Do you have a best friend?

Comhrá

Do many middle-aged men have no close friends other than wives/partners?

I'm a late middle aged male, in a long-term stable relationship but I have a male best friend (also partnered with grown-up family) for as long as my relationship with whom I'm probably closer to in many ways than I am to my partner.

Like many people I have a good circle of friends of varying degree but only four or five people I consider 'close.'

Two male married friends of mine have told me they have no real close friends or buddies to go for a pint or a match with, and one even asked me a few years ago if I'd be his 'buddy' for knocking around with. We did this for a while but it petered out probably due to men not bothering to stay in touch or making the effort.

Bobblehats

..anybody?

US2

I do. Best friend by default really hes my only friend haha

faceman

Yes but its complicated.

Bobblehats

US2 wrote: »

I do. Best friend by default really hes my only friend haha

The most dysfunctional friend. Ditto!

Purgative

Do you mean best Facebook friend?

pgj2015

mine died. i have a good few friends,some closer than others but doubt i will ever have a best friend again.

Day Lewin

My spouse: long-term really, truly, best of friends.

Not so many very close friends of my own gender. But enough that I could call on a pal if needed, etc.

tritriagain

Charlie. My cocker spaniel. Mind you he's a lightweight when it comes to the pints.

Neames

I'm lucky I have a few very good friends. Some live close by and our kids are friends with each other. So we meet a lot. Some of my other friends live some distance away. This thread has prompted me to make more of an effort to stay in touch with them.

corner of hells

I did have two "best" friends.
I didn't know they even knew each till they both emigrated to America years ago together , suddenly to the surprise of their families and one of their wives.

Plumbthedepths

I've known my best friend for 30 years, both of us have families and wives .

Signore Fancy Pants

Yes, Mrs_Fegelian is my best friend...with sexy results.

Yup. A few. Childhood/teenage/adult pal who I'm travelling abroad with next week to w.atch a match. Groomsman for another pal that I rarely see soon. My brother because... Kinda happy enough with that

Johnny Sausage

I have 16 and I keep them in order on my Bebo page

TheValeyard

Yep. Still friends since baby infants in primary school.

Signore Fancy Pants

TheValeyard wrote: »

Yep. Still friends since baby infants in primary school.

Yeah but that was 5 weeks ago. You were told to stay 100 meters from every school!

TheValeyard

Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »

Yeah but that was 5 weeks ago. You were told to stay 100 meters from every school!

*sigh*

Every week I have to explain this to you....

You have to stay 100 metres away when I'm at school!


Also, Joe agrees with me

_Brian

Other than herself...

One brother and myself are very close. The

pgj2015

champchamp wrote: »

I have no friends.
Married years.
I get down at times, no one to go to the pub with etc...

how come you ended up with no friends? was it your wife who cut you off from them?

Signore Fancy Pants

TheValeyard wrote: »

*sigh*

Every week I have to explain this to you....

You have to stay 100 metres away when I'm at school!


Also, Joe agrees with me

Oooooohh. Tell Joe I said hi.

jaxxx

My left hand.

Johnny Sausage wrote: »

I have 16 and I keep them in order on my Bebo page

Bebo still exists?? ?? ??

TheValeyard

Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »

Oooooohh. Tell Joe I said hi.

Joe Mama says hi

El_Duderino 09

Yeah I've a few really close friends. Lads who I really like spending time with and it doesn't really matter what we do together. Go for a pint, go watch the local rugby or football team, cricket during the summer. People who you have the craic with and learn from and will listen if you have something you wan to chat about.

My cousin and I were born within a couple of weeks of each other, have been best friends all our lives. I've another friend who can tell what going on with me in the space between answering the phone and saying hello.

There's also my nicer half, who knows everything about me and I'm fairly sure can read my mind.

Arghus

Ah, yeah. I've a few that I have known for years. There's a few other ones that I met later on in life but clicked with immediately too.

wexandproud

Don't have a ''best'' friend as i don't see a need to rank them in order . I have some very good friendships which have lasted since my teenage years .

lozenges

Wouldn't say I have any best friends as such. There are a couple of people who I have known for over a decade who I would consider myself very close to though.

