Advice

corner of hells

Earlier this year , I came into a sum of money, it's made my life a little more comfortable. Most went back into the house , some was kept as a little nest and me and herself spent a bit on ourselves.

We also decided to give a few individuals a gift , no strings attached of a couple of grand to be split between. In all , I gave away about 8 grand .

Anyhow, today I had a minor emergency where I needed some body to bring my wife to an appointment that we received a short notice, my wife has poor health and has been struggling with her health for years , so we asked one of the people I gave money to would they oblige her with lift to an appointment, the journey would be maybe three minutes drive , my wife is unable to drive anymore and can maybe walk 50 or so meters.

The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige.

Anyone any suggestions how I should approach them , I was on the verge of burning thier house down and kidnapping thier dog but I'm calm now and want speak my mind without a row.

Thelonious Monk

Let that be the end of your relationship with them

dxhound2005

She will probably have to wait 18 months for a new appointment.

Kylta

Burn their dog and kidnap their house instead
Only you will really know these people, so ill give you what I'm thinking.

I'd just blank them, maybe giving them the money might not have been a good thing.
I've seen this in friends, you come into money and some friends find nothing but contempt and jealousy for you. Its something like when we all nothing everything is ok, when one has something well then its different.
But saying that maybe this person is terrified or going out, maybe they have underlying issue's. Again there your friends and you should know this.
In regards to you having a row over this do not bring up the gift you gave them, you'll only feel worse, and you'll lose the moral and the high ground.
Again if their is a medical issue with them over covid and stuff, I don't think you can say anything. But if they did let you down purposely well I start be asking them over for a barbecue, a start by barbecuing their dog. ( no animal was actually hurt in the writing of this post, so animal lovers Fu¢k off)

corner of hells

Kylta wrote: »

Burn their dog and kidnap their house instead
Only you will really know these people, so ill give you what I'm thinking.

I'd just blank them, maybe giving them the money might not have been a good thing.
I've seen this in friends, you come into money and some friends find nothing but contempt and jealousy for you. Its something like when we all nothing everything is ok, when one has something well then its different.
But saying that maybe this person is terrified or going out, maybe they have underlying issue's. Again there your friends and you should know this.
In regards to you having a row over this do not bring up the gift you gave them, you'll only feel worse, and you'll lose the moral and the high ground.
Again if their is a medical issue with them over covid and stuff, I don't think you can say anything. But if they did let you down purposely well I start be asking them over for a barbecue, a start by barbecuing their dog. ( no animal was actually hurt in the writing of this post, so animal lovers Fu¢k off)

Thanks , Voodoo it is so.

corner of hells

corner of hells wrote: »

no strings attached of a couple of grand
.

Clearly not!

corner of hells

bubblypop wrote: »

Clearly not!

Not what?

KaneToad

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Let that be the end of your relationship with them

I second this.

corner of hells

corner of hells wrote: »

Not what?

Clearly not, ' no strings attached '

Kylta

corner of hells wrote: »

Thanks , Voodoo it is so.

Corner its basically good riddance to bad friends. But the act is over and done with and you'll only fu¢k your own head up and your misses whose not well. Put it down to what friendship is not about and move on.
Hey the barbecuing dog party sound good though. ( animal lovers read my first post)

KaneToad

corner of hells wrote: »

Not what?

Like what he said above....

.anon.

I wouldn't've said no. You should've given the money to me.

I wouldn't approach them at all. They might argue that the money you gifted them doesn't leave them beholden to you. And they might have a point. Forget about the money or the perception that they're ungrateful. You asked them to do you a small favour and they didn't oblige. Maybe they'll need a favour from you some day.

corner of hells

bubblypop wrote: »

Clearly not, ' no strings attached '

I'm not with you , I gave away some money not looking for anything in return.

.anon.

corner of hells wrote: »

I'm not with you , I gave away some money not looking for anything in return.

And it looks like you haven't got anything in return.

Move on, but remember it.

corner of hells

KaneToad wrote: »

Like what he said above....

There was never any intent from me to look for anything in return, I was stuck with no option, I get your point though.

Your Face

Would you ask for the money back?

corner of hells

corner of hells wrote: »

I'm not with you , I gave away some money not looking for anything in return.

You made a point of telling us how you gave this person.a gift of money. 'no strings attached'
Then told us how he.wouldn't help you out when you needed him.
Clearly these things are related in your mind.
So, not 'no strings attached ' then.

wally1990

I hate people

End of

Ps, cut that ****er of a associate loose (won't even call him a friend )

Without knowing anymore of the background(if that person had genuine reasons in the moment but at a high level going on the response of no intention to leave the house, **** him.

