Guest at Weddings

Jonybgud

Very recently I was meant to be a guest at a wedding, which I was really looking forward to. I'm sure the wedding will be re-scheduled but will probably be a smaller event and will be just as good.

It just got me thinking that there has been lots of weddings I've been at over the years but only about 3 or 4 that really felt special, where the guests were made to feel part of the event.

Should weddings be kept small and focus on everyone rather than a full community event?

Podge201

Everyone and I mean every one is sick of the three day road show of weddings.

salmocab

They should be whatever the B&G want but they should also be realistic that the biggest day of their life isn’t a big deal to most of the guests. The extras don’t make the day, if you give people a good meal and good music they’ll almost certainly have a good time.

AllForIt

Yes weddings should be kept small.

hynesie08

Podge201 wrote: »

Everyone and I mean every one is sick of the three day road show of weddings.

Queue nox in 3.....2......

Rodin

Jonybgud wrote: »

Very recently I was meant to be a guest at a wedding, which I was really looking forward to. I'm sure the wedding will be re-scheduled but will probably be a smaller event and will be just as good.

It just got me thinking that there has been lots of weddings I've been at over the years but only about 3 or 4 that really felt special, where the guests were made to feel part of the event.

Should weddings be kept small and focus on everyone rather than a full community event?

Yes.

mcgragger

mine had 130 people.

Is that a big wedding? I made it my business to talk to everyone and so did my wife and we did our best to make sure that everyone enjoyed it.
However there was the amount of people there that couldnt care less about me or me wife. A good few of my parents friends that I barely know but got the squeeze to invite.
Some of the Plus ones as well we barely knew. But it was a good day and we had a blast.

Looking back ( 9 years) and I ask would we have such a party again - probably not as we have 2 kids now so have to consider the dropping of 25k on a party is not something we would ever do again.

We are a social nation of souls but the post Covid wedding could be a very different affair.

biko

Jonybgud wrote: »

Should weddings be kept small and focus on everyone rather than a full community event?

Everyone should focus on the bride and groom

I don't mind big weddings at all, it's great to catch up with people I haven't seen in years.

Salary Negotiator

biko wrote: »

Everyone should focus on the bride and groom

I don't mind big weddings at all, it's great to catch up with people I haven't seen in years.

I kind of hope that everyone just focuses on the bride at my wedding, and I think she wants everyone to focus on me.

It’s grand though, the mother in law will make sure the focus is on her.

Podge201

Podge201 wrote: »

Everyone and I mean every one is sick of the three day road show of weddings.

I’m not, I love it as do all my group of friends. The opposite in fact, a wedding isn’t half as good unless it’s at least 2 days. Been to over 30 in the last few years and disappointed everyone is married now and don’t have many to go to.

As for size, whatever want yourself but I had a big wedding and wouldn’t like to have had any less at it. Was great to see and catch up with so many and for my parents to have all their friends there too etc (was a three day wedding too). Also for attending I much prefer a traditional irish wedding with a big crowd than small non traditional ones, way better craic a big one.

eviltwin

I had ten people at my wedding, they thought they were going to a house warming. Surprise!!!

We didn't want any fuss and I'm not the kind of person who likes being the focus of so much attention so it was exactly what we wanted. Maybe the fact we were occupied with other things like kids and the house and we'd been together a while meant we were less interested in a big event too.

Anyway we got what we wanted - married - which is what its all about anyway so job done. Everyone is entitled to have the kind of wedding they want and if that means a big event for hundreds of people so be it, I'd be less likely to attend something like that though.

krissovo

The packaged cookie cutter weddings that have evolved the last 20 years are truly soulless affairs now. Any wedding at a chain hotel for example like Radison where I been a guest at both Dublin and Cork is not great value IMHO.

I have been to some cracking places though and they were good for not taking the standard package and making it unique. Barnabrow house in Cork for example is a amazing location for a wedding and have non standard packages. Ballyvolane was also a special event as the guests effectively take over the house with spit roasts and glamping. Costs per head maybe more expensive but overall prices are similar to the "big" weddings for much more special day.

Sherry Baby

Cliche but I always cry at weddings..well I at least get a little lump in my throat at the ceremony part.

I dont know why this happens. Its not anything to do with the vows or anything soppy. Sometimes it happens when I dont even know or give a **** about the bride and groom. I think it's just overwhelming.

Anyway I like weddings. Always have a good time. Can be a long day though.

