Do Mean people ever actually spend it ? ?

The DayDream

Swindled wrote: »

What's the causes of unnecessary spending and waste ?

The same - your upbringing. I was terrible with money for my entire 20s and I think it's partly because nothing about how to manage it was ever explained to me. Possibly because my parents never had anything to manage and my father drank a lot of his wages.

I really wish home buying/ownership would have been explained to me, but again it wasn't, neither how it works or why it's so important, possibly because my family never owned a home. I was turfed out at 19 and had to learn how to rent etc on my own and the result of that lack of knowledge and lack of opportunity to compile any money to buy is that I'll never own a home in my lifetime either.

I didn't even bother trying to figure it out once I heard that you need a 5 figure down payment, might as well have been a million up front when you consider what I had leftover to save for most of those years - years when retirement and old age seemed worlds away and the idea of having to rent in those years wasn't something I considered.

SupaCat95

Mimon wrote: »

Was two bachelor brothers from down home who had no bathroom and the house was a shack. Basically lived in third world conditions. They would buy land like the bejaysus.

When the last one died the farm went to a nun relation in America (niece I think) and she sold it for 8 million during the boom, bonkers. Worse the church will end up with the money,

There are thousands of them families.

2lazytogetup

the point of hoarding money is that it brings security. if someone hoards 10s of thousands and lost their job, they wouldnt worry too much about it. they could survive. if a son or daugher got stuck, they could use their money to help them out. if their car breaks down tomorrow and they need a new car, sorted. im in disbelief with people who havent gone without 3 take away coffees a day in order to get money stored.


obviously get to a point when they are in their sixties when they have excess money. im hoping to reach that point and am hoping to meet a new woman half my age who will spend alot of it.

Swindled

2lazytogetup wrote: »

the point of hoarding money is that it brings security. if someone hoards 10s of thousands and lost their job, they wouldnt worry too much about it. they could survive. if a son or daugher got stuck, they could use their money to help them out. if their car breaks down tomorrow and they need a new car, sorted. im in disbelief with people who havent gone without 3 take away coffees a day in order to get money stored.


obviously get to a point when they are in their sixties when they have excess money. im hoping to reach that point and am hoping to meet a new woman half my age who will spend alot of it.

Exactly some people are happy to spend their life in the rat race and hamster wheel, instead of being as independent and free as possible. And the less you can live on, the freer, more independent, and harder you are to control and manipulate. Every government, corporation, PR and marketing department's nightmare to be honest.

JimmyVik

I have put away a few euro and some people i might help out if they were badly stuck.
Some I wouldnt.

Im reminded of a colleagues story years ago.
This colleague was big into fitness and lived and ate cleanly. Didnt even drink.
His brother was an overweight alcho who was trying to drive himself to an early grave.
Hi brother had to have a kidney transplant and this guy was asked to be tested to be a match.
He was eventually persuaded by his mother to get tested, hoping he wasnt a match.
He was a match. Then he had to refuse the kidney.
All his family leaned on him to donate the kidney.

Of course his view was i have looked after myself all mu life. My brother blew his organs and now wants one of mine that i've been careful with.

Eventually he gave in as he thought his parents would die of heart attacks or something from the stress.
He donated the kidney. His brother was grand for a couple of years and then drank himself to death literally.

Waste of a good kidney.

TomSweeney

My wifes grandad was ultra stingey all his life, when she was a kid they all lived with him (common in Spain for when a couple get married they move in with one of the couples parents - nightmare stuff).

They were living in darkness, he wouldn't let them have the lights on, eventually my wifes father said that's it, I am paying the electricity so he didn't need to worry about power ... but he still paid the water bill.

He was still alive when we 1st were going out and the 1st thing he asked me was "Did I take a shower..."

His room was basic basic basic.
A crappy single bed, a small table and chair that looked about 100 years old and handmade.

No wallpaper on the walls and a crucifix hung up there - I've seen prison cells with more appeal.

Wore filthy rags for clothes and genuinely looked like a homeless bum.

All his life he did oddjobs and did not make much money so had a very basic pension of about €400 a month.


He left €160,000.

What was the point of it all ? living like he was homeless and saving that much - for what 40% of that to go to the sociopathic robbing Spanish government ???

