House sharing becoming difficult

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117731652#Comment_117731652

It is frustrating the other HM is acting so passive, yet will give out about them as well.

It's not so much I fear what they might do, it's just **** that's it's turned out like this, and I guess I can just see them taking control of the house. Really. I feel outnumbered.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117734349#Comment_117734349

Look at alternative accommodation. Either for yourself only or for the useless fourth wheel too, if you are inclined to keep living with her.

My OH is like you and determined to "keep the peace" even if it means she will suffer as a result. I appreciate it's easy for us to say to challenge them because we would, but it might not be way for you atm. I probably would have murdered someone by now, but that's why I don't share.

You don't sound like you enjoy confrontation so it might be best to clear the field.

iffandonlyif

The sooner the better. The longer they’re let do it, the more they will resent being told to change.

I wouldn’t necessarily call them disrespectful: they’re young, have their own priorities and presumably wouldn’t object to you behaving the same way. But it’s damn inconsiderate. Even as a student, I always made sure to emulate the character of the house.

Unfortunately I reckon you’re going to have to give up on your desire for friendly interaction. Uncomfortable at first but you’ll soon get used to it.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117731538#Comment_117731538

Ok no written/paper lease but a part4 tenancy kicks in after 6 months. Whats the set-up OP? Does each tenant have a separate agreement & pay the landlord directly or is it paid to the first/longest tenant who pays LL?

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117735397#Comment_117735397

We all pay LL separate. That's it.

James 007

Unfortunately your only option is to move out. They want rid of you & your outnumbered. The noise will continue, there will be no notice given of friends coming over, & the sitting room will be taken over time & time again. Your only 2nd option is to now retreat to your room a defeated & wounded animal, check mate!!!

Unfortunately, this will be a hard lesson to take but for peace of mind its better not to dwell on it & start looking elsewhere, its for the best.

The best advice i can give anyone house sharing it too pay the bit extra for a nice decent size room. At least there you can have your own TV and couch and don't have to put with obnoxious housemates if you don't want to.

I can sympathize OP but the housemates are doing nothing wrong having people over for pre-drinks. I've lived in eight different house shares and half them were good experiences and half were bad experiences.

One house I moved into the two guys were odd as feck and nearly grunt at ya or one word answers, no small talk whatsoever and never left the house except for work. They made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't pay the rent 2nd month and just left and let them keep the deposit. I don't honestly think they knew my full name.

Its not worth putting up with, just move and if you can afford moving into a place with just one another then do.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117740887#Comment_117740887

In fairness I don't mind people coming over, I mind when I come home after work and what to chill out on the couch or prep my meals but can't cause its taken over by people(talking at the top of their voice over blaring music)I don't know or expected to be there.

I don't see the harm in asking for notice if people are coming over, it gives me a chance to make use of the room before hand then let them use it away...

I'm not gonna be bullied out of a place I'm happy in, I take good care of the place in comparison to the others and always leave the place clean and tidy after use.

I feel as though if they want to live in a house where they can play loud music, have friends and guys over, exclude me from conversation then F off to another place. Me and my other HM deserve this place more than them...we choose them over other people cause they seemed quiet, respectable and friendly... Which was advertised on the ad.

catrionanic

It doesn't sound like they are doing anything outrageous or untoward to me in terms of socialising etc. That's what I would have expected during house shares in my 20s. I think it would be fair enough to have a word with the girl about her boyfriend staying so often but otherwise I think you're being over-sensitive and need to invest in some ear plugs.

machaseh

It's pretty normal to have drinks with your friends on a saturday night, isn't it?

If you want a house where people aren't allowed to bring over their friends, you can put that in the rent advert.

bullpost

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117741245#Comment_117741245

Why not have a meeting to lay down a set of rules for the house e.g. notice needed if inviting people over etc. ?

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117741717#Comment_117741717

The other HM is not willing to get involved.

So at any meeting, the OP would be in a minority and agreed house rules would likely not suit him/her.

OP, we all make mistakes sometimes. You clearly did with these housemate's. It happens.

You choice is to leave, or stick it out until they leave. I did the latter once, did minimal housework for three months, just to get some nasty pieces to move along. Was ... icky, but so worth it the day they left.

Jequ0n

I wouldn’t want people hanging around my living room either but that’s why I don’t house share.

Time to accept that the dynamic in the house has changed and that you cannot have it your way. Just because you have lived there for longer doesn’t mean that your preferences should outweigh those of the other tenants.

spaceHopper

Your LL is not a social worker, they are a property manager. They simply won't care.

Talk you your other house mate see if you can find somewhere else maybe a two bed apartment. For future reference, when somebody moves out put feelers out for somebody you would get along with, close in age to you, similar interests or somebody who will be gone at weekends.

Caranica

If you guys chose them, surely you can ask them to leave? You'll fill the rooms in no time.

JeffKenna

Think you're being a bit unfair here OP. Sharing with two 24 year olds and expecting them not to have any friends over on a Saturday night.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117742081#Comment_117742081

It's worse: they're allowed friends over, but only with the OP's permission!

