Things you find in Irish rental properties

Ubbquittious

*The obligatory black leather couch, badly worn and quite possibly damaged


*All the old cutlery the owner wanted to get rid of and a selection of cheap Chinese chef knives that won't cut butter no matter how much you heat them


*Storage heaters. Preferably taken from another house and wired into the day rate electricity because ah shur feck it the tenant is paying for it anyway.


*Some fellas crack pipe thrown up on top of the built in fridge freezer (only in Posh gaff)

*A bunkbed under the stairs with the top bunk only suitable for a midget but still costing nearly 1k a month to rent (only in Dublin)

*An extractor fan in a bathroom with no windows thats full of brown dust and cobwebs

*Mould everywhere

please add your own entries to this list

end of the road

floors, doors, windows, a roof.

punisher5112

Corona bottles and virus in every possible nook and cranny....

Eduard Khil

One interfering neighbour who thinks they're the landlord or maintenance person for the building

Purple Mountain

A broken tile on the bathroom floor.

KevRossi

Windows with condensation streaming down the inside.

Net curtains everywhere, worn carpets from Des Kelly in 1991, dripping taps, sinks covered in a 3mm layer of unmovable scum.

Cooker with the old spiral rings that take 15 minutes to warm up a small tin of beans, toaster that gives you a small shock every time you touch it.

About 30 Kg of uncollected post, most of it demands from credit card companies from 2007/8.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Magnolia walls.

Purple Mountain

A shelf of dusty old telephone directories.

a crying chair..

somewhere to sit and sob your heart out when you look at your crappy surroundings

JupiterKid

Massively oversized furniture that takes up 90% of the living room space, in very very dated chintzy floral print coverings.

punisher5112

Beds from the 80s with bed bugs a given....

Toilet never been washed.

Trigger Happy

Wondering what that smell is everytime the solitary radiator in your bedsit kicks in?

Probably someone else's dirty underwear down the back of the radiator.

the purple tin

Chipped and cracked old teacup with roses on it. Never a matching saucer

Creaky floorboard.

Cross between an armchair and a kitchen chair. Ancient, lovely shade of brown or grey, wooden armrests with cigarette burns, springs gone to Hell,when you sit in it you sink down until your bum is almost on the floor.

Disgusting old towel, stained and rough as sandpaper.

Mystery stains.

Big heavy ashtray stolen from a pub, with a beer logo on it.

Dead flys on windowsills.

Filthy windows that you can barely see through.

whisky_galore

A constantly blocking sink, can't undo U bend and fix because some idiot handyman plastered in the pedestal making it irremovable.

Cheap tables made of sawdust from a skip at the back of Ikea.

Prehistoric immersion systems supplying the showers in 2000s built apartments.

Fascinating mould cultures. One place I was shown around you wouldn't keep a dog in it. Don't know how property agent kept a straight face. Entry to apartment was via a short steep flight of stairs reminding me of an entrance to a hen house.

Paper thin walls. Can hear neighbours going about their business.

Leaking bedroom ceiling, stain could be interpreted as an image of Jesus.

punisher5112

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Wondering what that smell is everytime the solitary radiator in your bedsit kicks in?

Probably someone else's dirty underwear down the back of the radiator.

Mainly dead skin I'd say...

the purple tin

Crappy antique fridge-freezer that you can hear from your bedroom. The freezer compartment on top is encased in solid ice with a tiny slot of space that will just about let you cram in a packet of fish fingers.


Several kilos of fat and grease in the oven and grill.


Sums or measurements written on the wall in pencil by some tradesman.


A hole punched in a stud wall.


A sock.

the purple tin

Picture of the Pope. John Paul.

Rodney Bathgate

HAP recipients? (Not all properties obviously)

Rodney Bathgate

Traffic cone if student accommodation

padd b1975

A collection of empty wine bottles on top of the kitchen presses.

A rug nailed to the sitting room wall.

sheepondrugs

Grass aboUt 3 feet tall in the back garden. A mattress and piles of empty cans & bottles submerged in the grass.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Ubbquittious wrote: »

*The obligatory black leather couch, badly worn and quite possibly damaged


*All the old cutlery the owner wanted to get rid of and a selection of cheap Chinese chef knives that won't cut butter no matter how much you heat them


*Storage heaters. Preferably taken from another house and wired into the day rate electricity because ah shur feck it the tenant is paying for it anyway.


*Some fellas crack pipe thrown up on top of the built in fridge freezer (only in Posh gaff)

*A bunkbed under the stairs with the top bunk only suitable for a midget but still costing nearly 1k a month to rent (only in Dublin)

*An extractor fan in a bathroom with no windows thats full of brown dust and cobwebs

*Mould everywhere

please add your own entries to this list

It’s nitpick time. On the first bolded point, why aren’t you bringing your own cutlery and knives? Those things don’t need to be provided. On the second bolded point, you’re supposed to clear that fluff from the extractor fan. It’s remarkably easy to do.

wassie

Old boilers that suck so much kero they contribute more to climate change than Bord na Mona.

Bits_n_Bobs

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

It’s nitpick time. On the first bolded point, why aren’t you bringing your own cutlery and knives? Those things don’t need to be provided. On the second bolded point, you’re supposed to clear that fluff from the extractor fan. It’s remarkably easy to do.

Yet the landlord insists on including them and then itemises each piece of cutlery to deduct against deposit...

Also as it is remarkably easy to remove fluff from extractor fan, why doesn't the landlord do this before tenant moves in? Either way, the fans are a waste of time and electricity, running a good dehumidifier more or les 24/7 is the only way to keep crappy Irish apartments dry.

punisher5112

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

Traffic cone if student accommodation

Bus stop
Garda hat
For sale sign.

buried

Hairclips

Hairclips

Hairclips

All under the obligatory black leather couch when you have to look under it to see where the f**king thing has collapsed on its arse

odyssey06

Weird housemate.

