Back to 'normal': Have you changed?

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I lost a career change opportunity and then lost my job at the start of the whole ****.
I'm now in another job but rents are sky high, property prices are sky-rocketing. Everything I could have achieved within a year at the start of last year on 40% less money is now impossible.

But someone else says to cheer up so I suppose I better.

That's the spirit.

BobbyBolivia

MrStuffins wrote: »

Not seriously, no.

But who knows? The future can be what you make it

Your posts are dripping with arrogance and condescension. Embarrassing stuff.

MrStuffins

VonLuck wrote: »

I think you're missing the point. Yes circumstances might seem bleak, but being negative about it won't help you and will only send you into a downward spiral. It's tough, but try to see some shimmers of light out there. Why worry about things that you can't change? And if it's something you can change and want to, then get out there and go hell for leather.

This is part of the point I was making earlier. Lots of people are starting to get stuck in these spirals. They then take that to social media or message boards and catch people in their spiral.

Like my mate I mentioned before. He was stuck in the social media echo chamber, having the negative attitudes of others projected onto him. He'd then absorb that and became horribly negative himself.

He recently all-but quit social media and he's a new man. Nothing has really changed except his attitude and what he is consuming.

If you keep telling yourself your future will be sh*t, it will become a self fulfilling prophecy

MrStuffins

BobbyBolivia wrote: »

Your posts are dripping with arrogance and condescension. Embarrassing stuff.

That may be your perception and the perception of a negative mind, but only you can change that.

bucketybuck

VonLuck wrote: »

And if it's something you can change and want to, then get out there and go hell for leather.

Are you advising him to break level 5 restrictions? I dont think you should be advocating illegal behaviour.

Perhaps people would be happy to get out there and make things happen if the covid cowards would actually let them...

VonLuck

MrStuffins wrote: »

That may be your perception and the perception of a negative mind, but only you can change that.

Don't you realise that there's a mandate to be miserable on this forum? Can't be spreading positivity like that. Might become infectious!

It's a sad sight when someone tries to look on the bright side of things and they're branded as arrogant and condescending.

antix80

waterfordwendy wrote: »

So IF things go back to normal, no need for masks, people can squeeze into pubs again and we go back to talking about the weather; has all of this experience changed you? I would like to think I will continue to not drink very often (from every weekend pre-Covid) and not bother to resurrect friendships with people I lost touch with when the shared drinking hobby ended. I've also improved with saving money so I hope there are some long lasting habits developed there by now.

I went from drinking every weekend precovid to drinking every day.

I took my current job 2 weeks before covid and I've worked from home 100% since then. I'd find it hard to justify a 3-4hour rush hour journey ever again. As i crow whenever i get the chance, I've worked from tenerife 7 weeks now and the world keeps spinning.

My friends have been good via whatsapp but i hadn't seen any since the xmas reprieve.

MrStuffins

VonLuck wrote: »

Don't you realise that there's a mandate to be miserable on this forum? Can't be spreading positivity like that. Might become infectious!

It's a sad sight when someone tries to look on the bright side of things and they're branded as arrogant and condescending.

Unfortunately it's a symptom of the negative mindset. As I mentioned before, this social media/message board negativity becomes a virus in itself and a lot of these people try to infect anyone who hasn't been dragged down by them.

I don't know about them, but I'll be sitting enjoying some lovely pints this summer with my mates and family while they're...... I don't know..... doing something bleak? Watching the final season of Game of Thrones?

Antares35

VonLuck wrote: »

Don't you realise that there's a mandate to be miserable on this forum? Can't be spreading positivity like that. Might become infectious!

It's a sad sight when someone tries to look on the bright side of things and they're branded as arrogant and condescending.

Sure look, there was a thread set up a few months ago for people to post about their positive experiences during the pandemic, and it got infiltrated by the "how dare you be happy when everyone else is miserable" crowd. Any time you mentioned something positive, someone would reply, "well good for you but have you even stopped to think about xyz". It was exhausting just trying to speak purely for oneself!

tastyt

I’m obviously gagging for a night out too and to meet my mates but the lockdown has given me a reverse perspective on all that.

It’s amazing the amount of people or things that you think you actually need but you really don’t . A part of me has really learned to enjoy taking the dog out in the fields and just enjoying the moment , not rushing to get back for something.

