House sharing becoming difficult

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117849227#Comment_117849227

Thanks for your post.

In regards to them not listening to the LL, and the LL seeing that for themselves, then I'm wondering is it worth the LL sending this letter to them and if they were still being a nuisance, then would that be enough to evict them?

I have questioned if the LL is just saying they are on my side, but they warned one already they would be asked to leave if the partner would continue staying every night of the week, and he has not been since.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117850442#Comment_117850442

Some people have said I'm acting demanding and entitled, people I have spoken to face to face have seen my point. I don't weather I am or not, but I am trying not to be. We clearly don't agree that asking a fellow HM for the heads up when they are having a drinking session /gathering isn't a lot to ask for, it's just consideration, doesn't cost a penny.

I don't know if it will change anything, chances are they might or might not. That's why I've posted.

rolling boh

Doubt that you are ever likely to live in harmony with these people you are just incompatible and it will continue to cause you stress .Unless you find somewhere else or the other two leave you will have the issues continuing to cause tension life is too short to be living like you are and this thread will go on and on without a solution that will suit you .

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117850614#Comment_117850614

Ya I do realise that. I feel as though they will deliberately try make things uncomfortable for me so that I do end up moving out. I honestly felt that I was respectful, considerate and nice to them. It's ****. It is hard to find a suitable place, I have other things going on in the background and just uping and moving is the last thing I expected to do. And its difficult ATM to find a suitable and affordable place, that's why I am fighting tooth and nail.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117850591#Comment_117850591

Would the landlord need some kind of evidence before sending a warning notice like that? Unless he saw the behaviour or heard the loud music/parties he has no proof it happened and the new HM's could deny it.

rolling boh

the other two may well think they can get you to leave and that is an awful situation to be in but you have to consider any practical solutions because living like you are is not the solution .Doubt there is any middle ground and you are up against two people so little chance things will turn around and you all live like normal housemates .I do understand how hard it is to find a suitable place these days that of course makes it harder again .

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117850862#Comment_117850862

I have some recordings of loud noise and pics of the sitting room being left in a tip and some broken glass on the ground under neath their bedroom windows, still not picked up.

LilacNails

Rolling boh

Thanks for your post, really appreciate u can see it's not that easy to up and leave and find a place within ur budget.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117850982#Comment_117850982

Get some more and give them to the landlord and maybe he'll talk to the HM's again. It might help.

How do you know it was the HM's who left the broken glass?

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117851183#Comment_117851183

It was either them or the visitors they had over. It's directly over the bedroom window at side of the house.

CollyFlower

If you could get some of the neighbour's to complain to the landlord that might help.

moleyv

If you really want to stay, you will have to play their game. They likely out of spite and their different view of ‘life’ will stay on in the hope you move out, because it seems like the place is a good deal.

I was sharing with someone and things went sour and it turned into a battle of the wills.

When they jump in the shower, turn on a load of taps after a couple minutes and enjoy the gasps and thud of the shower door

When they are having some quiet time, turn on some music.

bring a bunch of your friends over on a Saturday a bit earlier than they normally do their thing.

if you are heading away for the weekend, pull the fuse out of the TV.

Boil a big pot of broccoli and cabbage and leave it sit with the windows closed.

Leave the place a mess and don’t wash up after yourself.

use their shampoo

let some chicken go off in the fridge

This isn’t for the landlord, and the more you go back to them, the easier it will be for them to think you are the problem.

they will think you are mad if you ask them to send that letter

newaccount2017

I have done the whole houseshare thing for many years and looking back on it now- some people are just assholes. I would just move out if I was you as it's just not worth the drain on your mental energy and wellbeing. I have lived with people and they just change at the flip of a switch if they get a new partner, etc. Then there's all the mind games, toxicity, being 'off' with you, etc. If you move out, you will leave all that behind and might find nicer housemates.

seraphimvc

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117732489#Comment_117732489

Quoting you as your post well addressed the reality aha - while for OP, speak to landlord is the way to go imo.

Because sure, maybe landlord may not able to help much but still this is your 'official' way of escalating the matter (obviously it would be great if the tenants can resolve any issues among themselves). And then if everything fails, ye, is about time to move on.

Personally I cant stand house-sharing anymore since my late 20s - I am fine to get along with most people but the risk is huge if you dont get some decent housemate/s.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117851543#Comment_117851543

I have thought about that, and stopped myself from doing things like that cause I don't want to go into a battle like that. There's 2 of them. 2 vs 1. Plus the bf and the other girls friends. I don't have a brunch of friends to bring over at the weekends.

Wat their doing is deliberate but I really just don't want to be starting that kind of ****. Their already at it.

paulieeye

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117849119#Comment_117849119

"This weekend one of them had people over, unannounced both nights. The sense of entitlement and inconsideration is back again."

They dont have to tell you when people are coming over, you can ask them to but they dont have to. It doesnt sound like they are doing anything wrong.

