Do you have a best friend?

Cushtie · 04-01-2020 08:37PM

Not really, my cousin and myself were very close in age and lived bedside each other. We were pretty much inseparable up until our early 20's we did everything together. He emigrated to USA then and because he was illegal there he was pretty much unable to travel home and we kind of drifted apart. He is legal since and gets home a bit more but we don't really meet up.

After that I had one other great friend. (female) it got a little bit complicated, we got involved romantically and it didn't work out. Again we drifted apart after that. We still text the odd time but that's it.

I have a few friends through work or whatever but no one I would call a best friend.

I was only thinking the other day if there was some type of emergency or disaster who would I call and couldn't come up with anyone.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 04-01-2020 08:59PM

My sister, and I've one other friend I've known since we were babies. We only see each other a couple of times a year but it's a very low maintenance friendship at this point. Certainly if I had to make a "could you please come help me bury this and save questions for later" she'd be the one I'd call and if she called me like that I'd be straight there. Couple of difficult things going on in my life right now, it's been a while since I needed her to be there and there she fcuking is. We know each other very well, don't need any filter or even to talk in complete sentences.

"Mmm. Mullins sure"
"Sure shtop"
"I'll not"
"Bitch"
"Not as bad as.."
"HAAA"
"Oh I miss the 90s"

That was the point her husband stepped in and asked us to talk normal at Christmas.

04-01-2020 09:05PM

Jalen Wide Sphere wrote: »

My sister, and I've one other friend I've known since we were babies. We only see each other a couple of times a year but it's a very low maintenance friendship at this point. Certainly if I had to make a "could you please come help me bury this and save questions for later" she'd be the one I'd call and if she called me like that I'd be straight there. Couple of difficult things going on in my life right now, it's been a while since I needed her to be there and there she fcuking is. We know each other very well, don't need any filter or even to talk in complete sentences.

"Mmm. Mullins sure"
"Sure shtop"
"I'll not"
"Bitch"
"Not as bad as.."
"HAAA"
"Oh I miss the 90s"

That was the point her husband stepped in and asked us to talk normal at Christmas.

Haha! We've been told that my cousin and I speak our own language and usually just grunt or mumble at each other.

Sisters have some formidable bond, I doubt I'll ever experience that kind of unspoken and unbreakable bond with anyone else in the same way, it's a totally different dynamic from any other kind of close friend.

When sisters don't get along it's a fairly epic kind of relationship too, mind/

04-01-2020 09:16PM

I would regard an older cousin as my best friend, as being the only one I can say so much to. So like my beautiful departed aunt.

andekwarhola · 04-01-2020 09:18PM

Yeah, I have about six. Three of them don't live in Ireland currently and the others are like me with kids and jobs so we don't see each other as much as we used to but we're in regular, often daily, touch and still meet up when we can.

In addition, I have a whole other group of guys I go to football with, and have pints with sometimes, so I guess I'm lucky.

andekwarhola · 04-01-2020 09:24PM

wexandproud wrote: »

Don't have a ''best'' friend as i don't see a need to rank them in order

I'm sure the OP won't fine you, it's OK.

wexandproud · 04-01-2020 09:27PM

andekwarhola wrote: »

I'm sure the OP won't fine you, it's OK.

glad to hear it , couldn't face another sleepless night worrying about post's on here

Foweva Awone · 04-01-2020 09:46PM

I've one bestie, while we have a few things in common we're total opposites in many ways. Mainly that she's very extroverted and sociable, and I'm not at all. We're in contact by text most days, we'd never go more than a couple of days without checking in with each other. Our little boys are a similar age and are great pals too! It's a really strong positive friendship, we're lucky to have each other.

I'm still friends with my childhood best friends, I wouldn't be in as regular contact with them though.

andekwarhola · 04-01-2020 09:47PM

Without being judgemental, I'm always a bit mystified that somebody's partner could be sufficient for their sole friendship needs.

Just me, obviously.

Tell me how · 04-01-2020 11:19PM

Being honest? As I think about it? Probably not.

Have 4 guys I am close with (2 siblings), but I don't have someone who I feel knows pretty much everything about me and me them or that I could ask them to do anything for me at the drop of a hat. Had that with a friend before but life got in the way and we grew apart and haven't spoken in years.

I still think about the friendship we had.

04-01-2020 11:24PM

wexandproud wrote: »

Don't have a ''best'' friend as i don't see a need to rank them in order

I have three kids of a planned 4 now. I don't think I could answer the question about which one I love the "most".

Tell me how · 04-01-2020 11:28PM

wexandproud wrote: »

Don't have a ''best'' friend as i don't see a need to rank them in order . I have some very good friendships which have lasted since my teenage years .

I think you misunderstand the relevance of the term 'best friend'

It's not about ranking your friendships. It's about having a relationship in which you nearly don't have to think about whether you can say something to someone or not.

BeerWolf · 04-01-2020 11:29PM

My dog. They're men's best friend.

The_Honeybadger · 04-01-2020 11:36PM

Very common issue among fellas as they get older. I had a huge circle of friends at one stage but we are scattered everywhere now and rarely see each other. I meet various lads for pints throughout the year when I am ‘home’ and we have a few WhatsApp groups on the go and I’m happy enough with that tbh.

I had one particularly close friend that moved to Australia, he has only been home once in about ten years so I have all but lost touch with him now although I know if I met him in the pub it would be like he never left.

05eaftqbrs9jlh · 04-01-2020 11:39PM

My best friend is nearly 60, he never married but he's a Scottish lad who's been in Ireland for over twenty years. His girlfriend is local, about ten years younger. He has loads of friends, a fantastic social life because he's absolutely sound; a complete legend. He's gifted with words and he sticks to his convictions.

