what would a reasonable contribution be?

RacoonQueen

Have to agree with people who say 50-70 isn't very much. I get you're in a room that isn't a bedroom but it's still a very small amount. I always paid 100 a week from 18 - mid/late 20s and usually bought most of my own food. That included some time on JSA @ €188 a week.
For a period my brother had come back and had a double room while I was in box room and he contributed nothing, didn't change what I gave.

Don't know exactly what the room you'll be in is like, but sure just put a curtain over the glass door? Obviously not an ideal situation for anybody. 4 adults (or 5?) and a new born is going to be tough going for all of you.

afterglow

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Have to agree with people who say 50-70 isn't very much. I get you're in a room that isn't a bedroom but it's still a very small amount. I always paid 100 a week from 18 - mid/late 20s and usually bought most of my own food. That included some time on JSA @ €188 a week.
For a period my brother had come back and had a double room while I was in box room and he contributed nothing, didn't change what I gave.

Don't know exactly what the room you'll be in is like, but sure just put a curtain over the glass door? Obviously not an ideal situation for anybody. 4 adults (or 5?) and a new born is going to be tough going for all of you.

thank you I know you're right
Its not that I begrudge my mum the money, nor do I think I should stay there for free, of course not.
Its just the whole situation
Appreciate your response

Surely your parents aren’t going to expect you to pay rent? You are blind and not working ffs?

I’ve a good job and my parents wouldn’t dream of asking for or taking rent of me to live at home.

Graham

It's nice that your parents can do that.

It should probably go without saying that not all parents have that luxury.

For many parents such an arrangement would be a burden they wouldn't have the resources to fund.

Deep Thought

horse7 wrote: »

I would recommend at least a 30% minimum up to a 50% maximum of your total income.

Up to 50%...

30% percent is perfect

splinter65

Aranza Rapping Soybean wrote: »

Surely your parents aren’t going to expect you to pay rent? You are blind and not working ffs?

I’ve a good job and my parents wouldn’t dream of asking for or taking rent of me to live at home.

Her parents aren’t working and her income will be €263 per week. Where will they get the money to feed her?

jlm29

Aranza Rapping Soybean wrote: »

Surely your parents aren’t going to expect you to pay rent? You are blind and not working ffs?

I’ve a good job and my parents wouldn’t dream of asking for or taking rent of me to live at home.

It’s not really rent though. It’s food and bill money.

afterglow

splinter65 wrote: »

Her parents aren’t working and her income will be €263 per week. Where will they get the money to feed her?

my mum doesn't work, my dad does, but as you rightly point out, its bill/food/general contribution money, not ' rent ' as such

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Aranza Rapping Soybean wrote: »

Surely your parents aren’t going to expect you to pay rent? You are blind and not working ffs?

I’ve a good job and my parents wouldn’t dream of asking for or taking rent of me to live at home.

It’s for food and bills. I paid that to my parents when living with them and on the dole.

Don Joe

Mod Edit



Mod Note.
Attack the post, not the poster.
Consider this an on thread warning.

afterglow

I think the position he finds himself in, good job and not having to pay anything, should he need to live at home, would be fine, if parents were flush, but they're not, so this is unreasonable probably for most of us.
I don't know if calling him a ' moocher ' is accurate, but I haven't been involved in previous threads so....

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Aranza Rapping Soybean wrote: »

Surely your parents aren’t going to expect you to pay rent? You are blind and not working ffs?

I’ve a good job and my parents wouldn’t dream of asking for or taking rent of me to live at home.

All adults in the home should contribute financially to the upkeep of the household for bills/food etc if they are able to and have any sort of income. Even if its just a nominal gesture.

Within their means of course but yes it's not unusual for adults to do this regardless of whether or not they live with parents.

I wouldn't expect to live for free anywhere, neither does the OP which is why they are trying to figure out their contribution.

