Friendly Irish Dead and gone?

JustAThought

I like having my privacy and quiet time on the bus but don’t object to passing a few words with a stranger. I remember what it felt like years ago
when I emigrated to London and the city was
so huge and impersonal - you were totally isolated amongst eleven million people and could
go days with noone ever speaking to you or even making eye contact when they served
you in a shop. I’d hate to think Ireland would go down that road and now go out of
my way to avoid patronising businesses
that employ rude, deadbeat, monosyllabic ex soviet misery-guts or people unwilling or unable to perform basic norms of politeness and plesantaries. It separates us from the apes - and beligarent trump supporters.

I find walking with the dog a leveling experience -
all kinds of people will talk to you or exchange words - probably cos they’re also
stuck walking around by themselves day after day to keep their pets happy and exercised and
like a occasional cùpla focal with a human for a change.

I have started a firm line with people
who approached me at busstops and in town with ‘ can I ask you something’ to which I always reply Don’t ask me for money, I don’t have any money to give.’ That always stopped those ‘conversations’ dead - too many beggars ruining it for everyone and making it unappetising to bother being polite.

An Ri rua

jmlad2020 wrote: »

Most definitely it is. Society 3.0. what are you getting at.

The little things

Antares35

Since Covid I'll happily never use public transport again but I do remember not too long ago commuting in and out of work on it. That time was precious to just chill, listen to music, read the news etc. Honestly if anyone engaged me I was never too happy about it. We don't have to engage in verbal gymnastics and platitudes with every stranger we meet. In particular on the Luas red line, be keeping the head down. Doesn't make us antisocial.

Antares35

LuasSimon wrote: »

Does it cost much to have a few words for someone , maybe some people could do with a bit of a friendly chat ...
People are donating or running for pieta house etc but hardly say hello to their neighbour . Be better if people were friendly to those they come across than their heads stuck in a phone and headphones on .
Young people have 2000 friends on Facebook but if something goes wrong in real life they don’t have 3 friends to talk to and end up doing something stupid . If they make talk to people around them they might be better off

I have lots of friends I can talk to (and do talk to) when things go wrong in my life. I don't need to talk to strangers on the Luas about my problems. People with headphones are probably heading into a tough day at work and are using their commute time to listen to music or a podcast and just relax. Who are you to dictate that they'd be better off talking to strangers?

Mjolnir

The only time I'll talk to some random on public transport when they start talking is if its an elderly person. You can tell when someone's lonely and needs to just have a chat for connection and when its an old person its just sad, the time won't kill me.
If you're under 60 please refrain from making eye contact with me let alone talking to me.

Antares35

Mjolnir wrote: »

The only time I'll talk to some random on public transport when they start talking is if its an elderly person. You can tell when someone's lonely and needs to just have a chat for connection and when its an old person its just sad, the time won't kill me.
If you're under 60 please refrain from making eye contact with me let alone talking to me.

Yeah I'd probably be the same.

JustAThought

Antares35 wrote: »

Yeah I'd probably be the same.

yes . Here too. But the statistics for people being lonely and killing themselves are for the young. 24-35 y olds. They might need a nod or kind word too. I used run a large business and was shocked at how often people would
see me in my (ground floor beside reception) office and just walk in - for a chat. I couldn’t get
over it. I even after a few years had my regulars -
people who would wave like they knew me AND people who would see the door or window open drop by to talk. I never offered coffee, nor was rude and after ten or so minutes
they would generally head on. But you would be shocked at how many people are genuinely lonely or have noone in their lives - particularly if they don’t work or their partner has died/left. It costs
very little to be courteous and a little can make a huge difference in someone life who is struggling or just needs a few kind words or to share a couple of sentences. You see it now more that
people are working from home - they don’t have the normal 8 hour office to&fro and occasional banter and are hungrier for human ‘contact’. A kind word can go a long way.

I remember in school in our history book they had a small paragraph on the charity ALONE and how it was set up by a fireman who was
tired of breaking into pensioners houses after a smell was reported and to find them living alone and died alone not found for weeks, or in desperate poverty - its still going on today - only now we have moved on to the young and desperate who are still walking out and killing themselves in droves. Whats in a kind word or friendly chit chat for a few
minutes before you reconnect with your headphones. It can be the difference between a day of dark or light for someone - and you might be the only person and human words of kindness they hear that day. And that might be all they need to keep them right.

Odeta

A smile doesn't cost anything. People are very friendly where I live. If a visitor asks for directions, the locals will go out of their own way and change their route to lead the stranger to their destination.

Jequ0n

Mjolnir wrote: »

The only time I'll talk to some random on public transport when they start talking is if its an elderly person. You can tell when someone's lonely and needs to just have a chat for connection and when its an old person its just sad, the time won't kill me.
If you're under 60 please refrain from making eye contact with me let alone talking to me.

I thought they had mass for that

JustAThought

Jequ0n wrote: »

I thought they had mass for that

thats the kind of milimeter deep insensitivity the OP is talking about. Not since March of this year. And certainly no with any kind of contact or hovering; even at 15 only funerals.

