Guest at Weddings

Squeeonline

I'm living in Austria at the moment and I've been to a couple weddings here, a couple back in Ireland. In Austria, they are mostly 1 day events. Maybe breakfast the next morning for closer friends/family who maybe stayed at the hotel and that's it.

Here also, 100 is a large wedding. The two I've been at were about 80 or so and that was plenty of people. You shouldn't feel compelled to invite family you don't like and only truly close friends should be there. If you have to catch up with your friends at your own wedding, were you really that close?

Austrian weddings have an "open bar" by default but it's not abused. There will be beer, wine, and maybe a cocktail included in that. Other things will cost extra, but the cost isn't ridiculous. €3 for a beer might be on the high end.

The most memorable wedding I've been to here, was where the B+G had gone to the registry in the morning with their close family and one or two friends each. There was a dinner in a section of a restaraunt for maybe 35-40 people in the evening. No ceremony, no fake religious bull$hit for the grandparents sake, just a dinner with a large group of friends, then to a cocktail bar afterwards with some additional people who couldnt make the dinner. It was close, it was fun, everyone got time with the B+G.

weldoninhio

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

As if they couldn't arrange a meet up later. No it is a summons to drink and party with a hangover in tow next day and day after maybe. I was that person in the past, never more. It is far too tedious and so much false jollity.

Just like weddings to be honest. Have to do it and paint on a smile for the B+G, I'd rather be sitting at home. And I have declined when it is not immediate family.

Smaller weddings will happen now thankfully. But in fairness I do realise that will impact on wedding planners and all the rest of it.

Sighs of relief will go around though not to be invited for another clone of a wedding.

Most people hate them, sorry now, but they do.

You don’t “have to do it”. Grow a spine.

JimmyVik

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

That's gas but so true for many.

Is there any other function that causes so much grief and stress for the B+G and let it be said.... for the invitees also, so unnecessary.

Honestly. Every wedding is the fekkin same, and it gets boring and tedious and false after a while.

I admire those who just elope to Vegas or the registry office and just do it. Good on ya folks.

True that.
And yet if you notice every single person thinks their wedding was different. And they'll ask the guests did they enjoy it. And then believe the guests would never, ever lie to them and tell them it was fantastic, best wedding ever.


Has anyone ever told the truth when asked by a married couple what they thought of their wedding and said "same old, same old", or "it was **** actually", or even just "it wasnt bad" or "I kind of enjoyed it".
No you have to say it was the best wedding ever. Or at least say "I really enjoyed it thanks"

A poll on if anyone ever lied when asked that question would be good. Anonymous of course

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

True that.
And yet if you notice every single person thinks their wedding was different. And they'll ask the guests did they enjoy it. And then believe the guests would never, ever lie to them and tell them it was fantastic, best wedding ever.


Has anyone ever told the truth when asked by a married couple what they thought of their wedding and said "same old, same old", or "it was **** actually", or even just "it wasnt bad" or "I kind of enjoyed it".
No you have to say it was the best wedding ever. Or at least say "I really enjoyed it thanks"

A poll on if anyone ever lied when asked that question would be good. Anonymous of course

Of course people say I had a great day thanks, regardless of whether they did or not but you’d have to be some piece of crap to tell someone their wedding was anything but a great day.

Electric Sheep

rawn wrote: »

I got married in a handfasting style humanist wedding. We decorated a sports hall with an altar
etc in the middle, and as we were married all of our guests (around 50) were gathered around us in a semicircle, and some had roles to play (lighting candles etc). It was very intimate and special, our guests loved it and some have since adopted the same style for their own weddings. I loved being able to see their faces throughout, the love in the room was beautiful!

Oh I'm sure.

JimmyVik

salmocab wrote: »

Of course people say I had a great day thanks, regardless of whether they did or not but you’d have to be some piece of crap to tell someone their wedding was anything but a great day.

And yet so many people choose not to even entertain the idea that people didnt enjoy their wedding because people told them it was great. Im going to go out on a limb here and say that well over half the people at any wedding would rather not be there. And thats me being conservative for the sensitive souls here.



Its exactly the same with a the turning down of an invitition. People never take a refusal of an invitation well, even if they pretend to.


The only people who genuinely enjoy a wedding are the parents, family (most of them anyway) and the close friends of the bride, who will or have already be doing the same thing. And you get a good few people who are happy to go to the pissup, but to be fair, they would be just as happy to go to any pissup.

Sure listen to all the women describing how their wedding was somehow different the minute they get the opportunity. They arent. They are a chore to 90% of the invitees.

Ok, i'll give up now and watch this from the sidelines. I feel im touching too many nerves and I dont mean to be mean, just to be honest.

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

And yet so many people choose not to even entertain the idea that people didnt enjoy their wedding because people told them it was great. Im going to go out on a limb here and say that well over half the people at any wedding would rather not be there. And thats me being conservative for the sensitive souls here.



Its exactly the same with a the turning down of an invitition. People never take a refusal of an invitation well, even if they pretend to.