There is no intention required, that's why your asking !

We all don't hang around all day going somewhere to make it convenient for us, that's why it's a favour, to go out of our own way to help another person

Na

**** him. Selfish

Snotty

I might be way off here, but maybe they think you look down on them by giving them the money, if they were living hand to mouth then a few grand is huge, but if not, and they are "comfortable" financially, a couple of grand might be perceived unwanted charity.
It's a very strange thing for you to do, buying them a large voucher or present might have been a better choice, but it does depend on their personal finance circumstances.

corner of hells

bubblypop wrote: »

You made a point of telling us how you gave this person.a gift of money. 'no strings attached'
Then told us how he.wouldn't help you out when you needed him.
Clearly these things are related in your mind.
So, not 'no strings attached ' then.

Ok , well my post was open to interpretation, I couldn't predict six months in advance of giving away some money that I'd be stuck for some help but there ya go .

Edgware

.anon. wrote: »

I wouldn't've said no. You should've given the money to me.

I wouldn't approach them at all. They might argue that the money you gifted them doesn't leave them beholden to you. And they might have a point. Forget about the money or the perception that they're ungrateful. You asked them to do you a small favour and they didn't oblige. Maybe they'll need a favour from you some day.

"Some day, and that day may never come, I will request you to do a service for me"

The wise words of Don Corleone.

corner of hells

Snotty wrote: »

I might be way off here, but maybe they think you look down on them by giving them the money, if they were living hand to mouth then a few grand is huge, but if not, and they are "comfortable" financially, a couple of grand might be perceived unwanted charity.
It's a very strange thing for you to do, buying them a large voucher or present might have been a better choice, but it does depend on their personal finance circumstances.

Yeah good point , I didn't look at it that way.

dxhound2005

It's fortuitous to have a medical facility within three minutes drive, and to be rich. You should plan better for the future, especially as your wife is likely to require medical treatment on an ongoing basis.

Surreptitious

Why didn't you get her a taxi?

corner of hells

Your Face wrote: »

Would you ask for the money back?

No , dont think so.

riclad

If you have to pay someone to do something that person is not a friend. Put this down as a learning experience
No point in looking for an explanation.
Make new friends.Have a plan in future,
what happens if she needs medical treatment in the future and can you arrange a taxi service in advance

corner of hells

Surreptitious wrote: »

Why didn't you get her a taxi?

I suppose I should have , but with mobility issues and so on.

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

It's fortuitous to have a medical facility within three minutes drive, and to be rich. You should plan better for the future, especially as your wife is likely to require medical treatment on an ongoing basis.

I'm certainly not rich .

diaper dude

These individuals are frightened of the novel virus. Simples. Why would they risk their lives for some neighbour?

dxhound2005

corner of hells wrote: »

I'm certainly not rich .

Anyway, what happened in the end. Did she manage to get to the appointment?

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

Anyway, what happened in the end. Did she manage to get to the appointment?

Yes.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Don’t approach them and don’t speak to them ever again. If they ever ask then simply tell them that you have no time in your life for such a selfish unhelpful person and hang up/walk away.

They’re not your friend.

CountNjord

I'm similar to Marilyn Manson I realized a lot of people are knobs, especially the normies or the Jimmy Mary's, parochial goody toe shoe, ass licking teacher's, gaa officials and their peer's, the "dad's best friend" as created by the Rubber Bandits types.

We learn the hard way, hang out with creative, non liberal or lefty types of Bohemian or humble folk..or working class city dwellers, or old money types.

Middle classes....meeehhhh fur coat no knicker brigade avoid those like the plague..
They're the ones who are empty vessels, always on the make..

Sorry to hear you're left down, lift yourself up and your wife and make real friends who don't ask for money etc

I've been there...

https://youtu.be/iYgPznBrjiA

dxhound2005

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

Don’t approach them and don’t speak to them ever again. If they ever ask then simply tell them that you have no time in your life for such a selfish unhelpful person and hang up/walk away.

They’re not your friend.

That may be unfair, and in normal times they might have obliged. They did explain their reasons.

"The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige."

Surreptitious

corner of hells wrote: »

I suppose I should have , but with mobility issues and so on.

There's people in wheelchairs and blind people get Taxis. You will have to arrange this in future and don't ask them again for help.

corner of hells

Surreptitious wrote: »

There's people in wheelchairs and blind people get Taxis. You will have to arrange this in future and don't ask them again for help.

I am well aware of that , thanks.