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117741245#Comment_117741245

You should have chosen people your own age or older. Twenty somethings, especially early twenties, are going to have friends over and music playing etc. Their version of being respectful is not having parties where people are there all night. Really you should only go for people similar to you when choosing housemates.

As for them not including you in conversations it might not feel nice but at the end of they day they get on and so are friends, they don’t see you as somebody they want to be friends with and that’s no crime.

ztoical

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117742027#Comment_117742027

Legally the OP has no right to ask them to leave, only the LL does and nothing the OP has listed as their major issues are issues the LL would care about other then maybe the BF defacto living there.

jmlad2020

If her friends only come over once a week, there's little you can do. Young people go mad at weekends, a little rowdiness can be expected when sharing a house. This is the typical professional let situation.

However when it during the working week or spread over days and is interupting your sleep I suggest making it clear to your housemate to reduce the levels of noise or the landlord will be notified. Doesn't sound like you are that close to this person. Best case scenario they are sound about it.

No point tip toeing around. If it gets catty so be it. That's the risk.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117742258#Comment_117742258

Where did I say they need my permission? I asked for the heads up, what's so wrong with that? Too polite?

rolling boh

You of course have every right not to feel bullied out your home but to resolve the issues you will have to speak to two girls also get the other on off the fence you need her to support you in any talk you have . There is always going to be problems in a houseshare but mostly the tenants find some compromise you can't stay in a situation which is full of tension it's just not worth the stress .

LilacNails

Im going to bite the bullet and say something to the landlord, leave it open to them if they want to get involved or not.

If they don't, I can accept it and just find somewhere else.(sharing with less people for sure) They are fairly fair, and I do get on well with them, there might be the slight chance they will want to keep me and the other HM as tenants, so I'm just gonna risk looking like a entitled selfish tenant than do nothing about it.

Perhaps they might see that the 2 are not considerate and careful tenants, maybe this issue has come up before and they sorted it. I don't know. I'm just not willing to let a place iv been so lucky to find, maintained well and built up trust with my LL, go just like that over these 2. It's not worth it.

I'll either regret saying or not saying, either way.....unless I win the lotto tomorrow and buy my own place!

ztoical

I hope it works out for you OP but I will say again the LL has little power here. They can't ask the other tenants to move out as they've not broken any laws, having people over and being loud within the confines of the house aren't issues for the LL. With current tenancy laws they need to be very careful how they proceed so they don't get sued for an illegal eviction.

LilacNails

I am aware of that alright, I'm just hoping she might in some way tell them just be more respectful to her other tenants and not use this house as student accommodation. Like it's been mentioned previously, calling a meeting with them will be pointless.

paulieeye

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117761865#Comment_117761865

it doesnt sound like the are using the house as student accommodation but rather as a normal house where they live.

And to be honest if my landlord contacted me and said to give my other housemates notice that my friends are coming over I would find it very strange. And it may increase the ill will and therefore ignoring of you worse. I'm struggling to see what the end game is in saying to the LL. The best case is that the only thing that changes is that they tell you when friends are calling over. And whats that gonna change really? You get a text ay 4pm saying that there will be a group of them drinking in the gaff.

I think you're shiit out of luck here. You sound like incompatible housemates, thats about it. They have as much right to stay in the house as you so if I were you I would see the options as either accept it the way it is or move out

Claw Hammer

There comes a time when you have grown out of house-sharing. Prepare for that day!

LilacNails

Update

Got onto the LL and they are on my side. They gave a warning to the HM with the bf over 7 nights a week, and he now only stays only 2 to 3. They mentioned that perhaps the 2 young HMs go find a place for themselves as myself and other hm are not happy with the noise levels and having people over unannounced.

This weekend one of them had people over, unannounced both nights. The sense of entitlement and inconsideration is back again. It's causing me upset has like I said I'm fairly happy here and settled. I viewed other places and I'm not ready to give up this place over all of this.

I came across this sample letter last night doing research into all this, would like to hear people's thoughts or experiences. . In particular part (c)

smokie72

Hi OP, you say you are happy there but if you were you wouldn't be posting on a forum. Landlord says he is on your side but he could say that just to fob you off. Doesn't seem what he said to the other 2 HM's has had an effect. If they don't care what the LL says what chance have you got?

I'm an owner occupier and rent a couple of rooms out myself. The dynamics here are so wrong in your case OP. When I advertise a room I specifically ask for male lodgers only. And yet everytime I get women contacting me about the room. Usual excuse is that they are house sharing with other women and the bitchness that goes on is unreal. They are desperate to move out. You really have to move out for your own sake. It isn't worth the stress. The landlord will get someone else in a few days and maybe karma will bite them back. Best of luck

Jequ0n

Seriously OP, what else do you want to hear?

People have told you that you are more demanding and acting more entitled than your flatmates, so why do you think this latest post is going to change anything?