There used be a fair amount of tourists coming to & from where I’m based & you’d see them with the tourist maps handed out at the Fáilte Ireland desk - they’d always be a bit surprised when people interrupt them to point them in the right direction & kind of excited to interact with a genuine local and have their problem easily solved! Especially the elderly Americans ! The locals and friendliness are a big part of their holiday expectation!!!

I pulled one back onto the footpath from nearly walking under a turning truck ( messy death) and he kept thanking & thanking me & all week every time I saw him about he’d wave & wave! He really got into it!

Antares35

JustAThought wrote: »

yes . Here too. But the statistics for people being lonely and killing themselves are for the young. 24-35 y olds. They might need a nod or kind word too. I used run a large business and was shocked at how often people would
see me in my (ground floor beside reception) office and just walk in - for a chat. I couldn’t get
over it. I even after a few years had my regulars -
people who would wave like they knew me AND people who would see the door or window open drop by to talk. I never offered coffee, nor was rude and after ten or so minutes
they would generally head on. But you would be shocked at how many people are genuinely lonely or have noone in their lives - particularly if they don’t work or their partner has died/left. It costs
very little to be courteous and a little can make a huge difference in someone life who is struggling or just needs a few kind words or to share a couple of sentences. You see it now more that
people are working from home - they don’t have the normal 8 hour office to&fro and occasional banter and are hungrier for human ‘contact’. A kind word can go a long way.

I remember in school in our history book they had a small paragraph on the charity ALONE and how it was set up by a fireman who was
tired of breaking into pensioners houses after a smell was reported and to find them living alone and died alone not found for weeks, or in desperate poverty - its still going on today - only now we have moved on to the young and desperate who are still walking out and killing themselves in droves. Whats in a kind word or friendly chit chat for a few
minutes before you reconnect with your headphones. It can be the difference between a day of dark or light for someone - and you might be the only person and human words of kindness they hear that day. And that might be all they need to keep them right.

I agree with all of this. To be honest my post was more about chatting to people on public transport. I just don't do it. When I commuted, and I was holding down a demanding full time job, studying part time and looking after a menagerie of pets at home, as well as volunteering at a charity, that was usually the only "me time" I ever had to chill, read, listen to music etc. I'm not giving that up to act as therapist for a stranger and sit listening to them taking for an hour. A smile and being courteous is fine, basic manners of course.

Jequ0n

JustAThought wrote: »

thats the kind of milimeter deep insensitivity the OP is talking about. Not since March of this year. And certainly no with any kind of contact or hovering; even at 15 only funerals.

There used be a fair amount of tourists coming to & from where I’m based & you’d see them with the tourist maps handed out at the Fáilte Ireland desk - they’d always be a bit surprised when people interrupt them to point them in the right direction & kind of excited to interact with a genuine local and have their problem easily solved! Especially the elderly Americans ! The locals and friendliness are a big part of their holiday expectation!!!

I pulled one back onto the footpath from nearly walking under a turning truck ( messy death) and he keptyy thanking & thanking me & all week every time I saw him about he’d wave & wave! He really got into it!

Thank you for taking the time to explain it in more detail. I still can’t understand why this would be important to anyone but I appreciate that this is most likely shortcomings from my side.

Ubbquittious

Ubbquittious wrote: »

Chat to someone next day you're on the train or bus and you never know where it could lead

Hopefully not to being rode by Ubbquittious

Edgware

Mjolnir wrote: »

The only time I'll talk to some random on public transport when they start talking is if its an elderly person. You can tell when someone's lonely and needs to just have a chat for connection and when its an old person its just sad, the time won't kill me.
If you're under 60 please refrain from making eye contact with me let alone talking to me.

You prefer the bit of granny fanny so

Ardillaun

Tork wrote: »

Ignoring strangers on public transport is a far cry from what's going on at the dinner table. Though for what it's worth, people losing themselves in their phones when they're at home isn't a good thing.

They’re at either end of a spectrum that is definitely changing. Although not a particularly talkative person myself, I live in a part of Canada where you can still have a brief chat with many people you encounter in a day and not be considered a lunatic. It’s a better way to live than constantly hiding behind headphones or glued to a screen.

pgj2015

I always found you learn a lot more talking to different strangers on public transport than staring gormlessly into your phone, if its a long 2 or 3 hour journey, chatting to a stranger makes the time go fast. most people these days are either looking at their phone or listening to music but I don't think that is what they really prefer, most just do it because everyone else does it.

I used to think younger people were very anti social but I work nights sometimes and most of them will chat the ears off you, maybe they are making up for all the time they are avoiding people on trains and busses etc.

Ardillaun

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

Hopefully not to being rode by Ubbquittious

My dear, precious elf, that is a hazard we must face, like Honold free solo on El Capitan. Our common humanity depends on scaling such heights and risking all.

COVID

JustAThought wrote: »

yes . Here too. But the statistics for people being lonely and killing themselves are for the young. 24-35 y olds...

I remember in school in our history book they had a small paragraph on the charity ALONE and how it was set up by a fireman who was
tired of breaking into pensioners houses after a smell was reported and to find them living alone and died alone not found for weeks, or in desperate poverty - its still going on today - only now we have moved on to the young and


................ and you might be the only person and human words of kindness they hear that day. And that might be all they need to keep them right.

