House sharing becoming difficult

LilacNails

So my house share is starting to become difficult.

Iv been living in my current house share for 3 years. Have been lucky with all housemates so far in that they are respectful, mature and considerate.

My issue is now there are 2 girls, 24, 1 living here about 10 mnts the other about 2. When they came to view the house they were told its a quiet house, we all respect each other's space and are conscious about noise etc.

The girl that's been here 10mnts has shown a different side to her since the lockdown ended. She's had numerous friends over on a Saturday night for pre drinks... Their loud and really annoying. Thankfully they don't stay over the night. But she doesn't let us know when she's doing this. Tbh its a pain in the arsenal coming home after work and a bunch of snobbing loud young ones drinking in the kitchen with music blaring. Other times she has had friends over and take the sitting room for the evening for themselves.

The newer girl has moved in, her bf is over 5/6 nights a week, in fairness they don't make alot of noise and usually stay in her room. The 2 girls seem to have become good friends now. I don't have anything in common with them really but there has been such tension in the house its as if the 2 have sided with themselves, against me and the other housemate.

For instance, they don't make any conversation, when I do I feel I'm just wasting my time on making nonsense chit chat. They would enter rooms once we have left them. There's been a few times 3 of us have been I the sitting room watching telly, and didn't say a word when I was there, but as soon as left they were chatting non stop.

Last night I out my earphones in so I wouldn't hear them come in late. At 3.30 there was numerous loud bangs on the floor above me (one of their bedrooms) I was so pissed off I stayed up reading til 5.30 this morning trying to fall asleep. I had to be up for 8.30 and just woke with an bad headache.

I'm sick of them. I find them immature, inconsiderate and tbh disrespectful.

I mentioned to one of the girls before that if she was having people over that I didn't mind once she let us know and didn't let noise levels rise too high.

My other housemate is sick of them too, but she won't say anything. She actually leaves on a Saturday to avoid the carry on.

I already feel not liked by them, as well as disrespected and see no point in me saying something, I'm wondering should I contact my landlord? I feel kind of silly cause I suppose this is what house sharing is about but the hostility and me and having my sleep disturbed every weekend, its tiring and draining.

I am reluctant to leave as iv been so lucky with the place, location and rent. I really don't intend on moving but if some candles give their opinions on the situation I'd be grateful.

LilacNails

I consider myself a good HM, I do most of the cleaning, always quiet in the mornings or any late night I come in. Take my clothes out of the washing machine, off the clothes horse for them to use. The bf parks his car in front of the house taking one of the parking spaces not a big deal but I think it's cheeky.

enricoh

My sister in law is house sharing in Dublin a good few years. Her ideal candidate when someone moves out is someone from down the country who plays sport back home at the weekend!

Gotta be ruthless over who you let in!

Strumms

These are 24 year olds, not 19 year olds, I’d be cutting them zero slack, next time, record a minute of a video, just in your room picking up the noise that you are subject to...pan to a clock so the landlord can see what time it’s happening at..

poisonated

Sharing accommodation isn’t easy. I’m lucky in that I have my own place and have people renting a room. It means that if people get too out of hand, it’s easier to kick them out. Luckily, I have had many good experiences. However, one time I lived with a French girl who thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the living room. The worst part was, it wasn’t even with me 😆

Caranica

If the boyfriend is over that often that's effectively an extra tenant so you could flag that with your landlord. The noise stuff is something you just have to address directly with the tenant. Confrontation is never easy but often necessary

ztoical

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117725817#Comment_117725817

What exactly is the Landlord meant to do about it? What are they going to do call the tenant and say be quite, they aren't their mother. Unless they are causing damage or making noise so loud the neighbors call the cops its nothing to do with them. Legally the LL can't remove them from the house as they've not broken their lease. About the only thing they might care about its the BF staying 6 nights a week as that is pretty much another person living there and there might be issues with occupancy depending on the size of the property and the LL insurance but other then that the other issues are a matter to be sorted between the house mates.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117726812#Comment_117726812

Agree with this.

Extra tenant is an issue.

