Argument last night

UID0

I know someone who has a pool table that a dining table top fits over. Means that they have a pool table when they want it, but the room can be used as a dining room as well. They cost a bit more, so it may not be an option for the moment, depending on how tight money is, but it's an option to consider. I've had dinner at that table, and you wouldn't be able to tell that it's a pool table if you weren't told.

Her problem may be that she was thinking of using the front room as a playroom for the two kids. I don't know how many rooms you have, so I don't know if you have another space for that already.

I would say that you need to find out from her what her problem is. If it's purely money, and your agreement is that each of you contribute a certain amount and the rest of your money is yours to spend, then just make sure that you aren't leaving yourself in a position where you don't have the money to contribute to the extra expenses of a second child.

If the problem is taking the space exclusively for your hobby, then she has a valid point and you need to negotiate an acceptable outcome for the two of you.

Finally, she could be worried that your mate Jimmy will be over every second day, and that she'll be left looking after the two kids for the evening while you stand around and have a few beers and play pool.

No matter what, communication is key.

iamwhoiam

Spend the €500 on a few tubs of paint , cheap shelving in Ikea , a few cheap baskets and boxes , a rug or those rubber play mats . And you have a playroom or toy storage for your two children for the money you would spend on a pool table .

SteM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116456#Comment_118116456

He said that he looked after the young child, nothing about household chores.

PokeHerKing

Need a bit more info to determine who's the unreasonable one imo. Why do you not contribute to your future kids arrival? How did you buy the house if monies that tight?

Also house size, if you've an additional room after a kitchen/living area and a sitting room then the additional room being a game room/bar etc is perfectly reasonable.

If you're in a bog standard semi d then it's a bit much to be looking to swallow up the only spare downstairs room with a pool table.

irelandrover

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116555#Comment_118116555

read the OP again

I do the majority of household chores

witchgirl26

OP here's my take on it. The money is only one aspect but I'll tackle that one first. As many have said, you note that you can't contribute financially to saving for the new baby at the moment, your wife earns only slightly more than you a month & everything bill wise is split 50:50. Yet she's been able to save up for a new iPhone etc and put money aside for the new arrival. I think her getting the new phone can't be considered in this as it's not like she's shirking her responsibilities to do it. Whereas if you aren't managing to save anything towards the new arrival and want to spend €500 on a pool table, it does seem a bit much. And yes if it had been a suite of furniture, the response might have been better as that's something that can be used by everyone in the family, not just one member.

As for the pool table itself - look think about it rationally. The balls themselves are heavy as hell and in the hands of a small child, pretty lethal. What is your plan to ensure the kids don't get them and throw them around the place, possibly breaking lots of stuff? And there can be a fair amount of noise out of a pool table so when are you planning on using it? Because unless your house has great soundproofing between floors, there's a possibility that you're going to be waking up your son and your newborn (& potentially your wife) when you're playing. And will you actually play it by yourself or do you want to turn it into a lads space for you & your mates? If the latter, then I think you maybe need to grow up a little.

You mention the phone a few times but here's the thing. A phone is a practical thing. And while it is pricey, it doesn't impact on the usable space in the house for the rest of the family.

SteM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116628#Comment_118116628

Apologies, I missed that in the OP.

jbv

Don't think the problem is the money. Question is which woman wants a poll table in any room? There's a lot of frustration there about not going out anymore, you should find time and go out together and alone. We all need time of our own. Not having this leads to frustration. maybe for future the attic can be converted into a game/ fun room for all to enjoy.

Furze99

The key thing here is that you say she is your wife. Marriage is a basically a contract - what I own, you own and what you own, I own. So it's not your money and her money. The resources should belong to both of you and major financial decisions should be shared. Within that, there has to be room for some uncontested personal spending. Question is whether the pool table equates to an iPhone in this matter. Latter likely cost more but a much smaller package. Maybe that's the problem, not the €500 but the size of the yoke makes it a larger purchase in her mind.