Rodney Bathgate

punisher5112 wrote: »

Bus stop
Garda hat
For sale sign.

We nabbed one of the road works flashing lights in a drive by. Put it back a few days later as it wouldn’t stop flashing.

punisher5112

punisher5112 wrote: »

Bus stop
Garda hat
For sale sign.

Election poster

ChikiChiki

Doors with no locks or the key has been lost and the landlord couldn't be arsed replacing it.

buried

Rattly Washing machines that jump up and down more times than Michael Jordan ever did

punisher5112

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

We nabbed one of the road works flashing lights in a drive by. Put it back a few days later as it wouldn’t stop flashing.

You could open it up and disconnect battery.

Found 2 in a shed, there at least 10 years and battery still works.

punisher5112

buried wrote: »

Rattly Washing machines that jump up and down more times than Michael Jordan ever did

Remind me, mine has somehow moved and now bouncing a bit. Was level.

nullzero

Mould is the big one.

Broken appliances, usually broken because they're cheap tat.

I saw what turn out to be pancake batter on the ceiling of one kitchen, somebody attempted to flip the pancake immediately after they poured the batter onto the pan it seemed.

And another mention for the "Sure it's grand" black leather couch that is broken in the middle.

That and everything having a distinct whiff of late 80s early 90s about it.

Ted_YNWA

odyssey06 wrote: »

Weird housemate.

If you can't spot who the weird one is, it is probably you.

punisher5112

Little to no insulation whatsoever....

What is the deal with these and you will see even in the frozen weather the windows will be open.

retalivity

punisher5112 wrote: »

Little to no insulation whatsoever....

What is the deal with these and you will see even in the frozen weather the windows will be open.

Keeping the windows closed builds up the condensation and feeds the mould.
Its a lose-lose

Purple Mountain

A tap that constantly drips drips drips drips.

buried

Utility bills that show up to your address and apartment number after you move in, and the bills are not addressed to your name , but to lads called "Joan Vasquez" or "Bernard De Blyth" or some other ridiculous moniker

Muahahaha

Ubbquittious wrote: »

*The obligatory black leather couch, badly worn and quite possibly damaged

And its always from Bargaintown, the furniture shop targeted at landlords who are too tight to go to Ikea

CrankyHaus

Keys that are so worn-down they require an elaborate dance of repeatedly fiddling them in the lock for longer than one of Sting's Tantric Sex marathons

the purple tin

Religious pamplets, usually Jehovahs Witness stuff.

whisky_galore

Interior decor of the cheap "Live, Laugh, Love" variety.

Sh1t photo canvas pictures. Probably the display model from a branch of Harvey Norman's.

Fitz*

3 pint glasses, a random TV wire and a USB phone charger socket.

Montage of Feck

A sacred heart lamp.

Ubbquittious

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

It’s nitpick time. On the first bolded point, why aren’t you bringing your own cutlery and knives? Those things don’t need to be provided. On the second bolded point, you’re supposed to clear that fluff from the extractor fan. It’s remarkably easy to do.

Because the landlord supplied all his. All I need to bring is a good knife sharpener. Though if he ever finds out how sharp the knives are now he will surely swap them out with more blunt ones for the next tenant

It is more the fact that someone built a bathroom with no window that bothers me than the dust in the fan

Arghus

Utility bills addressed to the old tenants. As buried said above, none of these people ever have bog-standard Irish names. Instead they have incredibly evocative names like Luis Felipe Quesadiila or Jan De Kock. It seems implausible that people with names like this once lived in the same profoundly dull, real and grey/beige spot you have to call home. These bills will keep coming at a furious rate, until one impossible to predict day in the future, when they just suddenly stop.

An indeterminate, but faintly unpleasant and unlocatable smell.

Kitchen tiles.

A fireplace that clearly has not been used in years, except as a bin. And gives off vibes like it'll burn the whole place down if you even think about laying a few firelighters in it.

Extraction fans in the bathroom that clearly don't extract shit. A strong smell of burning hair accompanies these if left on for more than five minutes.

A toaster so old that it looks like something Genghis Khan would have used.

A small army of cleaning products and bottles of bleach under the u-bend of the kitchen sink, clearly assembled over years by multiple generations of tenants. Most do the same thing and the bottles are three quarters full. All the bottles are queasily coloured.

Endless varieties of mould. More mould than you ever saw before. Mould in places you didn't think it was possible. And every place will have it's own tinge to it's mould - maybe orange, maybe purple, maybe green.

Screwdrivers and nails rolling around in the drawers.

Electricity sockets that are 90% close to being aligned properly in the wall, but, clearly on the day, 90% was close enough.

Tin openers that even magpies wouldn't steal.

Stovepipe

A Super Ser.Menus from every possible takeaway. Something the previous tenant thought was too heavy to shift, so they abandoned it (in my case, a very old manual typewriter). Mould.

whisky_galore

Arghus wrote: »

Tin openers that even magpies wouldn't steal.

The pre WW1 tin opener is a given in the kitchen drawer.

hoodie6029

An empty bracket high up on a wall for a 14 inch Grundig TV. It last had a TV on it in 2001.

Old broadband routers.

A hoover that makes a racket but cleans nothing.

howamidifferent

Big yellow stained/coloured king size duvet thrown on top of the wardrobe. Any attempt to move it results in years of dust and mites circulating in the air.

The obligitory mass card under the matress.

Three broken irons under the kitchen sink.