Although we're not middle-aged, myself and my partner have been together since we were young and we have a lot of the same large group of friends we met during and after college, although we're closer with different people in the group. A lot of his better friends don't get out as much as they'd like anymore (expectation to save for mortgages, tyrannical spouses or hopefully, other such domestic bliss being the likely culprits).

In general, life hasn't been kind to a lot of our friends and we've lost several even just the year gone by; five to immigration, one due to sudden illness, another to chronic illness and one committed suicide. I get apprehensive about meeting people I haven't seen in a good while because of all the sh!t and hardship life has tended to fling. I hardly ever bother telling anyone about any of my problems, just try and focus on the positive and have a laugh in spite of the abject horror going everywhere. As Morrissey ironically said "hold onto your friends".

twowheelsonly · 04-01-2020 11:55PM

Loads of friends and acquaintances through work and a few activities I'm involved in but no 'best friend'. Had one guy I grew up with and we were like glue but life got in the way and we rarely if ever see each other now. Nobody now that I could call for a general chat, to go for a pint or unload my troubles on if it came to that.

Gonad · 04-01-2020 11:56PM

I have a best friend . Grew up together since age 3.

Usually only hear from him now when he needs a few quid though .

LaFuton · 04-01-2020 11:56PM

Comhra wrote: »

Do many middle-aged men have no close friends other than wives/partners?

I'm a late middle aged male, in a long-term stable relationship but I have a male best friend (also partnered with grown-up family) for as long as my relationship with whom I'm probably closer to in many ways than I am to my partner.

Like many people I have a good circle of friends of varying degree but only four or five people I consider 'close.'

Two male married friends of mine have told me they have no real close friends or buddies to go for a pint or a match with, and one even asked me a few years ago if I'd be his 'buddy' for knocking around with. We did this for a while but it petered out probably due to men not bothering to stay in touch or making the effort.

I've literally a ball of friends

Deja Boo · 04-01-2020 11:58PM

I've a best friend

wexandproud · 05-01-2020 12:03PM

Tell me how wrote: »

I think you misunderstand the relevance of the term 'best friend'

It's not about ranking your friendships. It's about having a relationship in which you nearly don't have to think about whether you can say something to someone or not.

no misunderstanding at all . The friends i refer to , i could say anything to them . however , depending what the issue was I might turn to different ones on different issues

Earthhorse · 05-01-2020 12:18PM

Yeah, I’ve had a few over the years. One passed away a few years back. Another we don’t talk anymore. Still have lots of great friends though but I do think as you get older you tend to see them less and less. People have kids, houses and more responsibilities in work meaning they aren’t as free.

andekwarhola wrote: »

Yeah, I have about six.

Six? Six?!?

Ah lad, you need to learn to be more discerning.

faceman · 05-01-2020 04:04PM

tritriagain wrote: »

Charlie. My cocker spaniel. Mind you he's a lightweight when it comes to the pints.

I had a cocker too but he died suddenly last summer aged 5. Broke my heart. Dogs are such great company. Especially for grumpy old men like me.

05-01-2020 04:05PM

Couple of people I WhatsApp but I’ve moved around too much to have any real life friends. Not possible for a man to make any in middle age either as there’s nowhere men really go, but I’d still be doubtful that I even wanted them anyway.

Sober Crappy Chemis · 05-01-2020 04:08PM

valoren wrote: »

Not anymore. He died in his sleep a few months ago. It was dilated cardiomyopathy. He was only 42. We were best friends since meeting at work in 2006.

Sorry to hear that.

KathleenGrant · 05-01-2020 04:15PM

I have not had a best friend until lately. I had several friends but not one that I would completely open to. That changed a year ago when someone new started at work. We do a late shift alone 3 times a week and have gotten very close. 20 years age difference but we have a very similar outlook on life. I have lold that person everything, things I have told nobody. When we are not working we ring each other every day and talk for ages.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 05-01-2020 06:20PM

I have 4 friends I’d consider close, we’d go for a lads night out several times a year and have a very active WhatsApp group.

I also have other very good friends that I wouldn’t be in contact with as often and have known them longer than the 4 others above but they know that I’m here if they ever needed help or someone to talk to and when I do meet up with them it’s like we are in touch all the time, relaxed and normal. I guess I’m lucky I have such good friends.

Agricola · 05-01-2020 06:34PM

Two closest friends are from my school days. Wouldn't see them too often but when we meet its like no time has passed. I could call on either of them in any situation and know they'd bail me out.

One is separated from the mrs a year or so and is back hard on the trail for a replacement, the other is an eternal lone soldier, someone who'd never initiate anything whether it be night out, matchtrip, whatever. Just one of those people. So I have and I haven't friends i suppose!

Alecto · 05-01-2020 06:42PM

I don't talk to anyone I went to school with or from my childhood but I do have a friend who I met when I was 19 and we're still friends now and I'm 31. That's pretty good going for me as I'm not the best at keeping up friendships. I can keep a couple of close friends but that's about all I can manage really. I tend to get very invested in my relationships and that person becomes my everything but I've learned from past mistakes and now I try my best to keep up with the friends I do have. I have two very close friends, my ex who is also a very close friend and my boyfriend.

markc1184 · 05-01-2020 06:47PM

I've a best mate. Have been best mates for about 25 years. Both of us are godfathers to each others sons. I'd also have been good mates with his brothers but wouldn't be as close now as we once were. There are other friendships which have fizzled out and some that is more of an acquaintance now.

andekwarhola · 05-01-2020 06:55PM

Earthhorse wrote: »

Six? Six?!?

Ah lad, you need to learn to be more discerning.

Damn typo. Meant sixteen

Do you have a best friend?

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