Advice

whomitconcerns

The op never said what was wrong. And I'm not asking, it's their business.

But my wife needs a lift to appointment she has a high temperature and a cough and can't taste or smell..

Is a vastly different ask then my wife is being treated for cancer and needs a lift to go for her chemo.

No excuse not to help with the latter. I don't care what your circumstances are. Cancer is a certainty, covid is not (Assuming they knew each other of course)

Edgware

corner of hells wrote: »

No , dont think so.

I hope that you appreciate all the expert advice that you are getting from the wondeful knowledgeable posters here.

On the Beach

As soon as I read the op I knew the thread would evolve into, well you were obviously expecting something in return when you gifted the money. So predictable. Le yawn.

GarIT

whomitconcerns wrote: »

The op never said what was wrong. And I'm not asking, it's their business.

But my wife needs a lift to appointment she has a high temperature and a cough and can't taste or smell..

Is a vastly different ask then my wife is being treated for cancer and needs a lift to go for her chemo.

No excuse not to help with the latter. I don't care what your circumstances are. Cancer is a certainty, covid is not (Assuming they knew each other of course)

You never know someone's personal circumstances too. They could have meeting up with someone that they don't want to talk about or explain but then feel uncomfortable being around someone with cancer they could infect.

corner of hells

Edgware wrote: »

I hope that you appreciate all the expert advice that you are getting from the wondeful knowledgeable posters here.

I'm taking notes as we speak , I'm trying to find a way of using the word " beholden " too.

Graces7

Wondering? How did she get home? were you asking/expecting that the neighbour stayed until the appointment was over? ( which can take a while at the best of times) then drive her home?

corner of hells

corner of hells wrote: »

I'm taking notes as we speak , I'm trying to find a way of using the word " beholden " too.

You should ask the guy you gifted money to.


Actually, sorry you know what it means..........

km991148

Whats all the pre amble about gifting got to do with not being able to do you a favour now?
This depends on - could the person simply not be ar3ed or are they having their own issues (like freaking out about COVID or something) that maybe they felt they couldn't talk about?


Anyway - since its AH - the advice is obviously kidnap something or someone close to them and send it back to them in tiny pieces before burning their house to the ground.

Edgware

All you can do really is put it down to experience. Some people are fantastic and always willing to help and others are just *****. We have just walked away from relatives who have shown themselves to be selfish grabbers.
They never made an effort to help any of the family and still expect to be invited everywhere
Then they arrive empty-handed. Wherever you go it's so easy to arrive even with a little gift, half a dozen scones whatever.

On the Beach

Edgware wrote:

All you can do really is put it down to experience. Some people are fantastic and always willing to help and others are just *****. We have just walked away from relatives who have shown themselves to be selfish grabbers. They never made an effort to help any of the family and still expect to be invited everywhere Then they arrive empty-handed. Wherever you go it's so easy to arrive even with a little gift, half a dozen scones whatever.

You have no right to take the moral high ground with anyone.

You made a sexualised joke about me playing with my daughter who was one and a half at the time. It wasn't a mistaken attempt at humour. You knew exactly what you were saying and it was clear I was talking about my young daughter. I remember your username name because how could you not forget such a disgusting post.

I said at the time I was playing with the wee one in the living room and you quoted me and said we don't need to know about your sexual preferences. So you can jog on with your moral judgement of others.

zerosugarbuzz

OP I feel your frustration, it is always disappointing to be let down by someone you trust particularly over such a small request.

I'm a little curious as to why you would gift money so anyone outside your family, maybe it me but is that a little unusual? What was their reaction when you gave them the money? I would be most surprised if anyone outside my family gave me money but perhaps I am unusual in that.

I think you are getting an undeserved hard time here Hells. I hope your wife is doing ok.

Gifting a person can be tricky, especially money. In fact any type of giving, your time, your ear, your hand, can be loaded and complicated. Years ago I was very friendly with a bunch of girls. If there were hard times I was there for them. It was never transactional for me, for example "I'll support them and when it's my turn I'll expect the same".

As it turned out they did not give me the help I gave them. At the time I was angry and hurt. Eventually I came to realise that they were simply acting out of their own capacity, my stuff was massive and maybe they just weren't able.
So while I understood I didn't forget.