Graces7

afterglow wrote: »

i do think its unfair, just because I'm on benefits, and like you say, I don't have the privacy of my own room. The door, is glass for crying out loud! In the room where I'll be sleeping. People have made me feel mean though. If I had my own proper room, I'd have no problem paying €70 or even a little more, but its because the others are working, and have their own rooms, I don't feel €70 is fair. if my sister moved out, and I had her room, then I'd have no issue paying more rent every week. Its a nice space with a proper door, not a glass one that people can see through. Not that there's anything I wouldn't want people to see, its just principal, if that makes sense

Now you are inventing problems! Getting a curtain is a simple thing! Instant privacy. So no it does not make sense. I have a glass front door here so that got curtained straight away.

Always Tired

I was going to post that there was someone posting recently whose parents didnt want to take rent off their adult child who lived at home and had a well paying job, because comparing that to 70 for a blind unemployed person... anyway glad to see it was mentioned already.

OP, dunno how long you have been on boards but just be aware that there is a large amount of people who as soon as they hear you're not working they start frothing at the mouth and they will not sleep a wink tonight if they think you have the price of a can of dutch gold left to your name after the absolute basics are covered. You're not being mean you're being perfectly reasonable.

I live at home and am not working, my dole is 193 currently. I am paying 20 euro a week on a college loan.

I pay 50 per week, and it seems just about fair tbh. It goes towards the mortgage/bills. I could rent a room for 65 or so a week in a slightly hipper town nearby but tbh I would rather give it to my Mother than a LL right now as she would be living alone otherwise and she's nearly retired. I rented enough, sick of it. Plus I have a dog I adopted before losing my job which I wouldn't be able to bring to a houseshare. (And the esb would be on top of 65 so that would be a lot more, would need to be working)

I buy a lot of my own food, personal hygyiene stuff, etc. There are so many small costs besides bills that take a decent bite out of your budget when not working that working people can much more easily absorb. The field I am qualified in is an arty one that you usually dont make any money in but costs a bomb to pursue.

Your income is more than mine and you will get some extra things like free travel, but you certainly don't have things any easier than myself. And you dont even have a proper room.

I have a decent sized finished attic room with an en suite toilet/sink (no shower). And, there are no other siblings here paying 70 per week.

The fact they are also contributing, while working, should allow for your rent to be lower, especially if that is also the reason you are getting the least desirable space. I dont think that's unreasonable. 50 is a fair price for rent/electricity contribution for me in my situation and with 2 other contributers unless they are buying lots of food that you eat. I suggest consider buying your own food separately if you can manage that you can budget it and pick it all out yourself.

A posters here who actually works in the field has also said that rent/esb should be 50 for someone in your case. It might be a little cheaper than your siblings rent, but you can't really work (through no fault of your own) so your income is fixed and they at least make min wage.

Paying the same as the able bodied working siblings with the better rooms no that ain't right.

Xterminator

just wanted to weigh in here. OP you do know how much you would pay non relatives for rent/food/lights/heating all inclusive?

forget about your other siblings and what they pay for the moment, because that's on their conscience. There already have to good room, so you get whats going. What else do you think should be done ? you offer to pay 10 euro more and they get turfed out of their rooms for the room you are destined for?

I think you should aim for your mother to have a few bob more than she currently has at the end of the week after paying for all the costs. IE that the standard of living is raised. God knows having a front room taken over is not an ideal situation, and not withstanding other issues with your family, you are showing less appreciation of what you are being offered to you than i think reasonable.

Do you really expect a woman with a pension to subsides your lifestyle by paying less than your fair share regardless of other peoples contribution? Do you think you should have more spending money and be able to save/spend freely while she just gets by ?

if paying more than your siblings sticks in your gut so badly why don't you pay 70 but also take one of the utility bills as well, like bins/tv etc off your mothers hands?

Don't want to come over too harsh, im saying look to your own conscience and what is fair, not what others are doing. and as for the room thats free, it would be different if they left a good bedroom empty and offered you an unsuitable one, but what else can the family do?

KyussB

You're asking on perhaps the worst possible forum btw OP - peoples views on money are pretty skewed, as tons of people here have convinced themselves that exploitative levels of rent are ok - and others have convinced themselves that still-excessive levels are ok, because they're 'not as bad' as others.

It breeds the mindset where people think you should go without any luxuries or socializing - or savings - so you can pay others more rent - and into treating family like tenants.