JohnnyFlash

People are wishing for all sorts of things to different after this crisis is over, and I'd hope the modern Irish wedding is one of them. The dread as you see another coloured envelope in the letterbox and realise it's an invite to the wedding of some nephew you haven't spoken to in 15 years. You'd almost wish it was an appointment for a colonoscopy.

I like the idea of a big bunch of people turning up to celebrate someone getting married. I like the getting pissed and having a dance part. It's all the other parts that need to be looked at. The sparking wine reception; the terrible hotel food, the boring speeches, the waiting around.

corner of hells

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

People are wishing for all sorts of things to different after this crisis is over, and I'd hope the modern Irish wedding is one of them. The dread as you see another coloured envelope in the letterbox and realise it's an invite to the wedding of some nephew you haven't spoken to in 15 years. You'd almost wish it was an appointment for a colonoscopy.

I like the idea of a big bunch of people turning up to celebrate someone getting married. I like the getting pissed and having a dance part. It's all the other parts that need to be looked at. The sparking wine reception; the terrible hotel food, the boring speeches, the waiting around.

I might have a solution for you ,

Just attend the afters.

Huntergonzo

It's gone to the stage where I'd nearly rather receive a court summons than a wedding invite.

Weddings should 100% be smaller, 20-30 people max. My sister got married a few years ago and only 25 people were present, they invited direct family and close friends only and it was great, a lot more personable and felt different because it was much smaller than any wedding I'd been to before.

That's one of my main problems with weddings, they're nearly aways the same, very procedural and very tedious!

Now one of my mates is getting married on a beach in Spain next year though and I have to admit I'm looking forward to it. Partly because it's basically a holiday and I haven't been to Spain in years and partly because I've never been to a beach wedding before so it's very different for me.

Huntergonzo

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I like the idea of a big bunch of people turning up to celebrate someone getting married. I like the getting pissed and having a dance part. It's all the other parts that need to be looked at. The sparking wine reception; the terrible hotel food, the boring speeches, the waiting around.

Ye it's all so bloody tiresome at this stage, the piss up is the only enjoyable part for me and I often can't even enjoy that at weddings thanks to the massive feed!

I have a bit of a weird constitution. If I eat a moderate size meal (of good food not a take away or any other shíte) before pints then I can easily drink all night but even a small meal during drinking completely floors me and I'm done.

So I usually have to watch how much I eat and wait till after dinner before I start drinking at weddings which makes them even more boring for me.

I propose moving wedding meals to before the wedding, this way I can start drinking immediately after the church :-)

Salvation Tambourine

Ah the usual wedding thread where people who have different views of fun try to convince the other that they are wrong.

I had about 140 people at my wedding and it was probably the best day of my life. I see my immediate family and good friends very frequently so to have as many people that have been in my life for this one occasion was what I wanted. My wife invited friends from her home town she had not seen in years (none of them had seen each other in a long time) and it ended up being a like a mini-reunion.

Maybe I've been lucky but I've enjoyed every wedding I've been to and love the buzz of people having fun and being happy. I even enjoy the two-day jobs, it's like a mini holiday but with your good friends and their partners. Forget all at home and just enjoy the little bubble you're in for a couple of days.

Podge201

Nora Rapping Variation wrote: »

I’m not, I love it as do all my group of friends. The opposite in fact, a wedding isn’t half as good unless it’s at least 2 days. Been to over 30 in the last few years and disappointed everyone is married now and don’t have many to go to.

As for size, whatever want yourself but I had a big wedding and wouldn’t like to have had any less at it. Was great to see and catch up with so many and for my parents to have all their friends there too etc.

The fireworks were amazing at the after party.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I hate weddings, I’m so delighted that the few I was supposed to go to over the summer have been cancelled. It’s so bloody costly, the ‘gift’ (otherwise known as the payment for your day out) Hotel accommodation which was needed for 2 of them, arranging child minders for our kids, new suit, wife’s new dress, hair make up etc etc A rough estimate is between €600-1000 for the day out.

Keep them small, invite only immediate family (parents and siblings) and keep the expense down for everyone.

Iodine1

A weddings are such a pain. Afters worse, I'm the spare who didn't warrant a proper invitation? No thank you. Trendy events in special Wedding house venues over 2 days are lots of standing around and oohing at the princess, food in cases not much better than glorified take-away, and nothing to do, to fill an hour. At least in a hotel you can slip away to the bar to have a drink with a friend or 2 to waste an hour. As for "plus 1s" don't knock them as they are the only person you can rely on to at least have someone to talk to over the marathon 48 hour ordeal. Small wedding with close relative/ friend is the best.

ixoy

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

new suit, wife’s new dress, hair make up etc etc

Why would you need a new suit and new dress for each wedding?