You gave it without expectation of anything in return but that doesn't mean you can't feel hurt if you aren't helped by them. If I were you I'd try and approach this from a place of understanding. You don't know what they are going through or their limits on time or fears around Covid.

Let it go but never forget and think carefully in future before you give sums of money in case you find yourself in the same predicament.
Now just to add if you think you won't be impacted in the same way as you are now then go for it.

weldoninhio

Delete their number from your phone and blank them OP. Easiest thing to do. They've shown their true colours and aren't proper mates. Not taking someone to a short notice appointment because you "don't plan on leaving the house" is pathetic. I'd have no problem doing any favour for any of my friends, because I know they'd do the same for me.

jiltloop

CountNjord wrote: »

I'm similar to Marilyn Manson I realized a lot of people are knobs, especially the normies or the Jimmy Mary's, parochial goody toe shoe, ass licking teacher's, gaa officials and their peer's, the "dad's best friend" as created by the Rubber Bandits types.

We learn the hard way, hang out with creative, non liberal or lefty types of Bohemian or humble folk..or working class city dwellers, or old money types.

Middle classes....meeehhhh fur coat no knicker brigade avoid those like the plague..
They're the ones who are empty vessels, always on the make..

Sorry to hear you're left down, lift yourself up and your wife and make real friends who don't ask for money etc

I've been there...

https://youtu.be/iYgPznBrjiA

Thanks, now I can't stop picturing a foot with little toe shoes on each of the toes.

dxhound2005

weldoninhio wrote: »

Delete their number from your phone and blank them OP. Easiest thing to do. They've shown their true colours and aren't proper mates. Not taking someone to a short notice appointment because you "don't plan on leaving the house" is pathetic. I'd have no problem doing any favour for any of my friends, because I know they'd do the same for me.

I would put some blame on the establishment which gave such short notice that it induced a minor emergency for the OP. In this instance I think they should have been prepared to send a vehicle to pick up the patient. Medical appointments should be issued in good time to allow the patient and their family members to plan adequately.

Also with so many people turning to daytime drinking, I think the driver might have been over the limit, and did not want to admit it.

coffee_cake

i kind of interpreted the money story as "we were close enough that i'd give them money so i thought we were close enough they'd help if i were super stuck" rather than strings having been attached

ChikiChiki

Sharing/Giving money to friends and family can stir up the strangest emotions.

Avoid unless absolutely necessary and more importantly keep your financial status private unless absolutely avoidable.

The risks are too high. Money can destroy good relationships.

In the scenario described by the OP - I think this is unforgivable and would distance going forward from these people.

Jequ0n

On the Beach wrote: »

You have no right to take the moral high ground with anyone.

You made a sexualised joke about me playing with my daughter who was one and a half at the time. It wasn't a mistaken attempt at humour. You knew exactly what you were saying and it was clear I was talking about my young daughter. I remember your username name because how could you not forget such a disgusting post.

I said at the time I was playing with the wee one in the living room and you quoted me and said we don't need to know about your sexual preferences. So you can jog on with your moral judgement of others.

So you are denying others the right to voice their opinion because you felt insulted by a previous post? Ok then..

On the Beach

Jequ0n wrote:

So you are denying others the right to voice their opinion because you felt insulted by a previous post? Ok then..

Maybe I phrased it wrong. I should have said he hadn't a leg to stand on taking the moral high ground with others. I never said he couldn't voice his opinion.

This wasn't any old insulting post. Have you any clue how offensive his post was?

Jequ0n

On the Beach wrote: »

Maybe I phrased it wrong. I should have said he hadn't a leg to stand on taking the moral high ground with others. I never said he couldn't voice his opinion.

This wasn't any old insulting post. Have you any clue how offensive his post was?

Ah I see
No, I don’t see how it was particularly offensive but my opinion is hardly relevant here.

On the Beach

Jequ0n wrote:

Ah I see No, I don’t see how it was particularly offensive but my opinion is hardly relevant here.

Ok then.

Mrs OBumble

whomitconcerns wrote: »

The op never said what was wrong. And I'm not asking, it's their business.

But my wife needs a lift to appointment she has a high temperature and a cough and can't taste or smell..