The only right answer here is to ask your mam what she thinks is fair. If what she answers sounds unfair in light of your circumstances compared to others, you can (tactfully) ask if that can be considered - but be careful, different people have different views on money, and family/sibling disagreements over money can be Bad. News.

It's actually cheaper per-head with more people living together, as it spreads out many utilities/bills more - you can get an idea of your baseline contribution by tallying up and dividing the bills by the number of people paying (plus a bit extra for once-off costs) - with a bit of room for tweaking by looking at what your items from groceries cost (if groceries are shared).

Hopefully it's just for bills etc. and your family doesn't charge everyone rent on top - as I said, some people have funny/odd views about money, and would do so - I don't thnk that would be right, given your circumstances, but if that was the case, I wouldn't debate it and would still be grateful.

AulWan

Always Tired wrote: »

It might be a little cheaper than your siblings rent, but you can't really work (through no fault of your own) so your income is fixed and they at least make min wage.

Paying the same as the able bodied working siblings with the better rooms no that ain't right.

The OP openly conceeds that she will have more then enough income, could afford to pay the equivalent of what her siblings are paying, or more even. Money is not really the issue here.

The underlying issue here is she resents the fact that her sister who has never left home, is still in the bedroom they shared growing up, and she has it to herself. Even though said sister is of a similar age, and pregnant, and will soon be a new mother, (basically a single parent) on maternity benefit herself.

I would hate to be the parent caught in the middle here.

The reason the OP is not working is because of mental health issues. I have made quite a few friends in the blind community over the years (my employer has a policy of employing visually impaired/blind employees for certain roles) and those I know would be absolutely apalled and offended at even a hint of the suggestion that they could not work.

Ballso

SusieBlue wrote: »

Why would you, a grown working adult, not contribute towards the household expenses? Why should or would other adults have to pay for your board?

I think the poster you are replying to is special needs, his parents providing for him into late adulthood is fair enough IMO

Graham

Mod Note

unless there's a suggestion the OP is moving in with Tara Flat Barometer's parents, I can't help but feel we're getting a little off-topic here folks.

Aulwan/Tara Flat Barometer, feel free to continue to discuss the financial standing on Tara Flat Barometer's parents by PM.

Princess Calla

SusieBlue wrote: »

If someone has special needs or a disability and cannot work and needs familial support, that's quite different.
As far as I'm aware that poster is an able bodied independent adult with a full time job and income, but I'm open to correction on that.

No she's vision impaired, did have a guide dog but he retired. From previous thread I don't think her dad will allow another.....or doesn't follow the rules with the dog, treats it as a pet rather than working dog...I can't really remember.

She's been working in London for last few years but I think there was issues there another poster has said mental health, I don't know.

Now I think fair play to her going to London on her own... She's alot braver than I am.

We can all debate what a proper contribution is, but in the end it's down to whatever the parents say....their house their rules etc.

From experience the dynamics in the house is going to completely change when the baby arrives.

Personally I think any adult over the age of 25 deciding to have children of their own should leave their parents nest and feather their own....but that's another thread.

AulWan

Princess Calla wrote: »

From experience the dynamics in the house is going to completely change when the baby arrives.

Personally I think any adult over the age of 25 deciding to have children of their own should leave their parents nest and feather their own....but that's another thread.

The father of the OP's nephew or niece to be lives on another continent, making her sister a lone parent, for all intents and purposes. She earns 28K per year.

How do you propose she could afford to move out, given current rent costs?

Or should she move out and into shared accommodation with strangers, with a new baby, so as to make room for the OP at home?

Princess Calla

AulWan wrote: »

The father of the OP's nephew or niece to be lives on another continent, making her sister a lone parent, for all intents and purposes. She earns 28K per year.

How do you propose she could afford to move out, given current rent costs?

Or should she move out and into shared accommodation with strangers, with a new baby, so as to make room for the OP at home?

I'm not getting into a debate on this as there has already been a mod warning for off topic chat.

However if you are old enough to have sex you're old enough to accept the consequences. I fully accept mistakes happen but after 25 it really is time to take responsibility for your actions.

There are plenty of contraception options available it's not like the information is hard to find.