Podge201

ixoy wrote: »

Why would you need a new suit and new dress for each wedding?

We all can't pull off your idea of using the same Dunnes outfit.

Stateofyou

ixoy wrote: »

Why would you need a new suit and new dress for each wedding?

Have you met women? lol

I might get a new shirt/tie if I haven't a new one in a while, but the wife mostly keeps tabs on that and decides. :pac: I couldn't care less.

ax530

I like the big weddings more so for a catch up with everyone, family friends most in good form ect.
At our own wedding I liked having so many there seeing how by coming together and being in love we can fill a room with people having fun, often it is the only chance all your friends and family ever get together.
during these restricted times the thought of a day out at a weddings seems so great with so many people

PARlance

Herself had gotten herself all excited about a wedding of a distant cousin (2nd I think, maybe 3rd, who cares) who she has never met. It has been delayed for a year now. It's not that we've had a shortage of weddings to attend but herself seems to have really bought into this ones story of returning "home"(born and rared in the UK, husband to be is English with even less ties) to Ireland for her dream wedding... How she's been planning it for 2 years yada yada and how it would be great to finally meet up and get to know everyone. They've been in quite a bit of communication.

Here's the thing, despite all the talk and everything, it's only an invite to the afters... it'll involve a journey, babysitters, hotel etc. on our part.

I've no issues with going to an afters for a local wedding and it's not as if I'm dying to see this unknown person walking down the aisle but I've no notion of going the whole hog on something for a few hours.

I certainly wouldn't inviting people to an afters if I knew they had to go the whole hog to get there. Maybe 2 years planning wasn't enough time to consider... we've attended the same church/venue for previous weddings, no issues on crowd size etc.

Anyway, rant over, I've already said I would take a rain check on it but I know I anticipate being "worked on" as the time approaches.

What's my point? Can't understand how herself has got so invested in this ones story and think it's a bit cheeky/thoughtless to be giving an afters invite to people who have to travel... it would be fine if she was hoping for a decline, but she's selling this big time.

Iodine1

Travel, overnight etc to an "Afters"??? She doesn't want you there and you're crazy to be even considering it. You need to start working on the line "at least we won't be going" now before the buying starts.

freshpopcorn

I think if it's a close family wedding I'd like the crowd to be a good size so I can fade into the background and be forgotten about.
If it's extended family or somebody else I think they should be small so I won't be invited.

El_Duderino 09

Podge201 wrote: »

We all can't pull off your idea of using the same Dunnes outfit.

I just have a couple of nice suits. They take me to all the event I need the for. Light colour shirt and tie/dickie bow/pocket square for spring or summer. Darker shirt tie/dickie bow/pocket square for autumn and winter.

The Mrs is similar. She has nice clothes so she can mix and match her clothes to make them more or less formal depending on the situation (think it's called a capsule wardrobe). She would rarely buy a whole new outfit for a wedding unless she's in the wedding party. Then she might need a new full outfit.

We couldn’t afford to spend €1,000 on a wedding and we don’t have to. New outfits are optional

We only had 40 at our wedding. No afters invitation as the people we invited were there for the day. I wore the trousers and shirt to work afterwards and still wear the jacket to weddings and formal events now.

The snobbery about needing a new outfit is fine if that’s what you’re into, but it’s optional.

Sherry Baby

1. Someone always gets paralytic and falls on the dance floor or falls asleep sitting up in a chair.

2. You get lunged at. I've been unexpectedly lunged at at weddings twice now. Once when I was casually chatting outside in the smoking area and another time in the hotel lift when going to my room.

3) it always gets weird at the residence bar. There could be an argument at this time.

4) other than awkward lunges, there are loads of just plain old awkward silences at the table. Theres always someone who doesnt like the food.

5) Those stupid crafty "gifts" for the guests. Some glitter stone or something. Noone wants them.

6) Theres a kind of unique atmosphere like by the end of the night you know everyone even if you only met them that day.

I love weddings.

corner of hells

PARlance wrote: »

Herself had gotten herself all excited about a wedding of a distant cousin (2nd I think, maybe 3rd, who cares) who she has never met. It has been delayed for a year now. It's not that we've had a shortage of weddings to attend but herself seems to have really bought into this ones story of returning "home"(born and rared in the UK, husband to be is English with even less ties) to Ireland for her dream wedding... How she's been planning it for 2 years yada yada and how it would be great to finally meet up and get to know everyone. They've been in quite a bit of communication.