I also realised that I have spent the last 10 years stressing and worrying about the future and money . About having to get a promotion or to change to a better job that I wouldn’t enjoy because I had to live in a certain place . Now I realise I don’t need any of that , I actually like my average job and will just live in a less expensive place and be happy .

Perspective I suppose

MrStuffins

Antares35 wrote: »

Sure look, there was a thread set up a few months ago for people to post about their positive experiences during the pandemic, and it got infiltrated by the "how dare you be happy when everyone else is miserable" crowd. Any time you mentioned something positive, someone would reply, "well good for you but have you even stopped to think about xyz". It was exhausting just trying to speak purely for oneself!

You'll notice it in all of the threads. The same lads with all the negativity, the same lads all liking one another's posts.

I think it's a strong indication of the mental health issue at play during the pandemic. God willing, it will all lift once we're back to normal

Nigel Fairservice

I'm in my late 30s so most of my friends are married with young kids so I don't really see them in person that often anymore. I also moved to my partner's home county not long before Covid hit. I have no real friends of my own here or historical ties to the place.

As I got older I found myself liking to spend more time by myself and avoiding interactions with people beyond what was necessary. The last year has really allowed me to do that and I have kind of enjoyed it tbh. I haven't really missed interactions with people all that much. I exchange messages with friends regularly and talk to them on the phone every few weeks but that's all I was doing anyway before Covid. The hardest part has been not being able to see my family who live in another county. I'll probably struggle a bit having to interact with others again. I'll do it but I probably won't want to. My partner is more sociable than me and has probably struggled more with this kind of thing than I have this past year.

BobbyBolivia

VonLuck wrote: »

Don't you realise that there's a mandate to be miserable on this forum? Can't be spreading positivity like that. Might become infectious!

It's a sad sight when someone tries to look on the bright side of things and they're branded as arrogant and condescending.

Some people have had a horrific year and the future looks very bleak for them.

Some patronising 'positivity' from a randomer on boards.ie is not going to change anybodies circumstances.

Perhaps genuine empathy instead of the 'things are only bad if you think they are' nonsense would be more appropriate.

And then we have the pontificating about some friend that almost fell to the dark side but thanks to some quick intervention from Mr.Positivity he was saved!

Hey I see you lost your job, are struggling to pay back your mortgage and your home life is a mess. Or I see your business has closed permanently. Or I see that your child with disabilities has been set back years of development. But at least we have these nuggets of wisdom to comfort those people:

I meant the future is bright for you and for everyone else.

Of course, a lot of it will be to do with your attitude and mindset.

Give over.

MrStuffins

BobbyBolivia wrote: »

Hey I see you lost your job, are struggling to pay back your mortgage and your home life is a mess. Or I see your business has closed permanently. Or I see that your child with disabilities has been set back years of development. But at least we have these nuggets of wisdom to comfort those people:

Did these things happen to you?

Another thing I see is a lot of misery-by-proxy. People gathering the negative aspects of other's lives and using them to be a martyr themselves. It's extremely unhealthy.

If the above happened to you though, that's tough. But it doesn't mean the future can't be bright

VonLuck

BobbyBolivia wrote: »

Some people have had a horrific year and the future looks very bleak for them.

Some patronising 'positivity' from a randomer on boards.ie is not going to change anybodies circumstances.

Perhaps genuine empathy instead of the 'things are only bad if you think they are' nonsense would be more appropriate.

And then we have the pontificating about some friend that almost fell to the dark side but thanks to some quick intervention from Mr.Positivity he was saved!

Hey I see you lost your job, are struggling to pay back your mortgage and your home life is a mess. Or I see your business has closed permanently. Or I see that your child with disabilities has been set back years of development. But at least we have these nuggets of wisdom to comfort those people:




Give over.

No one's denying that it's been a terrible year for a lot of people. And it's totally understandable that you're feeling miserable, but compounding that with a negative outlook is not going to help you. MrStuffins isn't here to give you the step by step motions of how to get out of this rough period, so maybe that's why you think he's being a bit flippant. But the gist of it literally is to try and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. As difficult it may seem to find positivity, there's no other option available unfortunately.

Stormyteacup

VonLuck wrote: »

No one's denying that it's been a terrible year for a lot of people. And it's totally understandable that you're feeling miserable, but compounding that with a negative outlook is not going to help you. MrStuffins isn't here to give you the step by step motions of how to get out of this rough period, so maybe that's why you think he's being a bit flippant. But the gist of it literally is to try and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. As difficult it may seem to find positivity, there's no other option available unfortunately.

