But who will look after you when you're old?

I’m 62, single, live alone & I’ve developed progressive MS, which has scared the sh1te out of me as to what is going to happen down the line. At Christmas, though my feet were numb, I did a skydive, a few months on and I need a stick or crutch to walk outside of my apartment. I’m an only child, no nieces or nephews, most cousins are considerably older than me, most friends my own age or older. Can’t even get taken on by a neurologist to get the needed treatment, looks like I will have to seek it overseas. It is highly likely I will end up in some sort of care setting, but the thoughts of the usual sort of nursing home with disturbed residents absolutely depress me. There’s very little availability in Ireland of sheltered independent living centres where assistance is on hand if and when needed.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120586549#Comment_120586549

Likewise for not having children though. The only way to know not having one was a mistake is to have one.

There was something on Newstalk the other day about 1 in 10 "at some stage" regretting having kids. So not necessarily regretting over all, but acknowledging that at some point they regretted it. Which, to be honest I think is true enough of so many things as to be meaningless.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120587519#Comment_120587519

I really don't see how regretting such an irreversible choice one way or the other is meaningless. I think the best that one can do is to analyse the situation and decide what's best. What we're seeing is that more and more people see having children as being less important which is fantastic given how overpopulated the planet is.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120587533#Comment_120587533

The point that I tried to emphasize was that of those 1 in 10, they don't necessarily regret having kids now. Just that at some point in the past they did.

Not having kids is also an irreversible choice too yunno!

I would much rather that more people had fewer children than some people go without due to some sort of misguided save the planet ideology.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120587556#Comment_120587556

Doesn't mean they still don't. They could just be resigned to it.

Strumms

Who looks after old people without kids now…?

lots of old people rely on…

good neighbors, friends, homecare etc… unfortunately the availability of homecare is a big issue. The companies pay peanuts, the population is ageing and spiralling upwards in number…

that said technology is helping, like when I’m a senior individual I’m going to be able to order shopping online and deal with varying elements of engagement with healthcare, businesses etc. with an iPad. Which there is still a generation and a half that find that alien / impossible to manage.

o1s1n

Generally when you take a poll on such a sensitive topic as this, the numbers you will get in reality far under represent the true figures.

When you say something like '1 in 10 regret having kids at some stage', what you are actually saying is:

'1 in 10 people will regret having children at some stage and have also come to terms with this fact to the point where they can acknowledge it to someone else'

What you are missing then are:

People who regret having children but have so much shame in doing so, they'd never acknowledge it within themselves, let anyone else.

You've people who regret it but don't even realise they regret it due to cognitive dissonance.

You've people who regret it and might acknowledge it within, but wouldn't tell another person in a million years.

It's a very complex thing really, I doubt you'd ever get a real figure.

All I know is, it has to be far higher than 1 in 10, if 1 in 10 people would currently admit it in a poll.

As for regret in having/not having, I come from the point of view that I'd rather regret not having children than to have children and then regret having them. I think the later is actually a bit cruel tbh.

GreeBo

I'm sure closer to 10 out of 10 people at some stage regretted having kids, the number who ultimately regret would be far lower though, imo.

Igotadose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120587838#Comment_120587838

Hard to say. These threads always ignore bad outcomes, like a disabled kid. Parents in the majority regret having a disabled kids. Siblings of disabled kids regret their parents choice.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/sl93q/get_out_the_throwaways_dear_parents_of_disabled/

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120590331#Comment_120590331

I usually find that the people who shout most about how important it is to have children are the same ones who'll begrudge anyone struggling the meanest bit of support from the state. While, I'd say most of those anecdotes are made significantly worse by being American, I wouldn't want a disabled child in the UK either.

Igotadose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120590351#Comment_120590351

I don't think the level of state support is really the overriding factor. It's just an absolute crap place to be, having a disabled child. Worse in the US especially based on where you live, because of the pathetic supports, but the primary problem is the presence of the disabled person.

How horrible women in Ireland are forced to go overseas if they're pregnant with a Down's child. Just more performative cruelty by the RCC.

DownByTheGarden

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120587519#Comment_120587519

I regret it every Monday morning :)

I also regret having kids when I was 39. Should have had them done and dusted at 30.

DownByTheGarden

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120590331#Comment_120590331

I can tell you for absolute certainty that that last bit goes through everyones mind big time for the duration of a pregnancy and then afterwards for a few years too.

The only people I ever met who regretted having kids are some of the parents of drug addicts and children in jail.

But you do hear all the time people moaning that they cant do this or that now that they have kids. I do it myself. But what I could do with kids gave me even more joy than the things i couldnt do anymore. Doesnt stop me having the odd moan though.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120592877#Comment_120592877

The only people you've met who regret having kids are the only people you've met who have been able to admit it to themselves and other people.

Doesn't mean lots of people you know don't regret their children on some level but keep it to themselves/don't admit it to themselves as it's an absolutely huge taboo.

