefit from.

Using money for a pool table is something only you will enjoy however when you arent in a position to contribute more to the family fund buying it would be selfish, its really that simple.

El_Duderino 09

I don't really understand the concept of a couple having totally separate money. Your money top pay for family costs like childcare and mortgage and whatever else, doesn't matter whether it came from your account or your partner's account. Money is fungible. The household only has as much money as the two of you combined. So i don't understand you saying you don't have money to contribute to savings but you have money for a pool table from your own money.

My Mrs. and I have a joint account for household costs and we also have personal accounts, a joint savings account and an ISA each but ultimately the money for the family can only come from the combined total of our earnings. But we would always talk to each other about any big purchases for ourselves (like a pool table or a holiday with the lads) and whether WE can afford it. Even if it comes from my account, that means I can't contribute that to household bills (such as childcare) or savings (saving for a house in our cases).

notAMember

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112425#Comment_118112425

And also the cost of the home extension to put it in, right? Because he is planning on consuming not just the 500 euro, but also the sitting room.

bobdcow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118113399#Comment_118113399

It would probably take too much time to save for an extension (that he hasn't mentioned) just by small savings, I'd be suggesting a credit union or bank loan for that...but it doesn't matter because the pool table is going into his sitting room.

[Deleted User]

OP your wife is probably just really stressed out at the moment. The fight was likely brewing regardless of the pool table.

She's working and has a kid and is pregnant and is trying to settle into a new home. The moment you mentioned a pool table she probably just shut it down straight away by whatever means necessary. It's too big a move to talk about right now. A big purchase and something non-baby related, encroaching into your space, in a new home. It would stress anyone out.

Tork

I understand that it would take up most of the room but as we’re not doing up that room for a few years then it would be the perfect place for it.

And when the time comes to do the room up, what happens to the pool table? We all know that the pool table going into that room is a land grab. This isn't about the cost of the pool table. It's about the loss of a room in your house to a hobby that only you like. Your wife is probably not going to want to use that room and you're not going to want your kids anywhere near that pool table for years to come.

dinneenp

I'm going against the grain here and siding with the OP.

She got a new iPhone, house new couch. Did it need to be an iPhone, did they need a new couch or did she want a new one?

As OP said, he doesn't go out, spend much. If he wanted to spend €500 on a bike I guess she mightn't have an issue with it. Could be wrong but it may well be the idea of a room taken up by the pool table, her thinking you'll be 'locked away' in there.

As your kids get older, they would love spending time with you, playing pool.

Tork

The €500 for the pool table is the tip of the iceberg though. The cost is really the floor area of the room as a % of the house's value. He wants to take over a room for himself. It isn't clear how many other rooms are in the house or what plans they may have originally had for it. Maybe his wife thinks he'll turn the room into a man den and opt out of family life by hanging out in there for hours on end. It's all conjecture of course. Maybe she's just over possessive and doesn't want him to have a life of his own. I don't think complaining about buying an iPhone or a sofa is a fair comparison. The sofa is something that everyone in the house can use and it has a practical purpose. An iPhone is an extravagance but if everybody thought that way nobody'd buy them. Besides, it'll likely get lots of use and is a small object that won't take over a room.

Hannibal_Smith

... there’s no money for one thing but there is money for other things. If I suggested that the money goes towards a suite of furniture then I would have more than likely got a very positive response.

You're turning it into a power struggle when it doesn't sound like that's what it is....

But it seems to be a much different response on the very very rare time that I’d actually like to get something for myself

The one thing that you want fairly majorly and unilaterally impacts the home and future plans for the home. An iPhone goes in your pocket. It sounds like she was trying to let you down gently about it without wanting to dampen your wishes and your wants, so she came up with the money angle as a practical way of turning it down

Padre_Pio

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118114253#Comment_118114253

I'm sure the kids will love it, in about 10 years when they're tall enough to use it.

Big Bag of Chips

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118114605#Comment_118114605

Exactly. If you are buying a pool table for your kids to enjoy then you can wait at least 8 years. I’m sure you are not going to let a toddler loose with a pool cue to rip the cloth.

As others have rightly pointed out, you are unlikely to get as much use out of a pool table as you think. So you then end up with an unuseable room because there’s a pool table in the middle of it. We had a pool table for a while when we were building/finishing our house. (Given to us for free by somebody who obviously wanted rid of it because they realised they didn’t use it and it was taking up too much space). It was in an unfinished room. It mostly acted as a table for sorting washing. When the room was being finished for use the pool table was moved to the shed, and has been upright against the shed wall for the past 9 years.