Flippancy? It reads more like ignorance. Yes there are things to be positive about for sure, but ask yourself what you are positive about right now?

Maybe it’s that you are looking forward to the relief of knowing you will soon no longer need to worry about you and your loved ones being badly affected health-wise - big positive all round for everyone.
Appreciating a slower pace of life? - likely a positive for most.

Are you perhaps looking forward to meeting friends indoors socially, or planning a holiday with your savings or using them to put down a deposit on a house, planning renovations, happy with uninterrupted pension plan - meaning retirement is still on track or possibly fast-tracked, looking at opportunities in your industry for career advancement, or happy with the improvement in your working life this crisis has brought about? Be honest.

Good for you, but if you’ve lost your job, are already marginalised for specialist care which is now exacerbated by restrictions, or grieving for a loved one, or fearful of resuming social interactions, and find it mentally difficult or financially impossible to look forward to the above, being told to ‘think positive’ is a bit ridiculous and smacks of complete lack of empathy and awareness.

Could it be that simple? - ‘be positive’, and no one need have a negative thought ever again.

I actually agree with the "stay positive" message. My positive attitude had gotten me through worse than this lockdown, in my life.

VonLuck

Stormyteacup wrote: »

Good for you, but if you’ve lost your job, are already marginalised for specialist care which is now exacerbated by restrictions, or grieving for a loved one, or fearful of resuming social interactions, and find it mentally difficult or financially impossible to look forward to the above, being told to ‘think positive’ is a bit ridiculous and smacks of complete lack of empathy and awareness.

Could it be that simple? - ‘be positive’, and no one need have a negative thought ever again.

I think you're missing what I'm saying. You're in a bad situation at the moment. It will either get better or it'll get worse. If you're 100% sure it'll get worse then there's nothing you can do about that. Don't fret about things you can't change because it will get you nowhere. Easier said than done for sure, but that's the only way out of it.

If your future situation isn't set in stone but is still out of your control then why not be optimistic? If it turns out well in the end, great! If not, well then it was going to happen anyways and at least you didn't spend all your time in a pit of despair.

There's no downside to trying to being positive, as difficult as it may be.

SnuggyBear

My experience of these good vibes think positive people is that they are all mess on the inside. I've seen them fall apart many times, it's all a facade. Sometimes life is **** and trying to tell yourself it's not is bull****.

3wayswitch

Stormyteacup wrote: »

Could it be that simple? - ‘be positive’, and no one need have a negative thought ever again.

I don't think anyone is saying it's that simple, but making an effort to try and see the positive side of things can help. I'm saying this as one of the people who have has had a tougher lockdown than most, I lost my Dad to Covid, had to take a significant paycut in work so no one in the company would get laid off, and I haven't seen any of my friends in person in over a year due to living with someone who is in an at risk group.

Giving into negativity leads to what is called Learned Helplessness. You start to assume that because you have not been able to generate the results you wanted in previous situations, that you will have no control over the next one that comes along so you don't even try. There's an interesting page on Wikipedia about this.

Stormyteacup

Stormyteacup wrote: »

Flippancy? It reads more like ignorance. Yes there are things to be positive about for sure, but ask yourself what you are positive about right now?

Maybe it’s that you are looking forward to the relief of knowing you will soon no longer need to worry about you and your loved ones being badly affected health-wise - big positive all round for everyone.
Appreciating a slower pace of life? - likely a positive for most.

Are you perhaps looking forward to meeting friends indoors socially, or planning a holiday with your savings or using them to put down a deposit on a house, planning renovations, happy with uninterrupted pension plan - meaning retirement is still on track or possibly fast-tracked, looking at opportunities in your industry for career advancement, or happy with the improvement in your working life this crisis has brought about? Be honest.

Good for you, but if you’ve lost your job, are already marginalised for specialist care which is now exacerbated by restrictions, or grieving for a loved one, or fearful of resuming social interactions, and find it mentally difficult or financially impossible to look forward to the above, being told to ‘think positive’ is a bit ridiculous and smacks of complete lack of empathy and awareness.

Could it be that simple? - ‘be positive’, and no one need have a negative thought ever again.