TomSweeney

JayZeus wrote: »

I'd rather a spicebox than a nose full of coke, a few pints in Dublin than a fortnight in Ibiza and if I was only going down the road for my lunch, a bus pass would be a lot more practical and therefore enjoyable to use for my purposes than a 911. The money would have nothing to do with the decisions I'd make.

People are gas. They can't get their heads around a man not pissing away his money, just, because. Do you think he wasn't happy? If having a big balance in the bank made him happy, would that be okay with ye? Or would he have had to spend it on stuff you want him to spend it on for it to be okay with you?

You are strawmanning there, he was not paying for his bins and bothering neighbours for the use of lawnmowers - at least, God knows what else he did, the type that leaves 1.9M in the bank probably was bothering people in the pub for a round too ...

Strumms

TomSweeney wrote: »

My wifes grandad was ultra stingey all his life, when she was a kid they all lived with him (common in Spain for when a couple get married they move

His room was basic basic basic.
A crappy single bed, a small table and chair that looked about 100 years old and handmade.

No wallpaper on the walls and a crucifix hung up there - I've seen prison cells with more appeal.

Wore filthy rags for clothes and genuinely looked like a homeless bum.

All his life he did oddjobs and did not make much money so had a very basic pension of about €400 a month.


He left €160,000.

What was the point of it all ? living like he was homeless and saving that much - for what 40% of that to go to the sociopathic robbing Spanish government ???

I think genuinely that’s a psychological issue.... what sort of enjoyment, happiness, peace, comfort or exhilaration can you get from having money, that amount of money and just look at it on a bank statement as opposed to doing something good with it... enjoying doing something good.

volono

I said basically verbatim what TomSweeney said earlier on in the thread. Couldn't care less what others do, live on Lidl cans of dog food for all I care but when its negatively affecting others, like that man in the o.p. , it's a problem. Couldn't be simpler that , in my eyes and there's people justifying that type of behaviour, they're wrong!!

YFlyer

JimmyVik wrote: »

I have put away a few euro and some people i might help out if they were badly stuck.
Some I wouldnt.

Im reminded of a colleagues story years ago.
This colleague was big into fitness and lived and ate cleanly. Didnt even drink.
His brother was an overweight alcho who was trying to drive himself to an early grave.
Hi brother had to have a kidney transplant and this guy was asked to be tested to be a match.
He was eventually persuaded by his mother to get tested, hoping he wasnt a match.
He was a match. Then he had to refuse the kidney.
All his family leaned on him to donate the kidney.

Of course his view was i have looked after myself all mu life. My brother blew his organs and now wants one of mine that i've been careful with.

Eventually he gave in as he thought his parents would die of heart attacks or something from the stress.
He donated the kidney. His brother was grand for a couple of years and then drank himself to death literally.

Waste of a good kidney.

Remember the young fella up north denied a liver because of his constant drinking yet George Best got one.

Bass Reeves

volono wrote: »

I said basically verbatim what TomSweeney said earlier on in the thread. Couldn't care less what others do, live on Lidl cans of dog food for all I care but when its negatively affecting others, like that man in the o.p. , it's a problem. Couldn't be simpler that , in my eyes and there's people justifying that type of behaviour, they're wrong!!

Nothing wrong with Lidl cans if dog food....or cat food neither of my two complain. Not really into it myself. There steaks are grand though

volono

Ha

---

Ha!!!!!

TomSweeney

Strumms wrote: »

I think genuinely that’s a psychological issue.... what sort of enjoyment, happiness, peace, comfort or exhilaration can you get from having money, that amount of money and just look at it on a bank statement as opposed to doing something good with it... enjoying doing something good.

Exactly, this guy lived to 97 and has life was a ****ing misery, and the latter part of it didn't need to be, yes yes he walked to Andorra during the Spanish civil war to dodge the draft ... but ffs get over it !!!




"Did you have a shower" !!!! FOR FUXAKE!!!

daithi7

TomSweeney wrote: »

My wifes grandad was ultra stingey all his life, when she was a kid they all lived with him (common in Spain for when a couple get married they move in with one of the couples parents - nightmare stuff).