Lily_Aldrin7

My partner and I are both 30, I have a best friend (she’s been my best friend since we were 4) and a few good friends to hang out with. My partner (male) has only one friend (my friend’s husband) and they are not that close, mushy playing fifa sometimes or going for a drink but not very often either. He’s the smarter one in our relationship and definitely the more likeable one but he’s very content on his own and prefers to have time for himself. We have two kids so not much time for himself and he says he doesn’t have the time to have more friends

Tipperary animal lover

I had one close true friend since first class, stayed by my side thick and thin, had some mad wild times when we were younger could always depend on him, when i came out as "a gay" back in the early 90s, had a rough few years from family and a small town minds he was by my side no questions asked, was my bestman when i married my long term partner two years ago, didnt the fecker go and kill himself last year, i knew there was a lot of problems, we tried everything and i can say mental health services in this country is a pure joke, oh i wish i had a few more close friends but everyone seems to busy in their own lives at least i have a partner whos always there thick and thin.

valoren

Not anymore. He died in his sleep a few months ago. It was dilated cardiomyopathy. He was only 42. We were best friends since meeting at work in 2006. If I was ever in an "arrested-turkish-prison-one-phone-call" scenario, he was the one I'd have called. Truly the mark of a best friend.

Cushtie

Not really, my cousin and myself were very close in age and lived bedside each other. We were pretty much inseparable up until our early 20's we did everything together. He emigrated to USA then and because he was illegal there he was pretty much unable to travel home and we kind of drifted apart. He is legal since and gets home a bit more but we don't really meet up.

After that I had one other great friend. (female) it got a little bit complicated, we got involved romantically and it didn't work out. Again we drifted apart after that. We still text the odd time but that's it.

I have a few friends through work or whatever but no one I would call a best friend.

I was only thinking the other day if there was some type of emergency or disaster who would I call and couldn't come up with anyone.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

My sister, and I've one other friend I've known since we were babies. We only see each other a couple of times a year but it's a very low maintenance friendship at this point. Certainly if I had to make a "could you please come help me bury this and save questions for later" she'd be the one I'd call and if she called me like that I'd be straight there. Couple of difficult things going on in my life right now, it's been a while since I needed her to be there and there she fcuking is. We know each other very well, don't need any filter or even to talk in complete sentences.

"Mmm. Mullins sure"
"Sure shtop"
"I'll not"
"Bitch"
"Not as bad as.."
"HAAA"
"Oh I miss the 90s"

That was the point her husband stepped in and asked us to talk normal at Christmas.

Jalen Wide Sphere

Jalen Wide Sphere wrote: »

My sister, and I've one other friend I've known since we were babies. We only see each other a couple of times a year but it's a very low maintenance friendship at this point. Certainly if I had to make a "could you please come help me bury this and save questions for later" she'd be the one I'd call and if she called me like that I'd be straight there. Couple of difficult things going on in my life right now, it's been a while since I needed her to be there and there she fcuking is. We know each other very well, don't need any filter or even to talk in complete sentences.

"Mmm. Mullins sure"
"Sure shtop"
"I'll not"
"Bitch"
"Not as bad as.."
"HAAA"
"Oh I miss the 90s"

That was the point her husband stepped in and asked us to talk normal at Christmas.

Haha! We've been told that my cousin and I speak our own language and usually just grunt or mumble at each other.

Sisters have some formidable bond, I doubt I'll ever experience that kind of unspoken and unbreakable bond with anyone else in the same way, it's a totally different dynamic from any other kind of close friend.

When sisters don't get along it's a fairly epic kind of relationship too, mind/

I would regard an older cousin as my best friend, as being the only one I can say so much to. So like my beautiful departed aunt.

andekwarhola

Yeah, I have about six. Three of them don't live in Ireland currently and the others are like me with kids and jobs so we don't see each other as much as we used to but we're in regular, often daily, touch and still meet up when we can.

In addition, I have a whole other group of guys I go to football with, and have pints with sometimes, so I guess I'm lucky.

andekwarhola

wexandproud wrote: »

Don't have a ''best'' friend as i don't see a need to rank them in order

I'm sure the OP won't fine you, it's OK.

wexandproud

andekwarhola wrote: »

I'm sure the OP won't fine you, it's OK.

glad to hear it , couldn't face another sleepless night worrying about post's on here

Foweva Awone

I've one bestie, while we have a few things in common we're total opposites in many ways. Mainly that she's very extroverted and sociable, and I'm not at all. We're in contact by text most days, we'd never go more than a couple of days without checking in with each other. Our little boys are a similar age and are great pals too! It's a really strong positive friendship, we're lucky to have each other.