The only people who genuinely enjoy a wedding are the parents, family (most of them anyway) and the close friends of the bride, who will or have already be doing the same thing. And you get a good few people who are happy to go to the pissup, but to be fair, they would be just as happy to go to any pissup.

Sure listen to all the women describing how their wedding was somehow different the minute they get the opportunity. They arent. They are a chore to 90% of the invitees.

Ok, i'll give up now and watch this from the sidelines. I feel im touching too many nerves and I dont mean to be mean, just to be honest.

I don’t think anyone has taken offence at anything you’ve said. People are free to turn down invites and if they don’t and end up spending money and having a bad time then they are idiots.
I would think that most people are happy to go to weddings especially people who they are reasonably close to but on a thread like this you are inevitably going to have the people that don’t like them complain about them.
I’ve been to a heap of weddings some were great some were forgettable but I don’t think I’ve ever been to one that I had a bad day. I find generally once there’s some mates there I can enjoy myself but as I said earlier in the thread I’ve turned down a few because they didn’t suit me for whatever reason.

Iodine1

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Yes s/he can, why not?

Too much convention, and the aunties and the cousins will be disappointed. BLX really, they will be delighted for the wedding party and equally delighted to be sitting at home too lol.

It very popular nowadays to disc the aunties etc, but they are the relatives and they are the people who know the family, and meet at family things. IMHO weddings are a family thing and are often taken over by the fair weather friends, from work, school, pub who have nothing in common and are gone by the next event.

Purple Mountain

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I was at a UK wedding a few years ago.
First off, all the guest's children were there, I mean babies too. Most tables had a little person or 2.
Then the bar was free ALL night.
I was expecting a stampede but any time, I looked up at that area, there was maybe one person there.
The reception was in a (poshish) golf club so there was no option of a residential bar or people staying over for a second day session.
The music stopped at midnight and you got your taxi and got the hell home.
But it was a brilliant day. Best food I've ever had at a function.

UK weddings sound like very boring affairs, the above would also further confirm it. I had been invited to one this summer for the first time (since been called off) but I declined (and I love wedding and never decline) as it was not worth the trip for a meal and a few hours drinking and have to go to a nightclub to make an actual night of it.

JohnnyFlash

Nora Rapping Variation wrote: »

UK weddings sound like very boring affairs, the above would also further confirm it. I had been invited to one this summer for the first time (since been called off) but I declined (and I love wedding and never decline) as it was not worth the trip for a meal and a few hours drinking and have to go to a nightclub to make an actual night of it.

You’re a man well-versed in weddings. What’s the going rate for a couple attending a wedding these days?

Purple Mountain

Nora Rapping Variation wrote: »

UK weddings sound like very boring affairs, the above would also further confirm it. I had been invited to one this summer for the first time (since been called off) but I declined (and I love wedding and never decline) as it was not worth the trip for a meal and a few hours drinking and have to go to a nightclub to make an actual night of it.

If you're going to pin your expectations on getting pissed until 4am, then you did the right thing declining.
Some of us enjoy just celebrating the day with loved ones over a beautiful meal, catch up chats and a great bop after a few beers.

Purple Mountain

Nora Rapping Variation wrote: »

UK weddings sound like very boring affairs, the above would also further confirm it. I had been invited to one this summer for the first time (since been called off) but I declined (and I love wedding and never decline) as it was not worth the trip for a meal and a few hours drinking and have to go to a nightclub to make an actual night of it.

If you're going to pin your expectations on getting pissed until 4am, then you did the right thing declining.
Some of us enjoy just celebrating the day with loved ones over a beautiful meal, catch up chats and a great bop after a few beers.

andekwarhola

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

People are wishing for all sorts of things to different after this crisis is over, and I'd hope the modern Irish wedding is one of them. The dread as you see another coloured envelope in the letterbox and realise it's an invite to the wedding of some nephew you haven't spoken to in 15 years. You'd almost wish it was an appointment for a colonoscopy.

I like the idea of a big bunch of people turning up to celebrate someone getting married. I like the getting pissed and having a dance part. It's all the other parts that need to be looked at. The sparking wine reception; the terrible hotel food, the boring speeches, the waiting around.

One of the best weddings I ever went to was abroad and a civil wedding reception. Reception was in a lovely wooden barn type place with a bar and a huge buffet table with great food. No sit down meal, speeches or anything like that. The people were lovely too.

Spanish Eyes

Weddings can be very boring and so samey.

They follow the ritual, been to one, been to them all. They all follow the same pattern.

Anyway, good luck to those who will get their day or three out, wish you all the very best, guests might not always feel the same though, have to remember that. Tedious is not the effin word most of the time. And I include my nearest and dearest family members weddings also.

Great to be able to stay at the venue, that is a big plus for the wedding party who arranged their weddings in a venue that can accommodate guests too. Escape is possible!