They were living in darkness, he wouldn't let them have the lights on, eventually my wifes father said that's it, I am paying the electricity so he didn't need to worry about power ... but he still paid the water bill.

He was still alive when we 1st were going out and the 1st thing he asked me was "Did I take a shower..."

His room was basic basic basic.
A crappy single bed, a small table and chair that looked about 100 years old and handmade.

No wallpaper on the walls and a crucifix hung up there - I've seen prison cells with more appeal.

Wore filthy rags for clothes and genuinely looked like a homeless bum.

All his life he did oddjobs and did not make much money so had a very basic pension of about €400 a month.


He left €160,000.

What was the point of it all ? living like he was homeless and saving that much - for what 40% of that to go to the sociopathic robbing Spanish government ???

Granted he sounds very extreme, but Tbf to him, a lot of old people keep money as a security blanket, in case of a long term medical condition (which they are way more at risk of) or family emergency, etc. Also older people are no longer able to earn, so that in itself brings some financial insecurity to any sensible individual imho.

A lot of these old people with relatively big savings, have often outgrown material pleasures, they just want to be warm & comfortable, with 3 meals a day and good company (ideally their family).

The fact that he left 160k behind probably didn't bother him in the least, the purpose of the money for him was probably so he didn't have to worry, so you have to say it worked!

P.s. Warren Buffet (one of the world's wealthiest individuals) still buys returned & reconditioned cars, so he saves himself 10-15% off the asking price versus new. Now is that mean or smart???

P.p.s. some other celebrities are notoriously mean, Tiger Woods apparently is shocking, and there are many more besides. Not a nice way to be, when you have it to spare. Bad karma & all that....

mohawk

This thread makes me think of my ex. We were renting in Dublin. House was okay but poorly insulated. We also had a son (which is why I didn’t leave sooner I was saving to make my escape to freedom).
He used to try and restrict us to 1 hours heating in depth of winter and turn off heating when he thought I wouldn’t notice. (Of course I noticed due to lack of insulation). If I was out with my son I would come home and he would be under a duvet wearing a several layers and a hat. I told him if he continued then I would post it on Facebook where all his family would see it. As a point of principle I only paid half the gas bill because the heating was also for our son. I am not one who expected to be going around house in a tshirt in middle of winter. He was very tight with everything but heating is in my view a step too far.
He thinks child benefit covers absolutely everything that our son needs. Before Covid I had relatives minding my son after school for a few hours a day. I would pay them and he would criticise me for paying them when his elderly parents in poor health could do it for free ( they didn’t even know their services were being offered for free)

Ish66

mohawk wrote: »

This thread makes me think of my ex. We were renting in Dublin. House was okay but poorly insulated. We also had a son (which is why I didn’t leave sooner I was saving to make my escape to freedom).
He used to try and restrict us to 1 hours heating in depth of winter and turn off heating when he thought I wouldn’t notice. (Of course I noticed due to lack of insulation). If I was out with my son I would come home and he would be under a duvet wearing a several layers and a hat. I told him if he continued then I would post it on Facebook where all his family would see it. As a point of principle I only paid half the gas bill because the heating was also for our son. I am not one who expected to be going around house in a tshirt in middle of winter. He was very tight with everything but heating is in my view a step too far.
He thinks child benefit covers absolutely everything that our son needs. Before Covid I had relatives minding my son after school for a few hours a day. I would pay them and he would criticise me for paying them when his elderly parents in poor health could do it for free ( they didn’t even know their services were being offered for free)

Well Done on getting away from that tightarse. I had a (Brief) relationship with a tightass in my 20s. She was soo mean. I used to tip waiters, Loungeboys etc big amounts just to annoy her. She is still miserable...And Single

There's a huge difference between being fond of the few quid and saving a bit and having €2m in the bank and using public bins to dispose of your household refuse..... that's just being a magotty ole fncker.

daithi7

daithi7 wrote: »

............ Tiger Woods apparently is shocking................

Haggles with the high class hoors does he :pac:

B.A._Baracus

Augeo wrote: »

There's a huge difference between being fond of the few quid and saving a bit and having €2m in the bank and using public bins to dispose of your household refuse..... that's just being a magotty ole fncker.