Here's the thing, despite all the talk and everything, it's only an invite to the afters... it'll involve a journey, babysitters, hotel etc. on our part.

I've no issues with going to an afters for a local wedding and it's not as if I'm dying to see this unknown person walking down the aisle but I've no notion of going the whole hog on something for a few hours.

I certainly wouldn't inviting people to an afters if I knew they had to go the whole hog to get there. Maybe 2 years planning wasn't enough time to consider... we've attended the same church/venue for previous weddings, no issues on crowd size etc.

Anyway, rant over, I've already said I would take a rain check on it but I know I anticipate being "worked on" as the time approaches.

What's my point? Can't understand how herself has got so invested in this ones story and think it's a bit cheeky/thoughtless to be giving an afters invite to people who have to travel... it would be fine if she was hoping for a decline, but she's selling this big time.

You might get a ride in a hotel bed.

PARlance

corner of hells wrote: »

You might get a ride in a hotel bed.

Will keep your offer in mind!

corner of hells

PARlance wrote: »

Will keep your offer in mind!

Ohhh , you...

I'll have a double brandy.

Geuze

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

People are wishing for all sorts of things to different after this crisis is over, and I'd hope the modern Irish wedding is one of them. The dread as you see another coloured envelope in the letterbox and realise it's an invite to the wedding of some nephew you haven't spoken to in 15 years. You'd almost wish it was an appointment for a colonoscopy.

Can I just say, that is funny.

rawn

I got married in a handfasting style humanist wedding. We decorated a sports hall with an altar
etc in the middle, and as we were married all of our guests (around 50) were gathered around us in a semicircle, and some had roles to play (lighting candles etc). It was very intimate and special, our guests loved it and some have since adopted the same style for their own weddings. I loved being able to see their faces throughout, the love in the room was beautiful!

salmocab

People should know that an invite isn’t a court summons. You can just say no.

JimmyVik

salmocab wrote: »

People should know that an invite isn’t a court summons. You can just say no.

And then never hear the end of it.


I was invited to a wedding in May and of all my friends going to it too, not one is disappointment that they dont have to go to it. Disappointment for the couple sure as they would have really enjoyed their day, but other people in general dont. But if the bride and groom ask them did they enjoy the wedding. "Yes, great wedding, best ever. Fantastic."



99% of weddings are sh1t.


100% of brides and grooms think their wedding was that 1% thats good.


Ever see the threads here with people asking should they pay for bridesmaids rooms etc. Of course you should, but then the thread gets flooded by "at my wedding we didnt and they were happy with that because we let them keep the shoes" or some sh1te like that to justify why it was ok for them because they were such a great, kind, generous couple. No doubt most of them will be along to crucify me now






Rant over.

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

And then never hear the end of it.


I was invited to a wedding in May and of all my friends going to it too, not one is disappointment that they dont have to go to it. Disappointment for the couple sure as they would have really enjoyed their day, but other people in general dont. But if the bride and groom ask them did they enjoy the wedding. "Yes, great wedding, best ever. Fantastic."



99% of weddings are sh1t.


100% of brides and grooms think their wedding was that 1% thats good.


Ever see the threads here with people asking should they pay for bridesmaids rooms etc. Of course you should, but then the thread gets flooded by "at my wedding we didnt and they were happy with that because we let them keep the shoes" or some sh1te like that to justify why it was ok for them because they were such a great, kind, generous couple. No doubt most of them will be along to crucify me now






Rant over.

I’ve not gone to several weddings over the years for various reasons some of close enough acquaintance and not once have I heard about it afterwards, a few people couldn’t make mine and it didn’t bother me.
People are obsessed with giving out about them when all they have to do is decline politely.

JimmyVik

PARlance wrote: »

Herself had gotten herself all excited about a wedding of a distant cousin (2nd I think, maybe 3rd, who cares) who she has never met. It has been delayed for a year now. It's not that we've had a shortage of weddings to attend but herself seems to have really bought into this ones story of returning "home"(born and rared in the UK, husband to be is English with even less ties) to Ireland for her dream wedding... How she's been planning it for 2 years yada yada and how it would be great to finally meet up and get to know everyone. They've been in quite a bit of communication.

Here's the thing, despite all the talk and everything, it's only an invite to the afters... it'll involve a journey, babysitters, hotel etc. on our part.

I've no issues with going to an afters for a local wedding and it's not as if I'm dying to see this unknown person walking down the aisle but I've no notion of going the whole hog on something for a few hours.