Don't get me wrong, I am more than sure the world is full of people who love and are happy they have their kids.

I just begin to question what people are telling me when everyone who makes this completely irreversible life choice coincidentally also puts forward a 100% joyous, 'best life ever!' type of view on the thing.

An older friend of mine said that whilst she loves her adult children she said they added nothing in particular to her life as she is very independent by nature and has her own interests and circle of friends.

Igotadose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120598995#Comment_120598995

"I just begin to question what people are telling me when everyone who makes this completely irreversible life choice coincidentally also puts forward a 100% joyous, 'best life ever!' type of view on the thing."

They're lying.

I think when you have produced kids and are any kind of decent person you have to convince yourself, for the most part, that it was a great decision, that it is the best life, as you owe it to your children to demonstrate that they are wanted, loved & cherished, otherwise they will grow up to be adults with attachment & other problems.

wrangler

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120599226#Comment_120599226

Huge percentage of couples, both married and living together are breaking up nowadays..... if it was best life ever, things would be different.

Iknow one couple that had a baby specifically to be a marriage saver and they're split up now too.

We've no children , we'll have to move to an elderly friendly house shortly, and put off the nursing home day as far as we can but a lot of our friends are in the same position as their children are spread far and wide around the world

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120590331#Comment_120590331

Sure, but the majority of outcomes are not "bad" outcomes.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120592813#Comment_120592813

Life doesn't always work out that way though I guess, it certainly didn't for me!

Igotadose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120599649#Comment_120599649

6.7% under 19 disabled: https://www.cso.ie/en/releasesandpublications/ep/p-cp9hdc/p8hdc/p9d/

Government using 1-1.5% as its own estimate for autism: https://www.gov.ie/pdf/?file=https://assets.gov.ie/10707/ce1ca48714424c0ba4bb4c0ae2e510b2.pdf#page=null

Feel free to roll the dice. That's just disability - then there are the life-changing impacts like divorce:

"The risk of divorce was said to be almost doubled – 97 percent higher – when the mother went out to work but her husband made a “minimal contribution” to housework and childcare" - https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

And, the economic impacts, especially of losing the income from one family member, aren't small.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120600659#Comment_120600659

6.7 would the minority, right?

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120603455#Comment_120603455

What is this supposed to add, exactly?

There are a lot of things that can go wrong with having children at any point between conception and adulthood. Posters point this out with data and the standard response seems to be snappy, sarcastic quips.

Elenor6

I think my daughter will look after me as I look after my mother.

o1s1n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120603455#Comment_120603455

Not sure if I'd call 1 in 15 people an absolute minority. It's a small number but still a number worth considering.

If someone told me I had a 1 in 15 chance of being killed if I left home tomorrow I'd probably stay home just to be safe...!

Run Forest Run

My plan is to live for as long as I'm independent and still enjoying life, and then to euthanize myself when life starts to get a bit sh*t.

Hopefully by the time I'm that old, the government will have had the good sense to pass right to die legislation. But even if they don't, I will have planned for it anyway and will have everything sorted ahead of time. No sense in arriving at that point in your life unprepared.

The thing about not having any kids, is that you stand a much better chance of being in good health when you're older. Less stress, you don't have to work as hard because you don't need as much money. You can work jobs you enjoy, rather than taking jobs purely for the money. Which is something I do now myself, and it actually makes working something I look forward to, because it's only part of my life. You have more time and energy for hobbies and keeping healthy etc etc.

Really, thinking about who is going to look after me when I'm old is not something that I spend time worrying about. I'm a very independent person, so I consider it my sole responsibility to look after myself. But then to me, this is just called being an adult. Why would you expect anyone to look after you? It's an immature approach/outlook on life.

markodaly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120570764#Comment_120570764

You don't have to have children, which is something society as a whole has somewhat brainwashed everyone into thinking is 'the correct way'.

Who says this in all honesty?

I'll repeat, most people don't care what other adults do with their lives. We live in Ireland post-SSM and Abortion. Its self evident. There are no laws that compel people to have kids, and there are no media campaigns, propaganda or otherwise trying to brainwash people into having children.

Are there journalists or TV presenters or broadcasters who think like that? That having children is the 'correct' way to live your life?

The government offers free contraception to women who are 17-26 and will probably be expanded in time to include all women of child rearing years.

https://www.gov.ie/en/press-release/95b1b-expansion-of-the-free-contraception-scheme-to-include-women-aged-26-from-1-january-2023/

Its never been easier to NOT have a child. So I don't get the complaints.

markodaly

On the actual topic at hand?

Q: "But who will look after you when you are old?"

A: Until one cannot look after themself, someone else's child.

It's that simple.

markodaly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120590331#Comment_120590331

I don't get it.

Did the parents choose to have a disabled child?

Wierd point of view to be honest.

markodaly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120599226#Comment_120599226

Its amazing that you can say this with a straight face.