Exactly. Just like everything in life there is a balance.
On one side there's nothing wrong not spending much if you're sick of renting and want to buy a house, or sick of the bus and want a car. There's nothing mean about that.
On the other side, spending your wages on silly things and not saving for a rainy day is foolish.

pgj2015 wrote: »

The thing I often think is I hope they don't work away their 20's and then get a serious illness at say 30 and die, then what was it all for? Life is about experiences not wealth, you will look back at holidays, nights out, football matches you were at with friends/family, girlfriends/boyfriends you had etc on your death bed, not the fact you earned 20,000 one month back in 2007.

Totally.
Again balance. It's nice to have a good bank balance but you have to live.
it's nice to give family members money when you pass on. Again, you have to live tho.

Hyperbollix

Hyperbollix wrote: »

In the end, my father was appointed executer and it turned out he had a couple of savings accounts and investments with more than €100k in them and the house and bit of land would have been valued at north of €500k.

I'm sure the lifestyle actually gave him pleasure, he was the kind that fattened on this kind of puritanism and discipline. But to live like that only to to hand it over to extended family, is perverse imo.

But this isn't a crazy amount.
Was the land for farming?

100k saved over a lifetime is maybe 2-3k per year in current terms. He doesn't exactly sound flush. The fella with 1.9 m was saving a multiple of that.

Ish66

I'm the OP and the Q was Do they ever spend it ? Reading through all the replies, the answer is No. Being too mean to heat the house,pay for bins etc is obviously an illness. I know of another miser who works for the state but goes to The Capuchin Centre (Bro Kevin) most days for the free homeless dinner.
People like that should be tied to a pole and watch someone burn their money right in front of them....Watch the pain on their face,,:eek: Then let them on their way !:D

Oscar Madison

It is a sickness! A deficit in someway in the mentality of the person.

I've known a few over the years but sad individuals.

JustAThought

I’ve said this before and got hammered for it. Used to work with a lot of eu ex soviet country types - all came over to Ireland to make a better life - no intention of returning home. You never saw anything like their meanness - and they knew the price of everyrhing. That’s fine - let them be as mean as they wanted - but the problem became things like off site meetings where they would refuse to take public transport there or ask for a life because they didn’t want to spend the extra money on petrol and offer on insistence to give you e3 for a e60 round trip, or be asking for lifts home every night right our of your way because they wanted to save the busfare . Company ‘bonding’ nights out where they would take the food off the platters and put into lunchboxes to freeze or eat the next day or worse order drinks and sit on their hands all night when it came to pay and wait for their same salary colleagues to pick up their tab. It was really shocking to watch innaction . The money hungry ‘me first’ greed of it all - and these people were 4 or 5 years working & living here and earning good wages.

I don’t mind people being frugal on their own time but not at the expense of others - when their goal is ‘just’ to save. Fine if you have a sick child or wife or whatever.

I went out with a total stinge and miser years ago - they wanted a L.T thing out of it but I realised I could not get past their meanness .They would shop recklessly for themselves and have arms full of ‘unnecessary’ purchases every week - but never lift a finger to even share a sandwich or ever offer to buy a coffee for you let alone a drink. Yet they as good as lived in my place & never lifted a finger. They were all go for wanting to out and party and be part of your friends and life - preferably if you wouod pick up the tab for them but they NEVER recriprocated - stayed over all the time, ate their way through the food press, bought themselves meals if there was no food handy when they got in - but never never offered or paid a cent other than for themselves. It really shocked me - their absolute selfishness and lack of empathy for someone else. I was mad about them & went out with them for a few years and even told them about the issues I had wjth their attitude towards me as a reaource & their meanness but it never stopped then. I ended up ending it really mostly to do with that. I wonder do selective misers and cheepskates end up finding each other or end up alone/single because of it?

