Mollyb60 wrote: »
Betty's post has just reminded me that i often get semi-snide comments from family and friends with children along the lines of "oh you're always at a gig or on holiday or something! Don't you have the life!"
Yes, yes I do thank you.
sunbabe08 wrote: »
this right here. before the pandemic started it was great and it will be great again once we are allowed to travel again
and in the morning Diamonds of Frost wrote: »
I also felt this way. When my ex started to talk about maybe wanting a child my heart was filled with dread. The relationship wasn't a good fit for either of us anyway but the idea of him being the father to my kids? God. No way. I remember sleepless nights of thinking 'do I stay with him and not have children because I'm concerned about the type of father he will be, and why can't I be brave enough to walk away'.
bitofabind wrote: »
I'm in the "undecided" camp (am I allowed to post in here? :))
I'm 36, with a relatively new partner, and the more life experience I get, the more I question why people have kids at all. When I look at the circle of women having kids around me, all I see is exhaustion, depletion, stress, anxiety, and a lack of freedom that feels so alien to me. For the most part, careers step back and mommy brain takes over. For those who keep on track career-wise, the complete and utter lack of time or personal space seems unsurvivable to me. You work a ridiculous work day and then you're left with your second, even more demanding evening and night and weekend shift. I'm a bit of a loner, I prefer to be on my own and pottering for the most part and I also work in a stressful, chaotic job so time to unwind and relax is essential. I can't see how that's compatible with raising kids, now or ever.
It feels like the unmentionable, but I hate the idea of what would happen to my body if I went through a pregnancy. The incredible changes, the stomach that never quite returns to normal, the violence of childbirth and the physical trauma seems...daunting. I also grew up with an older sibling who has a profound mental illness and I can't contemplate parenting a child where something like that could happen and I'd be leaving my family with the same life sentence that my parents have.
The prospect of losing the ability to have them as I get older does make me think a lot more deeply about these things and the overwhelming feeling I get is, "why? Why is all of this sacrifice the default, the expected?" I've never been broody and have little exposure to kids, it's more an overwhelm of "what if I regret it down the line?"
Mollyb60 wrote: »
There's a guy I work with who is a very active outdoorsman. Loves cycling, enjoys building and being outside. He's a lovely guy but I can tell by how he talks about his children and his life that he regrets having them. He loves them but it's pretty obvious that he resents them for the restrictions on his freedom that they've caused.