PokeHerKing

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116648#Comment_118116648

My wife loves playing pool. It's mad that every post has claimed only the OP would be getting use out of, as if his wife was just a torso with no arms.

Anyway money and space are the only considerations imo. I chose gym over games room in our spare downstairs room. We both use it but its definitely more my space than my wife's.

However we have kitchen/living space and a separate TV room. If we didn't id have been out the back which is reasonable.

Tippbhoy1

Some of the response here are very judgemental and I would say one sided.

If you substituted pool table with eg PlayStation or bicycle would the response have been the same?

“My wife is doing the majority of savings for the new arrival as I’m not in a financial position at the moment to contribute in that regard.”

This comment above I’m a bit curious on, you state later that you earn almost the same amount as her? So how come she is saving the majority? This doesn’t look good on you when you have money to buy a table. I could see why there might be resentment if that is the case.

If it’s about a pool table taking up a room then fair enough, I can understand a partners reluctance to something so big. If it’s about the time then it’s a big issue, can someone not take 30 minutes for themselves maybe before they go to bed when the kids are in bed hours, can’t have a hobby of any description? It’s unhealthy to not have your own outlets or enjoyments even if it’s a rare occurrence with small kids.

If it’s about the OP not able to spend €500 on something nice for himself for once when he seems to have a fairly quiet existence then it’s a much bigger issue. If they’re living hand to mouth right now then fair enough, but I don’t get that sense here. If it’s a case that she earns more and therefore gets to treat herself but he can’t, I can see this being very destructive. She shouldn’t have purchased the iPhone if €500 for yourself is an issue for example.

It should be easy to figure out if the issue is actually the pool table or is in fact an issue with the OP having time to himself with a hobby, or more likely there is an issue with money between them. If the latter you need to discuss how this works and not create a situation where you feel there is a disparity, it will create resentment and further issues down the line. In my marriage we contribute most of our income into a shared account and the remainder is for whatever we want ourselves for hobbies, phones, pints, etc. Others do it differently, but this works for us. Best of luck with it, you need to sort this before it becomes a festering issue.

rolling boh

More or less taking over a room for a hobby is bound to cause an issue at some stage unless of course its a big house but that won't apply to most .

Tork

To be fair, there are a lot of unknowns in this issue. We don't know how many spare rooms are in the OP's house, or what his wife had in mind for this particular room. The talk of the table staying in there until the room is redecorated is a fiction. It's either going to have become a liked and used piece of furniture in there, and therefore difficult to get rid of when the time comes. Or it'll have turned into a bulky dust collector hogging a room that could've been used for something else. This argument isn't about money - it's about somebody hogging a room and perhaps a lack of communication and understanding. The pair of you need to talk and not accuse each other of spending money in ways you disapprove of (i.e. on that iPhone). Find out why she doesn't want the room taken over by the pool table and try to keep it away from money.

dinneenp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116305#Comment_118116305

It's not a bonkers comparison though, is it? You can pay €800 or more, depending on the iphone model or pay €200 for a decent phone. A phone is functional, a new iPhone may be luxurious.

Consider a big foldaway table as a compromise. I have a small one -pool table, that is- I think it's just short of 5 feet long. It's not as sturdy as a full size, and the balls are smaller -- the pool balls that is-- but it satisfies the itch and can then be put away when not in use. The principles of the game are the same. My 'real' pool game has improved a lot from using it.

Have to agree with previous posters highlighting the fact that many women love to play pool and play very well. I have a friend that would probably have her baby sleep in the garden to save room for a pool table! :D

Yester

https://playclassic.games/games/sport-dos-games-online/play-virtual-pool-online/

The Nal

Pool tables are sh1t anyway. If its not a full size snooker table then its not worth it.

3DataModem

Another thread reminding me why being a single income family is so so much easier, if you can get it right.