(Having money worries or no money is a different matter)

pgj2015

JustAThought wrote: »

I’ve said this before and got hammered for it. Used to work with a lot of eu ex soviet country types - all came over to Ireland to make a better life - no intention of returning home. You never saw anything like their meanness - and they knew the price of everyrhing. That’s fine - let them be as mean as they wanted - but the problem became things like off site meetings where they would refuse to take public transport there or ask for a life because they didn’t want to spend the extra money on petrol and offer on insistence to give you e3 for a e60 round trip, or be asking for lifts home every night right our of your way because they wanted to save the busfare . Company ‘bonding’ nights out where they would take the food off the platters and put into lunchboxes to freeze or eat the next day or worse order drinks and sit on their hands all night when it came to pay and wait for their same salary colleagues to pick up their tab. It was really shocking to watch innaction . The money hungry ‘me first’ greed of it all - and these people were 4 or 5 years working & living here and earning good wages.

I don’t mind people being frugal on their own time but not at the expense of others - when their goal is ‘just’ to save. Fine if you have a sick child or wife or whatever.

I went out with a total stinge and miser years ago - they wanted a L.T thing out of it but I realised I could not get past their meanness .They would shop recklessly for themselves and have arms full of ‘unnecessary’ purchases every week - but never lift a finger to even share a sandwich or ever offer to buy a coffee for you let alone a drink. Yet they as good as lived in my place & never lifted a finger. They were all go for wanting to out and party and be part of your friends and life - preferably if you wouod pick up the tab for them but they NEVER recriprocated - stayed over all the time, ate their way through the food press, bought themselves meals if there was no food handy when they got in - but never never offered or paid a cent other than for themselves. It really shocked me - their absolute selfishness and lack of empathy for someone else. I was mad about them & went out with them for a few years and even told them about the issues I had wjth their attitude towards me as a reaource & their meanness but it never stopped then. I ended up ending it really mostly to do with that. I wonder do selective misers and cheepskates end up finding each other or end up alone/single because of it?

(Having money worries or no money is a different matter)

I know of a couple, married now. both as mean as each other. They are so mean if one of them went up to the bar, they wouldn't buy the other one a drink.

Then you have couples where one is dirt mean but the other is really generous.

were you with your tight ex for long? as soon as I would see meanness in a partner, I would be gone.

JustAThought

pgj2015 wrote: »

I know of a couple, married now. both as mean as each other. They are so mean if one of them went up to the bar, they wouldn't buy the other one a drink.

Then you have couples where one is dirt mean but the other is really generous.

were you with your tight ex for long? as soon as I would see meanness in a partner, I would be gone.

I was mad about them - so about three years - and then on and off then living seperately but I couldn’t get past their meanness. They never saw it as worth addressing and when it came to saying I couldn’t afford for them keep coming every day and staying in my place all day long and just eating from the fridge they would then just stop for a takeaway on the way and eat it before they got there or IN my place in front of me. They just had zero empathy. But no restrictions on anything and everything for themself. Its been a definate red flag for me with other relationships - in fairness people have different priorities and focuses and there is give and take always at every level in all relationships. But in my life I have never met anyone as straight up consistently mean and self centered and utterly mean spirited and remorselessly ‘takey’ as they were. It was unrelenting. I was crazy about them but I couldn’t put up with that.


They bought me a drink - once - when I had travelled 50 km to meet them at their xonvenience and at my insistence - It was a glass of water - they talked about it for about a year after - do you remember when I bought you the drink.... the night I bought you the drink.... they were a working professional, highly paid and no dope.

Meanness is a major red flag now & for someone I am close to or good friends with now I will always let a few things slide & then bring it up gently. You never know what people have going on but some people are just lifelong greedy whores & self centered takers.

That’s a bit different to being a miser which you can do happily by yourself and not involve anyone else in - in which case its OK ! (ish!)

pgj2015

JustAThought wrote: »

I was mad about them - so about three years - and then on and off then living seperately but I couldn’t get past their meanness. They never saw it as worth addressing and when it came to saying I couldn’t afford for them keep coming every day and staying in my place all day long and just eating from the fridge they would then just stop for a takeaway on the way and eat it before they got there or IN my place in front of me. They just had zero empathy. But no restrictions on anything and everything for themself. Its been a definate red flag for me with other relationships - in fairness people have different priorities and focuses and there is give and take always at every level in all relationships. But in my life I have never met anyone as straight up consistently mean and self centered and utterly mean spirited and remorselessly ‘takey’ as they were. It was unrelenting. I was crazy about them but I couldn’t put up with that.