I certainly wouldn't inviting people to an afters if I knew they had to go the whole hog to get there. Maybe 2 years planning wasn't enough time to consider... we've attended the same church/venue for previous weddings, no issues on crowd size etc.

Anyway, rant over, I've already said I would take a rain check on it but I know I anticipate being "worked on" as the time approaches.

What's my point? Can't understand how herself has got so invested in this ones story and think it's a bit cheeky/thoughtless to be giving an afters invite to people who have to travel... it would be fine if she was hoping for a decline, but she's selling this big time.

Get a few drinks into the Mrs. Get her talking about her friend and the wedding. When she getting all teary eyed.


"Why do you think she didnt think you were good enough to share the actual wedding with? ~What did you do to her?"


You are welcome my friend

JimmyVik

salmocab wrote: »

I’ve not gone to several weddings over the years for various reasons some of close enough acquaintance and not once have I heard about it afterwards, a few people couldn’t make mine and it didn’t bother me.
People are obsessed with giving out about them when all they have to do is decline politely.

Ah you dont ever tell a woman or a man who isnt married yet that you didnt enjoy a wedding. Suicide. So you are either a woman or you are a man having to keep the pretense up until your wedding is over.

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

Ah you dont ever tell a woman or a man who isnt married yet that you didnt enjoy a wedding. Suicide. So you are either a woman or you are a man having to keep the pretense up until your wedding is over.

I’m not sure you read what I wrote there

jam_mac_jam

If you don't like them don't go. I only go if it's close family or friends.

Most of them are really boring unless you know a lot of people there. So I don't spend the money and don't bother.

JimmyVik

Sherry Baby wrote: »

1. Someone always gets paralytic and falls on the dance floor or falls asleep sitting up in a chair.

2. You get lunged at. I've been unexpectedly lunged at at weddings twice now. Once when I was casually chatting outside in the smoking area and another time in the hotel lift when going to my room.

3) it always gets weird at the residence bar. There could be an argument at this time.

4) other than awkward lunges, there are loads of just plain old awkward silences at the table. Theres always someone who doesnt like the food.

5) Those stupid crafty "gifts" for the guests. Some glitter stone or something. Noone wants them.

6) Theres a kind of unique atmosphere like by the end of the night you know everyone even if you only met them that day.

I love weddings.

That happens during any traumatic event.

circadian

Podge201 wrote: »

Everyone and I mean every one is sick of the three day road show of weddings.

So why are they still a thing? Current situation outstanding of course.

JimmyVik

salmocab wrote: »

I’m not sure you read what I wrote there

Not sure you read what I wrote

salmocab

JimmyVik wrote: »

Not sure you read what I wrote

I did and don’t see any relevance to me saying that I’ve turned down invitations.

El_Duderino 09

salmocab wrote: »

I’ve not gone to several weddings over the years for various reasons some of close enough acquaintance and not once have I heard about it afterwards, a few people couldn’t make mine and it didn’t bother me.
People are obsessed with giving out about them when all they have to do is decline politely.

And I would absolutely agree with you. I wouldn't worry at all about someone being unable (or uninterested, or couldn't afford it or whatever else) to come to my wedding. But I do think some people are a bit more sensitive to it and might hold it against you for not going.

Huntergonzo

salmocab wrote: »

People should know that an invite isn’t a court summons. You can just say no.

Ah no no, that's not the Irish way atall atall.

You're supposed to bitch and moan about it, curse the names of those who invited you and then turn up anyway and pretend your're having a great aul time :-)

salmocab

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

And I would absolutely agree with you. I wouldn't worry at all about someone being unable (or uninterested, or couldn't afford it or whatever else) to come to my wedding. But I do think some people are a bit more sensitive to it and might hold it against you for not going.

There’s nothing you can do about those people, let them hold it. Really people don’t expect all those people to be free on a certain date and able to attend. Some will get snooty initially but I’m sure most get over themselves.

salmocab

Huntergonzo wrote: »

Ah no no, that's not the Irish way atall atall.

You're supposed to bitch and moan about it, curse the names of those who invited you and then turn up anyway and pretend your're having a great aul time :-)

Sadly I think many think that way and I also suspect that there are people who are happy with the invite but see it as their duty to moan about it.

Signore Fancy Pants

Not a fan of elaborate drawn out weddings. Absolutely hate the 2/3 day affairs, actually puts me off going.

There were 3 people at my wedding. The celebrant, photographer and organiser.

Although, it was on a beach in Hawaii, it worked for us though.