Can you explain how inviting your friends over is acting entitled?

ec18

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117849119#Comment_117849119

Tbh you're too old/mature for a house share. Two things about the above, being happy and settled in a house share is never going to last (as you've found out). It's not your house and you don't have any extra say over the house just because you've been there longer than the newer house share. You'll either have to tolerate her having friends and inviting them over or find somewhere else to live.

Secondly that letter is for anti social behaviour which would be sounds OTT for inviting people over without telling you and the landlord could find it would cause more problems for them if they disputed the the contents and labelling of their behaviour as anti social behaviour.

In short house shares are ****, SHOULD (and i stress should given the current housing situation) only be something for a few years. Find somewhere new or accept them as they are.

Being honest you're the one that sounds entitled and inconsiderate. Why should they have to ask you to invite friends over to their house? You aren't their mammy, be careful you could be outnumbered 3 to 1 if your ally were to leave.

moleyv

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117853689#Comment_117853689

I don’t see how you will ‘win’, either on your own or with the landlord.

I would suggest not letting them know they are getting to you, as that will only spur them on. Keep chatting to them, even if they don’t respond.

the best advice is move out and roll the dice to see if you end up in a better situation.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117854360#Comment_117854360

For the millionth time I am not looking for them to ask for my permission, I'm asking for a heads up with their inviting people over for a drinking session in the kitchen/sitting, where other HMs cook and sit down to wat dinner or chill out and relax. It is inconsiderate to me, anytime I have had people over iv given the heads up.

My time for house sharing is probably up, definitely with younger girls anyway.

LilacNails

Moleyv

Won't let me quote u, thanks for ur post. I'm more leaning towards just be nice to them and take no notice.

rolling boh

Definitely don't let them see that they are driving you out the only solution I see for you is to look for somewhere else if you keep on to the landlord they will begin to wonder if you are the problem .It's a bad situation to be in but in the long run you have to get away from this houseshare somehow .

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117853901#Comment_117853901

For the millionth time I am not looking for them to ask for my permission, I'm asking for a heads up with their inviting people over for a drinking session in the kitchen/sitting, where other HMs cook and sit down to wat dinner or chill out and relax. It is inconsiderate to me, anytime I have had people over iv given the heads up.

My time for house sharing is probably up, definitely with younger girls anyway.

rolling boh

The last two lines of your previous post sums up your situation you will never be compatible with the two younger ones .

Dohnjoe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117854556#Comment_117854556

You are fine. These are just inconsiderate kids/students, in the distant past I used to be one myself, and they won't change, in the short-term. Have done the houseshare thing for many, many years.

Your options are to move out, or to "hope" they move out, or just to sit and grin and bear it. But if there's a "war" you won't win, they will just make life miserable for you. You wrote you can't move out due to your situation, etc, but for the long term my advice is, if you have to houseshare, then live with only one or two people max, typically over the age of 30. I was lucky enough to be able to choose housemates for years, and vetted them very carefully, students were an absolute no-no. I would only offer them very short term leases in order to be able to get rid of them quickly if they turned out to be dicks. Sorry, but that's the reality of living with random people.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117854793#Comment_117854793

We are allowed to pick who moves in too, which is a big plus. The short term lease is a good idea. I know now what kind of people to avoid when house sharing, and I guess at some point house sharing would piss me off.

Since I started this thread, I was fairly adamant I wasn't going to leave cause the rent is so cheap and there's great space and room here. But I accept I'll just have to leave eventually for my own sake, I have been tearful about it too many times and let it get to me. It's not worth it any more. Gonna keep an eye out, won't be leaving for the first place I see available. I'm gonna just grin and bare it and get out of here when (hopefully) a decent place comes available with someone on the same page as me

Dohnjoe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117855571#Comment_117855571

Yes, look for someone on the same wavelength as you. It's great to be in cheap places, but ultimately not worth it if you aren't happy in the house.

ec18

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117854597#Comment_117854597

It sounds like you are, what if she did tell you would you have just said ok and left it at that? Just my opinion but I think you would have tried to put her off having people over and instead of having people unannounced you would be complaining about her having people over when you said she couldn't

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117854597#Comment_117854597

I completely agree with you with your situation. Especially now with covid around. They bring over friends and forces you into the same room as them, I mean you have to cook or make tea while they are there. A heads up would be nice so that you could be prepared.

I think it's very selfish to have people over like this with covid around. Just because lockdown ended and restrictions lifted, it doesn't mean you should.

That alone would make me feel so uncomfortable.

DSN

Honestly you do get to a point where you get sick of sharing - I was like that when everyone annoyed me! Yet when I was in my early-mid 20s I was that annoying HM! My last house share was with a girl a few years older than me who 'ran' the house as as if she owned it because she was there so long. I moved into my own place after that as I was nearly 30 & just could not bear her or the tension it was causing & just had enough of the house share thing.

LilacNails

Maybe I'm just having a **** week, I'm finding it difficult here. 1 HM and the others gf completely blank me. I can't help but feel some things done.....are done deliberately to me. I haven't gone down the pettiness/ revenge route, I'm refusing to as much as I want to . I've stayed respectful and mature about this.

Still keeping an eye out for somewhere else.