Having friends over every Saturday, not liking you - suck it up: they're allowed visitors, and not everyone is going to like you.

You say you've been there 3 years: how old are you? If 30 something, then maybe it's time you stopped housesharing with 20-somethings.

[quote=Mrs O Bumble]You say you've been there 3 years: how old are you? If 30 something, then maybe it's time you stopped housesharing with 20-somethings.[/quote]

(edit: seems quote tags no longer work)

What an odd opinion. The OP was living there before the others moved in. Should OP be expected to change house everytime someone younger moves into their house share.

rolling boh

The issues you are having seem to be pretty common in house shares if this forum is anything to go by .The guy staying over that much is out of order he is as good as another housemate. You will have to have a meeting with them all and see what can be worked out .You need the one who keeps out of the way with you especially .Don't know if you are all close in age but I do think that is a factor when joining a house share

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117727472#Comment_117727472

The OP was presumably involved in choosing both the two recent additions to the household.

Jequ0n

Not sure what advice you are looking for tbh.

If neither of you speak up and just grudgingly ignore this nothing will change, so you might as well move out.

who cares if they will be pissed off with you. You’re not friends and you don’t have anything to lose by the sounds of it.

1874

Who owns the house? are you on a lease if you arent the owner? are the new people?

If not, then they are licencees unless they have asked to go on the lease, lay down the law and probably best to throw one or both of them out. Dont pussy foot around it, especially the one letting her boyfriend live there.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117726812#Comment_117726812

I have brought up one or two things to the other HM and I feel as though she holds a grudge with me, and can see the other doing the same if I say anything.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117727111#Comment_117727111

Like I said in my op post, I don't mind people coming over I do mind when I'm not giving notice, having already asked to be given some....and when their being loud and inconsiderate of the other tenants.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117727828#Comment_117727828

The two are 20s and 30s. This is my houseshare so I don't have a lot of experience with it. I'd like to have a meeting but I feel kind of ganged up by them. Like this eve they both came into the kitchen cooking dinner together and chatted amongst themselves. Not once made conversation with me. I did try with them. It feels as though calling a meeting would be pointless, that's why I'm querying about the LL weather I should or say or am I just being ott.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117728424#Comment_117728424

Thing is I have spoken up before to one of they since have been holding a grudge against me, (they were bringing different people over during the lock down without asking if we were comfortable or ok with it... ) the other HM is too passive to say anything, she'll give out about them, but not say anything. I'm expected.

LilacNails

1874....

Won't let me quote ur post for some reason.

No, none of us are on the lease. Should I ask to be???

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117730956#Comment_117730956

So did the person who signed the lease with the landlord move out and one of you took their place?

CantGetNoSleep

Life is too short to be coming home from work and not happy or comfortable in your own home. Just move. Might not be what you had planned but there is no other solution that will work here, assuming you can't just learn to live with the way they behave.

You can talk to people, talk to the landlord, complain to others but some people just don't get on as house mates. Either get them out if you can or leave yourself is the only way out of this

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117731167#Comment_117731167

There's no lease.

notAMember

That is very unpleasant and bad manners on their part. To ignore someone making conversation with you in their own kitchen is just obnoxious behaviour. It’s bullying through being ostracised.

I don’t think calling a meeting would work, you will be ganged up on.

I think having an individual conversation with the housemate who was there longer about the atmosphere in your home might work better. Ask her has she noticed any atmosphere with you and other housemate, and what she thinks about it. Then let her think about it (leave some silence in the conversation, that can be effective)

She will hopefully answer with something like… she thinks you’re cramping her style, she is very social.

you can respond with, this is my home and I need to be respected too. I have work at X time and I sleep here.

rolling boh

Unfortunately it seems this situation is not going to work so either they go or you do even if possible with the one you get on with . Sometimes it's just not worth the stress and I know it's easier said than done but I would be at least look at other alternatives. The meeting I was thinking about would more than likely be a waste of time and would make atmosphere worse but things can't continue as they are .Best of luck and hope it can be resolved somehow.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117730941#Comment_117730941

Well let them hold a grudge, who cares. They are already blanking you, so what else do you fear they might do?