It's downright ignorant for some randomer to preach a glib positivity message without any comprehension of the trials of others. With added exclamation marks to confirm a tactless worldview, of course one wouldn't possibly mistake them for another ten-a-penny rise merchant :rolleyes:

SnuggyBear

SnuggyBear wrote: »

My experience of these good vibes think positive people is that they are all mess on the inside. I've seen them fall apart many times, it's all a facade. Sometimes life is **** and trying to tell yourself it's not is bull****.

Sad. It's not about denying where you are at now, it's about having hope for the future. It's about making realistic goals for yourself and believing that with a lot of effort, you can achieve those goals. That's what being positive means to me.

You should try it sometime.

MrStuffins

SnuggyBear wrote: »

My experience of these good vibes think positive people is that they are all mess on the inside. I've seen them fall apart many times, it's all a facade. Sometimes life is **** and trying to tell yourself it's not is bull****.

You've met the wrong ones my friend.

I get that you're not in a great mental spot at the moment but things are going to get better.

Maybe we'll bump into you and I can buy you a tasty pint!

bucketybuck

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Sad. It's not about denying where you are at now, it's about having hope for the future. It's about making realistic goals for yourself and believing that with a lot of effort, you can achieve those goals. That's what being positive means to me.

You should try it sometime.

Make goals? In level 5 lockdown? Exactly what goals can people make right now, how does this work exactly?

I'd love to go out and achieve new things but hey, we aren't allowed to, imagine that. Go figure.

But hey, hold firm, we are all in this together, just another 2 weeks to flatten the curve.

bucketybuck

bucketybuck wrote: »

Make goals? In level 5 lockdown? Exactly what goals can people make right now, how does this work exactly?

I'd love to go out and achieve new things but hey, we aren't allowed to, imagine that. Go figure.

But hey, hold firm, we are all in this together, just another 2 weeks to flatten the curve.

Really? It could just be something simple like going for a walk (building up to a run) every day, do you really need me to give you examples? I know it's hard to get motivated, I even said so myself earlier, but I try to keep at my hobbies as best I can.

Here's one for you, perhaps stop using social media? Fixating too much on the pandemic isn't good for the noggin.

MrStuffins

bucketybuck wrote: »

Make goals? In level 5 lockdown? Exactly what goals can people make right now, how does this work exactly?

There are plenty of goals you can make that don't involve going outside.

Also, we're talking about the future here. We're well into the vaccination process now. The one millionth dose was administered today. It's not going to be too long until we're back outside, until we're back in each other's houses having a beer or watching the match. It's not too long until we'll be back in the gym, back at gigs, back playing sport....... all positive things.

Some will try have you believe that the world has ended and normalcy will never come back. They can continue to think that while I'm enjoying myself in the pub this summer

Antares35

MrStuffins wrote: »

You've met the wrong ones my friend.

I get that you're not in a great mental spot at the moment but things are going to get better.

Maybe we'll bump into you and I can buy you a tasty pint!

Like I said earlier, the previous thread about positive experiences during covid was inundated with people who were downright outraged that some people felt they could share positive elements of how their life had been during lockdown. It almost felt like, in finding our own little patch of joy where we could, we were being held accountable for the entire pandemic and the fallout from it

Antares35

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Really? It could just be something simple like going for a walk (building up to a run) every day, do you really need me to give you examples? I know it's hard to get motivated, I even said so myself earlier, but I try to keep at my hobbies as best I can.

Here's one for you, perhaps stop using social media? Fixating too much on the pandemic isn't good for the noggin.

Re walking, I have to say having a dog has been a life saver for me. Because when you've a dog, you have to get out and walk even when you don't feel like it! There were days where I felt worn out and depleted, especially if my productivity was low despite being at the laptop all day. But, there's my dog giving me big sad cow eyes until I take her out, and I always feel slightly better for it afterwards.

antix80

Antares35 wrote: »

Re walking, I have to say having a dog has been a life saver for me. Because when you've a dog, you have to get out and walk even when you don't feel like it! There were days where I felt worn out and depleted, especially if my productivity was low despite being at the laptop all day. But, there's my dog giving me big sad cow eyes until I take her out, and I always feel slightly better for it afterwards.

Wait til you find out the peanut butter trick

Pussyhands

There's winners and losers.

The winners are the ones with mortgages and kids.

The losers are everyone else. Low income people lost their job and have no hope. Others kept their job and earned well but have nowhere to spend it and house prices rocket and rocket giving no hope.