I'm still friends with my childhood best friends, I wouldn't be in as regular contact with them though.

andekwarhola

Without being judgemental, I'm always a bit mystified that somebody's partner could be sufficient for their sole friendship needs.

Just me, obviously.

Tell me how

Being honest? As I think about it? Probably not.

Have 4 guys I am close with (2 siblings), but I don't have someone who I feel knows pretty much everything about me and me them or that I could ask them to do anything for me at the drop of a hat. Had that with a friend before but life got in the way and we grew apart and haven't spoken in years.

I still think about the friendship we had.

wexandproud

wexandproud wrote: »

Don't have a ''best'' friend as i don't see a need to rank them in order

I have three kids of a planned 4 now. I don't think I could answer the question about which one I love the "most".

Tell me how

wexandproud wrote: »

Don't have a ''best'' friend as i don't see a need to rank them in order . I have some very good friendships which have lasted since my teenage years .

I think you misunderstand the relevance of the term 'best friend'

It's not about ranking your friendships. It's about having a relationship in which you nearly don't have to think about whether you can say something to someone or not.

BeerWolf

My dog. They're men's best friend.

The_Honeybadger

Very common issue among fellas as they get older. I had a huge circle of friends at one stage but we are scattered everywhere now and rarely see each other. I meet various lads for pints throughout the year when I am ‘home’ and we have a few WhatsApp groups on the go and I’m happy enough with that tbh.

I had one particularly close friend that moved to Australia, he has only been home once in about ten years so I have all but lost touch with him now although I know if I met him in the pub it would be like he never left.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

My best friend is nearly 60, he never married but he's a Scottish lad who's been in Ireland for over twenty years. His girlfriend is local, about ten years younger. He has loads of friends, a fantastic social life because he's absolutely sound; a complete legend. He's gifted with words and he sticks to his convictions.

Although we're not middle-aged, myself and my partner have been together since we were young and we have a lot of the same large group of friends we met during and after college, although we're closer with different people in the group. A lot of his better friends don't get out as much as they'd like anymore (expectation to save for mortgages, tyrannical spouses or hopefully, other such domestic bliss being the likely culprits).

In general, life hasn't been kind to a lot of our friends and we've lost several even just the year gone by; five to immigration, one due to sudden illness, another to chronic illness and one committed suicide. I get apprehensive about meeting people I haven't seen in a good while because of all the sh!t and hardship life has tended to fling. I hardly ever bother telling anyone about any of my problems, just try and focus on the positive and have a laugh in spite of the abject horror going everywhere. As Morrissey ironically said "hold onto your friends".

twowheelsonly

Loads of friends and acquaintances through work and a few activities I'm involved in but no 'best friend'. Had one guy I grew up with and we were like glue but life got in the way and we rarely if ever see each other now. Nobody now that I could call for a general chat, to go for a pint or unload my troubles on if it came to that.

Gonad

I have a best friend . Grew up together since age 3.

Usually only hear from him now when he needs a few quid though .

LaFuton

Comhra wrote: »

Do many middle-aged men have no close friends other than wives/partners?

I'm a late middle aged male, in a long-term stable relationship but I have a male best friend (also partnered with grown-up family) for as long as my relationship with whom I'm probably closer to in many ways than I am to my partner.

Like many people I have a good circle of friends of varying degree but only four or five people I consider 'close.'

Two male married friends of mine have told me they have no real close friends or buddies to go for a pint or a match with, and one even asked me a few years ago if I'd be his 'buddy' for knocking around with. We did this for a while but it petered out probably due to men not bothering to stay in touch or making the effort.

I've literally a ball of friends

Deja Boo

I've a best friend

wexandproud

Tell me how wrote: »

I think you misunderstand the relevance of the term 'best friend'

It's not about ranking your friendships. It's about having a relationship in which you nearly don't have to think about whether you can say something to someone or not.

no misunderstanding at all . The friends i refer to , i could say anything to them . however , depending what the issue was I might turn to different ones on different issues