Tbh your other (quiet) housemate is as much part of the problem as the other two because she effectively leaves you to fend for your own.

you will probably find yourself looking for a new place to live eventually as this is a one vs two confrontation that you are unlikely to win.

littlevillage

OP, no need for a house meeting or any of that drama. Just have a chat to the Lanadlord....ask them to have a word with the new tenants. I suspect it will have the necessary outcome.

cruizer101

I doubt talking to LL will do much, its not their responsibility to police tenants having friends over.

Whats the worst that can happen, OP threatens to leave, LL will have them replaced in a few days, its not really an issue.

OP I feel bad for you it is not fair but the best solution is probably move out, I know a lot easier said than done in current market.

If possible you could try rent somewhere yourself and then sublet out the rooms so you have full control of your housemates.

MacDanger

How about trying to mend the relationship with your new housemates? Maybe a house night out for a few drinks to get to know each other or something; it might be easier to discuss these things amicably if you knew each other better.

If that's not a runner, just move out I'd say.

MrMusician18

FFS, either suck it up or leave. House meetings or talking it through is not going to get you the resolution you want.

Tbh it sounds like you've outgrown house sharing

davo2001

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117731749#Comment_117731749

And the LL response should be "You're all adults so sort it out yourselves".

Once the LL gets paid at the end of the month and there is no damage to the property or ilegal activity going on, that's where his/her interest ends.

Icsics

It’s not worth it OP, move for your own mental well-being

ztoical

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117731749#Comment_117731749

What exactly is the LL going to tell them? The tenants are entitled to peaceful enjoyment of their home, if the LL comes in and tells them how to behave its the LL who could find themselves in trouble. They aren't breaking any rental laws by ignoring the OP and having friends over for the evening. The LL isn't their mammy. All they care about is are they getting their rent on time and is the house being looked after.

The only thing they might care about is the BF defacto living there as there could be occupancy limits on the property and the LL insurance could be effected if someone is living there that they aren't aware of.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117731652#Comment_117731652

It is frustrating the other HM is acting so passive, yet will give out about them as well.

It's not so much I fear what they might do, it's just **** that's it's turned out like this, and I guess I can just see them taking control of the house. Really. I feel outnumbered.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117734349#Comment_117734349

Look at alternative accommodation. Either for yourself only or for the useless fourth wheel too, if you are inclined to keep living with her.

My OH is like you and determined to "keep the peace" even if it means she will suffer as a result. I appreciate it's easy for us to say to challenge them because we would, but it might not be way for you atm. I probably would have murdered someone by now, but that's why I don't share.

You don't sound like you enjoy confrontation so it might be best to clear the field.

iffandonlyif

The sooner the better. The longer they’re let do it, the more they will resent being told to change.

I wouldn’t necessarily call them disrespectful: they’re young, have their own priorities and presumably wouldn’t object to you behaving the same way. But it’s damn inconsiderate. Even as a student, I always made sure to emulate the character of the house.

Unfortunately I reckon you’re going to have to give up on your desire for friendly interaction. Uncomfortable at first but you’ll soon get used to it.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117731538#Comment_117731538

Ok no written/paper lease but a part4 tenancy kicks in after 6 months. Whats the set-up OP? Does each tenant have a separate agreement & pay the landlord directly or is it paid to the first/longest tenant who pays LL?

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117735397#Comment_117735397

We all pay LL separate. That's it.

James 007

Unfortunately your only option is to move out. They want rid of you & your outnumbered. The noise will continue, there will be no notice given of friends coming over, & the sitting room will be taken over time & time again. Your only 2nd option is to now retreat to your room a defeated & wounded animal, check mate!!!

Unfortunately, this will be a hard lesson to take but for peace of mind its better not to dwell on it & start looking elsewhere, its for the best.

The best advice i can give anyone house sharing it too pay the bit extra for a nice decent size room. At least there you can have your own TV and couch and don't have to put with obnoxious housemates if you don't want to.