They bought me a drink - once - when I had travelled 50 km to meet them at their xonvenience and at my insistence - It was a glass of water - they talked about it for about a year after - do you remember when I bought you the drink.... the night I bought you the drink.... they were a working professional, highly paid and no dope.

Meanness is a major red flag now & for someone I am close to or good friends with now I will always let a few things slide & then bring it up gently. You never know what people have going on but some people are just lifelong greedy whores & self centered takers.

That’s a bit different to being a miser which you can do happily by yourself and not involve anyone else in - in which case its OK ! (ish!)

I remember once meeting an old school pal on the street one day in my local town. we got chatting, then we decided to go for a drink there and then. We walked into the pub and I said what would you like? he said a pint of guinness, so as I was driving I ordered a pint of guinness and a lucozade for myself. Then he finished his pint and was looking at me as if to hint he wants another one, obviously I copped there and then what I was dealing with. I didnt get him another one, we had a good catch up in the pub, HE bought himself another 4 or 5 pints of guinness, he never asked if I would like a drink.

He rang me a few times after this asking to head out for pints etc. I always had some excuse ready, no way could I hang out with a stingy fcuker like that, it would do my head in.

Hyperbollix

Deleted User wrote: »

But this isn't a crazy amount.
Was the land for farming?

100k saved over a lifetime is maybe 2-3k per year in current terms. He doesn't exactly sound flush. The fella with 1.9 m was saving a multiple of that.

As I said in my post, he wasn't in the OP's league but he was far from destitute and didn't need to live in the manner he did.

He had a private pension from the UK where he lived and worked before returning home. He had his state pension and he farmed the land up until he decided to lease it out in his mid 60's. Ok, he was hardly Richard Branson, but for a single man in rural Ireland he certainly would have had the means to make his dwelling house comfortable and warm, buy a good quality second hand car with a warranty for peace of mind and generally have a better standard of living to the minimal existence he had......... and my major point being, to hand it all over to extended family in the end? Why?

Just weird and as many others have said, it was more a pathology than any kind of thriftiness. I know thrifty people. They can still spend money from time to time when the need or desire arises and they don't deprive themselves. They just go about things in a cost saving manner. Theres a lot of difference between that and basically living like you never know where you're next fiver is coming from. Especially when the exact opposite is the case.

valoren

There's a difference between frugal types who are prudent and careful with money and those who engage in the opportunistic exploitation of other people's generosity, money and resources in order to save their own money.

Strumms

valoren wrote: »

There's a difference between frugal types who are prudent and careful with money and those who engage in the opportunistic exploitation of other people's generosity, money and resources in order to save their own money.

Completely this..

I was reminded yesterday in an old job, a sound manager brought in an old small drinks fridge like this...it was just gathering dust in his garage apparently..



Every two weeks he’d order a tray of cokes, water, 7UP, he’d fill it up before leaving on Friday... from boxes and trays locked in his office....

After a while we’d be coming in on Monday and there might be 11 or 12 drinks left out of about 25-or so...

I was the last person out of there on a Friday with a colleague, so knowing it wasn’t me it was obviously this chancer who’d been found out half inching office stationery, boxes of pens, batteries, a4 pads but because of a ‘home issue’ he was just verbally warned, he wouldn’t buy so much as a bar of chocolate but had been suspected of half inching fistfuls of teabags and cartons milk that was free gratis too....he make sure always left first..

Eventually the boss got fed up, canceling the free everything, got in vending machines.... when I suggested dealing with the problem at source .. “ if I do that, somebody will become history “

So the rest of us miss out on generosity because of someone’s greed...

JustAThought

Out of interest did you or anyone else ever say anything to him? Extremely frustrating.

I had a go at someone once in work who was so self entitled with resources that it was absolutely shocking. They never spoke to me again socially which didn’t bother me but they stopped. I think I used the phrase selfish and self entitled in my rant. Same person rarely ever did a tap of work - social calls from morning to night - can’t understand how they were entertained. They had a night job in ‘events’ - lots of freebies there that they were never finished talking about. They lost that too because of an issue around pilfered tickets. Some people are brought up wrong.
(This was a mid 20’s ‘professional’ in the early 2000’s ) Shocking carry on really.