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rejected for my financial situation



  • The ghosting isn't good, but she might just be trying to avoid hurting your feelings and is ghosting instead of stringing you along. I don't think that's right, it's far more hurtful to be ghosted because you start doing this, trying to figure out yourself what went wrong and imagining every conversation you had to see where you went wrong. She should have been truthful with you, the same way your were honest with her.

    The reality of an age gap is that the younger party is likely to have to support an older person later in life in a long term relationship. She probably was sussing out the status because it's a risk to her if you were going to take it further. Sounds like this woman was thinking along those lines from what you've said.

    It's admirable you told her the truth, no-one's time was wasted here and that's positive at least.

  • Men want to be viewed as a walking wallet about as much as women want to be viewed as a walking pair of t*ts.

    Sh*tty men view women as above, and sh*tty women regard men as a meal ticket to the easy life.

    I'm firm on this. Women can do it all in the economy and have whatever job they please, there's very little excuse for the old bourgeoise impulse to hunt down a man with a fat wallet and kick up the heels as you peck him on the cheek as he goes out to work in the morning.

    Women who are resource hunters in the 21st century are icky. The OP in my estimation got lucky, she couldn't keep her crap impulses under control. The girl needs to grow up and earn her own coin.

  • She isn't going to go buy a house together after three dates but looking forward say three years, she might have made a quick decision on the likelihood of having a deposit saved together, potential of getting a mortgage, time to pay it off, how having a baby together might change that or whatever.

    It's a bit mercenary but it doesn't mean she is a gold digger.

    Ghosting isn't particularly nice but she has made her decision presumably.

  • But the OP has none of the things you're quoting. You are making the posters point with that quote lol

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  • The other poster made a general point around the age gap - Why is someone of OP's age dating a woman 12 years younger. That's not a specific reference to this case, and is just ageist judgementalism whether or not the OP is a prince or a pauper.

    And the other poster made a general point around the idea that - talk of 'gold digger' is plain sexist - that's clearly broad indignation, and nothing specific to this case either.

    Whereas there is research to explain that age gap dynamic that puzzles the other poster, and to also explain that contra the other poster's umbrage, talk of 'gold digger' is not plain sexist at all but is rather supported by evidence.

    So now both of you are a little more informed than before and what harm is in that ?

    You're welcome !

  • No, they're not all ageist misandrists, and I for one never said they were.

    But there is more than a hint of ageist misandry in one or two posts here. That is what I was addressing, and is very clearly the context in which I used those terms.

    Just for clarification.

  • So men in their 40s have little or nothing to offer apart from resources? Complete rubbish, if you were talking about men in their 70s you might have a point. A man in his 40s or 50s will often be more masculine looking and in better physical shape than he was in his 20s. Because it takes years of practice and training at martial arts and weight training to become any good at them. It can also take years for the bones of the face to develop a masculine look.

    As well as looking better and being stronger, many middle aged men would destroy a younger man in a fight which is something that seems to excite plenty of women.

    Add to that the confidence and not giving a fcuk that often comes with age.

    Personally I have experienced FAR more flirting from twentysomething women at age 40+ than I ever did when I myself was in my twenties. Nothing to do with resources as it often happened when I was unshaven, sweaty and wearing a 5 euro T shirt i.e. definitely not advertising my resources

    There is some truth to the the old cliché about men aging like wine and women aging like milk, This annoys a lot of women, in particular those of a certain age conscious of declining fertility. The result is sneering and deny deny deny which I expect will be the response to this post.

  • It happens. Just move on.

    Ive a friend who couldnt get a girlfriend to save his life for the last 20 years.

    About 2 years ago he spent every last bean he had on a Porche.

    Now he is shagging a different girl every week.

    Its not his personality thats attracting them all of a sudden :)

  • That last comment that mentioned “resource seekers”, nail on head. Been there, done that, never again (and I’m 29 myself😅)

    OP I understand that doesn’t take away much of the crappy feeling you get from this situation but her actions up to and after probing your finances says it all really.