I lived at home until I was 30. I didn't live the life of a nun, but I made bloody sure I looked after myself. Personal responsibility and all that

AulWan

Princess Calla wrote: »

I'm not getting into a debate on this as there has already been a mod warning for off topic chat.:)

Then why bring the sister into it? Again?

And then proceeding to debate it?

Electric Sheep

Good lord. My sympathy is with the OPs parents. What a situation for them at a time of life when they should be finally able to enjoy their own lives.

Ballso

splinter65 wrote: »

You appear to have zero capacity to empathise with anyone else’s situation. I’ve never seen anything like it.
You can only see your own circumstances and the concept of anyone having different circumstances to you seems to be beyond your comprehension.

This lad has spent the last 15 years or so lecturing people with families trying to house themselves in this disastrous housing/rental market, all the while leeching off his parents into his forties. He's clearly on the spectrum.

afterglow

hi
I was the OP of the post in the a&p forum, re, fair contribution
I don't know who it was that said I was ' able bodied ' but just to point out, unfortunately this is not the case
I'm blind, went to the uk to work, tried it for 4 years, and because corporations are evil, it just didn't work out but not for want of trying on my part
believe me, no one thinks that me living with my parents is ridiculous, at my age, more than I do
I'd prefer to go for coffee&cake then go home, and see them in a few days, or meet them every day for a while and have a brew, but live with? No flipping thank you very much. It makes my depression so bad that I don't have any choice.
Totally understand the concept of paying towards bills, food, etc. After all, I'm using things in the house, eating food, phone's connected to wifi etc. Not to pay anything would be an insult. My only slight problem, is that I won't have my own space, not really, when I live there.

Graham

Mod Note

afterglow, I've moved your most recent reply back to your original thread here.

afterglow

Xterminator wrote: »

just wanted to weigh in here. OP you do know how much you would pay non relatives for rent/food/lights/heating all inclusive?

forget about your other siblings and what they pay for the moment, because that's on their conscience. There already have to good room, so you get whats going. What else do you think should be done ? you offer to pay 10 euro more and they get turfed out of their rooms for the room you are destined for?

I think you should aim for your mother to have a few bob more than she currently has at the end of the week after paying for all the costs. IE that the standard of living is raised. God knows having a front room taken over is not an ideal situation, and not withstanding other issues with your family, you are showing less appreciation of what you are being offered to you than i think reasonable.

Do you really expect a woman with a pension to subsides your lifestyle by paying less than your fair share regardless of other peoples contribution? Do you think you should have more spending money and be able to save/spend freely while she just gets by ?

if paying more than your siblings sticks in your gut so badly why don't you pay 70 but also take one of the utility bills as well, like bins/tv etc off your mothers hands?

Don't want to come over too harsh, im saying look to your own conscience and what is fair, not what others are doing. and as for the room thats free, it would be different if they left a good bedroom empty and offered you an unsuitable one, but what else can the family do?

don't know where this idea of my mum being on a ' pension ' comes from? She doesn't work, but not on a pension, she's not old enough for that.

afterglow

AulWan wrote: »

The OP openly conceeds that she will have more then enough income, could afford to pay the equivalent of what her siblings are paying, or more even. Money is not really the issue here.

The underlying issue here is she resents the fact that her sister who has never left home, is still in the bedroom they shared growing up, and she has it to herself. Even though said sister is of a similar age, and pregnant, and will soon be a new mother, (basically a single parent) on maternity benefit herself.

I would hate to be the parent caught in the middle here.

The reason the OP is not working is because of mental health issues. I have made quite a few friends in the blind community over the years (my employer has a policy of employing visually impaired/blind employees for certain roles) and those I know would be absolutely apalled and offended at even a hint of the suggestion that they could not work.

I'm delighted for your ' blind friends ' where's that employer please, as I'm not against working, left ireland to do just that, so how dare you!

AulWan

afterglow wrote: »

I'm delighted for your ' blind friends ' where's that employer please, as I'm not against working, left ireland to do just that, so how dare you!

How dare I what? I never said you were against working or didn't want to work.

The employer is the Civil Service.

I also have one visually impaired friend working in South Dublin County Council. She worked in my department, but moved to SDCC via an open competition.