Worried and let down

PARlance

DonnaDarko09 wrote: »

Is this a usual reaction for her or out of character? Has she questioned your relationship with your ex before? You painted your relationship as rock solid in your OP but I wonder was the writing on the wall already, before you discovered these messages.
Does she have a tendency to be jealous?

Imo, she got caught cheating and has been starting fights since to turn it around on the OP.

Well done OP, mind your kids and yourself.

leggo

leggo wrote: »

. It's projection. A person typically has to, at all times, feel like they are fundamentally 'good' (we're all the hero of our own stories and all that), so when there's some huge bit of evidence like this pointing to the contrary, they'll tell themselves stuff like "Well everyone does this anyway, he's probably cheating on me sure. If I feel this way then he must anyway because I'm not a selfish/bad person." It's a defence mechanism.

Not everyone is like this, only mentally weak narcissists who are capable of anything by convincing themselves they are a "good person". OP your wife is in this category.

My ex girlfriend told me a string of lies about a guy she met online and was texting. "We're just friends" etc.

She now lives with him in Denmark.

My advice: get out.

leggo

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Not everyone is like this, only mentally weak narcissists who are capable of anything by convincing themselves they are a "good person". OP your wife is in this category.

That’s true but is also implicit by her actions. A more self-reflective person probably wouldn’t cheat, lie or point fingers to begin with. But if you get someone ticking all of the above boxes, that tends to be the end result, and OP can content himself at this difficult time that his gut is right and proven by the experiences of others.

Millionaire only not

Confused dad wrote: »

I thank everyone for their advice. I have decided to.get things in order and prepare to end the relationship. Final straw was this evening. My daughters mother called me tonight to ask me if I would mind taking my daughter for a haircut at the weekend. My partner ripped into me after the call about my ex calling me. Apparently my ex could have taken our daughter for a haircut herself but just called me to "hear my voice".

Had enough now. Time is up for the relationship.

Fair play to u , I’ve experienced the same myself when I was busting my balls to give them everything , borrowed up to my neck to even do it .

I wasn’t always an angel, drink might not agree with me but was very occasionally as I’m not a drinker but I never cheated , so at times I blamed myself!
Anyway did councelling waste of time she bolted when came to sex at the meetings.

now in a house , separate rooms with 10 years it’s complete joke , kids have nearly grown up , thank god .
She has turned into a complete nut job and I haven’t the balls to move on .

I now have had numerous affairs of which I’m not proud of and now a gf we meet for sex mostly with last 4 years but I have been selfish not to make a commitment !

I have turned into a total prick myself over not moving on !
Anyway my point , when trust is broke and the fighting continues no will on either side to genuinely make up !
The hatred outweighs the love u have left as u think about the cheating for years , u actually never get over it in my mind .

Get out soon as ur affairs are in order and sooner rather than later as Ull become used of a marriage that only exists on paper and for the neighbours!