Is a vastly different ask then my wife is being treated for cancer and needs a lift to go for her chemo.

No excuse not to help with the latter. I don't care what your circumstances are. Cancer is a certainty, covid is not (Assuming they knew each other of course)

The person who was asked may gave a high temp and sore throat themselves. And not want to say so for the same reason the OPs wife didn't want to use a taxi.

weldoninhio

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

The person who was asked may gave a high temp and sore throat themselves. And not want to say so for the same reason the OPs wife didn't want to use a taxi.

Its one thing being shy in front of a stranger. Its a nonsense excuse when it's a friend.

dxhound2005

weldoninhio wrote: »

Its one thing being shy in front of a stranger. Its a nonsense excuse when it's a friend.

I'd say there is more to it than that. The OP is the sort of person who was on the verge of burning down their house, and kidnapping their dog. All for what appears to have been a contrived confrontation. He confirmed that his wife got to her appointment without their aid.

They are probably regretting taking the money from him, and are trying to distance themselves from a volatile neighbour. Maybe the gift he gave them exists only in his head.

Hyperbollix

Unless it's a lottery win, where you're now so rich squandering some on friends is no big deal, I'd always avoid mixing money and friendship. People have VERY different ideas on what friendship is. One person might view a long time friendship as almost a familial connection and the other person in that relationship simply views it as a useful arrangement which they keep up as long as it continues to be useful. Nothing more.

I've experienced that with someone I've known since school days. I viewed them as family, but as we grew up and our lives went in different directions, I became aware that while I was willing to make the effort to remain friendly, they couldn't be bothered to drop an annual Xmas email to enquire if I was alive. That was someone who once said they'd gift me €1m if they came into huge money.

So keep your money for your family and the people who have proven themselves before to be as good as family. Everyone else is just window dressing.

ablelocks

corner of hells wrote: »

today I had a minor emergency where I needed some body to bring my wife to an appointment that we received a short notice, my wife has poor health and has been struggling with her health for years , so we asked "someone" would they oblige her with lift to an appointment, the journey would be maybe three minutes drive , my wife is unable to drive anymore and can maybe walk 50 or so meters.

The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige.

Anyone any suggestions how I should "deal with him/her in the future"

(italics are changes i made...)

if this had been the op, responses would have been in the main, quite different.

Except for Thelonious Monk who got in first with the most appropriate response.

GarIT

ablelocks wrote: »

(italics are changes i made...)

if this had been the op, responses would have been in the main, quite different.

Except for Thelonious Monk who got in first with the most appropriate response.

I'm not so sure. It's against the current restrictions to do what the OP is asking. Some people still care about getting the number of covid cases down, or just want to protect themselves. No is still an appropriate response even from a close friend.

teroknor83

I hate thinking that "no good deed goes unpunished" but I have learned this the hard way in life on many occasions, especially when it comes to money and friends/family.

OP you said the gift was "no string attached" and I'm afraid it will have to remain so.

Don't ever let them be in a position to say no to you again in your lifetime. in other words never ask them for another damn thing.

corner of hells

Hyperbollix wrote: »

Unless it's a lottery win, where you're now so rich squandering some on friends is no big deal, I'd always avoid mixing money and friendship. People have VERY different ideas on what friendship is. One person might view a long time friendship as almost a familial connection and the other person in that relationship simply views it as a useful arrangement which they keep up as long as it continues to be useful. Nothing more.

I've experienced that with someone I've known since school days. I viewed them as family, but as we grew up and our lives went in different directions, I became aware that while I was willing to make the effort to remain friendly, they couldn't be bothered to drop an annual Xmas email to enquire if I was alive. That was someone who once said they'd gift me €1m if they came into huge money.

So keep your money for your family and the people who have proven themselves before to be as good as family. Everyone else is just window dressing.

Property sale.

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I would put some blame on the establishment which gave such short notice that it induced a minor emergency for the OP. In this instance I think they should have been prepared to send a vehicle to pick up the patient. Medical appointments should be issued in good time to allow the patient and their family members to plan adequately.

Also with so many people turning to daytime drinking, I think the driver might have been over the limit, and did not want to admit it.

A private consultant who had a cancellation at the last minute , she gets to every appointment normally.

Daytime drinking, yup , anything's possible.