Cee-Jay-Cee

dxhound2005 wrote: »

That may be unfair, and in normal times they might have obliged. They did explain their reasons.

"The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige."

Possibly but they still sound like people the OP could do without in his life. It was a 3 min drive, they could have wore a mask and had the windows all wound down for the duration but they preferred to leave an ill friend stuck so they’re not worth having as friends at any stage.

dxhound2005

corner of hells wrote: »

I am well aware of that , thanks.

But you said it was "mobility issues and so on" that stopped you calling a taxi. What sort of vehicle has the person you wanted the lift from?

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

But you said it was "mobility issues and so on" that stopped you calling a taxi. What sort of vehicle has the person you wanted the lift from?

Well , its more managing things like steps and crutches and a little bit of embarrassment, she would be kinda shy .
She can manage getting in and out of any car by wriggling about .

dxhound2005

I'm glad it all worked out, and there was no arson or harm to canines.

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I'm glad it all worked out, and there was no arson or harm to canines.

I'm still thinking bout voodoo.

IAMAMORON

Op I see your frustration but there are a few sides you need to see.

Never mix money with friends if at all possible, it always ends up in a disaster. I am not telling you to never do it, but avoid it if possible, real friends would never dream of asking for financial favours anyways.

Just on your predicament today I cannot understand why you did not prepare better for your wife's appointment? A taxi will do the trick in these circumstances. I am getting the feeling that your friends were deliberately adamant about not helping you out today, it may well be a red line for them as regards facilitating your wife and being used to help her attend future appointments.

I am not involved, but part of a decent friendship is sometimes respecting their boundaries and not taking them for granted, I am not saying you are or did, but just because they could not help you today does not make them bad friends either. You never know when they might get the opportunity to do you a good turn in future. Don't burn bridges basically.

Yeah, I've found out too that some people don't really mind not paying back money to friends/family..

Like, really i would be of the mind that it's pretty much up to you to pay back money if someone lends it to you, and they shouldn't have to chase you down for it, but not yeah, a lot of people are just selfish, or well, don't mind shafting someone if they think they'll get away with it..

corner of hells

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Yeah, I've found out too that some people don't really mind not paying back money to friends/family..

Like, really i would be of the mind that it's pretty much up to you to pay back money if someone lends it to you, and they shouldn't have to chase you down for it, but not yeah, a lot of people are just selfish, or well, don't mind shafting someone if they think they'll get away with it..

This post is why I love AH.

IAMAMORON

In my experience money is a bad mix with friends. Not always, but it can lead to hassles.

Everyone has lost friends over money crap, rightly or wrongly.

After I while I just lose patience with mean people, it just starts sprouting out in all their other traits and characteristics, it makes me seethe. For years now if I have seen someone around me with a hang up around money or if I smell they are mean or calculating I phucking dump them bigtime, these phuckers are never worth it.

It is like that mate that everyone has that never pays for the first round or always manages to skip a taxi fare or seems to never pay the full share of a meal et etc etc. Eventually they will just tire you through to your limit, they are relentless and exhausting. Drop them, they never change and when you realise it is not just money they are mean with.... you will kick yourself for not spotting it sooner.

GarIT

I'd be lenient on them. It's a terrifying time for some. If I had been in contact with someone, especially someone who had been around a hospital I'd end up too afraid to visit my own family.

Captain Red Beard

You're angry now but that'll subside with time. Wash your hands of this person, they're not worth any more or your time. Revenge might feel like a good idea now but calling that anger with you will ultimately hurt you.
Move on, live your best life.

NSAman

A few years ago, a neighbour came into a lot of money.

We had always done things for her, never thought about being paid for it.

Anyhoo, one day she sent in a letter to my mother with flowers. In the letter was a cheque for a crazy amount of money. We, of course, went back to her and returned the cheque. If people have to do things for money, it is always an issue.

(Shame the fecker on the other side wouldn’t have done things out of pure neighbourliness)

9db3xj7z41fs5u

Does the person have some serious underlying condition (like heart or lung disease)? Or are they looking after somebody with a serious condition? People have to prioritise their loved-ones. If this person is caring for their own elderly relative, they may not want to expose them to the risk. People are genuinely afraid. I think that the situation has to be assessed in the context of the lockdown. My friend’s dad is on chemo, and I have not seen him since March. I understand that his priority is to keep his dad safe!

corner of hells

corner of hells wrote: »

This post is why I love AH.

Just because I kind of missed the whole point of your question?.. yeah, sorry, touchy subject kind of..

Montage of Feck

Your both wrong. You've got the gifting thing arseways, they should only be given as a token of appreciation for a favour done not in anticipation of one.