Worst of all are those venues that don't have accommodation on site, where you have to scramble for a BnB or a hotel nearby, can't drive because of the drink and so on. Awful.

salmocab

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Weddings can be very boring and so samey.

They follow the ritual, been to one, been to them all. They all follow the same pattern.

Anyway, good luck to those who will get their day or three out, wish you all the very best, guests might not always feel the same though, have to remember that. Tedious is not the effin word most of the time. And I include my nearest and dearest family members weddings also.

Great to be able to stay at the venue, that is a big plus for the wedding party who arranged their weddings in a venue that can accommodate guests too. Escape is possible!

Worst of all are those venues that don't have accommodation on site, where you have to scramble for a BnB or a hotel nearby, can't drive because of the drink and so on. Awful.

Completely agree with your last paragraph. It’s a pain having to get a taxi somewhere after a long day.

Invited to 3 this summer, all the OHs friends. My crowd are all married as I'm a few years older then OH.

One a Covid19 victim already, put back a few months now, I reckon the other 2 are likely to be much different then originally planned.

Best wedding I was at was a humanist one recently, none of the usual church t0ss and a grand day. Turn up at hotel at lunchtime and there all day, was very nice. Decent crowd two with no Guinness swillers with sweat p1ssing out of them telling you about their junior f football escapades etc while leering at younger ladies hoping their Mrs doesn't notice.

yourdeadwright

i love a good wedding,
Leave the kids with the grand parents and get to let the hair down and enjoy yourself for a day,
Also its the only time you ever get all your friends and other half's in the same place together,
Mind you I only ever do one day ,

Getting married myself next year ( depending on Corna) and plan to invite 105 is that big or small these days ?

freshpopcorn

Quick question and I don't really want to start this debate but Any wedding I've being to had a few kids. Mainly the couples kids, nieces and nephews and maybe the odd cousin but is it through some people who'd be very far out just shows up with there children on the day?

El_Duderino 09

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Quick question and I don't really want to start this debate but Any wedding I've being to had a few kids. Mainly the couples kids, nieces and nephews and maybe the odd cousin but is it through some people who'd be very far out just shows up with there children on the day?

Suppose it depends on whether they’re invited or not.

I used to give out about going to weddings (well i still do !)
But my granddad told me this last year.

"Enjoy them all because soon the weddings turn into funerals"

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

rawn wrote: »

I got married in a handfasting style humanist wedding. We decorated a sports hall with an altar
etc in the middle, and as we were married all of our guests (around 50) were gathered around us in a semicircle, and some had roles to play (lighting candles etc). It was very intimate and special, our guests loved it and some have since adopted the same style for their own weddings. I loved being able to see their faces throughout, the love in the room was beautiful!

This sounds lovely.

weldoninhio

BrownFinger wrote: »

I used to give out about going to weddings (well i still do !)
But my granddad told me this last year.

"Enjoy them all because soon the weddings turn into funerals"

There is an Irish saying that "A good funeral is better than a bad wedding.". Thankfully I've never been to a bad wedding, but I've been to some good funerals.

pgj2015

unless its my siblings or very good friends, I refuse nearly every wedding invite I get, cant stand weddings, way too long of a day, hate wearing a suit, weddings bands, the crap DJ. I just send a card and gift.

Katgurl

I always loved weddings but really uturned last year. It had been a few years since any of my friends got married (I'm early 40s) and I'd forgotten how expensive they are. I've a child now and the whole thing was such a massive pain in the arse to organise. Between the 250 euro gift we were instructed (by a heloful

Plus myself and the bride really aren't friends anymore - no falling out just a friendship that drifted years ago. The crowd was huge and I remember listening to them making their very personal vows and thinking it was mildly ludicrous to be putting on such an impersonal event.

Sac O Spuds

If i ever get married the entertainment will get double their fee if they keep the volume down. If they don't and I have to ask them to turn it down the deal is off.
I'm not a drinker but like a good chat. Trying to compete with music that you can feel in your chest is a pain in the hole. Last wedding I was at I came home hoarse.
I don't mind weddings on the whole- can take them or leave them but the earthshattering volume of the music is a major turn off.

Tork

I was at a wedding where the band seemed to think they were playing in Slane, rather than a medium sized function room. Spinal Tap would've been proud of the amount of gear they hooked up. They were so ear-splittingly loud, they drove quite a number of guests out of the room. A load of them went to the hotel bar or out into the corridors to escape the din.

Jonybgud

Jonybgud wrote: »

Very recently I was meant to be a guest at a wedding, which I was really looking forward to. I'm sure the wedding will be re-scheduled but will probably be a smaller event and will be just as good.

It just got me thinking that there has been lots of weddings I've been at over the years but only about 3 or 4 that really felt special, where the guests were made to feel part of the event.

Should weddings be kept small and focus on everyone rather than a full community event?

Everyone should have the wedding they want themselves and nobody is forced to attend.

debok

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Everyone should have the wedding they want themselves and nobody is forced to attend.

So you be happy enough if everyone decided not to go