Great post.
The fireman's name was Willie Bermingham.

Ardillaun

JustAThought wrote: »

I remember in school in our history book they had a small paragraph on the charity ALONE and how it was set up by a fireman who was
tired of breaking into pensioners houses after a smell was reported and to find them living alone and died alone not found for weeks, or in desperate poverty - its still going on today - only now we have moved on to the young and desperate who are still walking out and killing themselves in droves.

I used to see those decomposed bodies in Ireland, left to rot in homes for weeks or months. In Newfoundland, I rarely saw them because people still look out for each other here.

Scoundrel

There's definitely a point about caring for elderly and loneliness of the elderly etc but it is clearly unacceptable behaviour to force clearly uncomfortable strangers into tedious conversation on public transport it is the behaviour of a creep.

topper75

JustAThought wrote: »

thats the kind of milimeter deep insensitivity the OP is talking about. Not since March of this year. And certainly no with any kind of contact or hovering; even at 15 only funerals.

There used be a fair amount of tourists coming to & from where I’m based & you’d see them with the tourist maps handed out at the Fáilte Ireland desk - they’d always be a bit surprised when people interrupt them to point them in the right direction & kind of excited to interact with a genuine local and have their problem easily solved! Especially the elderly Americans ! The locals and friendliness are a big part of their holiday expectation!!!

I pulled one back onto the footpath from nearly walking under a turning truck ( messy death) and he kept thanking & thanking me & all week every time I saw him about he’d wave & wave! He really got into it!

Fair play to you - a REAL Irish person. Not many of us left now by the looks of this thread. I'll give up being Irish, chatty, and friendly when I die.

Oh and creeps - to me they have always the people who are too awkward to talk to you. I left London in the mid-00s and was horrified to see how the stinking dehumanised attitude had followed me home. Thankfully the little part of rural Ireland I live in now is a holdout enclave. Always the salute on the road and if there is time - a casual chat. I may never see that stranger again so what harm to share a simple comment on the weather/sport etc. Life is short.

Edgware

topper75 wrote: »

Fair play to you - a REAL Irish person. Not many of us left now by the looks of this thread. I'll give up being Irish, chatty, and friendly when I die.

Oh and creeps - to me they have always the people who are too awkward to talk to you. I left London in the mid-00s and was horrified to see how the stinking dehumanised attitude had followed me home. Thankfully the little part of rural Ireland I live in now is a holdout enclave. Always the salute on the road and if there is time - a casual chat. I may never see that stranger again so what harm to share a simple comment on the weather/sport etc. Life is short.

Whenyou go down the country there should be a sign "You are now entering waving country"

Waving of course includes, a nod of the head, lifting one finger off the steering wheel etc

saabsaab

Edgware wrote: »

Whenyou go down the country there should be a sign "You are now entering waving country"

Waving of course includes, a nod of the head, lifting one finger off the steering wheel etc

Long may it continue. How many times have I nearly lost control of a vehicle waving to someone on the road!

Alejandro68

This thread is sad. I rarely use public transport but when I do, it is mostly the elderly who are interested in conversation. And I am happy to engage and I end up learning a lot of history here.Regardless of your own stresses and safe zones, It costs you nothing to chat to strangers on a bus or train that you are sharing. You might come away a little bit wiser.IMO

EmmetSpiceland

Edgware wrote: »

Whenyou go down the country there should be a sign "You are now entering waving country"

Waving of course includes, a nod of the head, lifting one finger off the steering wheel etc

When should one “employ” the old back-of-the-hand-against-the-windscreen salute?

silliussoddius

Edgware wrote: »

Whenyou go down the country there should be a sign "You are now entering waving country"

Waving of course includes, a nod of the head, lifting one finger off the steering wheel etc

Is there anything to be said for sticking out your arm, palm facing inwards, and fingers pointing down?

jrosen

Where the Irish ever friendly? As in friendlier than other nationalities? Its not something ive ever found to be true

PsychoPete

Where I live in the countryside everyone salutes or says hello to you but as soon you get into the big towns and cities everyone is too busy and rushing to even acknowledge you. I bought a car from a lad in Mallow years ago, while I was there his grandfather arrived on. He was well into his 80s but I haven't met a nicer fella, I spent a good two hours just chatting to him and drinking tea. He was telling me random stories of him as a young fella,all his work mishaps, drinking,tractors,things that happened locally etc

saabsaab

jrosen wrote: »

Where the Irish ever friendly? As in friendlier than other nationalities? Its not something ive ever found to be true

I think we were , Back in the day, at least in the countryside but then it can depend where you go. Some places had a friendly feel other places not. Bit like going into some pubs you pick up on it. You often know if you are welcome or not welcome almost straight away.

Greyfox

jrosen wrote: »

Where the Irish ever friendly? As in friendlier than other nationalities? Its not something ive ever found to be true

Yes, we are the friendliest nation on earth and great craic with a few drinks involved, generally we still are its just covid had put a bit of a downer on everything. Your just surrounding yourself with the wrong people or doing something wrong