I can sympathize OP but the housemates are doing nothing wrong having people over for pre-drinks. I've lived in eight different house shares and half them were good experiences and half were bad experiences.

One house I moved into the two guys were odd as feck and nearly grunt at ya or one word answers, no small talk whatsoever and never left the house except for work. They made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't pay the rent 2nd month and just left and let them keep the deposit. I don't honestly think they knew my full name.

Its not worth putting up with, just move and if you can afford moving into a place with just one another then do.

LilacNails

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117740887#Comment_117740887

In fairness I don't mind people coming over, I mind when I come home after work and what to chill out on the couch or prep my meals but can't cause its taken over by people(talking at the top of their voice over blaring music)I don't know or expected to be there.

I don't see the harm in asking for notice if people are coming over, it gives me a chance to make use of the room before hand then let them use it away...

I'm not gonna be bullied out of a place I'm happy in, I take good care of the place in comparison to the others and always leave the place clean and tidy after use.

I feel as though if they want to live in a house where they can play loud music, have friends and guys over, exclude me from conversation then F off to another place. Me and my other HM deserve this place more than them...we choose them over other people cause they seemed quiet, respectable and friendly... Which was advertised on the ad.

catrionanic

It doesn't sound like they are doing anything outrageous or untoward to me in terms of socialising etc. That's what I would have expected during house shares in my 20s. I think it would be fair enough to have a word with the girl about her boyfriend staying so often but otherwise I think you're being over-sensitive and need to invest in some ear plugs.

machaseh

It's pretty normal to have drinks with your friends on a saturday night, isn't it?

If you want a house where people aren't allowed to bring over their friends, you can put that in the rent advert.

bullpost

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117741245#Comment_117741245

Why not have a meeting to lay down a set of rules for the house e.g. notice needed if inviting people over etc. ?

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117741717#Comment_117741717

The other HM is not willing to get involved.

So at any meeting, the OP would be in a minority and agreed house rules would likely not suit him/her.

OP, we all make mistakes sometimes. You clearly did with these housemate's. It happens.

You choice is to leave, or stick it out until they leave. I did the latter once, did minimal housework for three months, just to get some nasty pieces to move along. Was ... icky, but so worth it the day they left.

Jequ0n

I wouldn’t want people hanging around my living room either but that’s why I don’t house share.

Time to accept that the dynamic in the house has changed and that you cannot have it your way. Just because you have lived there for longer doesn’t mean that your preferences should outweigh those of the other tenants.

spaceHopper

Your LL is not a social worker, they are a property manager. They simply won't care.

Talk you your other house mate see if you can find somewhere else maybe a two bed apartment. For future reference, when somebody moves out put feelers out for somebody you would get along with, close in age to you, similar interests or somebody who will be gone at weekends.

Caranica

If you guys chose them, surely you can ask them to leave? You'll fill the rooms in no time.

JeffKenna

Think you're being a bit unfair here OP. Sharing with two 24 year olds and expecting them not to have any friends over on a Saturday night.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117742081#Comment_117742081

It's worse: they're allowed friends over, but only with the OP's permission!

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117741245#Comment_117741245

You should have chosen people your own age or older. Twenty somethings, especially early twenties, are going to have friends over and music playing etc. Their version of being respectful is not having parties where people are there all night. Really you should only go for people similar to you when choosing housemates.

As for them not including you in conversations it might not feel nice but at the end of they day they get on and so are friends, they don’t see you as somebody they want to be friends with and that’s no crime.

ztoical

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117742027#Comment_117742027

Legally the OP has no right to ask them to leave, only the LL does and nothing the OP has listed as their major issues are issues the LL would care about other then maybe the BF defacto living there.

jmlad2020

If her friends only come over once a week, there's little you can do. Young people go mad at weekends, a little rowdiness can be expected when sharing a house. This is the typical professional let situation.

However when it during the working week or spread over days and is interupting your sleep I suggest making it clear to your housemate to reduce the levels of noise or the landlord will be notified. Doesn't sound like you are that close to this person. Best case scenario they are sound about it.

No point tip toeing around. If it gets catty so be it. That's the risk.