HamSarris

Women don’t care about men’s needs or suffering. This issue is not about money, she wouldn’t be buying a new iphone or suggesting a weekend away if this was the case. The issue is that you are spending money on yourself and not your wife and kids. Women hate this – there was a video out a few years ago where men pretended to buy an expensive car and when they brought it home their wives went into a psychotic rage or broke down crying.

She may have won this battle but it’s important not to always be submissive and maybe come to a compromise – e.g., I won’t buy the pool table but I might get myself a bike etc. If you fall into a submissive provider role she will lose respect for you and lose attraction. Always doing what your wife wants is one of the best ways to end up on the road to divorce as women have no attraction to low status men.

I’m sure your wife and kids won’t starve to death if you spend some money on yourself from time to time. It’s important to value yourself as the happier you are in your life the better you’ll be for your family – rather than a resentful ATM/dishwasher. 

bucketybuck

I don't quite understand the financials here. Not that I have to know the details but they do seem relevant.

You are working full time, do some work on the side, earn similar if slightly less salary than your wife but she has to do the saving because you can't contribute right now?

And some of the posts give the impression not just that you want a pool table, but that you want her to pay for it...

It really sounds like there is something important about money not being said here. Why can't you contribute to the savings?

HeidiHeidi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118117762#Comment_118117762

Wow, just wow.

PilotHole

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118116519#Comment_118116519

But then he wouldn't have a pool table.

iamwhoiam

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118117983#Comment_118117983

No I know that . He would have two happy kids and a happy wife though .

jimwallace197

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118117762#Comment_118117762

You'll get shot down a lot for this post but I believe your correct in much of what you say. You have to stand up for yourself if she not willing to at least compromise OP. Otherwise it's a slippery slope to divorce. When she's buying brand new Iphones which I believe are more expensive than a pool table, its not unreasonable to be a bit pissed off for not getting one. The timing of all this is bad though, its too soon until she gives birth again. Best leave it until a couple of months until after she's given birth & as long as she doesnt suffer post natal depression.

notAMember

Oh lordie he must be suffering hugely without a pool table in his sitting room. God love him, how on earth will he survive. :D

It could also be that wife has different taste or standards to you also OP. She could be seeing a pool table as something more suited to a pub, than for a home. Use your spare money to go out with your friends from time to time. Spare your family this one.

Homelander

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118117554#Comment_118117554

It's less to do with money and more to do with the principle. If my wife came to me and said she wanted to splurge €1,000 a a new tablet or phone I'd be a lot more open to it than if she came to me and said she want to buy an in-home sauna that would take up our entire spare room.

The OP is falsely conflating the two purchases when they are contextually completely different. Really, the basic issue here is that the guy's wife doesn't want him putting a pool table in the house - which is a fairly reasonable position for most people, especially given they probably like in a modest sized home and they've a 2nd child on the way.

thefallingman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118117762#Comment_118117762

In my experience as a seasoned male, there is a huge amount of truth in this post. Not all women of course, but certainly alot of the women i know have these traits in abundance. Still think the op's wife was right though now is not the time for a pool table.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

@HamSarris as per the Forum Charter:-

- Generalisations and generic sweeping statements are not helpful to an OP and posters will be pulled up on it.

Please do not make sweeping statements going forward.

Thanks

HS

Shao Kahn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118112377#Comment_118112377

Well in fairness now, he could have just as easily suggested a set of golf clubs.

With the pool table he's still within reach when the baby poop hits the proverbial. It's a convenient hobby.

OP what about a compromise? Get yourself a dart board. You'll need it for your pool room anyway. Can't have a pool table without a dart board. ;)

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118117636#Comment_118117636

All well and good... But there's no point in the OP having a 'Mickey Mouse' pool table - he doesn't go to the pub.. No disrespect, but you can play on a 'proper' pool table whenever you want, but as far as those 5 foot jobs are concerned, it's the equivalent of playing darts on a velcro board..