    Find someone worth keeping, a positive addition to your life and let this one drift away as a faint memory. Wishing you all the best.

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  • I think you dodged a bullet. You were open and honest with her and now she’s blanked you. Her line of questioning would raise eyebrows and would suggest she values wealth.

    better to know now than Further down the line.

  • Christ you are a lucky man to have dodged that bullet.

  • I think you dodged a bullet - she sounded like a gold digger.. but for your own sake, its good that you started to save a little.. and yes, women also like guys who are savvy with money (earning it and spending/saving wisely {being tight is not attractive either - its all about the balance.. enjoying life but think of the future too})

    Also, fair play to you for being honest; not everyone would be.

    Chin up, carrying on saving and get back out there.. (you have a bit more wisdom now too)

  • I think she may have thought you are maybe irresponsible or reckless , most 40 year olds will have built up some savings or even bought a house or an apartment . I would expect a 40 year old to have bought some property since they are working at least 20 years this do, es not mean she's a bad person she may be looking for stability and financial certainty at this point in her life if she is looking for a long term relationship

    You admit yourself you have been foolish and have not saved up until recently

  • I.m not in favour of more than a 10 year gap in relationships of course there's lots of 20 year olds that go out with 40 year old men but usually the older men are well off financially

    I.m not saying every woman is a gold digger I think younger women if they go out with a 40 year old at least will expect financial stability

  • A ps4 isn't exactly a massive expense

  • Young impressionable woman wants nice things, thinks older man can give them to her its the way the world is today and to be white toothed and tanned is demanded. She was trying to see if you could give her these things and when she saw you couldnt she moved on . Women are more mercenary these days than ever before. You need to look for a woman closer to your age who wants children and her clock is ticking you have a better chance with her but having little or no security to offer doesnt help your cause. Women can get their own stuff these days and unless you are alarmingly attractive there is no reason to settle for average in their minds so you need to man up and get your act together or just enjoy your life as a singleton a lot of men do .

  • Could it be possible to that your focusing on your own financial situation lead you to think that a few off the cuff comments (bet you could retire now etc) were more than they were. It is possible that she felt it way too soon to have the lowdown on your finances. You mentioned that she didn’t respond to your calls and texts which could have exacerbated it.

  • Lets assume she is not a gold digger.

    She is wrong to ghost you, however being in your early 40's with little to no savings while "earning good money" for 15 years implies you are not the most responsible type and if she has a mentality of saving money to build a future for herself you come across as a massive red flag who will likely find it hard to contribute and will do nothing other than make it harder for her to succeed.

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  • Damn I wish I can still attract hot 20 year olds in my 40s.

    Anyways you made a mistake telling her about your struggles.

  • Better he is honest - though he could have told her to mind her own business.

  • @BrianD3, I'm hoping you won't get too excited that I chose - out of all the others - to quote your post, but here we are! I've been sitting here reading, and getting more and more irate, and I've come to the conclusion that I must be just old! As a woman, I agree with everything you have written. I met my dh when I was in my early 20s and he in his mid 30s. If I was to listen to the 'fiscally aware' here, I would have kicked him to the kerb 25 years ago as he was old, definitely not financially secure and came with 'baggage' (kids). However, to this day, we live a life I would not trade for all the money in the world. We are not wealthy but we have enough. We love each other and the family we have created and are both fit and healthy still. I cannot imagine such a mercenary outlook on life and am very glad I didn't think like that in my youth. I'm sure you're a big ride Brian! ;)

  • Mod Note

    As the OP hasn't been back to the thread in over a month I'm going to close it there.

    OP if you want the thread reopened, just PM one of the PI/RI Mods and if appropriate we can do that for you.

    Thanks to everyone for taking the time to offer the OP advice.


This discussion has been closed.