SunnySundays

2 kids under 2 and you think you'll have time to play pool!

How are you going to play pool with cos it won't be the wife or the kids?

You'll also won't have the excuse to get out for a game if you have a table in the house.

Your wife won't want others around playing pool while she is managing 2 kids.

Also, there are loads of vacancies right now , why not find one of them to contribute to the household income?

You seem immature, selfish and somewhat deluded.

romaderwdcsax

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118115411#Comment_118115411

While my wife is managing 2 kids, bit of backward thinking there.

Unfortunatly I don’t currently have hours upon hours to take on a second job due to looking after our son.

Immature, selfish and deluded is a bit much to be fair, just was looking to have something for myself to enjoy for half an hour whenever I got a chance.

Sonic the Shaghog

Frankly ye are as both bad as each other.

Struggling to get bits bought for a new arrival and one wants to piss away €500 on a pool table and the other €950+ on a new iPhone when most €200 Samsungs or Xiaomis can basically do everything as good as a new phones bar gaming and slightly better pics unless you are professional

The €300 night away I can understand as it helps keep a relationship going having your own time together

retro:electro

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118114253#Comment_118114253

She earns more and is also saving for the new arrival, so she can buy herself an iPhone if she wants. He isn’t saving as he “isn’t in a position to” but is seemingly in a position to spend €500 on a pool table. OP also seems to want a pat on the back for being a father to his child and getting him up and dressed in the morning. I think some growing up needs to be done on your part OP. Your wife is probably pissed off that you’re not contributing one cent to the new arrival but no problem pissing away money on frivolous things

osarusan

OP, can you not see that taking over an entire room is going to bother her?

Apart from that, this idea that she paid for X and you paid for Y is crazy for a family with a child and another on the way. Who is earning more, and what that entitles them to relative to their lesser-earning partner, is the road to madness.

You are supposed to be a unit. The problem is that you don't seem to be.

storker

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116144#Comment_118116144

Exactly. My guess is that's it's less about the €500 than it is about a whole room becoming unavailable for anything else. And once it's in, good luck to her into talking the OP into getting rid of it later on.

joeguevara

Growing up as I was obsessed with pool. My father got myself and my brother one at the age of 10 and was amazing. When I owned a pub in Carlow I think we had between 6-8 tables there, my pride and joy was the one with a black light and fluorescent pool balls.

In my first house I put one in and in all honesty the only use it got was after the pub when the lads came back to continue the party. I never played it otherwise.

The pool table looks like an instrument for underlying issues. Tit for tat about you spending this so why can’t I spend that especially with saving for a new arrival is bound to cause tensions and add in the stress of a new move is a powder keg ready to explode. You also mention that you do 50% of the chores when you are there in the evening but (and I may be wrong) your partner is paying and saving for the family unit and also doing half of the chores. You can understand how it could grate if a purchase of something that is solely for you is not appropriate. Add in the probability of your friends coming to play and boom!

Communication is key. Discuss how you both can save together for the family. What is available for discretionary spending.

Finally 500 is high. You can get a good table for way less. Here is one https://www.donedeal.ie/snooker-for-sale/supreme-the-new-match-tables/29122052?campaign=3

hope all works out.

Buddy Bubs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116202#Comment_118116202

That's not 123 euro though. Its just a random figure they put in as they are selling many tables

Big Bag of Chips

I do the majority of household chores, I do at least 50% of looking after our son, drop him to creche, pick him up, wash his clothes etc.

That's called being a parent. Funny, you never hear a mother outlining that she does 50% of looking after her child, dropping him to creche, picking him up, washing his clothes.

My wife is doing the majority of savings for the new arrival as I’m not in a financial position at the moment to contribute in that regard.....

... She earns slightly more per month than me.

If she earns slightly more than you, and you pay 50/50 for household expenses why is she saving the majority for the future and you are not contributing anything, yet have €500 spare to spend on an ornament?

I personally feel it’s the pool table taking up the room is the issue but last night it was a money issue.

I personally feel it's both.

joeguevara

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116273#Comment_118116273

was thinking that it was a great deal to be fair. But the point still stands that with a little bit of research you can get tables much cheaper. Notwithstanding that, my post is clear about the fact that the pool table is not really the issue.

Homelander

Kinda bonkers to be comparing a pool table with buying an iphone though. The latter, regardless of cost, is actually a functional item used everyday and by an individual. If you said you wanted the new Samsung Galaxy and she said absolutely not, that's quite different.

A pool table though is entirely a luxury item, and putting aside the cost of an entirely unnecessary, frivilous investment in such a niche item at a time when you're expecting a second child, it would also take up a lot of space in your home wihle adding zero value for anyone but you.

Honestly I think you need to open your eyes a little. The optics aren't great here, context is importand and it's very naive to attempt to boil it down to "she got a new phone so why can't I get a pool table" situation.

HBC08

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112660#Comment_118112660

Fùck that.

I have a joint account with my Mrs and that covers all our spending,we also have a joint savings account. The outgoings from this account kinda takes care of itself but we would talk about it the odd time.

Then we have our own accounts,I have a business,account,personal and CU.She has a personal, shares and pension and 2 mortgages in her home country.Maybe she has more accounts,it's not my business,if I asked she'd tell me.Same as if she asked I'd tell her.No way she'd be second guessing or questioning any spends out of my accounts though and visa versa.

I realise this is a different situation to the OP and gone a little off topic. I agree with everyone else,forget about the pool table for lots of reasons.However I think this is about more than a pool table,it's stressful with a new kid on the way for both of ye.Good luck with it all.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112521#Comment_118112521

While she’s pregnant you’ll have to suck it up snd address your needs in two years time

[Deleted User]

What's €500 in the general scheme of things regarding a baby - nothing imo... OP should be let have his pool table, which will last for years, or as long as room (in the yet to be done up room) permits... Wife must be annoyed that he's not earning much atm, and that's probably compounded by the fact that there will be a pool table on full view in the 'main room'.. 500 euros - not 5 thousand! It's a damn cheap pastime in my opinion.. If he went to the pub one night a week, he'd have that amount spent in 3 months..

airy fairy

I don't think the cost is the issue here with your wife. The fact she's having another baby soon and you want to persue an extra activity rather than look forward to the impending arrival, coupled with hormones, it doesn't look good for dad of the year does it? You want to head off into the pool room to play a game while she's feeding the baby, and a toddler in the middle, think for a minute how it looks to her.

She's vulnerable, working, has a toddler, carrying your next child and you want to do what you want to do? She's currently the breadwinner, due to go on maternity leave and I can imagine the stress she's under to provide is enormous, regardless of her salary.

It's not worth the argument. Join a club for your 'you time'.

Jequ0n

I think you are getting a hard time here, OP.

The majority of posts here focus on interpreting what she meant or might have meant to say in your argument. Personally I feel that there is little benefit in veiled hints and the like during an argument. Talk to her again and ask her whether this is more about the money and your general situation, or if it is about the table taking up too much space. You should not have to interpret each others responses as it causes the confusion you are currently experiencing.

I might have misinterpreted your posts, but it sounds to me like you have taken on a higher share of the childcare duties because she is the higher earner? I think it's perfectly reasonable for both partners to have their own outlets and spends, and it does not sound like you have a habit of splashing out on things for yourself. You both clearly have different ideas of how money should be spent and only taking to each other will resolve this.

Talk to your wife and see what her actual issue is, and find a compromise. And don't let the somewhat nasty and insulting responses on this thread bother you. The ironic thing is that the responses here would be very different if the genders were reversed.

joeguevara

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116367#Comment_118116367

He said that he does 50% of the chores related to the child so not a higher share. I don’t think that responses would be different if the genders were reversed. It looks like the pool table is him trying to cling to his pre-kids life and there is nothing wrong with that. Indeed many guys have a man cave. But this should only be financed once the expenses of family life are paid for equally or in an equitable fashion.

irelandrover

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112571#Comment_118112571

If her argument really is the money then I would say you are in the right here. You both clearly have an agreement on what you contribute to the joint finances and what you keep yourself. If she can spend her money on a new iPhone then you can spend yours on whatever you want as well.

If her argument is about you taking up a full room then to be honest she has a point. But then she should say thats what her issue is.

You are perfectly entitled to a hobby. Having a hobby you can do in the house is only beneficial. Being able to go pot some balls to help clear your head for 20 minutes could be great for you. We had a pool table at home when i was younger and it was a great stress reliever. Its not just something you do with friends.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116380#Comment_118116380

He said that he does the majority of the household chores though, while his partner works longer hours. They will have obviously agreed on this setup.

Either way: If this is about money and savings the OP has a point, because a new iPhone would be an extravagance just like the table. They can only resolve this by talking about the actual reasons.